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Cerasium Jan 2020
All you say is I love you
And that you want to be with me
But all I see is
You eyeing all these girls

I'm sorry I'm not a big chested girls
I'm sorry I was born the wrong gender
I'm sorry I'm not what you want

But I can't change that
Without changing who I am
And honestly
I can't even remember who I am

I feel like both
But that might just be my head
Playing tricks on me
While I fight these illnesses

The Depression and Borderline
Are getting worse and worse
But do you even care about that
I highly doubt that

I silently cry to sleep
Wondering if I am the one
To make you smile or laugh
But then I realize
I'm neither

I pushed away
The one person you wanted
Just because you cheated
And refuse to admit it

I know more than you think
I know all of what you do
And I don't have to read messages
Or hear gossip to see it

It's written all over you
The guilt is eating you alive
The guilt that you aren't with her
And are stuck with me

You go around trying to find bed buddies
While I'm locked up in a mental ward
Saying that I'm psychotic
When anyone would be

After what I went through
After our multiple breakups
After pleading with you multiple times
And the final straw was the anniversary

I don't know how much more I can bend
How much more I can break
How much more heartache I can go through
Before you see that all I love is you

I have stopped eating
And I keep losing weight
I try to be perfect
But I'm never enough

You say I don't need to cross dress
You say that my gender isn't why
But all I can see
is your lust for girls

You aren't Pan
You aren't even Bi
You aren't Demi
You are Straight and in denial

Maybe the only way
For you to truly love me
Is for me to just go with what I thought
And get that surgery

I've thought about it for a while
And I know you say I don't have to change
But I feel I must
In order to stay by our side

In other words
I love you
With all my heart
And I'm willing to die for it
Luca C Jan 2020
I poured the cold coffee into the sink
and watched as it spiraled down
the drain.
I haven't used sugar to sweeten my sleep supplement in years.
I need to learn that this blackness will never fill the hole in my chest,
it will never make the ache go away.
That sleepless nights are not enough
punishment for the wrongs I've done.
That dragging my feet, and rubbing my blood shot eyes,
cannot make up for the hearts I've hurt.
Zack Ripley Dec 2019
My mind wants to sleep,
But my body stays awake.
I'm starting to wonder
If my body's a *******
Because all it does is ache
A little out there lol. Title is a reference to the John mayer song your body's a wonderland
ShadowDancer760 Dec 2019
The world is too dark
And I’m afraid
I’ll lose my eyes
Had I shed a single tear
For every fearful trial
That I’ll witness
And I’m afraid
My heart will break
Had it beat
To the symphony
Of suffering souls
mica Dec 2019
the moon is awake
as i close my eyes for the slumber
feeling indifferent to the ache
as the year slips off from december

every minute cannot be reversed
as the memories linger
should’ve left the wound be nursed
and be wrapped with a care so tender

regret unwavering
as my mouth is full words
from then i knew i failed expressing,
my deepest feelings were watchwords

why am i even writing about you?
it’s been 2 years since you’ve gone
isn’t it that it’s still true
that i’ll choose you only when i can’t carry on?

the sad truth is that i never carried on even when you’re gone.
Winter Sparrow Dec 2019
Now
As the sun burns away.
Knives leave scars on the body.
Scars that your words dont show.
Yet now they are seen.

I am thorn between two.
One i know. One that was.
One i dont. One that wont.
Both painful.

A Robin from the past;
The Tulip of Ubar.
A Sparrow from the now;
The Sapphire Siren.

A clouded mind will keep you there, lost in thought.
You're there in my head. The both of you.
One forbidden, one forsaken.
Only path you will lead me to, is that of suffering.

Its time to sharpen the axe.
Beat the drum.
Call the executioner.
The time has come.
Ash C Dec 2019
What a beautiful day
The sun making you more the beauty to look at
so please don't stray

Will you hold my hand? ­
I wanna feel this beauty that the sun has stowed me
you are very grand ­

You blossom like a flower I would say is pretty in my back yard
sure that flower may not be the prettiest to society
but it's here and it's gained my regard

Your lips look soft
but will they actually feel soft against mine?
You make my mind feel like a loft

No more worries are in my head
plenty of space for the warm happiness
I can sleep in complete bliss with the thought of you in my bed

But I guess were not there yet
You sit next to me in this vast field
not breaking a sweat

My heart pounds as I see you laugh
Smile that pretty smile of yours
Would you mind giving me your love, half?

You talk about the girl you love
I wish I can talk about the you that I love
You say she's like a beautiful dove

I wonder what I'm like to you
can I be a beautiful dove too?
maybe I'm the boy, without you, who's always blue

Her leaving your tongue is stinging
like the needle piercing through my fabric
Maybe the feeling of my arm wringing

Just thinking the same beautiful thoughts of you
for now it's all I need
to see you too

But the truth is
I'll need more than just thinking of you and seeing you
I'll want your touch
your lips
your eyes
your heart

But here we are again
a beautiful day
But what did I gain?

Maybe just more pain
This was inspired by "Lovesick Boys" by Conan Gray.

This one is low key one my fave poems I wrote.
Poet X Nov 2019
I always assumed the body and soul were separate .
the body was all that could feel,
and boy..
was I wrong .
floW Nov 2019
your pain may not heal,
too drained to feel,

but life drags on.

your heart may ache,
in part for someone you just can't shake,

but life drags on.

but don't yet give up
for what a gift it is to live, buttercup.
Lace Nov 2019
Ache in my chest
A shake in my hands
Zoned out gaze
I saw this coming
I like to ignore
The red flags
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