Come break through my walls,
take my armor away
and bind me so I can't run.

Strip me of all my defenses,
don't stop unil I stand there
fragile, scared
and longing for connection.

Take me in.

I see you around
but you don't see me.
I'm here,
I'm reaching out,
but it's in vain.

I'm hurt,
what can i say.
I feel like you forgot,
I feel like i'm not important,
but i know it's not true.

It can't be true.

I see you standing there
my beautiful friend,
I run to you,
you run to me,
but there's no reaching you,
the glass is separating us.

I scratch and scratch,
you do the same,
but the glass just won't break.
Tired I let my head sink,
I smile at you with tears in my eyes.
So close and yet so far.

I sink to the ground
and press my body against the glass.
I want to touch your skin,
I want to feel its warmth.

Each day i sleep at the glass,
I just dream it away.
I dream of reaching you,
of your body against mine.
I believe one day
my dream will come true.

"You're kind of boring,
You never go out,
You stay in you're room all day.
You should be more outgoing..."

Maybe I am boring...
I don't socialize very often after all.
I listen to music all day,
Not the most interesting thing to do,
And I don't have many friends.

I'm such a bore.
People don't like to spend time with me,
They will just forget about me!
I guess I have to live with it...

"I like you we have much in common.
You like art and music,
And you're thoughtful.
But you can be really funny at times.
I think you're an interesting person."

But they said I was boring.
I thought noone liked me,
I thought no one cared,
But you apparently do.

So am I boring?

What once used to be my refuge
is now run down and forgotten.
What happened to my home?
Once it was warm and comforting
but now it is crumbling to pieces.
I sink to the floor,
crumbling.
Memories flash before my eyes,
my heart is clenching,
I'm lost.

The wound on her heart,
stitched,
but it has not healed.
It's still bleeding
hidden behind a layer of skin.

A smile on her face,
tears in her eyes,
she lies in the moonlight,
she traces her scars.

Her skin, it became so sensitive,
it bruises so easily.
Every wound turns into a scar,
healed,
but the pain reflects in her heart,
her ever hurting heart.

Now I can see her wound,
stopped denying it.
I want it to heal,
I want her to heal.

Come my child
hidden in darkness,
come sink into my welcoming embrace,
I want to shine light on you,
shine light on myself.

From the top of this mountain
I look upon the earth.
Everything seems so small
as the wind is stroking my skin.

All our problems,
insignificant.
As gravity looses it's grip on me
my worries fade away.

The wind is whispering to me,
begging me to follow its call.
Like a feather
it carries me away.

Solitude, oh solitude!
Why are you still around?
Solitude, my loyal friend,
our time now needs to end.
Home is waiting for me.

Solitude, my loyal friend,
here I am again with you,
too weak to achieve
the one thing that I seek.

Solitude, oh solitude!
Why is it so hard?
So afraid to be hurt
I just can't drop my guard.

I can't help but wonder
Could you still love me
If i layed my soul open for you?

Could you love me
Even though my heart is broken
Could you love me
Even though i hide my pain?

Could you love me
if i yearn to be touched,
But also shy away from it?
Could you love me
If i crave affection
But can't reach out for it?

Could you love me
Even though i am scared to let you in?
Could you love me
Even though i hide in darkness?

I can't help but wonder
Would you still love me
If i layed my soul open for you?

I used to be your scapegoat,
responsible for everything,
treated like an infection.
I was just so shy and quiet,
your perfect prey.

I chose to ignore you,
pretend to be the strong girl,
but I had so many wounds
hidden in darkness.

I carried on day after day,
your calls at my back.
I numbed the pain
what else could I do?
Numb and lost.

I grew older,
became stronger,
but the fragile girl
still lives deep inside of me.

I need touch
but not of any kind.
I need the gentle one
filled with tenderness and love.
It is so hard to tell
for it means admitting
the ache in my chest
clenching tight.
I need to let myself feel it.
I don't want to get numb,
not again.

I feel so vulnerable.
Fragile.
Like porcellain.
Lying still in silence,
calmly crying tears.
They carry my hurt,
my loneliness.
At the same time
they carry the knowledge
that I am indeed
loved.

I am scared,
scared that by telling this
you are going to let me
slip.
A fragile child
shattering on the ground.
Rejected once again,
old scars reopening.
It's too much to bear.
It just hurts so much.
Rejected,
lonely once more.

So if i reach out for you
please don't freak out,
I'm not in love
nor am I a stalker
but a part of me is hurting
and i want it to heal.

I need touch,
a tender caress,
the warmth of skin
so comforting.
Please hold me close,
don't let go.
I feel so exposed,
nothing left to hide behind.

Please don't turn away,
I'm standing here,
so insecure,
soul stripped of all armor.

And I'm scared.

The red rose on my chest
shows the life that I left.
So much love I wanted to give,
it was my reason to live.
But thorns were caressing me,
loving and hurting me,
leaving scars on my skin.
I covered them in darkness
and tried to smile
but kept screaming within.
Forgotten, unloved, broken...
a dying heart.
Now everything that's left of me
is this red rose on the chest
of a frostbitten soul.

I've written about it so many times
but my pain is still invisible,
wrapped up in beautiful words.
I wish someone would rip them apart,
revealing the cruelty of it all.
But still i'm standing here
dressed in a blanket of suffering,
trying to turn it into something beautiful,
but i've run out of ideas.
I'm trying to make you notice me,
lying in the arms of solitude,
naked, scared and worn.
I feel so vulnerable even thinking about it.
My only way to speak about it is poetry
and i've already said everything,
I'm only repeating myself.
But it's in vain,
comfort's still out of reach.

Hey little girl,
I know you feel lonely.
I know you're scared,
scared of being left behind.

Sometimes you wish
you could just stop feeling this pain.
Sometimes you wish
you we're stronger.

I know sometimes you wish
you weren't so vulnerable.
But let me tell you one thing:
It's actually one of your strengths.

It's what creates friendships.
If you let someone see your vulnerability
They might show you theirs
and you can learn to trust again.

Carry your sensitivity proudly
it makes you beautiful.
Maybe you'll get hurt,
but you're strong enough to carry on.
Take the chance to feel loved again.

Remember,
never shut yourself off
no matter how scared you are.
Keep reaching out,
you never know
who's waiting for you.

So no matter what you feel
please don't bottle it up.
Cry as loud as you want to,
be as weak as you want to.
All your feelings are valid,
all of them are important!

I want you to know
that I'll always be here.
I'll be your shoulder to lean on
and i'll soothe you
no matter how weak you feel.

I want you to know
you are safe and loved.

High levels of cortisol,
limbic system taking control.
All this stress
leaves me a total mess.

So much studying left do
and I still have no clue.
mental breakdown makes weep,
I know i'm not getting any sleep.

I am strained
and my energy is drained.
I've got a headache
and really need a break.

I wish it was easy,
reaching out,
but it's a struggle.
Every day
so lonely,
isolated.
I don't know what to do.

But I have to keep trying
even though I know
I will find myself here again.
Neverending isolation.
Is it me?

Day after day
unimportant chatter.
Smartphones in my way,
fear in my heart.

The armor comes off
ever so slowly.
Painful insecurity.
Fear of being left behind
without defense.

Though all I wish for
is to lie in your arms
and for you to lie in mine
completely bare,
all our vulnerability
on display.
We hold on to each other
fearing the moment we'll break apart,
but trusting it will never come.

I know we're on the way there,
though I have to confess
sometimes I still find myself
feeling isolated and lonely,
like now.

I'm trying to deal with it
but it hurts so bad.
Still I want you to know
it's not your fault,
you couldn't be more wonderful.
Maybe something is broken inside,
maybe it's just me.

Sometimes I just long for an embrace.
I crave a hand caressing my face.
Sometimes I wish
someone would tell me
I'm beautiful,
I'm intriguing.
It makes me feel so fragile,
but I don't want to be seen as fragile,
it hurts when people see me that way,
for its not all that I am.
I want to be strong in my fragility,
I want to be seen for who I really am.

But i promise to not shut myself off
no matter how hard it may be.
I will try to keep reaching out.
I know it will be painful sometimes,
sometimes i'll still feel isolated,
sometimes i'll feel misunderstood,
but i'll keep trying,
for you,
and most importantly myself.

The pain is so deep,
a gaping hole in my chest.
It hurts so much,
even physically,
but I have to be strong!
There will be better times,
I will be stronger after this!
But honestly,
I don't want to be strong anymore.
I want to just fall,
not stand on my own feet anymore.
I feel weak
even though I know I'm not .
I need affection.
I want to be helpless,
carried home by a loving soul.
I feel like a baby crying for its mother,
and I hate it!
Please just let this be over soon.
My raw emotions layed out for you.
This is me
not hidden behind words,
just me.

We were beaten,
we were bleading,
we were greaving,
we hit the ground.

Now we feel this sparkle,
this small sparkle of light
dancing deep inside of us,
raising our hope.

We stand on our feet again,
we wipe away our tears.
The moon cures our wounds,
the stars let us dream again.

Our inner light shines bright,
leading us through our pain.
Surrounded by mystery
we step out of the dark mist.

We're not afraid anymore,
we've already seen the darkness.
We're covered in scars
but they make us proud.

We spread our black wings,
and take ourselves into the air.
We're slowly circling higher,
this is the rise of the fallen.

The girl in my poems,
she lives in the darkness
and never steps into the light.
I have never seen her
but I feel her when I step into the dark.
I can feel her tears when I touch her,
I can hear her quietly speaking
while she's lying in my arms.
And while she'll never come into the light
I can try to draw her with my words
'cause that's the only way
she can be seen.
I just hope that you'll see
the beautiful girl
I met in the shadows
if you look at my words.

I find myself here again,
I can't seem to get away.
No matter where I go
I always end up here again.

I tried to follow the lights,
I tried to get to the village,
but i'm still stuck here.
This **** forest won't let me go.

All i've accomplished
is lighting up the paths
that lead into nothingness,
the village always in sight,
but always out of reach.

Visitors come and go,
but I can never follow them
back home
as the paths seem to change
and lead me astray.

None of my actions matter,
I may change the forest
but in the end i'm still stuck here.
Am I cursed to roam these paths forever?

What kind of sick game is this?

Pease show me your everything.
I want to see the light,
and the dark abyss.
Let me see you
at your strongest
and your weakest.
Show me your hidden self.
Let me hold you.

They cut her wings,
every touch so rough,
bruises and scars,
that's all she's got.

She's always wandering,
walking through the snow.
She may not have anything left
but she's still got hope.

No matter what they do to her
she won't give up.
And as the pain washes over her
she smiles with tears in her eyes.

She knows one day
there will be a caring soul,
a gentle caress instead of this cruelty.
One day she'll be safe.

Until that day has come
she'll walk the icy road,
her heart so soft,
so full of love.

The softest of hearts
in a broken body.
Oh my sweet angel,
you're to pure for this world.

I'm just a lost soul
wandering the world.
My wings are broken,
my hands are tied.

My being slowly fades away.
I'm turning into a ghost.
Noone sees me,
and i'm lonely.

I'm just lying here,
yearning, longing,
wishing to be seen,
wishing to be held.

I want to hold your hand
when you have to walk alone,
I want to validate all the pain
that would have crushed you
had you not turned to stone
and I want to hold you
when you can't take it anymore.

Here I am again
trying to make you think
that i am fine
and well I am.
Except for one little thing...
I haven't touched another persons skin
in weeks.
And yes, I feel lonely
even though that loneliness might be more of a skin hunger.
You have no Idea how much I long
for a gentle embrace.
In fact I don't even know it myself.
The feeling is trapped deep inside of me
and I can only feel it
when my walls are crumbeling to pieces
and i am left naked in the dark.
But this feeling has been haunting me for years.
A strange obsession with vulnerability,
I just want to be held and cared for.
I want to be able to show you my naked soul
and I hope you will see the beauty in it.
I hope you will caress me
and soothe the deep longing in my heart.
But I can't even talk about that part of me,
it feels way to vulnerable
so poetry is the only way
to give it a voice.

I'm lying here in my bed
as tears slip from my eyes.
It hurts so much
to have you around

My old friend,
why did you come back?
You know how much
your embrace hurts me.

Loneliness my friend,
I beg you to leave.
I can't stay with you
it hurts too much.

Loneliness,
it will isolate you,
it will make you bleed,
it will make you weak.

Once you've given up the fight
it will embrace you,
hold you in it's cold arms
where you'll shiver so bad.

Eventually
you'll fight free,
you'll meet friends,
you'll be happy.

But in the end
you'll never shake the cold,
that awful cold
that creeps upon you at night.

It will make you yearn
for a comforting touch,
some warmth
to soothe your shivering soul.

Oh how I wish for some warmth,
for someone to hold on to
while my feelings wash over me
and drag me into darkness.

I thought I was strong
but I had to realize
i'm not.
I'm weak.

Pathetic of me
to think I was welcome here.
It hits me right in the heart,
invisible pain flooding over me.

"Why can't i be stronger?"
I say as i tear myself apart,
cursing my fragile skin,
tears filling up my eyes.

Hiding behind a mask
while i'm drowning in pain
and self-hatred feasts off me.
But I won't let you see me cry.

I run to my cage,
at least i'm welcome there.
Am i not enough?
Why is noone happy i'm here?

I thought i was stronger
but my skin is made of paper.
and my heart is getting heavier and heavier.
I sink to the floor,
drowning in tears.

You're sitting in the forest, alone
you just feel at ease.
Noone can really understand you,
but somehow you just don't care.
You want to be yourself,
but who are you?

You don't really know it either.
You seem to follow a path that noone can see
but you don't know where it leads.
Anyway you don't want to be saved,
you say that you are not lost.
You want to be lead by your feelings
but what do they tell you?

I want to understand you but it seems impossible,
Too many riddles are left for me to solve.
Do I have to understand you to keep you company?

My vision blurs.
innocent gesture or a threat -
I can't tell annymore.

Your cold fingers
caressing my delicate skin,
my only comfort -
Or so I think.

Each touch makes me weaker
as you close up to me,
guide me to lie in your frigid arms,
it seems so comfortable.
I can't feel my body slowly freezing.

Gently you blindfold me,
shutting out the two faced impressions,
and all the hidden kindness along the way.
Slowly you strip me,
expose my fragility,
and pull me close.
My shelter.

How could i fight free?
I can't let them see me
wrapped up in your icy arms, blindfolded.
I just can't let them see me bare and weak.


But i feel a warm hand stroking my skin.
It rips my blindfold away,
My vision's still blurry
But i can see her smiling at me.
She holds her hand out for me -
Should i take it? I don't know.

She's so warm
and and the warmth feels so good.
Gently she holds my hand
giving me comfort.

I lean towards her
as she carefully pulls me up
And the icy body looses its grip on me.
Finally freed from the icy embrace
I feel so exhausted and fragile
But she pull me up,
Lending me her strength.

She teaches me how to trust again
And i finally realize
There's so much warmth around me,
I just need to keep my eyes open for it.

I know you'll catch up on me,
My icy friend.
I know that sometimes
I will feel your cold embrace
And maybe i will even lean into it,
But I know I won't let you blind me anymore.

Wrists so thin they could snap,
merely a skeleton covered in skin.
Fed by words she lives on,
hiding in the shadows.

A slender figure
following my every step.
Empty eyes staring at me
piercing through my skin.

The cold radiates from her body
making me shiver.
The smell of disease
invading my senses.

I look at my shadow
as it is changing it's form
morphing into her,
my heart starts racing.