To douse the fire,
The keys beckon,
The phone calls and
messages ask for attention.
I wait, stare, until a reply
of some other half-crazed
completely insane friend
breaks the wall and rips
my inward eyes to the screen
And of course we are both
up too late for our own good
But not for our own good anyway
So I let her distract with those
jokes and four hearts
Until I can breathe.

I can't remember the colour of her eyes
Or her hair or any of the things
You're supposed to pay attention to

I don't know her name or her number
Or what language she spoke
Before we agreed on English

I'm not sure how old she looked
Or why she spoke to me
When neither of us have met

But I know when she asked
If I'd like to walk with her
I definitely should have said yes

They grew within our ranks
Nurtured into strength
Turned traitor
Biting back
Chaining me to their ideals

They maimed my skin
Their strikes precise
Piercing pain,
Digging deep
To bleed my heart dry

The air filled with smoke
Choking my lungs
Aching arteries,
Poison pumped
To steal my breaths

The barrel pressed against my skull
******* on the trigger
Trip twitch,
Fated fuse
And they'd destroy me:

Their home,
Their Earth.

Losing focus,
Objective,
Blurring,
Merging,
Lines into haze,
Haze into confusion,
Confusion into no..thin....g,
.
.
.
Then,
Darkness,
Lost,
Nowhere to go,
But forwards,
Maybe?
Whichever way,
I happened to be,
Facing,
Before,
The lights went,
Out,
Of,
Control,
No!
Sense of direction,
Or reason,
Where am I?
I'm just,
Running,
A
i
m
-lessly
To,
Something?
Anything?
Until,
Ther­e!
A light!
G r o w i n g?
Or closing in?
My whole,
Vision,
Sharp,
Set on,
One,
Thing.



Her.

The dim light of an electric lamp,
Is the only source of comfort,
And even its glow cannot,
Reach every headstone.

Do the dead fear the dark?
Sleeping day and night?
Or is illumination irrelevant?
When eyes are hollow?

Does the silver in between,
The leaves of guardian trees,
Chill their hearts and raise,
Suspicion within their graves?

Or are the dead braver than me?
No shiver down their spines,
They have nothing to fear,
Yet I fear the nothingness.

Unused heart,
Now is your time.
Unknown trust,
No longer blind.
Unstable mind,
Find peace again.
Undiscovered emotions,
Revealed without pain.

Saving a life was not enough,
Changing it for the better wasn't tough.
All in the eyes of the beholder,
Those eyes that made me bolder.
A risk taken by both sides,
A risk rewarded in tides.
For the love of Antiquity I will do anything,
For the love of Antiquity I will give everything.

I rip the blank paper - protecting the truth
Hidden words, soon to tell
Of more than formalities,
Of a line of light,
Bleeding out from a half-open door,
Unlocked and slowly beckoning,
For one foot forward, one finger on the handle,
And a gentle warmth on my face,
A hint on my lips: smile
Hope lies ahead, freedom,
A start.

Running, running,
Away from my life,
I throw away my old soul,
Rip out my underused heart,
Tear away my quivering hands,
Untwist my messed up mind,
And find, in front of me,
Darkness.

Stop

Breathe

Look up

And see

An eternity of hope,
For this clean slate,
An infinity of prospect,
So many places to discover,
So many things to achieve,
And behind me,
The dark almost obscures,
The parts of me I don't want,
So nearly gone now,
But still within reach,
Should I ever wish to return,
To the comfort of what I know,
But I know,
That is not what I want,
So I keep,
Running, running,
Away.

After all this time,
I didn't think,
It was possible to move on,
And in some ways it never was,
But somehow,
The weight has been lifted,

And I can breathe again,
Without despising the air in my lungs,
Without fearing words it precedes,
Without losing sight of hope.

I am free again,
To live without a pressure on my head,
To see a rope and not think neck,
To think neck and not feel it break.

And for this I know I have one thing to thank,
Without it my fingers would be pale and buried,
Not dancing across the keyboard in front of me,
Without it I would not be hearing the music,
Blasting through my headphones,
Without it I would have forgotten happiness completely.

The internet saved my life,
But more important are the people I met,
Through writing and pressing 'send',
The people who I will never forget,
I will remember to the end,
The people who no matter what,
I trust with my heart,
The people who shared every shot,
As I bled out my veins for art.

Thank you.

You are the parts of me I will never lose.

How far would I go to save you?
How many risks would I take?
How much would I give up to make you smile?
How many lives would I sacrifice for just one?
For just yours?

As far as it took, it would be worth it,
As many as it took, it would be worth it,
As much as it took, it would be worth it,
All those sacrifices, it would be worth it,
For you.

In a moment,
All things may balance,
All words and purpose,
Align,
To keep stress,
Below the threshold.

Or

They may reach,
Breaking point,
And all the pressure,
Cracks,
Along the fault lines,
And reveal the turmoil beneath.

Summer shades,
Vibrant, free, proud,
Cascading down hillsides,
Bursting from earth,
To fill young minds with hope,
And show old eyes colour again,
Keep the wheel turning,
Keep the candle burning,
Once the summer breeze dies,
And autumn gales take their place,
Keep the flame lit,
Though some colours will die,
And petals will fall,
Leaves will take their place,
With their swan song in gold,
And a taste in the air,
A promise.

Joy could be,
Nothing but lies,
As could love.

But I could not care less,
These lies are kind.

Such a blessing,
Radiant friendship,
An understanding,
Gilded with laughter,
Warm smiles,
And a subtle sense of:
*I am home

Perhaps once I thought sadness,
Was an option,
No,
The option.
And that smiling was just,
An afterthought,
Or,
Replaceable.
But I know now that the real choice,
Is in my hands,
And,
My heart.

I just have to choose right.

There is no poem today
Because my heart is unsteady
There is no poem today
Because the words might make me cry
There is no poem today
Because it wouldn't make a difference
There is no poem today
Because my soul is trying to hide
There is no poem today
Because I don't want to share my thoughts
There is no poem today

I worry about everything,
I've never been able to just sit,
Just relax,
Unless there's someone there to lie with,
Someone else to stare at the ceiling or sky with,
To talk about songs and dreams.

Sometimes I think it would be nice,
To be able to stop for a second,
And ignore all the confusion,
That swims around my head,
And colours the wind with a false promise,
Of eternal freedom.

But I think of all the things,
That fill my mind,
You outweigh it all,
In every moment of joy and laughter I see you,
And when I'm down,
I know you would make me smile.

The fact is,
I can't escape that fact,
And more importantly,
I don't want to.

There's just one,
Whose beauty fills my mind,
And plays upon my soul,
The perfect melody I find,
In my perfect girl who stole,
My heart and fixed it back together,
And I just want her mine forever,
My girl, my love.

There's just one,
Who keeps me up at night,
Then allows me to sleep,
She makes me feel so right,
She's the one I have to keep,
No matter how far apart we are,
I will always hold her in my heart,
My girl, my love.

There's just one,
Who can wipe away all the,
Shadows and tears,
And pain and fear,
And I cannot keep to structures when I try to express the joy I feel,
Every time her words reach me,
I know my words are not enough to say,
I love her,
So much,
My perfect girl, my love.

Am I truly broken?
Or is it just what people say?
Am I truly falling?
Or flying a different way?

Is that why I find it hard?
Because I'm not sure?
But I am sure,
But I'm not sure the rest of the world is sure,
But I'm sure they don't want to be.

I keep saying it hurts,
But that's not it,
It's discomfort,
At other's discomfort.

How can I be there,
When not a single feather grows on my back?
And my lungs are not strong enough?
I cannot fly nor swim,
Such a distance without wings nor gills.

To me the stars seem closer,
As if travelling across light-years and back,
Would be quicker than to cross the ocean.
After all, neither can see the other,
But we both gaze at those distant lights.

Were I to fly or swim to meet her,
What would I say?
What would she say?
Perhaps it would not matter,
After all, for the first time,
We could marvel at the universe from the same angle.

And words would not be important.

The sands own you
You skin is at their call
The call rings in your ears
And stings your tongue
Listen; the pain is growing
Your thoughts are fading
Buried, are you?
Soon the sands will be yours.

Would you help me?
Would you hold me?
Would you lift me up and be a saviour to me?

Would you listen?
Would you look away?
Would you help a stranger get up off the floor?

Would you hear me?
Would you love me?
Would you pray for me and restore my faith in hope?

I'm hungry and afraid
I'm thirsty and ashamed
Would you give me a reason to
Keep
On
Living?

Touch the dark,
Let it wash over your hands,
Feel its icy breath on your skin,
And leave a shining dew,
Listen as the night trickles through your fingers,
As gentle drops of midnight fall from your hands,
Catching the light of a billion stars in its surface,
Ripples of the breeze pass across the ebony,
Stirring waves to sing,
And softly fill up the silent hours.

To the precisely tuned notes,
And harmonies,
Came the song of:
Yes!
It's me at last!
In that mirror smiling back,
Choking on her tears of joy,
Stood a girl.
A girl!
Me!

There was once a tale of a girl in her coat,
Who ran with the stars in the sky,
You'd only see her if you'd lost all hope,
And had no reason why,
She'd find you in the darkness and tell you where she'd been,
Then tell of how she used to be a little boy who sinned.

It was often said the tale of the girl in the coat,
Was made up and false,
But many swore they's seen her ghost,
When all their doors were closed,
They say she finds you in the depths of your despair,
To tell you where she'd been and how long it took to grow her hair.

Now many years have passed and the tale of the girl in the coat,
Has somehow died,
The say it's because she could never cope,
No matter how hard she tried,
But if you look in the dark when you're lost she'll still find you,
To tell you where she'd been and tell you what you ought to do.

Unwrapping gifts
Is not all it's about
But this year I know they mean
A little bit more,
This year I open up promises,
Of continued love and honest support,
And in a box of eyeshadow,
I find 12 shades of "Yes, this is okay"
And "You can be pretty"
And around my neck, a brand new scarf,
That goes so well with my favourite coat,
That says "Go on, be our beautiful girl"
"We will keep you warm and safe"
So yes, the family and love are more important,
But those gifts are reminders,
Hope in the dark times,
That I will always have a home,
And parents who love me.

Words are a comfort,
To the hiding and lost.

Words are a change,
To the oppressed and afraid.

Words are a lesson,
To the searching and blind.

Words are a key,
To the prisoners and trapped.

Words are a pastime,
To the silenced and still.

Words are a future,
To the broken and dead.

Metal slicing the air,
Splitting the clouds around,
Into swirling streams,
That scream against the glass,
Shaking the intricacies welded,
Years before,
To within a millimetre of their breaking point,
But they hold against the unrelenting
Tide.

Centre-stage
Solo
Words of power

Prepare
Aim
Sound the rally cry:

To arms!
My friends!
This is our time

But

As the call
Tumbles
From my mouth

My platform
Is taken
My mic cuts out

I stand up
Despite it
Make myself heard

Over the pit
And distance
Travel my words

They will forget
This Day
And all the hours before my stand

But they'll remember
My quiet revolution -
They'll understand.

I close my eyes
To imagine when I open them
I will see hers returning
My gaze

And I slow my breaths
To imagine as I do so
She shares the very air
I breathe

And I relax my arms
To imagine that when I wake
She will be in them, where
She belongs

And I close my lips
To imagine that my alarm clock
Will be her gentle whisper of
A kiss

And I release my soul
To imagine that in dreams perhaps
We are together for just
A moment

And I fall asleep
To imagine that in the morning
The distance won't seem so far
From my heart to hers.

The cloak is three minutes fast,
Counting the age of these pages,
Ahead of time.

The dust settles three minutes late,
Fingerprints and broken spines delayed,
In broken time.

These words live three minute lives,
Conceived and captured with only a short pause,
To take the time.

The clock is three minutes fast,
Looking back at the new becoming classic,
So little time.

Rhythm pouring into my bones,
It won't let me go,
I must dance,
But I can't dance,
So I dance in my head,
And with my voice I scream,
In the hope that stronger emotion,
Will find a new dimension,
And inspire my bones to move,
Without fear.

'We made it!' Comes the cry,
Our eyes flicker open as the sun rises,
The darkness finally gone,
The daylight growing.

We stretch,
Lifting our heads to look to the light,
Or frail arms and palms open,
Soaking in the warmth.

And soon our faces are filled,
With joyous colour,
Vibrant yellows, purples, reds,
All screaming with the excitement of a new day.

We hear the buzzing of insects,
Filling our hearts with hope,
That this year we will pass on,
The wonder of life again.

And every one of us smiles,
When we see children playing amongst us,
When we see new birth,
We cannot help but turn to the sun to say:
*Thank you

A tapping, almost regular.
Close enough to even space between each,
tick tick tick
of some broken clock.

Each beat pulls my mind,
searching for a rhythm to match
the pulse of my unsteady soul.

tick tick tick... tick-tick
...tick tick tick
Confusing, yet constant,
and still my heart tries to keep time.

tick-tick-tick...tick...tick

Until time is nothing,
Minutes and seconds are meaningless
when that last tick sounds.

Decision reversed,
In a split moment,
The balance shifted,
Past the line,
Until it tipped,
And flipped,
Sides.