I always see them in dark shadows and whispers of uneven conversation I stand

steady as always.

Unsteady hand may you bare one last confession do you care to reflect the image we no longer recall.

Raindrops apon empty streets bare a haunting tone ive grown numb from such feel and loss.



You ask to see my soul but would you stay for just a little while befor?

Im ash of flames once bright embers are all that remain.

lovers are markers ive long since seen fade in a perfect sunsets pain please will you stay to

care for the child in the clown and the old fools emptyness will wash that pain as storm's

clear my past to heal my pressent if you will.





They never see i am but trash in the gutter a stain soon to be forgotten from thought.

We may embrace for a second please dont ask if im okay.

Sometimes stars no longer shine but skies seldom fall.



Winters of  turmoil echo in empty chambers often called thought.

And the burbon my cast to sheild a wound I refuse to heal.

Fools often regress so as you pass i understand no wave just a look through ive grown to except.



Oceans apart will you stay if not for one last drink asked as a child begs a parent just till

Im asleep.

I see them in shadows faces once known to many and cherished by me .

Old ghosts surround and as I prolong i understand i must join them

even the blind can see.



And as to my back it paints a farwell to a never to be filled door.

Tommorow they come to chase the past for even i must one day give up my seat.



To fast ive lived now slow must I die.

Faded watercolors still cast images  that caress the heart of another who will

understand the yerning to stay.



Stars under darkest night  understand one less burns .

We are but canvas so may mine be relived by fires glimmer of soon faded light

The portrait never shows the time or pain behind every brush stroke are flaws so easily hidden in the beauty that stands before us now.

It's a slow death in the pages and
a world of torment so easily escaped in this room alone.

I can show any emotion so why must I stay here in the confines of this one .

Maybe we **** what we love the most simply to watch it die.
The innocence lost with time now the bitter winds flow so cold through the trees that once knew spring .

Can we see it for what it truly is .
The art we create and the happiness we sacrifice along the way .

Old paintings like tombstones are simply markers of a time the earth did embrace our existence.

And something I know longer can bare to view .

Paper latterns light the gardens path.
To a splendid night and a summer bath.

Rose peddles trampled under her feet.
As her form fill's the darkness.
hiding in the shadows trying to catch a peek.

Of the beauthy who gives life with her
kiss.
Magic seems real on a night like this.

On a night like this the world stands still.
when feelings are spent.
And emotions serve there own will.

She tempts the angels and makes the old young.
Climbing the invisable ladder.
Rung by rung.

Green tea she sips while drifting down
a lonley night.
A painters brush draws a tear at her sight.

Golden hair cold blue eyes.
She breaks hearts with sugar coated lies.

Jasmine fills the air.
With love and memories to share.
nothing about her seems real.
She acts unfazed  with mass appeal.

Often is her coldness mixed with rejection.
She surrounds herself with walls for
constant protection.

Living in a world of her own making.
Giving visions of passion for the dreamers taking.

No matter her ways still someone she does miss.
As the wind travles  through the trees.
She reflects on a night like this.

She fills the emptyness with a secret innovation.
On a broken dream and a promised vacation.

Standing in the shadows soaking up her eternal bliss.
Romance and passion.
Come togather on a night like this.

this is a very old write of mine i found in one of many old comp books
just thought it sounded decent  i belive i wrote this about five years ago when i was to scared to show a friend let alone strangers my work.
anyways alot has changed since

Blood on my hands doesnt wash clean as that from my mind.
in temptation we did bask for moments in despair I know
all to well.

A fool to imagine a ghost but in a less than empty room.
Sweet girl dont try to see beyond that which laughs befor you.
Im a shipwreck in low tide.
A vessel to long ive tasted  time in it's bitter affliction.

A page away from a traggedy a night less in thought.
Behind the mask you'll find no reason.
Strangers we shall remain togather in this bed.
My words nothing more than fragment of a driffters heart.

Black and white images sharp tell stories i do not
wish to share.
Wine glimmers in crystal by the fire's light.
Towards a lesser man you lean to fill a need.
****** of the pen bleeding in thought.

The night's end and a comfort does point without direction.
The shoe if worn isnt all it seem's to be.
Ive cast stones breaking emotions to uncover all
that isnt me.

Sharing less more than friction then with light i'll trace
curves never speaking in my lies truth.
Im a ******* but least im real.

They want a devils fire in trade of a moments
encounter to seethe picture for what it is  seldome is as
beautiful as dellusions of a dream.

Moments no matter there timeframe always stay.
like scars there forever on display.

I take pictures only in thought and paste secrets of beauthy apon
my minds cluttred wall.
Whispers of passion regrets I cherish so dear.
Shared a nights velvet inside more than thought.
Although in this moment i share space.
Im never truely here.

And in mornings light just maybe happines in thought.
leaves the warmth in the emptyness behind.
Althougth far from a companion in flesh within memory
you shall exist in this jaded mind.

The music flowed as smoke rings littered the barroom ghosts for a second washed clean by the smell of stale beer and worn out lines.
It's here I'm home and here I'm most detached from it all I'm invisible only wanting to view and catch a buzz to chase the nights passing .

I sometimes question this existence wonder why the **** no direction suits me best .
I used to fight the urge now I simply have grown to tired to care .
And where odes another find themselves sitting next to me?

Maybe I'm to damaged maybe I'm just happy being alone .
I haven't found the answers cause I truly never gave a **** about the questions to begin with.

There's more reflection in a empty seldom clean bar glass than within my heart darlin  and my times all that matters to me now .
I have no options and the past is dead to me as the person who most hold to be the man I no longer can be .

There's always a fire burning  I just wash it clean to keep you away.

Maybe when I'm lost home seems the furthest place from my thoughts .
Like some left behind castaway I have simply went insane with time.

Underneath the lights reflection I stand the same fractured and wanting nothing more than a stiff drink and some old song to keep me company into this smoke cast fade .

Maybe home is anywhere I choose  it to be .
So try not to question the man who is but a stranger to even me.

Cheers

The courtroom was more stiff than a old man on ******.

Half the room showed up from are small little town for lack of having that strange thing called a life.

The charges were tuff shoplifting caught on videotape.



All hopes looked grim and my best drinking buddy looked like he was heading to that iron bar rehab  

were the promise of no *****, No drugs,  No *** okay maybe Bone was already used to that one

well of course if you find hairy weight lifting fellons attractive and lets face girls who doesnt like Bad boys .

Well maybe then it wasnt all so bad.

No more sleeping on your stomach im just saying.



But enough with the foreplay.

It seemed all hope was lost but never fear cause when your friends with a half insane repeat offender

the **** can only get worse.



I busted through the doors like a half insane teenager going to worship the antichrist Justin Bieber.



Judge I will be repressenting the client .

Sir Are you even a lawyer?

Judge I assure you im a decorated attorney why i have my degree right here .



The naughty woman judge took the paper ever so forcefully from my hands mmm I wonder what she's wearing under that robe hey I dig chicks who are into the whole bedroom clothes in the public thing.

judge may I ask you something?

Looking at me in the way so many women have befor.

Like they dont know if they should use the pepper spray or just give me a swift kick in the no no zone.

The Judge said yes  but be brief ******.



Well have we met befor?

Yes we have ******* I sent you to maple for six months for fruad she replied in that stern

ive gotta gavel and a batman robe voice that just drove the boys wild or usally made them **** themselves like puppies on the new carpet.



Sir this degree looks bogus.

Your honor  why ever would you say that .

Cause its from F.U. Universty.

The strange mall cop in the court laughed  once made the judge shoot him a look like he wasnt getting any desert tonight after dinner im kidding besides he probaly doesnt even like desert

just ***.



Look Mr Gonzo im tired of this crap i hate life i sit on this hard *** seat everyday and if your fool of a client wants a fool  for a lawyer be my guest.



I walked back to sit next to dead man walking better known as Bone.



Gonz what the **** are you doing?

Dude i got this i watched the Lincon lawyer like five times last night this is gonna be a breeze.



The trail began the uptight party downer began speaking in big words talking how it was wrong to steal.

Your honor I ubject.

On what grounds?

Duh stealing is what the whole country is based on hey ever here of the indians look what we did to them.

Took there country forced them on thoose casinos and even made one join

the village people I mean really  Y.M.C.A  is but a cry for help that and a party song for most bars

were really nice old guys buy you drinks for no reason at all.

You mean gay bars you idiot!



The strange man at the other table said.

Sure there gay who wouldnt be happy wearing leather pants dancing  allnight long not that I did

I was just there looking for directions  and getting free drinks.



Order In the court! the judge shouted.



I looked to the strange man they called the prosecutor once sounded like a great name for a pro wrestler with being a lawyer as well no wonder this man was cranky.



Ha Ha your in trouble i said in such a grown up  way  with just a hint of village idiot.



Mr Gonzo one more outburst and im throwing you in jail right with your friend now zip it.

I checked but my pants were already zipped yes i knew she wanted me .





After as few good laughs from the courtroom.

We began speaking of all sorts of boring crap of right wrong  and on the verge of going into a coma.

The strange man called the prosecutor stood up your honor I pressent the evidence that will seal this case air tight.

The rent a cop wheeled out a tv kickass finally we can watch tv

hey i wonder is baywatch on?



Bone put his head in his hands just **** me now.



The prosecutor put in the tape.



The film was in black in white **** i hate student films.

Some man seemed to put  a steak in his pants  what a ******* everyone knows a salami looks more real

in  hung like a elephant freak show way yes size does matter.



After the student film the room was silent yeah must have bored them all to death like me.

What was hollywood thinking silent films were ****  duh we have speakers for a reason.



Mr Gonzo would you like to make a final plea.



Standing befor the room semi sober i took a deep long look around the room

Friends Romans  and Canadians I ask you  is it a crime to want to appear hung like a horse

yeah sure  we all wanna fit in okay maybe something that size would never fit well maybe in some freaky internet **** freak but really.



My client  stands acussed of buying beer and stealing a six dollar steak but  I ask.

Did he  steal or was this video tamppred with.

That SGi **** is everywhere okay and its destroying movies wow 3D movies there the newest thing that have been around since the eightees okay.

yeah I know thats like back in the depresion era.



I took a deep breath and knocked the the tv over ohh im sorry.

Well judge looks like no evidence no case wanna ditch this place go grab a few drinks

maybe find a room you can bring your gavel hey chicks who are into ***** stuff need love to.



The judge looked at me in what i can assume was a state of utter awww.





Later that evening.



See Bone I told you id solve everything .

You ******* idiot you got us both locked up.

Duh now you wont have to spend this whole time alone  sure your gonna be there a few months

and i'll be out in like two weeks but jesus you ungreatful ******* look all im giving up.



Besides everyone knows  i make the best toilet wine around hey one eye Winchel loved my last batch and he normally kills his cell mates.



Look it'll be like a sleep over in a place we cant leave or have any privacy how bad could it be?



Bone thought to himself yeah your write Gonzo

cause after i **** you they'll give me the electric chair for sure.

Yeah see wait a minute.



In the flash of a eye Bone's hand were wrapped around my throat ****** why didnt they let me bring my **** whistle.

As i was being choked to death I really had to wonder about are friendshi[p I swear you go all out for someone yeah ya get em sent up the river but duh it's the thought that counts.



Untill next time kids stay crazy and dont drop the soap

Spent smoke and the worn out view cast from my all to tired eye's
The trail will always eventually have to meet a end no matter the distance you put between you and old ghosts and bad deeds.

Come here my dear and mend old wounds and give me some fresh scars tonight.
****** the worries away let the bottle sit by bedside table a reminder of my sweetest addictions
The other lay beside me in such a perfect scene.

I new the game was over I just never had a backup plan or a simple out.
Maybe I can glimpse the fire only to realizes one last thought filled spark.
Let me say **** it all one last time but that would only prolong the walk
and the dead mans hand is seldom a welcome guest at any gamblers table.


The pills were fun the women were better .
My vices were my signature now a painting left empty without the frame.
Maybe I cling to the night so I  wouldn't have to turn last to you.

Morning light you wont catch me by anyone's side.
I've left my mark now let the ******* fill in the blanks.

Shared stories and ******* friendship's I never had the time for either.
A bus station escape I have been running far to long from what I never thought to question.
Maybe my youth was washed away with the years.

There's to many to name so lets only recall the now.
I sat upon the shore sending my verses across the waters to a void no one could ever fill.
There's one last run I have yet to make.
But the fire is out and so am I.

Those old stories you never thought to be true .
****** up fairy tales two busted marriages you do not know me so dont pretend to.understand.

A needle a promise .
A busted nose bloodstains left behind and lies to fill the spaces inbetween.

You can think the reason never knowing the answer theres more to a friendship than a title yeah sweetheart im speaking to you.

Erase my pages but we cannot forget that night .
Alone the **** still stings shadows in candle light give romance to a grand illusion .

Im nothimg outside the page and you just what i made of you.
A romance lasts years and a cancer can linger just the same.

Both will **** you just the same so grow up quick kids and lose the delusions before it blinds your reason.

The thought is all that matters and the page its final resting place .
Goodnight for now.

A parting kiss another one night stand .
Its just a view from my world .
I've paid my dues ten fold.

And i can forget more than most will learn.
It was always there I just had to live to find it.

**** the edge I dove of it years ago

We all find are truths jaded with time .
Words faded sands built up over time and we erase the person so only the legend stands.

Remorse is best kept silent.
Dont ever let them know you.
Or your ****** when it comes to the page.

No matter how hard you try it always bleeds through.

Its been weeks and still there isn't a moment i escape your memory.

I tried the bottle and it only made me find the depths of emptiness that dwell within my soul.

I know my life has come  to its closing moments I watch it fade a sunsets reprise sitting upon the sandy shore .

I no longer give a **** to fight I wish only to allow the tide to consume what is left and nothing more .

We are all bunt out buildings from the wars waged upon ourselves .

Now let the dark waters give rest where torment once stood on full display.

I am tired beyond my years no longer content to simply exist were once I rode the wind .

My choices are but my own never try to follow another footsteps for there shadows cast will freeze you out in there ego's nature by design.

There is no more lines left .
The ink as blood no longer does course through my veins.

I'm simply waiting on the tide to take what's left away.

Once it was so ******* easy to connect.
We drifted as stranger's.
And now I a relic.
Stands part of something long forgotten.

Fueled by ego now drown in rejection they all leave you eventually.
Friends are nothing more than accidents waiting to happen I need only the critic to tell me I'm wrong to know something still is done right.

A theater of my thoughts tattered in a  part of town long since overlooked by others stands all the same as I still remain.

My pages worn beaten exist with as much passion as they did so long ago.

Fruits of my labor now rotten none wish to consume.
**** what you know!
For even I cannot understand whom I truly am.
Trace the lines there still mine just the same .

I listened to the fools laughter at my expense thinking I have lost what we never choose to behold.
The sleeping dog simply waits for the chase worth while than runs to
do something simply to spend time.

I never left I simply waited .

Time choses the fate and I simply fill in the blanks.

I stopped somewhere along the way .
It was a blank place with even more blank faces .
They seemed just as detached as myself.

There is a true beauty of being alone .
I haven't seen a familiar face in weeks .
But then again I haven't had the headache of having to pretend
I care either .

I thought about when I left.
There was comfort in the routine.
Knowing the misery would great me every day .
Knowing the name of every ******* ******* who drove me nuts enough to leave in the first place.

As I waited to pay for gas the ***** behind the counter looked at me as though I was some sort of oddity .
Two six packs in hand I asked for a pack of Marlboro reds as well.
He looked at the clock .

Kind of early to be hitting sauce huh pal.
He asked me as he put the pack of cigarettes on the counter and rang the rest of my crap up.

His name tag read Mark.
I was just passing through but at least I had met one of the Kentucky chapter of ******* .

Well never to early to start a bad habit my friend I said as I paid the gas station Gestapo  a fifty.

He held it to the light .
Just pressed it today bud I said.
Somebody has been passing fake bills around the area he replied .
Well when I run into somebody I will let him know your on the job .

You aren't from around here huh mister ?

He placed my change on the counter .
I didn't say **** I just walked out with my change and two semi warm six packs in hand .

I herd him say you have a nice day as I was heading out the door.

It was funny how people viewed others as if there life were some great ******* contest.
They thought there life's were good as long as there was someone else
to look down on.

Yeah I may be a **** up but least I'm not like that drunken loser they would say.
I cracked a beer aimed the car for interstate and was headed anywhere but here .

Yes I lived in a ******* but least my ******* had cold beer .

I awoke naked in the cemetery; the devil was nowhere in sight.
Scotty laughed his *** off. William simply shook his head.

Bob was nowhere to be found.
As I walked around, void of shame fueled by alcohol on the verge of stopping my heart.
I collected my clothes and realized I had busted my *** in my blacked-out adventures and **** ripped off my right ear.

I had forever scrambled my eggs, and deep fried my soul washed away my worries with an ever-approaching sun.

Cried fool’s Gold confessions and realized if I ever yearned to be home.

Amongst the tombstones and ever-past friends epitaphs.

I truly was already here.
I don't cry because they're gone.
I only cry because I have remained.

God never seems to answer the ******* phone!

She always loved the ocean .
And often she drug him along although he hated the the sand .

Frank was never much of a beach person but it was beautiful with her always .

"Why won't you marry me "?

She asked as they sat together upon the shore.

"Come on Beth didn't you get enough ******* form your last marriage "?

"He was a ******* but your the one I was supposed to marry I made a mistake ".

"So now your looking to make another "

Frank replied laughing .

Beth was not amused .

She was always in love with him and Frank knew full well he was not with her .

She was fun in small doses .
She was great in bed but eventually you had to be able to communicate .

Beth was the sort that never stopped talking and seldom had a **** thing to truly say.

Susan always plagued his thoughts .

Because she although a ***** was the one he could not forget.

There was something in the  silence  they shared .
She was gone and so was it .

And now he simply drank to forget and wrote **** to fill the space and grab publication.

"You know I love you so what's the deal dude"?

" Look sweetheart it's never going to happen so maybe its best we not continue to do this anymore ".

And with that it was over .

Beth cursed him out and stomped off .

He watched her as she vanished over the dunes and faded from his life .

She would be far from the last to say goodbye .

He grabbed the last beer from the sixpack.

Listened to the waves crash into the shore .

It was empty peaceful and perfect in everyway.


Then Frank thought to himself .
He hadn't taken his car .

And he had left his phone on the dash of Beth's.

As he walked over the dunes he viewed the parking lot and as he figured Beth was nowhere to be found .

He viewed the little shops all were closed except for a little bar called the Riptide .

He laughed to himself .

For he may be stranded but least he was far from alone .

Any port in a storm beats standing outside in the rain .

The place was packed but it served cocktails .
Least he wouldn't die from lack of thirst .

And maybe a beachcombers existence would suit him for awhile .

Beth would find another much like Frank would always land on his often unbalanced and drunken feet  .

He had a lot of practice .
The night had only just begun.

Do people ever truly lose there mind or were they always ******* bat **** to begin with?
I believe half this earth is run by insane people most of which have way to much power and far to little sense .

The ******* radio is a great example ever listen modern music ?
You know that **** that doesn't require any talent to preform just a record player and some half wit to rap along with so you can have a remix yes country music is vile enough let alone throw in a nerd that would **** if he got his thirty thousand dollar sneakers ***** once are made in some sweatshop for ten cents a pop yeah how ******* fashionable .

And remember when you had to play a ******* instrument to have a record out?
Yeah I'm so old fashioned I mean sure kids wear all the  shirts to half the bands I grew up with and have no ******* clue who the bands are but yes the world is stupid and you wonder why I drink.

Just like people who believe the world really gives a **** there having a bad day # who gives a **** Twitter is for stupid ***** and celebrities who have as  much depth as a public toilet but are far less clean.

People always read me and believe I am this nice easy going goofy drunken ******* who only lives to make them laugh and talk about ******* well who doesn't like ******* there awesome.

Hey Gonz do you like kids ?
No I don't !
Why ?
Cause they always annoy the **** out of me when I'm trying to sleep off a good ****** in the park really whatever happened to letting the TV raise them hey I look at me I didn't turn out so.
Umm well okay so I'm a little ****** up .

Hey do you ever get tired of being funny or find it hard to come up with new things to pick on?
Well just watch the evening news for a second and head down to the local bar or that gate of hell Wal-Mart and look at all those ******'s who believe they have to buy **** just cause its on sale yeah sure why not buy two hundred rolls of toilet paper  cause you never know when the world may end and the zombie apocalypse will begin .

Newsflash when the world does cease to exist you probably will to and when your starving to death or being burned alive I really doubt that wiping your *** is going to be your top priority .

And we already live amongst zombies   there called yuppies and those I phone twitter loving instagram ******* are ******* everywhere and driving while doing all this **** so pick your head up and watch out!!!

I recently was on a little road trip and while in Evansville Indiana as me and my head cheerleader were riding around the city late at night we were ran into by a young and brainless little **** who admitted she was texting and driving and as I sat there waiting for officer fat **** to arrive to give this cyber **** a ticket .

Yes Indiana it's slogan should be hey are you ******* lost?
Yeah I know I'm a real people person .

Anyways as I sat there viewing what looked like babe Ruth in a bullet proof vest hand out a ticket as he sweat out gravy I had to question with  fifty lares of flesh for padding was there really a need for the vest?

They say when you go insane it's hard to truly rejoin society .
But honestly after looking at half the strung out loony toon's that are considered normal why the **** would you ever care to be part of there brain dead **** storm ?

And since when did the news care what was popular on ******* You tube?

Todays top stories the worlds on the verge of self destruction, A man kidnapped a child ***** her for several years has five kids with her but later on that right now let's check out this cute cat video.
yes the worlds obsessed with ***** .
And you thought it was just me.

And why do teachers now all **** there students and where were these horney ******* when I was going to school.
Yeah having to settle for a ******* from the janitor just wasn't the same.
Although he did have a fantastic grip I'm kidding.

And why  do people even own TV's duh cause books are to much like work but hey remember to buy mine cause it has  plenty of pictures  yeah what isn't poetic about ****?

Yes I can imagine what the great writers from the past would think of the new bestsellers.

Who doesn't like books about gay *** wizards and **** vampires that glimmer in the light yeah I didn't read it duh I saw the movie *******
yeah you may laugh but whatever got my sixteen year old girlfriend in the mood was alright by me I'm  kidding again she was twenty one at the time least that's what her fake Id said.

Yeah least I'm not as bad as Micheal Jackson  cause I'm actually alive that is duh.
Yeah he didn't have issues he just a ******* amusement park in his back yard .
Me I'd prefer a ******* or maybe a mall yeah don't ask.

Common sense nowadays it makes people laugh and the key to humor is always truth people are all ****** up hell just look at me I'm truly insane I own my own bar I get paid to write I do stand up for free drinks but honestly would you really want me doing anything else?

Attention this is your captain speaking umm look I really  don't know how to put this but I forgot to gas up before we left so looks like were all going to die as we crash into the earth and burn to death.
Yeah my bad .

But hey I want to thank you all for flying delta and please remember the do not smoking light is on yeah sure your probably going to be busted into a million pieces but heaven forbid the ***** next to you catches a whiff of smoke before he dies.

Loosen the **** up cause your not going to live forever  .
People are so uptight afraid to say **** or disagree with each other cause we all need to think alike like a bunch of ******* lemmings.

I grew up around backwoods rednecks I lived in the city slept in the ******* street okay there's no difference in people except real ******* people aren't scared to **** others off they are who they are and if you like them great and if you don't then ******* life's to dam short to sweat the ******* and this high school mentality needs to truly get ****** the worlds messed up so embrace it .

Like me, Hate me at least you never have to guess what I really think .

Stay crazy kids cause the normal ***** of this life are usually  total closet freaks who **** hookers on the side and make bombs in grandmas kitchen .

It's a shame cause a good ****** is a terrible a terrible thing to waste.

Well hamsters until next time this has been your bartender for life with your friendly perverted public service announcement we now return you to your regular scheduled program right smack in the middle so you wont know what the **** happened cause we can nah nah.

And if I somehow offended you please fell free to write to.

Gonzo's complaint department in care  of .
105 It's called a ******* joke way .

Cheers Gonzo

Every line means something.
A highway marker to you a milestone to me.
All roads end as others go on and the rest simply forget.

Do not worry over the details sweetheart simply dance on in spite of the
confusion .
Never allow them in just allow them to take for a price we are all ******
in some sense .

I played my game now its time for my final rest.
You will understand the old dogs  logic when viewed from tired eyes as well.

Forget the truths as time allows us only to recall the good.
Memories are cliff notes to reality.
A song reheard through blind thought and all to soon deaf ears .

Don't cherish what never was simply know the lines and watch me die.
recall my story through stories told and the ******* I spew.

Chase the dragon to simply know the fire .
My words were better than my truths and we will simply leave it there .

The page is all that ever matters.

I checked the mail everyday hungover feeling like **** probably looking just as bad.
The mail clerk always looked at me strangely .
How's the writing going ?

I had made the mistake one time of speaking to her one day.
She saw I was always sending out envelops to different magazines it was a small town what can I say she was a nosey *****.

Well I'm almost making it I replied to her walking out the door.
It must be great seeing your words in print .
I don't know when they are I will tell you what it's like I replied .

I  was standing at the door more than ready to leave get back home mix a drink and start my routine all over again.

She looked puzzled .
You get so many back surely you must get some things published .
There rejections they always are.

Aww come on you haven't even read them yet .
I'm psychic I don't need to read them.

How come you keep sending them out then if you know the result?

Well you see just like women turning me down I seem to never tire of asking besides if I badger them long enough just like a woman in a bar after a few drinks maybe I just might get lucky.

She just looked at me .
Well you have a nice day MR Robbins.

I left made my way home  happy I could make the nosey ***** uncomfortable I never understood peoples need to know everything I loved my privacy I hated social networks there false ******* happiness all on display it was like a store window all fake all ******* mannequins and fake smiles .

It was never reality besides who gave a **** what you had for dinner !

I sat the mail on my desk or on that over crowded thing that I believe once was a desk  .
Mixed a gin and tonic and began the self abuse that was reading rejection letters .

Most were the bland same **** .
Sorry to say no , We have to pass sorry and good  luck .
One was a card not even a rejection slip these people were pros to bad the women didn't hand these out at bars .

Dear sir.

Thank you for buying me drinks all night making crude jokes while staring at my ****.
Sorry to say not if you were the only man on earth and even if there wasn't a battery left in this world for my ******* .

Sincerely
Valarie  .


Now that would at least be good for a laugh I thought .

I got to the last one some little college paper known for there edgy ******* .

Dear MR Robbins  

We are happy to inform you on your recent  submission to us.
We will be publishing your poem.
A Good Day To Feel Slightly Bad .
In next months issue of are paper thank you again and please feel free
to send us more work.

******* I thought to myself.
Now how would I ever face the post ***** again knowing that I was a total fraud as a psychic.

Well either way I was always happy to be wrong.

I mixed another drink I thought about telling friends about my recent success.
Then I thought to myself.
I really didn't feel like making any today .

Cheers .

Gonz .

He waited the sad ***** broken in what seemed like a fool who sits on the traintrack
Feeling the rail knowing full well what is coming cant be stopped yet still
they stand.

It didnt take a writers eye to read the reply I knew it from the moment the poor
sap got down on one knee.
Like was never ment for love as a torment was never ment to be cast in a ******* fairytales
happy ending.

I felt no need to listen further for like some old stage hand I knew the
actors lines by heart.
Why were sappy ******* always drawn to heartless ******* I could never understand.
I guess for the reason worthless ******* always seemed to get the one's that
were to dam nice used them like doormats and turned them into the flawed gems
we knew and adored as well.

Maybe if only his ears herd truth instead of dellusion he'd find a much easier path.
I never wait for a reply and seldom care to ask.
I deal in truth I play no game just show my cards and care less if im holding better than the next.
Games are for fool's and old farts who gather to swap war stories and yern for the days
when yesterday  was uncertin yet always a adventure.

She wouldnt reply with what he wanted and he would be the fool a clown
left behind by the circus  just a out of place reject  wearing oversized shoes.
Some belive in it some also know desperate acts only serve a vain person's ego.

It's better to be jaded in sight than a sap for a cruel ******* amusement.
But being a ******* I know her thoughts all to well.
And as the night does erase the light the curtains fall will just
promise another act apon life's stage.

Avoid the people who's hearts have been cast of stone.
Course if you choose to do so you'll probaly  not have to many friends.
Course I never did give a **** cause that just leaves more drinks for me.

He waited for her reply and as the words hit like a landslide.
He sat numb frozen in a sea  of embaressment.
And in the aftermath of rejection he sat at the bar  running it through his thoughts.
I poured a triple sat it in front of the man along with a bottle for company.

And as always became deaf to the bleeding hearts conversation.
Thank God for closing time.

Im the stage hand of lifes over written play a bartender who's herd every version of the
same old song.
If you have to wait never yern for the reply.


Stay crazy Gonzo

Sometimes we run only to reflect on that which we tried to escape.
Its a twisted comedy to a burden of lifes stage every flaw shown in a public forum.
Mock me today for no more will i cast stones to hear the splash or await a ripples view.

**** it today i'll avoid it for tommorows worry.
As a grave's whisper echo's just a smile of certain didain in a groups empty flaw.
Sometimes I run but never do I pretend to escape.

Like a old radio to a forgotten generation still I exist to keep company in a hollow
time.
Static a old friend and reminder of what can never be.

Pages left unread a point ive seldom understood.
Ive created the cage yet forgot its reason or construction.
In a corner none seem to grace the light of worn out eye's.

Dreams dont make the embers of a fire raise the warmth on a winters chill.
Old air cant open lungs to a new path only cast a mold into a decayed once open mind.
Ive grown to see the road ahead is a circle and only dogs chase there tails.

Were always a step from the close yet many will see in others a vision to inspire.
Im growing to see no choice only a role cast of stone.
Can i rip the page  to begin fresh from all but never erase the thought that
was you.

Blood a marker dried was a river ow but a ditch.
Cast the stone's run while you can for a crawl is all i can bare these days.
And if its was tommorow would we just drift in the thoughts of a day?

Gone am I.
But a page to be viewed as other's will.
Embrace the thought for a vision is but a dream of rest we can never escape.
In my thoughts im void of rest and so ******* tired I cant bare the weight.
I can no longer cast stones for the reactions sake.

If i held you apon the ledge would fear
ever drift into your heart.
Waves crash below salt kisses the wind.
Far from this  madness we do depart.

The storm outside brings it's cold
casting doubts with fear.
ligthing flashes giving light to useen places.
Thunder crashes you question the voices you hear.

locked behind doors kept in a wooden box atop
the fire place.
He removes the mask
To reveal only to the darkness his true face.

Within the flames exists the ash of
my troubled past.
Ripped sails.
Dreams of light cant exist under skies overcast.

A single moment can be the breaking straw.
Whats left of the lion.
does reside in the cats paw.

A ghost to these sheets this
bed I no longer haunt.
A waltz at a forgotten balll.
Underneath the arm of another was it only to flaunt.

Dark circles under eyes.
Trapped in this hell I despise.
the midnightoil burnt on through the day.
Love conseals a promise that your heart does betray.

Echo's in darkness
to all but strangers I do confide.
Bleeding within in the emptyness my
true self does reside.

I'll leave my resolution as she leaves her
tight black dress apon the floor.
In passion of a ***** tinted kiss.
we'll forget the times to follow if only
in are trainwreck splendor.

Two souls thirsting for contact.
Tearing at one another like children unwrapping
gifts from under the tree.

Plessure is a dream togather were caught willing
victims of a lost night and a years end.

As tommorows starts a year's slow decline.
In her eyes I need only a glimpse to recall.
The madness that was in the streets we
stole a nights most simple plessure.

A private partys afterglow is such a bittersweet
tressure we'll recall togather.
In the velvet of a embrace more than skin did connect.
Within thoose eye's the embers of that private
party for a breif moment does reflect.

As traces of reallity plague the return of the following
day.
One kiss tasting of devilish remorse I caught a whisper of love
But in a shallow moments thought just watched it
walk away.

The road was always interesting but I figured after my last
um run in with  authorities gonzo needed to lay
low and anyone else he could get his hands on.

Apon return  I found i had some unpaid parking tickets and
some unretuned videos ****** man thoose  videos were
no joke you ever cross paths with a ******* video store clerk
it wasnt pretty and i really wasnt up for ******  oil wrestling
at the moment.

The strange device attached to the phone that spoke and I belived
had turned my on to drugs was filled with voices.
many of which asking the same question.

Gonzo  where have you been?
Gonzo Im late.
****** woman should have left sooner.
Why was that my problem  oh ****.
Well maybe we erase that one  change my name .
Who am i kidding  no one could be this goddamed good looking.

So many messages played it was like a far of hello are a ****
in a packed elevator  even if ya did it you always blamed it on
Eliot  he's a nervous farter  and a wonderful dancer  so
the drag queen in vegas  told me dont ask.

Hey Gonzo did you steal my credit card?
Cause im gonna kick your  ***.
****** now the mighty samuri of hello  was mad at me.
And  a battle between poets is never a prety thing.
that and i feared i would be burried  alive by Gary  and
his many books.

Once he threw  like ninja stars  yes he new some tricks
and had spell check  but i had whiskey bottles.
And  a army of truck driving lesbians   to hide behind.

I knew it was best to seek refuge  in a place none would think to
look in a bar.
the place smelled funny and the whiskey was watred down.
And what kind of place served kids.

After the acid finally weared off i realized i probaly needed
to exit the ball bit at macdonalds cause thoose ten year old
playground gangs were known  to flip ****
when  ya  didnt hand over your happy meal.

My time on the road had taught me many things.
None of which I could remember.
Much like sobriety and spell check i had little
need for brain cells either.

So onto the pub my true home  i did return.
After  a bit of some engine troubles.
it's hell kickstarting a Harley in highheels.

******  thoose were  a nice pair to  Eliot was gonna be ******
But it was time for Gonzos return ******.
And the pud needed its favorite madman.
Cause a pub without Gonzo.

Well it's probaly better stocked but *****
friends im back.

The sunset kissed the horizen  and the flask was finally empty.
My old friend to no suprize  had said his last goodbye.
Theres a place in a man's mind that doesnt allow understanding.

Darkness was soon to replace the laughter.
As a void was forever left.

Walking from the site I had no dellusions this was  to
be continued  no play of words could twist fate.
Outlaws were never ment to see happy endings.

He knew the game and laughed at it's  outcome.
To be forgotten  wasnt a ploy but only time held the cards
and its face wasnt giving any clues.

The redness in the clouds like a perfect backdrop
cast a shadow apon the headstone  the leather bound flask
with the intials engraved into its front.

Was but a side note to a epitaph.
Time in thought's is wasted apon a life
ment to be otherwise empty.

It's time for me to leave.

And so a souls winter does begin.

Nobody had herd from him in two weeks time.
I knew Bob was a lot of things a drunk a recluse a self exiled outcast.
But one thing he never was had been silent .

We were occasional drinking buddies going back to many years to recall

We were the professional drunks the radicals to those who lived under the illusion playing nice somehow granted you immortality.

I hadn't gone by there in awhile .
Sometimes you just have to go with a feeling .

The last time I went there to his house it was to *******  silent.

The old character that filled that silence was gone .
And I simply knew his place was no longer here .


We lived alone, we lived like pirates with no concern for tomorrow .
And no matter how you view it one day everyone has to ******* die .

It's funny how the annoying characters when no longer around truly let you know how silent the world could be .

I always drank alone and now literally that's how from now on it would remain.

I wasn't one for making friends seemed to much like a dam job .
You had to be a person that wasn't me .

I was a loner it kept me safe I wasn't the type who asked for **** from anyone else .

Still it stung knowing are last drink was are goodbye  .

But life is never planned we sat that evening watched the sunset .
Laughed about old times and sat just listening to music in the dark of a summer night .

I couldn't have written it better myself.

"Man you ever think about stopping drinking"?

I had asked him one morning after one hell of a ****** .

"Yeah when I'm dead cowboy".

He responded with that goofy *** laugh of his .

Sitting here on this night the sound of me and the crickets outside I had to think to myself of my old friend .

Well guess he finally put down the bottle down for good.

No matter the time that passes you will always be missed my brother .

And now I simply continue where you left off .

Maybe it's that marvelous view as they walk away that never seems to compel me to call them back.

Maybe its the happiness of being alone the wind in your hair or the the highways empty embrace that just seems to keep me ruining far longer than the rest.

The bottle the music a simple soundtrack to the existance we only care to forget.

Passion doesn't exit online as machines can't breath life into your lungs but I can't certainly darken your door if only you'd allow me to tonight.

The party we will have only to forget.
You me and the page it's all in secret and  all for them to never truly understand .

Summer may you die.
As all the bad girls sing cheap motels were we gather the ice machine I vist to often underneath the stairs .

I sleep drink repeat .
Trying to find the lines I searched for all the these years past.

From the dust bit in Austin to the Kentucky bourbon embrace I will romanticize the decay only to show you the reality I to often ignore myself .

Another drink shared and hopefully another night with you.

The page can't capture passion .
But I believe I touched upon it more than once with her tonight .

It was just another ordinary day at the Pub.
I  as always at the helm tending bar hitting on hamsters and making crude jokes that usually walked the line and got me banned from a site that I was a living legend on.
Remember kids there is no Hello without Gonzo.

Hey Gonz you really need to do something bout the restroom some nameless bland writer that I probably liked cause I thought she looked hot said to me as she walked towards the bar.
What is somebody jerking off in there again ****** !
I swear creative ******* sure are a frustrated ***** bunch.

Just then a old man walked from the restroom .
Granddad  what did I tell you bout using the restroom?
Huh the old man replied with that look of who the hell am I am what the **** is this ***** behind the bar saying .
Yeah I get that look a lot .

Granddad !
Huh?
What's that ?
He replied again as he staggered to the bar smelling of whiskey and **** yeah almost like Lindsey Lohans new perfume ode to a ***** well minus the ******* and bitter smell of a burned out former child actress.

What's that your saying?
The restrooms father time what did I tell you ,there strictly for paying costumers go use the alley where  I keep your house slash cardboard box .

Oh yeah and by the way you still owe me rent duh just cause your old and related to me doesn't mean you can just sponge off me who do you think you are some washed up drunken writer who haunts a nearly dead website like some strange perverted ghost ?

Hey did you hit the blood bank you old ****?
But son they told me I can't go twice in a week or I could die!
Look old man if you cant do that then you better hit the street start jerking off truckers I swear it was good enough for grandma you lazy **** .

I swear you give a semi senile old **** a spacious alley and wonderful box to live in as you take his social security and this is thanks you get.
Oh well least when he passed I can still collect his checks I'll just keep him in the walk in box nobody will know the difference .

Hey ******* don't talk to that  nice old man like that.
A voice Interrupted  me as I was about to remind father time he needed to sign his check duh how else do you think I fund the bar?

You really are a ***** Gonz you should be ashamed off talking and treating that nice old man so terrible.
I couldn't believe the gull of this women and although I was slightly distracted by her ******* I had to keep  focused cause this story had to end some ******* time .

Miss first off may I say welcome to the Pub and you have a great rack.
***** you perve ! , She said in her angry yet I could tell she secretly wanted me cause I'm a totally delusional egotistical ******* writer who is really long winded and enjoys cheap laughs and even cheaper hookers but only in moderation like Jesus kind of sense .

What to much?
Well you haven't read **** yet kids .

Miss I realize you may view me as a totally kickass writer and dude that you secretly want to have a goodtime in the backroom with .
Drop dead **** ! the woman replied .
Yeah I could tell I was wearing her down.

What gives you the right to treat this old man so cruel?
Duh cause he's my family silly woman and it's not like I'm cruel to him
in fact I treat him great don't I grandpa?

I haven't eaten in four days .
The old man replied .

You poor old sweetheart the woman said as she put her arms around the old man as he began to cry what a total ***** .
It's okay I'll get you some help .
Oh thank you so much your such a nice lady .

What the hell !
I herd the woman say in a semi state of shock as she realized in her effort to comfort grandpa he had grabbed a handful of some tight **** .

Get your hands off me .
The woman shouted but grandpa was stuck to that women like a tight pair of jeans .
Come on sweetheart give pop pop  some love.

The old demented ******* said.
***** this the woman said as she drove her knee about five miles into the old ****'s junk.

The old man fell to the floor as all five of the regulars laughed and the dudes had to cringe .

You people are all insane ***** this place she said as she walked out the door .

The old man climbed the barstool in the woes of agony a frustrated climber trying to hit the peak of that really tall mountain that I cant recall it's ******* name oh yeah Adele .

Give me a *******  whiskey and a ice pack you little *******.
I swear pops that act never gets old you alright?
I said as I poured the old ***** a strong one and handed him a steak.

What the hells the steak for ?
Duh the swelling ******* besides we got to thaw it out anyways
somebody ordered one from down the street and would it **** you to shave I'm just saying the owner of the site really already dislikes me enough already.

Yeah you kids are ****** up with your cellphones and computers and your shaved ***** give me the old days where men were men and weren't afraid to be men and smell like men not French ******
speaking of ****** dam I miss your grandma .

Yes the Gonzo clan it's so great to come from such a long line of misspelling drunken ***** loving perverts .

You know pops maybe we need to pick a new scam to run on the yuppies I don't think you can take to many shots like that anymore.

Hey are you saying I'm old ?
Well when the first boat trip you ever took was on the  Mayflower I'd say so gramps .

Well did that order for the steak include any seafood?
No why?
I replied as I poured me and the old man another.

Well cause it looks like there getting some ***** with there steak.

                                          Fin

Stay crazy hamsters

Gonzo

From behind the bar I recall what led me here.
Not to see people fight over  spots on a board.
But to bring them togather as friends.
Not drive them apart as enimies.

To see the glass stay  full.
And the spirts to bring cheer.
Jokes hold truth.
As the jester I know pain.

Smells of perfume and smoke beautiful eye's
and that invisable desire.
We dance in hope of capturing life.

To embrace in darkness.
The page can never capture the passion
of two lovers spark.

From behind the bar  I see life
for more than what others belive  it is.
Jokes comfort as the flirt kisses  the ego.

Napkins written with numbers passed encounters
promised.
Some never to know the light of day.

Hungover friends  gather whiskey  laced
plessures  with a tinge of regret.
But life is one play  my friends  that no
single act shall we froget.

The drink sit's neat apon the bar.
You can see blindley for years.
And never know who people truley are.

Drinks as people dont last long.
They gleam the same under neon light.
So friends always mix them strong.

The venom shared from the pillow held witness by the dark.
Can this embrace be cancer to us both?
Are the words hollow as so is the bullet just as dangerous in a lovers hand.

All will be forgiven one day when the hate has been washed clean and all truths tattered beyond reality.

Did we go beyond the path somewhere deeper than are first intention.
A ocean may drown as easy as the silence between us.

Nothing knows better than the night .
And her tears shed were simply a casting calls allure .
Smoke rings to the celling to vanish and linger all the same.

I am memory.

The worst poison of them all.
Killing with time and good intentions.

Nobody has a answer .

Some people make it seem  so romantic and some would probably say I'm guilty
of exploiting it as well.
Well let me be the first to tell you there's no glory in burning out.

I live my life and to excess of course but it's not my mission to overdose or end up splattered across
highway.
Death isn't a choice it's a promise and to fear it is to worry over breathing its just part of the game folks.

The **** I write about isn't a fantasy or what I believe its like I've actually lived it.
And  out of a handful of people I know I'm lucky  enough to say I'm still here.
I cant tell you how to live your life and honestly I don't ever give a **** how you do.

I've done most every drug known to man  and some of them are rather overrated  
to be honest that's why I prefer *****  mainly because I really don't trust putting **** in my system made by people who look like they haven't slept or washed there *** in  two weeks.

Yeah cokes real good **** you stay paranoid as **** and if you get a good taste for it
it'll **** you bank account and your heart  but it is good to have on hand for picking up strippers.
Hey I'm just saying if you go to the woods to hunt animals you probably use bait.

Well my hunting ground is probably a lot more comfortable than yours but hey
whatever gets you off.

Where all checking out sooner or later but don't ever fall for that delusion that
getting out early  is ******* romantic **** if  I had pulled the trigger when I was a miserable ***  
teen I would have really missed some overrated times and some hot chicks who just
happened to lower there standards yes be used is kickass especially when you get a
happy ending out of the deal.

Live it as you will not as others would prefer cause only a spineless candy ***
plays it safe.

I write a lot of crazy **** cause I live a lot worse crazy ****.
But at least I have ******* fun.

Sure you can say **** it all  to this world.
Or you can really **** the ******* off and shake **** up till they put your ***
in the dirt.

Me I'm going to  go down with the ******* ship.
A drink in hand  and laughing like a madman the whole way down.

Cause nothing ***** with the ignorant worse than a son of ***** that just wont
stay down.

Cheers hamsters.

Gonzo

He was as lonesome as a cemetery.
And far more empty than any barren field.

In your time nobody will recognize your genius till its flame has long since been extinguished.

Nobody sought out to be a legend they simply put one foot in front of the other in hopes just to get through as ****** as me or you.

He never knew exceptance and most thought him a outcast.
That ******* in the mirror was a stranger to even I.

From the marshes I saw the death float apon the water.
No sound of sorrow  did follow the gentle decay as it flowed to shore.
Money vs Nature the dollar  for death.

The blood red sunset seemed a oil painting of
a nightmares sky.
As numbers matter more than  souls.

History of these waters poisoned is are future.
Sluge does seep across the marsh.
Klling many in diffrent ways.

Generations trade erased to greed.
The politicians lies and to the helpless feeling.
In this moment we've lost all light.
Fires of hell.
visions of a oil painting of eternal night.

As apon the water I lived my life in tune with the sea.
As people sit in question.
Fools always looking to the next for answer.

As black does erase it's tranquill blue.
Fathers and sons bid farwell.
To the only life they ever knew.

For what more can you lose all is gone.
Thoose peaceful water's of mind.
Are but a reflection of natures soul.

**** the the land *******  of greed.
Nothing ever is enough.
Apon the  bones  broken to the very
marrow they feed.

A hand open  and a mind closed.
The wind carries a message unherd.
As darkness overtakes  the  shore yet effects
far beyond  it's reach.
When hope is lost to whom will you preach?

Never pen your dreams on me for my thoughts are embers of a once ever so bright fire.
Tatters of thought bury the recluse now they simply confide in me a lost fool who truly never gave a **** to begin with.

The fighter that's tried and worn his body broken his will the only thing left that he holds true.
When you have drown in your vices from this bottom will you emerge or simply settle for a good rest ?

past glory and worn lines my story is a cliff note to the ******* the will imagine .
Empty bottles and the scars to show the rroads end and all is left to return.
When they break you they will simply find another kid .

And life will pass you by as it has me.
Watch the patterns only to break the rules no outlaw fades easily.
And the sad old men we've become isn't a scene I care to relive much longer.

Nobody will be surprised for it been long overdue but I could never exist on another's terms.
I rather crash and burn than fade gracefully I am sorry to disappoint
but the hand was **** to begin with kids .

It's not always the way we see it but In life do we seldom write the ending.
Maybe the page understands me far better than I understand myself anymore .

Maybe.
Well when you get there as I you wont envy the others only realize the roads been paved long before your words where nothing g more than whispers .

Bury your ego for it has nothing to gain.
I view the highways end a different man than the young fool who cast his cares to the wind.

It's time to bury mine .

Shadows Apon The Floor

Music within the air memories to
heal the bitter soul.
The sounds of the past come to life
in rock n roll.

The lights from the stage.
Cast ghost's of many.
Taking us all past the pressent.
To a perfect timeless age.

Nights of passion that exist evermore.
Casting the sprits magic.
dancing with the ghost's light's
casting shadows apon the floor.

Secrets of lovers and new best friends.
We kiss blindley taseting the magic.
For that moment all is real no
one pretends.

As the night flows like a curtain apon
a gentle southern breeze.
From the floor to the legend
this night does ease.

We write are own chapters all
ading in lifes book.
Regrets should be few.
For out of this night as much as we gave
we also took.

Hearts entangled memories forever
do we adore.
Dancing with ghosts of lovers past.
Keeping time with the shadows apon
the floor.

Let me teach you in the arts of deception
and the bitter way's of truth.

Speaking to the empty soul I knew
just the other day.
Cast outside the internal core we all can
never trust.

Liar ,*******,Worthless image that does appear as
my so called reflection.

Taught to hate and tolerated by fear.
Emptyness you've created a strange creature to
which ive chosen to erase.

No music plays in a films melodramatic score.
The credits wont run white over black.
As the theater crowd spills into the street.

I want to hurt only to know what it
is to once again feel.
No secrets in the souls darkest shadow
may I no longer conceal.

Broken souls shattred glass apon the
white sands.
Ive stared at the image.
Till I can no longer recall who I am.

The bitterness in pain shattred apon
the floor.
Only shards do remain.
Mixed with blood apon the floor.

Breakup's and breakdown's were collected by it's fire.
Old glory and wished apon lies we spoke in that chidish
feeling I'll fondly forever recall.

The scenery changed as the friends like actors in a play.
I bottle up my emotions and keep then in drunken bliss to forever stay.
In a trance brothers shared the words without
a single one spoken between them.

The emotions flowed with the drinks stories were spoken
only to die with the mornings light.
Thoose who fell we spoke of like ghosts never to return.
Ships apon the water we dare not view to long.

Are passion and wants her lips that feeling we
knew had long since died.
Tears hidden within every drop.

Poured courage made bounds of emotions blood.
Reflecting in dim lit thought of bright passions past.
But like a once full bottle loves and cold nights never last.

We understand the roads taken brothers often do.
The old preach from it's fire.
The youth roll there eyes of what they never knew.

Passed around the bottles passion takes a journey into emptyness
Speaking of long nights women who've long since gone.
We laugh in are failures drunk with the
memories shared.
We all slowley fade.

Traces of day in sunsets past.
Life's destroy the  painting once bright
has faded at last.

She clings to a illusion for it's better than nothing she's known
so very  well.
Sweetest are the confessions in the shadows we do tell.

Forward in movement still somewhere im left behind.
Goodbye in thought the highway calls yet the chapter is
far from done.
Summers of reflection love as a child when gentle was thought
endless was the innocent fun.

Im not the man that should see the finish happy fairy tails
bleed my dreams.
Glimmers of greatness burn fast in failure  it seems.

Broken souls cast south  tonight we share moment
I have to erase.
Confide in the emptyness collected hopes in a distant angels face.

Fools are many but a loser's path is best walked alone.
A empty court vacant is the kingdom inwhich I hold the throne.
Lesser the man who's never known the start.
Gone are my words.
As I speak empty  mind from a jaded heart.

He always carried a straight razor in his pocket and wore chip on his shoulder like some twisted reward .
I noticed his hands shaking as he set the bar the scars of time had changed him.
Gone was that Cavalier charm the boyish sense that had lured so many to him before.

We made eye contact yet spoke no words between us I simply called the bartender over to order another round sometimes there's no need to ask.
Been a while hasn't it?
He asked in a voice I could hardly recall.
Yeah it has I replied still never diverting my eyes from the bar.

There was no need to ask and I knew full well  not to invite the conversation to begin.
With him it was always a hustle a shark always have to keep swimming it's just its nature.

We sat there to strangers known only in title as friends.
Both in are separate corners, both to caught up in our own ******* to care about the other.
Too many miles had separated us now only scorn and ridicule forged this moment like iron to a blacksmiths fire and hammer.

The time passed slowly as the old jukebox played hanging as heavy as the stale smell of smoke in the air.
He always wore that chip on his shoulder a badge of honor for none to see.
I took one last look into the mirror's reflection and had to question.
Just what the **** become of me.

It was strange almost as strange as Thanksgiving with Justin Bieber  at his grandmother's house.
Yes I'm sure that wasn't the only thing getting stuffed that year.
Who doesn't enjoy being serenaded by their grandson as he's naked with his pick in one hand and
his **** in the other as he stands **** ball naked in the kitchen.

Thanks Canada your like a ***** girlfriend who instead of giving a great ******* gave us ******  What do I expect from a country that also gave us maple syrup and call me maybe.
I know we just met and this sounds crazy but your countries music ***** so never call us okay.

I was alone in the Pub as  usual hell what do you expect from a site that has a showcase yet has no more groups from which half of the showcases are named after .
Yeah the owner has that true modern day logic like having a music channel that only shows
reality show ****** and knocked up ******* who complain about paying the bills yet are employed by the network yeah common sense it really is lost on stupid people.

I was having like half of a case when a hamster who shall remain unnamed due to she would
harm me if I spoke the name of which is not to be spoken of walked through the door.
Gonz set me up with a cold one  I really need it.
Really hamster I never pegged you as a necrophilia kind of gal but to each his own
good thing I got the paper let me just check the obituaries and make some calls
You want something fresh off the highway or you more into cold cuts?

I know I'm going to hell but honestly did you expect good taste  in reading this **** ?
Are you ******* nuts?
The agitated little hamster asked as she looked at me with anger and possible **** in her eye's.
Look I can always hope good thing I forgot my whistle.

Just give me a cold beer you pervert and that joke was tasteless really have you no respect for anything?
I looked at the hamster after handing her the beer and thought deeply and hard pulling my mental hair at the same time even though I don't have any don't ask.
Duh hamster!
It's my job  to make tasteless jokes and be a pervert what you think the time clock on the walls for?
Um employees ?
Well yeah it used to be until they whole health care **** I swear I give my workers one meal a week and provide a perfectly good basement for them now I got to give them health care duh
if I paid my bills what would I drink with ?

My customer who remains anonymous to  protect the safety of my *****.
Looked at me in disgust uh oh looks like I might be getting a spanking as well.
You really keep those poor people locked in the basement ?
Duh person I cant say your name there not real people there here illegally.
How can you say that I should call the cops on you .

The hamster was turning red and from the threat of calling in the fuzz I knew she must be
serious yet still I knew deep down she was just playing hard to get with her threats and restraining orders but enough with the foreplay hamsters.

Look I really don't see what the big deal is ?
You have people trapped in your basement like some dirt bag smuggler.
Now you hold on a minute hamster how dare you insult me I said in my grown up voice
I know I can act like a grown up shocking isn't it?

I was about to tell this hamster just what I really thought of people who take advantage of people
who just want a better life and exploit others and really preach some of that moral **** that sounds real good yet isn't what I think cause I'm truly a ruthless *******.

When I stopped and saw the clock oh **** hold that thought I almost forgot to feed the basement people.
I reached under the bar and grabbed four cartons of cigarettes and a case of wine.

What in the hell you only give those poor people ***** and cigarettes ?
Well  duh there French what else would they want?  
Just then a voice came up from the dungeon I mean basement of the pub gonzo more wine
you American swine I hate you yet still I applaud your efforts in destroying that vile
man child Selena Gomez  .

Ahh you got love the French sure that strange little man may stay drunk on a girl drink and smoke like a chimney but even he hates **** pop music as much as me.

My one and only reader slash customer slash person I enjoy annoying sat in shock.
You are so ****** up .
I looked as I took my seat behind the bar that no longer exists because some people
who shouldn't be allowed out of there cage run the site into the like button ground.

Yes hamster I'm a little ruff around the edges but when you get to know me.
You realize behind all the insults and perverted bad humor .
I'm well I'm far worse than you could ever imagine.

We sat there swapping stories the drinks flowed the French man in the basement yelled
something in that strange language  he spoke once I couldn't understand cause I
don't speak German.

It was a  true night to remember except for the part I forgot duh!
It was growing closer and closer to closing time I mixed us both a good strong drink
yet with a soft side and heart of gold like a awesome ****** or that man ****** Kim Kardashian .

Well I guess better head out Gonz.
Aren't you feeling like your going to pass out .
Um no why ?

****** its really getting bad when you cant trust a good street dealer to quality
roofies  .
The hamster was headed out the door but before she left she turned and said.
Oh yeah and you might need to grab a pillow.

And then everything went black but not like in the NBA .
No indeed I was out like Charlie sheen after a really good coke binge when he used to be cool.

I awoke upon the floor alone cold and hurting in a area far more strange than fifty one
****** man whya alien would travel across the galaxy only to corn hole rednecks and poetic madmen is beyond me but enough about what some owners of websites do in there off time.

Upon the bar sat the only cure for my troubles a double shot of good blended whiskey.
Next to it a note on a bar napkin .

Dear Gonz  next time remember to remember which drink you spiked you ******* .

I had to laugh and sit really funny the seat was a bit uncomfortable get your heads out of the gutter
children your almost as bad as me.

Until next time kids remember .
Good humor bad humor  its just ******* a joke to begin with so lighten the **** up.

Cheers and stay crazy.

Were we a trainwreck  never ment to be?
So many opinions on you.
Yet the only one that ever mattered was from me.

Messages written last words scribbled apon my wall.
That ill fated lovestory  was my life.
So I recall.

Old friends make great rivals it does seem.
The journey took me from the nightmare.
To awake in a dream,

Such a small feeling soul standing  so very tall.
It was a delicate dance.
It was a perfect disaster  so I recall.

To lean apon a shoulder that looks to rest apon another.
Taking long walks to nowhere.
Looking into the empty eyes of a man once known
to me as a brother.

I've seen dreams fade with the setting sun.
When all hope has been lost.
To whom should I run.

First we stand untill we crawl.
These lessons of a tormented youth.
So very often I recall.

Down  by the water

Ive been here so many times broken hearts and many old wounds that never heal.
It's so hard to admit when you hate the person you are.
When catch that dream to relize its a nightmare by design.

Why cant I just break through it why cant I just get past the demons of dessire and cleanse
myself of the sin inwhich I seem to thrive?
Honestly suicide looks better by the second.

Im losing it yet still i linger like some sad prize fighter who's
taken one to many a blow.
I yern to destroy who ive become only to find who I could actully be.
Im a man who cant seem to think past vice.
A wornout joker who's fallen this time for good.
**** this nightmare please help  ive lost befor I even began.

Burn the memory till it scars my thought **** please stop this !
Im losing yet ive grown to jaded to care.

I was broke as usual it's okay I understood that far easier than I ever did being well off.

Long as there was a bottle and a room I could crash in I was good.
I never cared to gamble.
I lived my life that was a gamble enough

My money i preferred to be wasted upon myself not given to a fixed game played by overpaid children.

The only sport I ever loved was fighting.
I understood you against another.
In life its always you against the world.

I loved to fight even when you lose you know you've lived
I had stepped between those ropes often.

Paid the the price for a simple mistake and been knocked flat on my *** for it.
Boxing is a human chess match very few men have what it takes to go toe to toe with another.

Anyone can fall down it takes a man or mental patient to keep getting back up.
I had paid my dues broken bones multiple concussions between that and all the ***** poured into my skull you think I would be braindead by now.

Some would tell you I already was.
And those people would be like most full of **** speaking on things they know nothing about.

Critics come in all forms.
Don't worry over there opinions nobody ever worth a **** sat on the sidelines.

I had nothing to show for my years.
I could barely get moving some days.
But when the drinks hit me right and some young **** called me out i still had that spark that fueled the fire.

Never take **** from.anyone no matter how tuff they seem.
Anyone can get caught anyone can bleed.

Remember kids its not what you can dish out.
Its how much you can take and keep going that makes you tuff.

I wore my scars like tattoo's.
Everyone of them had a story.
I never believed in luck.

I just kept going no matter what stood before me.

If I depended on luck in my life.
I would be up **** creek for the rest of my existence.

Never stay down no matter how easy it seems.

It's a question I dreaded as much as any  other .
It was always a simple one to ask and often the hardest most ******* annoying question to answer.

They seldom cared it was more like what they were expected to ask and I loathed the looks they gave when they asked it.
It was a mix of this idiot doesn't even make sense  how could he be anything more than a ***.
That and well guess there's no need in asking does he work for a living.

My answer was always the same and it seldom was the answer  they themselves thought they wanted to hear.

I write about life.

How do you mean?, they would always ask confused as I was on how to answer this simplistic question.

I write about the people that fill the bar the ones that judge outside the bar, the women long since who have become bitter and the drunks who are just happy to catch a buzz.

I write bout the ******* who thrive off the misery of others and the cruel ******* who break those same ******* all the same.
I write  about myself cause I truly don't give a **** to know about you .

I just write because I exist.
And I write for I am a writer .


I paused to see the look that although the face was different the look was all to familiar.

Umm okay well I wish you the best.
The woman said as she turned and simply walked away wishing only to distance herself from the man who she could not tell if he was insulting her or just to caught up in his own ******* to give  a dam to begin with.

I had to laugh to myself for even though I was far from a people person sometimes I wish only to know this answer to this ******* question that followed me like some dark cloud.

My work always spoke for itself but it thrived separate from the man few people truly know .

And with me I always preferred to be distant from the reader.
I had been writing for as long as I could remember but those around me would truly have no clue if you asked them about my work.

And honestly that's how I prefer it.
The pen and the page hold magic and me I simply hold a drink.

Two forces that exist as one but make no mistake are greatly separate by design .

I would rather people know the illusion than the fool behind the curtain.

For when after they read the  writer.
Seldom if by some strange chance we met did they ever ask so what do you write?

Its more than a feeling when its come down to the finish and even a worse one when you realize its time to start yet again.
Like some sick version of twisted game show your always in reach and anytime your desperate the ****
will gather to praise your failure.
The bottle filled glory days a dinosaur who's back id long fell of of trying to stay in the groove simply has left me with more scratches than  I care to speak of so **** the logic in this I preffer a good ******* covred lie instead.

Hell wasnt a fire laced horror theme it was a emptyness beyond anything a normal man could ever imagine.
Good thing I would never fall under that title.

We were somewhere in Maryland the bar a afterthought now and are drunken thoughts had left us silent to
ramble in are own personal hells we tried to convince others didnt exist.
As for the big payoff well .
If half empty shows and being more broke than when you left was a sucess then we were true diamonds at this point.
You give it all out there only to question do you have a home to return to.
And Martin was a wounded solider broken from a quick text once read.
Ive had enough I wont be here when you return.

And as he was broken we did what any self absorbed ******* who couldnt face what could be us would do.
Drown in vices and cracked jokes over are friends misfortune and tried to make sure we didnt get to much of his misery to
**** are buzz.

For me it was the usal some quick drinks some soon to be forgotten conversations with women I'd seldom
recall gotta keep chasing that good time cant let the boys see your reallity or you'd fall and
never do you wanna show weakness in a pack of wolves .

Robert was always the same a crash and burn ****** who started fights and had to be half loaded to even greet the day.
Once I saw the geinus behind what had now became the running joke of the group.
The tide had long since returned to the ocean  and left him trapped apon the shore.

We all knew he was a dead end street but he paid his way and as long as we could scam a few bills from him
we used him without regard it was the worst kind of cutthroat you could imagine.
All in the name of a good laugh.

Being said that only left me and Tony to keep this **** togather we rode long hours and made little money but just like sharks if were still moving with some drugs in are system were still doing good.


My head against the window rains steady rythm kept me company  in this silence I could allow the ******* guard down.
Count the laughs and ignore the bombs  **** it was a bloodthirsty scene in south Boston lastnight.
The crowd intent on breaking you and getting down watred down drinks overprized and as shallow as there
owners for the moment.

Why the **** was I here stuck in a prison with four wheels rolling steady and praying not to get pulled
by the cops and wondering if anyone of us could lie well enough to be trusted to drive **** knows
the best driver had just been hitting the pipe a hour ago.
And I really didnt think my flask in side pocket would be a charming insentive to some officer who hated dealing with a
car filled with drunks and junkies.

So what you boys do?
I could hear this converstaion playing out.
Were comedians  just heading home officer been on the road awhile.
Oh yeah you boys any good?
Well as you can tell from this fantastic 1999 minvan crap mobile were driving  were  a great sucess.
You being a ******* boy?

Some people never get the joke.

The miles passed and soon were bound for are corners.
Off from the battle left only to crawl in
broken down hovels and lick are wounds with whatever drugs we may have left laying around.
And as for me I'd just turn off the lights and sleep.

In the dark nobody touches my often semi burnt out thoughts.

And as the days bled one into the next I'd  tell myself ***** it Im done!.
But bad habbits and that insane thought of what if is a real ******* at times.
And really what else besides the page could ever bring me the misery and false happiness I so desired.

Soon like some worn out race horse id be at the starting gate again I could only run till I drop.
Why do it you may ask?
Cause its just who I am the crowds a drug like any other and that one night of connection
is more of a rush than any needle to arm has ever been.

The finish line never means **** when you know inside.
All that leaves you with is another time to begin.

It was  at the crack of the afternoon always  when like some old circus bear i staggred to life.
Coffee surged through my veins with a touch of turkey to embrace the day to day troubles
with a sense of reason in the insanity.

The whispers were heavy like gunshot's that filled a early morning duck hunt.
Where half drunk men shared bottles and stories of conquest's some false others just straight *******.
He's losing it ya know?

They had read my scrbblings and saw the flaws yet dared never to speak the words to
the devil in the flesh.
But much like a villan or a dam good ****** with a std i was just waitting to
run yet again.

The Gonzo of old died hard and a writer of insanity
seldom was at a loss for words or  far from a intersection of trouble.
The road called.
And I her slave seldom ignored her for any woman worth her salt
was a cruel ***** at heart and thats what made them  so dam aluering.


I was the president of debauchrey the chairman of the boy's club
a locker room jester who seldom showed his flaws.
But time scars us all and I was no diffrent.

I had slowed yet went past that edge like a child who tears into a gift seldom
looking at the paper let alone who its from.
Still that gleam in the eye did exist and the danger was all but to real.

I was ready to claim it back although none could take it from me.
The bike was older yet still had a howl like a devils hound on a sunsets promise.
the drugs the ***** the women all where but part of the drive and freedom
of a perk.

Much like the whiskey that burns in my veins id never
water down my word's
Cold wether was pointing me south  the Key's were calling
in a tragic Hemmingway sense the old man's sea was but a bitter pill
and a islands stream of erased thought.

On a road that never grew old as I.
  Soon i was off.
And God only knows what would lead to this tour of destruction.
But all i can say is gentlemen start your engines.

For the chaos has just begun.

                                               Welcome  To The Boy's Club
                                                             Part One

Fond memories caught within a sound swirl like smoke rings
in my mind.
Dancing in the shadows of a empty floor.

Closed we are in thoughts times of past need to return.
She questions my words but I answer so very true.
Were actors in the play so overdue to end.

Bottles reflect a glimmer of a feeling I can no longer pretend.
the record skips only to repeat again.
The windows show another broken try,
Forclose the madness happiness for sale if you understand the lie.

I found it a chore not a plessure to speak.
Were togather in misery told to create yet persecuted
in the whim of another.

Broken are the  bounds I found nothing to hold true.
The butcher  takes the pen the writer has only to breath
to create.
Fight but what of the battle and its failure to end?

The storm has started
But ive gone inside a viewer to the insanity I refuse to play.
Sometimes you have to wipe the slate clean to start new.

The sound tells of a place I no longer wish to recall.

The Princebles Office better known  as the Dragg queens lair.

This time it's it!
You demented twisted drunken *******.
from the veins that shown so easily from Sir Eltons  neck i could
tell it must be a bad hair day.
That and  he was trying to butter me up with all the compliments

****** harassment,Encouraged drug use,Public displays of insanity,
******* indecent act's with a animal oh wait that's the artist formely known as jack horner.

As this sad little dwarf from a strange planet called London ranted and rubbed the fact in my face that yet there was one rule i hadnt broken
****** man whats a girl gotta do to get some attention?

It's it ive gotta list of angry sensitive people who are friends with benfits  who  want you gone!
How could this be?
Had the world gone insane or caught some std that slowley eats away  
your brain slowley making you think that Justin Bieber had talent?

Dear lord it was reffer madness all over again.
Well Frodo theres only one solution I exclaimed.
His face red eyes mentally ******* me jesus man must have been
missing happy hour at the shire.

Well pippy  they'll all just have to go  im mean what would
funhouse be without a ***** old pervert  to feel up the costumers?
Dam you  Francis Ford Copela
What the hells wrong with you?

The question hung in the air like a **** in church
So many things made one Gonzo.
Not enough hugs  to little wild turkey.
And not using protection.
Remember kids always fasten your saftey belts get your heads outta the gutter.

The list read like a who's who of people who really needed
to get a life  or laid maybe even by there wife.
After hours okay maybe the rest of my bottle of wild turkey
it was decided  once again  i was the black sheep and no one
wanted to play anymore oh well i'll just do what the staff of the drag queens lair does and play with myself.

But enough with the foreplay children.
so many things i had learned  like  well ummm?
Okay maybe nothing at all  i knew i should have tuffed it out and
got through   kinder garden.

As I cleaned out my desk I reflected apon old times.
The laughter  the time i set fire to grandma's cat  and blamed it on my
little brother eventhough i didnt  have one.
Wait wrong memory.
  
The road ahead uncertin my mind unclear.
My inner child hurting in need of a really hot comfort cuddle maybe
from someone with a inner ****.

As I began my long walk of shame much like a woman who relized
she made a big mistake with her boss lastnight.
It's hell working in the family  business.

I passed old faces  all  pretty much thinking i was full of it as usal
turned and in my grown up ****** with a heart of gold voice said.

No one puts baby in a corner!
Sometimes you gotta  stand up for things  or do like me and blame it on others   and I cant belive  not even a single  free bottle of ***** or a concert  or maybe a lap dance  yeah  it's really went down hill
girlfriend oh snap.

Guess i'll just go  dont try to stop me.
Hmm tuff crowd   well  stay crazy amigos.
And as i closed the door i could feel the sadness.
There was a great racket coming from inside.

I knew it the heartbreak was so terrible these people were destroyed.
Why even as i opened   the door and saw them swingin from the hey what the ****?

All eye's turned  the music died.
Dear lord people  really?
Even my 50 pen names?

Im okay  well  the cake saying good riddance hurts a bit
But it taste great and the margarita's nice touch.
After such a outrage I was left with only one choice
steal as much **** as could  flip frodo the bird.
spike the punch   okay maybe  do a little dance make a  little
Gonzo once later  id demand  a blood test for and shut the hell up for good tonight.

The door slammed shut like my wifes legs after she relized her sisters baby  really had a strange fondness for wild turkey.
All sat around wondering will this long *** write ever end ?

Chris looked at the artist formely known as Jack Horner.
Speaking in that slow **** seductive  voice of his.
Ya think the crazy ******* is really gone.
To which my crazy amigo across the pond replyed.

**** no he does that every other week.
And besides  thats the door to the janitors closet.

It wasnt my best day in fact I was lost like a person who has actual musical taste at a modern pop concert.

Hopeless beaten in need of a hug or maybe something else .
Hey id sit outside with a sign around my neck saying *******.please if I thought it actually work.

What dont judge me and dudes need not apply that was a phase in college .
Im kidding I never went to college

She was gone and i was alone left with the farting dog and a world of pain while the miserable  **** puppy was off having the time of her life .

Minus the ***** dancing and Patrick Swayze wearing his skin tight **** black shirt .
But nobody puts baby i a corner im just saying.

Sure I was alone my ***** supply running low trapped in a ******* no hope of getting laid in sight but who's ******* bitter .

I mean I could replace my favorite nypho ******* head cheerleader with the snap of my fingers.

Yeah I was totally ****** .
I didn't miss her so.much but why the **** did she have to take her ******* ****** with her **** greedy ***** .

******* women ya think they could just leave it behind like half there ******* clothes but oh no the greedy *** *******.

And to all the ladies reading this please dont take offense im not calling all of you ******* just the ***** ***** I was with for six ******* years but again im not bitter.

I was high and dry left only with half her crap and some farting furry hobo I called ****** .

Hey I was the man!
I was the one that was supposed to leave her in the dust .

It was then I had a moment of genius and yet another stiff drink cause my live in ****** left me to die in misery but who's bitter.


I dialed her number .
And to.my suprize she picked up.

Hello Gonzo.

I waited

Um are you just calling to not say anything yet again like last night while you play some.****** up hair metal power ballad in the background again?

Oh Kelley
Hey sorry bout that last night didn't realize my phone was on .
Yeah was at a total **** naked chicks everywhere didn't know I called you being I was so busy banging the night away totally not thinking of you.

Yeah that's why I could hear you crying and please pick.better music next time okay .

Well im sorry my.why did you leave me you cold hearted ***** playlist wouldn't load .

Jesus Christ Gonzo im.not going to do this with you I told you were done I love you but im not in love with you cause im a heartless ***** .
Okay she didn't say the last part but all my stories are based on reality duh there's a difference.

I paused thought about all the good times and ***** things we used to do I was really having one of those sappy TV show moments.

Gonzo what the **** are you doing?
Kelley asked .

Nothing why just thinking bout the past looking at some home movies we made.

Jesus ******* christ!
Your watching **** and talking to me do not tell me.your jerking off as well you ******* pervert!

Kelley said. In her **** angry voice once made me think I was in trouble or gonna get a spanking once I didn't fear cause she was on the phone and duh ya can't do that over the phone ******* reader .

I swear you people who read this are total weirdos I guess that why I love you so much .

But enough with the foreplay children.

After I um got off the subject of if I was ******* to some art films me and my ex made together .

It was really a think piece about a woman kinda lost seeking to find herself with no gag reflex .

I really miss my ******.

Sure she was a cruel ,ruthless,lying,Cheating **** puppy but she gave me *** without charging .

To.much that is hahaha I know im ****** up but dont judge me least im a honest pervert.

Gonzo you know there's always going to be a part of me that loves you .

Yeah kid I know .
We were both silent for awhile .
I paused recalled the nights remebred just how close we were laying together in the dark .

Looking into each others eyes .
The scared messed up trainwreck of a soul that always laughed at my jokes.

The silence went on forever till I farted the loudest **** possible It was long and stinky honestly it sounded like a bomb going off and smelled worse than strippers g string after a long night at the club .

Not that I know what that would smell like I mean from what I've been told I mean.

Well at least its good to know nothings ever serious with you.
You drunken ******* .

So does this mean you've seen the error of your ways and are on the first flight home to totally ***** the life outta me again?

Um no.

Okay maybe a ******* ?

Don't think so Gonzo.

**** okay a ******* while we watch one of those gay *** chick flicks you like .
Hey you be suprized how good the notebook is while getting ****** off.

Mmm Ryan Gosling mucho **** is all I'm gonna say.


Im kidding well kinda.

Gonz honey I know your in pain and I just want you to promise me this baby.

Please don't stop writing okay.
Kelley  said to me.
I don't care what its about baby just never stop I love your work I always will you know your my favorite writer always.

I just got to figure me out is all.

I paused to drag this story out just a little longer and make the five of you that stuck through to read this **** wonder .

What the hell kind of **** is this nut on.

Well im definitely not on my ex haha but who is bitter.

We spoke a llittle longer I made her laugh as always promised her I would keep on being the greatest perverted short story writer on a site for poets that I could be.

We hung up went are separate ways.
I went on to be captain kickass .

And Kelley  she fell asleep at the wheel drove off the side of a mountain dying in a fiery death .

Im kidding well I can always hope .

Im still writing like she asked.
And as long if your reading this sweetheart I know your demented *** thinks its funny .

Stay crazy.

Gonzo

Broken down more than I care to confess.
old roads and sweethearts of the moment the taste of bitter ends goes good with a bourbon and coke .
Blowing smoke rings across the room of some run down dive it's all part of just being me.

Tomorrow I will find good use for dark glasses and a  one time call.
I'll see you in a week sugar I'm doing fine and other well intended lies just part of the drive .

Some good laughs and better drugs does it ever grow old boys?
I cant say it does but I dam sure have to late to turn back now.
A blues chord and some broken strings was it ever a choice for the gentle were never intended to understand one as perfectly wicked as me.

I been running taking shelter with whomever I can find .
Photographs of my thoughts like perfume that lingers only within my mind .

It's another journey ahead and some laughs between the vices yearn maybe it's just the urge to know we still feel a ******* thing at all are simply fuel to still make that page bleed .

Maybe you can share I have to many secrets so I guess I will just listen
with a drink in hand .
Moments last lifetimes cherish that place in which you can confide.
As the arts in the phases scattered cross dark corners and a shared embrace.

I have fallen from the mountain only to find myself on the other side again.

Watched friends fade and I still hold them true I drink with you even in your absence ****** the good will always keep my blind to the ****** up **** I no longer recall .

We run until the sunsets fade to repeat again .
Dust to bones forever the fool and always a fast friend.

I have survived it still I care to ignore the sign .
For that highway echo's something a promise can never truly deliver .

I'd stay here longer but  the devils always only seconds away.
Maybe one day I will stop or maybe just hang around long enough to stick him with the tab.

Cheers Gonz

Sunsets cast my vision seldom have you seemed more than I can describe.
Moonlit memories are great dellusion for we bask in idle tides time often changes view.

A clocks steady rythm counts my empty hours pace.
Rain tonight will you wash it clean yet one last time?
Old friends and new bottels cast the tide to carry all away but me.

It was passion now its more like regret.
Even demoms have to sleep sometime so when shall I?
Night clubs tight skirts paint the picture i'd raher make the scene than write the finish.
Traps often lure with the sweetest perfume.

Maybe I choose it all wrong accept you.
A jazz bands logic in a semi broken soul.
Will we ever connect for my own sake?
It's taken me so far no longer can view the shore have i finally drifted to far?

They share my company but never my soul Im just counting the hours sweetheart till
its my turn to bid farewell.

But roads lead to many ways.
But I have to question will they lead you my way again.
Old fools were once young dreamers can you still hear me through the haze ive grown to call my voice?
The song always brings me back.
But my aim was seldom true.

Someday seems like sometime i'll never drift by again.
So I'll wait as always in this scene im to screwd up to escape.
Sweetest kiss fire never dies.
But passions are but a glimmer of the emptyness ive grown
to call myself.

Times a dream from which I choose not to wake.
I'll always be around my dear.
In one half out of it form or another.

The aftermath of a supposed good time remain untouched.
Every ****** up flaw for none to cherish and all to judge.
It was a storm of my life one still for which I bare the scars.

You destroyed my existence to show me a life I now cannot from which   fathom a departure.
Yet through addictions we clung to reality as we filtered are own ******* without a care.
Track marks and worn makeup sweetheart the road  still cant realize tomorrows embrace.

I  see the places now with trained eyes the places we died in self to form a bound of hellish demise.
Sick in love as tortured in soul.
Can I ever clean your burden for which none may ever allow me to forget.

Such passion in that highest of lows we were the nights children now simply we are the
sunrise of a far off delusion.

I saw your depth turn to emptiness as the black hole logic did swallow us all.

It was hell knowing but far worse trying to remain a secret of no true surprise.

I remember when last we sat cold from the night but warm from the fix.
It was the darkest hours.

And forever you a favorite  blemish of mine.

now I exist the outcast welcomed inside.
A excitable addict amongst the upper class swine.

There's no  difference in the rats simply a title and a ******* ego to try to tell yourself
you made it out alive.

Never believe the ******* they tell you.
My scars now faded hidden from view.
Still traces remain  to remind me there's no difference between me and you.

It always cold even in my vices warmth.

In tides.
Change is fierce monster often left in shades of a lamb.
No pressense more cruel than that known as love.
Can we lie only to make this illusion so grand not appear traggic in design?

We question are truths beliving are thoughts instead of asking the one beside .
May we share this space only to distance areselves a little more at a time.

Picking apart the reason as in any situation we just always seem to lose track
of what it was that brought us here to begin with.
Anger can only mask my fears so long.
If you never understand then you'lll probaly stand with many.
***** the numbers it's a losing game to speak of to begin with.

Cold as rain in a approaching storm we can ignore the truth
if only to embrace are lies for one last time.
When did I ever become the shell?
A stranger in the wings to my own half thought logic .

Time makes a fool of us all.

As for me I sit without thought for to fight what never will be is a thought of another
The wolves howl at night only to hear themselfs die.
Tommorow you sound of hope in a hopeless void.

People togather in doorways hide from the rain and sometimes find there
placement a blessing.
Some find emptyness a solice I could never explian.

No man could ever be described so simply in one line.
Myself I find a stranger  often ive seldom cared to understand.

Im far from the image yet close to the tale.
Maybe storms suit me well a gray sky to a ever distant wind.
Sands bury the traces yet a thought leaves it's mark.

No matter my past ive found eyes still find that dust ridden cover
**** my flaws for the subject is never understood.

For if Heaven were a endless highway id probaly be headed south.


I