I been away from normal for such awhile
I don't know what it looks like,
If I ever did...

Haven't had anyone treat me kind in so long,
Think I forgot how to allow it...

Sometimes u have to walk thru the muck & mire to come out clean & clear on the other side.

What happens when u been walking thru it so long
You can't remember the other side?
What happens when the muck & mire
Feels more solid
Then solid ground?
How do you know where to stand?

In The End,
I Always Find My Way Home

Unbreakable, Unquenchable, Ineffable
Always Ascending...

**** my structured karma payment

**** my sacred life commitment between me and who ever the **** may be

**** figuring out what the right thing is

**** a life of serving others

**** everything and all of it and none of it

I call ******* on being the worlds good girl and  this constant vigilance over doing what is right

At least this one time, just for tonight...

I'm happy with what I know
And happy with what I don't.
Cuz it's the stuff in between
That will ******** Up.

It's when we get Greedy or Cocky Or Nosy
That everything goes to hell.
You gotta know when to Tap Out
And trust enough to let go

I slipped off the path and for just a moment, let the age old trickery of darkness come between me an God's light and love. But then waking back up, I recognized it for what it was, realized I'd been standing in his light, his arm encircling me all the time.

I remembered our Fathers promise to us and his love. Remembered that no matter what might come, he never has, never does and never will forsake us.

If we had no moments we walked in the darkness, we might not recognize the light that surrounds us always, which no amount of pain or darkness can ever extinguish.

I will be ok cuz he walks with me always and when I can no longer walk, he lifts me in his arms and carries me, until I'm strong enough to stand & walk besides him once again...

I'd rather be Lost then Found cuz when I'm Lost I save Myself.
When I'm found that means someone else Rescued me.

Willfully ignorant & greedy sloths
Who reject and run from that which might save them,
Running towards and embracing
the means of their own destruction.
Mind Wide Shut
They see only that
which is pleasing to the eye
and brings about
the certain death
of their lost and mortal soul.

Those who can't write, film.
Those who can't film, write.

Where there is a message
A medium will be found...

Information is
of the Mind.
Knowledge is of the Soul.

I don't really think there is any one for me in this world. At least no one who could find me in time lol!

And I am totally mostly ok with that! You can't make peices fit into a puzzle their not made for.

And some puzzles just don't have a solution; some things aren't meant to be solved.

Their beauty lies in the parts that remain ever undefined
And the truth that nonetheless
Always finds Its way thru...

Monsters with many faces

Lost in so many Places

Where has it all gone,

In plain sight

Where am I

Where are You

It all slips away today,

Down down deeper I go

The further I travel the less I know

Inside Outside its all alone

Nothing left, the beginning all over again

Look to the left, look to me

No matter which way, You’ll never see

A place that exists never to be found

You run & walk but only cover the same old ground

It’s all sad, it’s all true

Nothing old & nothing new

Look at me, can you really see?

I’m lost I’m found, but never sound

No matter where we go the same is always found

I’m up, I’m down, I’m all around,

In the end it all comes back to me.

I want to know, I want to see,

Thru the mist enshrouding me

Left & right, I struggle, I fight,

Surrounded by the darkest sea & night

Thru the mist I strive to be

The monster inside that fights to be free.

Trying to peer through dust covered eyes
lost in a sea of darkness
and tossed about in the night
how do I find a way through
to another view?
I try to know, to see,
through the murk that encompasses me.

I've been blinded and beat
by a game I didn't know was in play
while trying to walk free
into some other new day.
How do you reconcile that which was lost & ignorantly given with others who've taken all your power away?

Love and the Battle Field have No Right to Mix!

I'm dancing on the head
Of a Cosmic pin
With 
precarious
fluctuating equilibrium...

The man who has not discovered
the mystic within
is akin
to a man
lost in a dry desert
with no life saving water in sight.

It's True no one gets out alive.
The greatest lie however,
is that we come into
and go out of this world alone.
That might be true
if we were Humans
having a Spiritual experience.
But we are Spirit
having a Human experience.
We Have Not
and Never Will Be
Alone.

8/23/18

The Glass is not half empty
Nor is it half full
It is simply awaiting its fate,
Always Held in someone else's hands.

And Then I Saw.
And  Found That I had Loved.
And My Cup is Always Full.
Even When It Overflows,
It's Sides Will Never Empty.

There is no top nor bottom,
Only that which is held in between,
The source and keeper
Of all and every thing.

6/2018

It's so ****** up.
Why does it feel exactly like the day
I lost you?

The pain,
the love,
the entanglement
Of your soul and mine
Still feels the same

You are the ghost
That constantly haunts
My thoughts.

Is there to be no relief,
recovery thru time?
Worse than the pain
and release
of Love lost to death.

Cuz this,
This eternal love
And longing
And aching pain,
is greater even than
that final ending;
Death offers more repreive
than this sentence
of your eternal love.

So much has changed
to carry us this far
from that ****** up place
where we used to be
and I dearly appreciate
all you've altered in you
to be with me.

Yet no one should ever
have to fight themselves
to become other
than what they truly are
for another.

No one should sacrifice themselves
on anyone elses alter.

In the end you take nothing but yourself with you.

None of the expectations and desires and needs and cares and worries and burdens  and concerns  of this world are carried with or matter on the other side.

Until I am finally, blessedly free of the chains of this world and existence
I choose to have & be in this world with:

No *******
No Games
No Pain
No Expectations
No Grasping
No Drama
No Fear, Insecurities, Stress, Anxiety, Blame, or Worry  

Just multiple frequent ******* and grateful appreciation and joy and laughter and love and freedom and peace and serenity and goodwill and in service to others.

I want to love & care for and be loved & cared for by, those I hold most dear and beloved.

Nothing More than These Things and Nothing Less.

In the end perhaps all that matters is how well you loved and the love you've known. Everything else may have just been filler...

Words and Actions are of equal importance

They are inextricably interconnected; neither
has meaning
or value
without the other.

It is Integrity
that gives value
to our Word

Thru Actions
our word is honored;
it is what reveals
the truth
Or lie
of what we speak

What happened, happened.
I'm dealing with it.
We still have a relationship.
It could be worse.
I'll figure **** out & so will you.
Sometimes you need to wallow
And sometimes You need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
Knowing what to do when is what makes a wise man.
I hope to become wise with time.

I call it the ****** Freeway.

It seems like it's free but the exits are very hard to come by and there's always a cost for traveling it.

I give constant thanks
For the map
That set me free...

This Bio-organic Wetsack that we do not wear, but that is animated by our Spirit and driven by the massive Super-Computing Processor that is our Brain.

Love is Contagious,
In-surmountable & Unstoppable.
There is no antibiotic,
no cure,
for Love.
It cannot be negotiated
or destroyed.
It Just Is.
A self-perpetuating, unending well-spring,
that when fed,
will break through every dam
and drown
all that stand before it
with it’s Never Ending,
Life Sustaining,
Saving Grace.

And to think for most of my life i’ve not believed in it’s existence - In This All Things are Possible!

Knowing the Outcome
does not preclude
your Participation.
your Participation
Determines the Outcome.

And out of the Darkness and Chaos and Disorder has come something Beautiful and Magnificent and Eternal, that cannot be Damaged or Destroyed, existing only in a State of Continual Transformation and Becoming.

Sometimes I'm in over my head, but that's when all the best stuff happens!!

P​ain Is The Spice of Life.
It's Bittersweet Agony Flavors Your Soul.
It Makes Us More Complete & Whole, Rounds Us Out, Teaches Us, Gives Us Clarity.
Without It,
There Would Be
No Joy Or Truth.
It's Not To Be Avoided But Embraced
With Grace...

All the places thru which we pass
No matter how we try to leave
They always seem to last.
We strive to another point in time,
But continually seem to return
to that which we wish to leave behind.
Life, A looping daja-vu ryhme.

The light in my eyes
Is but a reflection
Of the fire
in your soul.

Please
try not to burn me...

Regret holds you in the past,
Let Go
and it becomes
a distant memory.

Remember,
you can't see the road
in front of you,
If you're looking
in the rearview mirror!

The thing so many people never realize is that the most important things in their life are here, now, in this specific moment.
At least not until it's too late.

Life is made up of moments and choices. And it's so **** scarily easy to miss the moments of the most important choices and decisions.

I've seen people have the very thing they long for right in front of them, and I've seen them say  hold on, just one minute, let me just do this one thing, and then I'm there.

And when they finish that one thing, the only thing they ever really wanted has disappeared before their very eyes.

The truth is,
as always,
hidden in his Silence
and in that which
he refuses to speak of...

Locked down in his mind,
Self imposed isolation
For all time.

He's running blind
Seeking Any, Every and Else Where
A Heart to match
His blank stare
He carries the void within...

and Burns Everything Else Behind.

U can't save anyone.
The best you can do
Is to be a guide,
To those who are
willing and want
to save themselves

I've been and am occasionally lost
in a river of self deceit
death accompanying the flow.
my self-blindness and Ignorance leave real life far behind
that which I knew gone, in the blink of an eye.

Who i am, was and meant to be
all washed away from beneath me
in a land suddenly swept clean
Those things I've hidden are finally seen.

We walk and run and hide
oblivious to the truth we've locked inside
until it smacks us on our face
puts us soundly in our place
and then we look & see
our own self created grief & misery!

Will we be aware of that before us
or choose with eyes closed,
to continue the walk in the darkness?

Show me your toes
And I'll show you
My soul
and how it dances
Before you...

Learning to sit
in the Seat of the Soul
is unnerving,
It is Being in a Space,
Completely Unknown
until this Moment
Here
Now...

There are some people you just can't save, especially from themselves. Know your limits and theirs,

Sometimes you gotta walk thru the muck & mire to come out clean & clear on the other side.
Somethings can't be avoided or circumvented.
They just stall your life until you deal with them.
Sometimes you can say OK so this happened, it's why I do this or that and then move on.
Sometimes doing that is just away to avoid dealing with things too painful.
Sometimes you can go your whole life without those unaddressed things causing you problems.
Other Times you reach a point where in order to go further in your life,
Heal yourself and become whole, you HAVE to let them out or DIG them out and deal with them.
I'm gonna need a really big shovel...

If we are to take
full responsibility
for all of our
choices
and actions
then that means
that the things
that we do
stand alone,
in and of
themselves.

It doesn't matter who did what
or
what was happening
around us,
in the moment.
When we are
truly responsible
and accountable,
we do not look
to others actions
or choices
as an excuse
to justify our own.

To accept
Personal
Responsibility
is to take
Accountability
for our own Choices,
first and foremost.

Don't expect
your neighbor
to pick his
dogs **** up
off your lawn
when you
are knee deep
in the horse
manure
you just dumped
in his front yard.