Shaky hands,
As you lift the,
Glass to your lips.

If you breathe wrong you waste ****.
That's what I've learned at least,

From you.

Stealing kisses,
Under moonlight.

We don't need drugs,
We're high off life.

Adrenaline pumping through our veins,
As we silently,
Quietly,
Run up the road,
Bare foot,
Holding flipflops,

So your mom doesn't hear us,
Running away from the house,
From our demons.

Only we exist,
In this nightly world,
Darkness surrounds us,

But its not scary,
Its comforting.

Heaving chests,
Lips connect.

We're tired from chasing a feeling,
Out of breathe from running away,

And i'll always have you,
Nothing can take you away.

Its summer, and we're teenagers,
And we're stupid.

We're getting married one day anyways.

We haven’t talked the same in weeks.
I miss waking up in your arms and
Falling asleep after an early morning
Waking up when the sun went down
And the moon came up. I miss the feeling
I got when I saw you and you pressed your
Hungry lips to mine and I could feel the
Desperation and how much you missed
My touch in that time that we were apart.
I miss the way you called me drunk and
Hugged me tight with every goodbye, the
Way you pressed me against the wall and
Kissed me when they left the stairwell.
That rush of adrenaline when we had a moment
Alone and those smiling eyes when we got caught.
****, I miss you. I miss falling asleep with a smile
On my face and your kiss on my forehead. I miss
The way I first fell in love on that balcony at
That nearly vacant club, the first time you kissed me
How my heart stopped and my breath caught when
You leaned towards me. I miss the way you smiled
Against my lips when I laughed at myself. I
Miss the way your hands explored me softly
But hungry all at once. I miss the giddy
Feeling I got when you first asked me to
Spend the night, the way I curled up next to
You with my head on your chest with the feeling
Of your heartbeat lulling me to sleep. They tell
Me to move on but they don’t understand. They
Don’t know how hard it is to ignore all these
Things I miss and simply move on.

- I miss you

When you are passionate,
When you don't want it,
When you don't long for it.
When you NEED it
When the night calls your name
When you are the only person alive
When your consciousness begins to enflame
When your eyes collide with the stars
When your head spins yet focuses on one point
When your spirit is not a spirit and you are one with your body
When your arms are machines steaming and burning with glory
When your legs are a rocketship light-speed towards the moon
When you are the ARCHANGEL you always hoped for and never appeared
When it all vanishes and you are trapped only by that NEED
That HUNGER
That FLAME.

When you are ONE with the adrenaline which burns your veins into infinity
When you are your own GOD
When you are thirsty tired broken yet keep going,

When your passion renders you complete.

i have always loved You in black
anxiously tapping your foot on the floor
the one evening I was grateful for the bubbling alcohol in my brain
as You watched me and I watched you back.
the way you pulled against my hands as I tried to make you dance ("please dance with me baby") Your nerves making my heart
ache
we all know i cannot dance.
the car was warm on the way home and you (angrily) chided me
again and again for being irresponsible as I caressed your skin
again and again. sighing.

i kissed You hard --two weeks left baby-- before running, dress flying behind me,
into my dark house. the grass was wet and my heart racing. i told you to
drive safely (promised that I was safe) (promising to be smart)

you fell asleep calmed down and I fell asleep breathless, imagining you dancing. the way You move, moves me more than adrenaline
ever will

I remember my fan whirring loudly with the occasional CLICk.... CLICK...cliCk ... like the random beating of my heart  

...............

the way you take my hands now, "let's dance baby", I am breathless at the way you have grown
black socks and soft hands
You kiss me hard --two days left baby--

Hallways:*

They're empty first of all.
And anything or anyone that appears to be there, isn't actually there, you-- are dreaming. Don't believe me?

Let's play a game, it's called, "Where's Waldo?" With you as "Waldo".
Yes, that's right, you-- have to find yourself in this sea of walls, floors and people you do not know.

These people, with stoic faces, walk the same halls, looking for the same thing. They do not care that you are here, and you don't care that they are here.

Just get to the end of the hallway, but don't go into the light, you are not here to die -- you can't. You have to find yourself before you do. But there are some people who die before finding themselves in the "Where's Waldo?" page.

They're dead!

Out of this maze of halls you find yourself in.

But you...

You are determined. You will not leave without finding yourself, do not allow yourself to give up!

Look!

At the end of the hall! It's you!

You found yourself! You win the search! Now go!

Run! Get to them, yourself is waiting for you at the end of this hall.

RUN! Run as fast as your legs can carry you! Because you do not have time to think, so RUN!

They need you to save them! They're calling out to you, screaming for help, for You.

Get to them, grab their hand, save them!

...And just as you barely make contact with their hand and lock eyes with a body with the same eyes and face as you...

They begin to fade, to disappear!! WAIT!  NO!

Come Back!!

You were so close to saving them!

You wake up.

It was all just a dream.

You were dreaming right? You know you were dreaming!

You get up. Open the door... exit the room...

And you walk down a hallway...

In this carnival love life,

You set my heart on a roller coaster.
With every cotton candy kisses of yours,
blood madly rushes through my veins,
spinning me high like a ferris wheel.

What a spinning round circle we both got caught in,
along up high with a kaleidoscope of dreamy lights.
The way each ray of light danced off your face;
highlighting your curious coloured eyes and alluring lips.

How I'd slide towards you during these rides,
just to have your soft skin pressed against mine.

Lights, noises and sensations, all blending together.
Young, free and weightless, together in the moment.

And in this exhilarating moment,
I caught myself breathless.

Still ever, like the first drop on this roller coaster.

(Tr)aveling w(i)th the younger I
With her on your back
She gazed at intricate diamonds of the dark.
Never facing an ounce of (um)brage.

With age, her knowledge flourished
Growing from the water of your trunk
Her brain was nourished with ex(p)erience
Following in your trail

Strengthening over time
She (ha)d no i(nt)erest on your back
Nor the night sky
Rather clouds and the outside
Away sh(E) wa(l)ked from your shadow
With your trunk raised high

Lions and crocodiles swarmed her on s(e)a and land
With no trunk or tusk
Adrenaline rushed
She shook in nerves til dusk

Continuing days with no shade
Skin cells accepting harsh sun rays
With the storm of your stom(p)s
She awaited your presence
(h)yen(a)s laughed as you came
Splattering blood on your name

You laid with your wheel
As she wailed with no trunk
She wept
For you sculpted her i(nt)o who (s)he was

Long, Long down the road.
Buying from an old bookstore
Finding a binder filled with the Royal Animals

Turning the first sheet
She noticed a stamp
Reminding her of her stuffed friends
Triumphant  *Elephants

This current state of being,
A byproduct of my upbringing,
To a shred of sanity I'm clinging.
I'm condemned, I am ******
It's not like this was planned.

Those pesky chemicals are a torrential rain,
Carried 'round by cerebrospinal fluid in the brain,
Are unbalanced, unregulated. I am agitated.
Emotions now unchained.

The feelings I suppressed
Now a hysterical, pathetic, crying mess
This silent monster is cunning and bold
Has defiantly stepped over my mental threshold
The more I try to ignore
The more intense the outpour

The heart drops into the stomach,
Unpleasant pulsating in my ear canal
I tremble uncontrollably
I obsess over thoughts until they nauseate me

Down a rabbit hole I'm going
Due to insufficient dopamine and serotonin
The ideas of inadequacy and failure are growing

As logical a girl I am
To these irrational thoughts I am ******,
I attempt to talk myself out of it
But my reasoning just won't fit
No matter how hard I try
I cannot find a reason why...

At this point my heart is racing
From the epinephrine rush, I am pacing
Back and forth across the floor
In and out the bedroom door

You have no idea how happy I'd be
To have a life of "normalcy"
No matter how much I plead and plead
This quiet monster won't take its leave
At my wit's end, my sanity's gone,
I'm all out of my Buproprion.