last night
the moon heard my tears insult you
they called you pretentious
irritating
and a waste of time

yet when the sun rose
my dry eyes adored you
and once again
ecstasy raced through my chest
when i felt the breeze of your purple gaze
as if every sunrise
you drew a cross through my heart
making it yours when my eyes are dry

everybody tries to be
a perfectly created masterpiece
yet all i want to show
are my flaws

i want to be so
inevitably flawed
that no one can help
but stare at me
and taste
the bittersweet realness of my being

your eyes
            are
          so explosively
   captivating
                    i feel like i
   float in space
                 every time
      your blue
                    and
                          my green
               collide,
    creating a new earth.

.                                         it rides everything
                                  ~=~.~=~.~=~.~=~~=~.~­=~.~=~
              it pulls me in the morning and doesn't let me get out of bed
                it keeps me from flying away when i don't want to be here
                      it makes me fall for pretty strangers and their promises
                              it lets my fingers drown on my thoughts as i write
                                          it lets senseless words drop from my mouth
                                                   it forces people to not dream too much
                                                           keep your head on your shoulders
                                                       ­                and your feet in the ground
                                                          ­                             it lets things break
                                                           ­                                       it lets things
                                                          ­                                                        die
yet
a­ll those days
that sink and lay
with time will make sense
because gravity rides everything
                              ~=~.~=~.~=~.~=~.~=~~=~.~­=~.~=~.~=~
                                everything falls right into place.

i saw it in the warmth of your hand when you played with the soft cold of my fingers. i smelled it in the short distance you kept between us every time we talked; in the way i forced myself not to smile because my mouth, so close to yours, didn't want to show that it wanted you. i touched it when my loud, black-out drunk cries were calmed by your quiet presence while sitting in the bathroom floor. i heard it sing when you called my name from down my window or when you showed me your favorite song. i heard it mourn when you told me that you liked her. i tasted it in your burgundy voice when it whispered that you were sorry and never meant to hurt me. i knew it was love when i forced myself to smile because my watering eyes didn't want to show that they wanted you.
i knew it was love because every time you kissed her i couldn't help but stare and wish i was blind.
i knew it was love because i wrote thousands of poems about you hoping one day you would jump out of the page and be here with me, until i realized your name didn't even jump out on my phone anymore.
i knew it was love because when my mind wandered around you it felt like a perfectly stacked box of cigarettes filled with every moment we shared and all i wanted to do was smoke it all until each cigarette burned out and faded with the thought of you.

however i knew it wasn't love
because the way you glanced at me from across the room can't compare to the way you contemplate her so religiously.

i knew it wasn't love because i wanted to be loved so badly that i accepted the smallest crumb and called myself full.

i'm glad it wasn't love because my name was a wooden ship that would simply break if i forced it into your bottle glass heart.

i exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal
trying to find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul
constantly yearning to be accepted
and from all receive respect
never comprising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret

a young heart with an old soul
how can there be peace
how can i be in the depths of solitude
when there are two inside of me
this duo within me causes
the perfect oppurtunity
to learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity

- Tupac Shakur

june reminds me of

the calm before a storm
& the calm soft of your fingers
wisps of smoke out the window
shivers on my legs after the river
watching bokeh headlights
with dreamy eyes & a violet sky
cold sheets & loud fans at night
soaked shoes through the sprinklers
vaseline on my lips that i passed onto yours
the ivory scent of your laugh that still lingers

it reminds me of worldly things that now seem out of world
it reminds me of a past yet awaiting life
a blurry memory of who i am
it reminds me of you

if words were enough to ease your pain
i'd start talking and never stop
tell you that you're worth more
than your sad eyes reflect
more than the whispers running through the halls
more than a grade on a paper yells

in the waves
of your gaze
    my ship
  bursts into
     dreams
                                as my mouth
                           watering for yours
                                fills me with
                                     unease
                                                          ­              endlessly
                                         ­                                longing
                                                         ­             to permeate
                                                        ­           on your reverie
                                                         ­                  steam
                                    to dim
                                 the lights
                            of your sirenic
                                   breeze
                                                          ­           to undress
                                                         ­        the complexity
                                                      ­            of your mind
                                                            ­           scheme

                                        i solemnly live
                                     to hear your name
                                  that even the silences
                                               scream

days handwritten in blue and white,
nights that smell like a past life,
the moments on which i rely
to glance back when i feel deprived,
and i know to be grateful means to remember
that no matter where i go
days will always have sun
and even if i change, i'll always have me
in the night there will always be moon,
yet no day or night can be complete
because i'll never find another you

as soon as the
last bell rings
i go around classes,
slowly walk downstairs
and finally go home
once i’ve seen you

once i’ve
observed who you’re with,
analyzed how you walk
and the way that you smiled
as our eyes met

i walk around
the hallways
wishing
to walk around
your mind

wishing
you were able to
smell the blue
of my presence
just like I listen to
the gray of
your absence

perhaps
i don’t walk around
to see you,
perhaps i do it
for you to see me

it's funny how
my most hopeless wish
was to achieve what your cigarettes did
simply to touch your lips

and a cigarette i became
you lit me up
you tasted me

you got your buzz
you stepped on me

i had always dreamed
of creating the most
beautiful masterpiece
yet today i've figured
that could never be reached

because
i've tried to paint you
in a picture
but that would require
colors
not yet created

i've tried to write
a poem
about you
yet you're unwrittable

said the waves around me
as i stared at them from
the other side
of a thick glass bottle
floating in the ocean

you're simply
a colorless flower
no one shall ever see
how flawed you are,
therefore, my dear,
you won't get out

and the waves kept dancing
up and down
to the rhythm of the sunrise
taking me further from the land