You love her too much
I envy the power of it
She doesn’t know you
You don’t know me either
But I know you
And you feel like you do know her
Until yours become the only way
To end this agony
I want to love you too
Help me to end my own agony
But its too much
Too deep and hurt
But when will we meet each other
When we’re too busy
Catching the heart that doesn’t want to be reached

This heart should be, already,
Hurt-proof
Or one side love-proof
'*** I've learned it that way

That back you thrown at me
Walked off to the departing gate
Should have known it would be the end of this
It supposed to be die right there

But the feeling seemed lurking
They ghosted on the small side of my chest
Waited patiently there
'Till the shine of your light blasted through the flesh

I wonder what to call this feel
Should it be love or passion
Or an amusement, instead of possesion
To recall your embrace 'till my tears are all reckless

Supposed to hate you
Supposed to summoned you away
But these beats after beats,
They told me I'm dying without you

Boy, I'm dying without you
Do not ruffle my hair anymore
Do not smile at my joke anymore
Just do not, do not you dare at all

This time, do not you dare to love me anymore.

I hope the rain could breath,
So they knew,
How fantastic their smell is.

Could it be today, when my path,
Brought me to the dew,
Of the morning sun glories.

It was my seven birthday,
They called me menaced and shut my mind down with their own imagination
Too young, too devil to born they said
I came to the point where no one to believing
Said it was too young to think out of the cage
They was sad when I said I want to be me
They said you want to be you, then you lose me
What even I try to forgive when my mind hard to forget
See, the light ever tried to blind me down,
But I said put the light on, more
And **** me
And when will you see I’m trying?
When is the right time to finding me?
The sky is open, same like the wound on my chest
The wound on my arm,
The wound on my heart,
You know you cant see but you kept crafting of it
Hate me hate more if that could make you get the me more
I want to ******* **** it all the way down
But do you see me now?
All the scars was the painless art soul
They draw me, they create me
**** they talked braved me
To the point I hate seeing you smile
To the latest blood from my razor will be my last tears
I hope not to be the one you concern
I hope not to be the one you played
The drama inside your brain,
I’m not the actor
Keep pushing my head down
I’m showing you the hell from it.
I’m showing you the part of me
Which I keep in a hush hush **** my head
They wont tell a lie, they wont find a way.

the atmosphere,
the cat and hiding behind the bench,
the tears you are afraid to say,
life a like, like rain under thunderstorms
silent, silent like a death body underground
but the king, the government, the rich, and the happiest people alive?
they are loud,
they are laughing
they are crying,
with tears and joy and pain you do not have money to pay for,
but the show is still going on,
and you are already as a spectacle
in a life you don't want to.

You got these ***** fellow pages of flickering madness
Trying to undo the past, tinkering with it
In the name of sadness or even provocation
For something new or something you've lose
You heartbreaker, nonsense talker
You proof nothing but yourself, hunter
The dark is your morning and so do your moon
You hint the farewell with the clock
So, dig a hole and put it in
like the promises you made and then you forgot
now, you have nothing to hate
Nor having nothing to love

It felt like I don’t want to hear a word tomorrow
He said it was bad, or he might just laugh at it
Told mine was a kind of joke
Of facing people back and forth and,
I’m still the naïve one.

Do you think it was pretty, huh?
To say words from mind are kind of disturbing
For you and your satisfy
To let the world know
I’m just a piece of *******
That trying to scratch the paper with my tears

I though I’m doing fine
Though what I did was the best for today
Then your words faced me
With the pain and the bitterness
Taught me ten different stories
Which might end me up on the floor of the bathroom.

What kind of soul is mine, you said.
What kind of story that I wrote, you said.
What kind of memory that I tried to replace, you said.
But, you won’t let a single word if you were me.
When admiring is more beautiful than trying to change
For me
When accepting is better than complaining
For me.

I hate that I adore you
So much until your laughing
Could luring my devil away
Until making your eyes as a place
Where I’d miss to stare every moment
Yet ruined my sanity reality in a second

You asked me what kind of movie I liked
Well, is it possible for me to say?
If only the sound of you breathing is everything enough
Then, you keep laughing at a joke that I made
And I keep falling deeper,
To the feeling I kept inside

Do you know I want to touch your hand?
So badly until the spaces between my fingers no longer empty
But,
I know, there will always a ‘but’
In the back of my head,
When it comes to you.

I quite missed you today, you know.
For each time in my life,
Today felt like the hardest part,
Where missing you is the worse,
Worse than the time where you left me.
I, sometimes when blinking my eyes,
Or looking at every direction just to clear my mind
Because sometimes I think,
What if maybe my heart is tired too?
Flipping the pages of the memories,
And tried to stay hard and strong for every picture,
That I remembered,
That already drawn permanently inside my brain.
It just, I want to say I missed you
And today is the worse.
And I might say the same thing for tomorrow
That every day, it was becoming harder and harder
To breathe without feeling chocked
To blink without a tear peeking in the corner of my eyes
To be able to say that I need the half of me,
One day, after the distance and storms aren’t exist anymore.

No, Don't ever force people
to change like how they shouldn't have,
to be happy when you don't know
what kind of problems they have right now
because if you do that,
it's same like you asked someone who hurt in the knee
to run faster to the hospital,
or even asked the blind to tell you what color your eyes are
*it would end up, you hurt them even more than before.

Today, you told me a story
Where you found your happiness
And it still lingers around you
Even after the minutes and this moment

You have made me seeing things more vulnerable,
Empathic but blur in the same times
You have made me think,
If the world you are in, is different with mine

You could be so proud,
Telling me if dream is easier to be caught,
Than a love from a long lost father
Than an unwanted feeling that rotten inside me

But maybe I want to say thanks
Because in the end of the day,
I’m the one who worse than everything
Than every characters you told me in your story

And you have succeeded for making me see that part
the part of me that I’ve tried to run from
Since a long time ago,
But, you and your story?

Do you ever care?