From the age of 7 I was told love was a beautiful thing but was never given it from the ones that told me they loved me the most and never proved it. By the age of 10 I was made to think that in order to be loved I had to give my everything to a guy that did nothing for me but ruin my life. As I saw them ruin my mothers. At the age of 13 I became confused when I was told that who I thought I loved was wrong just because they were the same gender as me. I was given looks as if I was monster, as if I didn’t belong. At the age of 14 I became depressed because I felt like I couldn’t fit in and that anyone who came into my life would eventually leave me as they always did. At the age of 15 I fell in love… I felt like I was invincible and nothing could phase us. She made me believe that my past didn’t matter as much as my future did and I could do anything as long as I loved. She broke barriers around my heart, and taught me to love myself. But like the prophecy says, nothing good can last. when I was at my happiest, she was torn from me and so went my heart. All because once again I was told the person I thought I loved was wrong. I was forced to move on, to delete my memories of her, to get over it like she wasn’t real to me. I spend 63 days crying myself to sleep, 7 out of those 63 I starved myself, it took me a week to look myself in the mirror again and it took me a day to realize I probably wont ever see you again.i was left with cruel closure. So I blame myself for falling in love and believing in love because I knew from the beginning it wasn’t meant for me.

would it be a cruel joke
for me to ask you
*how you're doing?

I try my best to be better again,
I take all the happy pills I can,
But they keep pulling me down the ladder,
And it only keeps getting sadder,

New place , new people,new time,
They just keep stealing away my smile,
And I've been hurt once more,
"I won't feel this again." though I had swore,

They have the power, they have the chance,
Why do they always look at me with askance?
What do I have, an emotional heart?
I must have played some unnoticeable part,

I am the one who's hurt, writing a poem,
Where should I go to escape ,to roam?
They must have forgotten the way they make me feel,
Now c'mon ,tell me none of this is real,

I write what's inside,this is not just 'scribble',
When I try my best to keep you out of any trouble,
Why do you leave me alone to hurt ,to rot?
Why do you think I am something I'm not?

Hey ,I am not so strong to take this all,
I try to be there for you but you let me fall,
Can't you see the girl behind the face?
You've wrapped my soul in a filthy black lace,

Here I am doubting myself in my bed room,
I am the flower that can now never bloom,
Tonight even these four walls are so quiet,
Thanks for instilling me with this fear and fright

There is a time for love, you have the freedom to choose
there is a time for hate, but you will be forced to abuse
there is a time for peace, where differences are put aside
a time to even the score, differences that now lead to war

There is a time to laugh, because your heart has been tickled
and a time to cry, you, having been made emotionally crippled
a time to sigh, when you tire from having to fight the entire world
a time to die, when to that beautiful light your soul will be hurled

There is a time to choose, the time is unquestionably now
there is a time to negate, when your sin you wish to disavow
there is a time to confuse, to escape from those who are cruel
a time to stay at home, undesirables waiting for you at school

There is a time to run, because you can no longer hide from fear
and a time to hide, when your fear has overcome, it is very near
a time to have fun, the only way to drive worry from your mind
and a place for time to abide, now that evil has been put behind

A time to choose, defining your outlook on life, all people are brothers
having the ability to foresee consequences, our actions have on others
the element of hope has real meaning, those wishing life, if they choose
by reaching deep inside their hearts, and upon us their love they infuse