From you I learnt
that true love was
and endless cycle
of hello and good night.

Yet you and I
were stuck in a vortex
of stay and goodbye.

it
takes
a lot of
desperation
dissatisfaction
and
disillusion
to
write
a
few
good
poems.
it's not
for
everybody
either to
write
it
or even to
read
it.

there are times
i am supposed to be happy
like when i am with my friends,
throwing my head back and covering my mouth
as i shake with laughter
at a joke someone jut made.

but then day turns to night
and my carefree grin turns into an unexplainable sadness,
etched on my face like a tattoo.
and i lay in bed,
thinking about all the things i wish i could say,
and all the things i'm afraid to admit.

it's nights like these when i realize,
i am many things.
i am happy and sad,
outgoing and shy,
crazy and quiet.

but mostly,
i am just empty.

It started with fun nights and stopless laughter.
It started with sweet kisses in our blanket fort, warmed by the lights hanging above us and surrounded by the soft music repeatedly mumbling love words.

It faded into talking less and only hours within 2 weeks of seeing each other, but that didn't bother us.
It should have.
It faded into ignoring each other's texts and hiding from words that start with L, hopelessly wishing that the initial spark would hold up a house of cards instead of burning it down.

It is presently a mutual relationship of two acquaintances who act like they don't know what to do with their freed hands hanging loosely instead of being held.
It is presenty an awkward time for me. Where I don't want you, but I miss you, or the things you used to represent at least, like passion and things that aren't supposed to be.

Key words: aren't supposed to be.

because you need to stop.
because there are times when my own mental health
must be put above the mental health of others
if only to save my sanity.
because, sometimes,
even if you are fragile as thin ice,
you need a strong dose of reality.
because i dread seeing you.
because you need help that none of us can give you.
because the last thing i need
is to see you
one
more
time.

Am I trapped,
Or is this just the way to be?
Am I alive,
Or is this just some cosmic energy?
Am I happy,
Or is this lack of agony?
Am I sad,
Or is this how it should be?
Am I floating,
Or the world is flashing past me?
Am I flying,
Or the universe is revolving around me?
Am I thinking,
Or the thoughts are piercing me?
Am I writing,
Or are the words playing hide and seek?

She was a lost and beautiful skeleton,
Caught looking at the sunrise,
Torn by images of him; like firelight,
They flickered in her eyes,
Burning; the smoke clouded blue skies.

He was a big and invisible boulder,
She kept heavy on her shoulders,
Her body trembling under the weight,
Her mind, riddled with love and hate.

But show your cat teeth to the lion,
And carry it no longer,
For with time, we’ll make it into sand,
So agreed, you’re keeping my hand.

Like a flower in a human skin coat,
You’ll wilt before you bloom,
Like a gardener in your colorful, cool, garden,
I’ll care for your tomb.
So keep your eyes on the sky skeleton girl,
Soon you’ll see the sun.