Despair is quite different from adrenaline,
but it is just as addictive

I showed her what the books meant
While we spent
Countless hours chasing butterflies
Travelling thousands of miles
And she’d quote something
Once in a while
As I struggled
To keep up with the adrenaline rush
Seeing her blush
In the woods along the river
We’d set up camp at night
All I knew was fright
As she held me closer tight
She’d show me the star
And I’d name it right
Every single time
And I’d make a rhyme
To suit her line
When she said something
But I'd lose
When she’d put up a fight
Arm wrestling or jungle trivia
It was her area
In that she’s a star
At par
With the flowers who blossom
In the *****
Of forests
Both thinking
As if they own it
She’s a delight
Like the moonlight
You get to see
After the sun’s long gone
And it’s mad time to be
Adventurous about the things
Human beings
Have forgotten somehow
She dances to the tune
Most ears can’t hear
I just had to bear
A little while with her
And here I am
With my feet in the air
As the rain pours
And I find the choirs
Sung by translucent pearls
It’s been a while now
And I must write another poem
It’s going to be about her
And nature

Wait, aren’t they the same?

History,
Mystery,
I am talking epitome.
Rock bottm's for those who used to be feelin me,
but you know I haven't been workin that ****.
You all know I've been chuggin for this,
like a train I've been transporting coal for this.
Now really think you can punch back to my fist?
I am realer than this,
I won't that the diss. I catch it and throw it so precise to miss.
I'mma severe this, 
like a *******.
Cause I know that this pain will raise me to this,
and I'mma conquer it.
And I will be lovin it, ba dup ba ba.
I don't take promises.
Think that I'll make them and I'll be busting it.
Don't you know by now I see something and stick to it,
I'mma rip this restrict.
I am freedom by this,
and I care too much to be narcissist.
Just try and tell me to "slow down".
I've been working too long to know how.
Been working too much not to own this town.
And if I'm not the best, you know I keep it the realest,
and if you feel this, get on my level, my level of clearness.
Know I'm attracted to clarity,
smoky and dark rooms never worked for me.
And if you wonder if I'm giving my all,
know that I'm giving it my everything.

Standing on the lip of a ledge,
Quivering, like a blade of grass in the first autumn breeze.
With raw adrenaline pumping from the top of my head
To the tip of my fingers,
I take deep breath in,
And jump.
The sense of rash, unrefined surf engulfs my body
As I plunge beneath the ill-tempered waves.
My feet taste the thick sand and I shoot up, breaking the surface.

i've been looking for
a thrill lately.
not the roller coaster riding, sneaking out
at two in the morning type of thrill, but
the type of thrill that evokes enough
curiosity to make rebellion
look like nothing.  
i'm talking about
the thrill that makes you want
so much more than what you are given,
so you avidly seek out
the unknown in hopes of
having the taste of adrenaline on your lips.

It is like I have been thrown into a washing machine and put into an endless cycle
You sing me beauty but feed me poison
I yearn to hear your voice but am tormented by your actions
You push me just enough so I don't fall, and leave me on a cliff hanger
Maybe it's because a straight line doesn't give me a heartbeat.