the days are long and exhausting but they're a distraction I desperately need until night falls and I'm left alone laying, staring at the ceiling and everything I was sure I pushed away comes back strong and forceful and all I can do is hold on and try not to look directly into the blast, wait for it to be over and wallow in its wake until it's shockwaves finally succeed in knocking me unconscious, and the distractions begin again. even the nightmares are welcome because they, too, are an escape. nothing seems as bad as the battles of my mindfield during every waking moment. so I welcome the monsters and make them my friend if nothing but to eat my thoughts before they destroy my mind.
I no longer call your name into the night no more do my hands fit to yours I have forgotten how your voice sounds it took some time, but my heart stopped syncopating to the beat of yours and in the process of letting go of you I became mine.