I know, ultimately, it's true what they said,
That when it all comes down, we make our own beds,
Now we're adults, let's mess up the covers by jumping like kids,
I know we've a long way to go, but there's a life to be lived!

The plains-stretched sky soars sullenly,
Graceless sans hills, lonely less trees.
Starkly exposed tending swept-grass streams,
With naught but sparse clouds to mask modesty.

Let me glimpse the sky peaking playfully behind arboreal eaves,
Branches breaking blue monotony with autumn-bright leaves.
Show me a valley mid-winter-doze, cozy between mountains steep,
Sleepy sun-shadows shifting on snow as the sky climbs for her peek.

Don't have her eyes O' Lord
Bear the eyes of a devil before hers
Better even to stare with dead eyes
Let it be neutral, your saving gaze

-
     I forget about my faith,
And all the things I'm taught.
     I see the end is near,
But all my life I've fought.
     I want to go to sleep,
To never wake again.
     What is this thing approaching,
Should I call it a friend?
     I'm feeling restless,
But I have nowhere to turn.
     Either I go back,
Or go ahead and burn.
     I see my life, my luck,
And I am sure I'm hexed.
     What should I do when I don't know,
Just what I should do next?

Several times in my life I have had the strange sensation that I might just fall up into the sky at any given moment.  Like gravity would, for some reason, simply stop affecting me.

It happened once when I was seven, laying on my back in the summer grass, cloud-watching.

It happened again, when I was seventeen, while I was staring at the stars reflected in the water.

And once just now
when I thought about
you loving me.

There's a certain ease, a serene comfort, that falls over me when thinking about you.

Like the Fall air.

Like falling into bed.

Like falling in love.

She set me on fire and asked, "Why's it so hot in here."

They say one's life is supposed to flash before one's eyes prior to the moment of death.

When I go, I hope I have time to get to the part where we met...

I wanna fall in love with you all over again.

She would stand in the path of an avalanche and yell, "Stop!"
Frack me if she wouldn't actually expect the avalanche to respect her.
She'd be thinking about how to teach the avalanche manners,
Safe inside her brand-new igloo.

The most fun I ever had
Was making you laugh

It wasn't the kind of heartbreak
That you get over with a road trip

It wasn't the kind of heartbreak
You got over with a peyote trip

It was the kind of heartbreak
That makes your heart a graveyard

It was the kind of heartbreak
That makes the grave feel like home

Gravitational Arc, my debut poetry collection, is now available in paperback and on Kindle!

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FQ46FNR6

They were taught faith

under the guise of Stockholm Syndrome

We were in love, successful, and happy,
We had a graphic novel series and a hit CD.

We did everything together, I stood tall beside her,
Then some insecure scientist turned on their LARGE particle collider.

Right was blue, and light was square, and time was east,
Now she's married to another man, and I got no teef!

I miss your hand in my hand
I want your hand on my shoulder
I need your hand on my...anything

In Soviet Russia,

God believe in YOU.

Two politicians standing around the grill in Anycity, USA.

"So wha'd'ya want? Heart or mind?" Asks the first politician.

"Mind," Answers the second.

"A man after my own heart!" Chuckles the first.

Standing outside looking in,
Running circles with the wind.

Lose the self I've never known,
Chasing light that's never shown.

Forever rise to no avail,
Rusted, bent, and brittle mail.

The rising sun breaks on eager round,
It's dying screams release no sound.

This sadness might pass me by,
If I was ever left alone to cry.

TL:DR

You're much stronger than any antidepressant I've ever been prescribed.

That's it.
That's the whole poem.
Not really much of a poem.
Not really much of a way to live either.
But it's what I got.

If I could quit you
If I could resist

If the truth did not ring true
If the pain did not persist

If the sun were to fail to shine
If I didn't live for dreams of rain

If they didn't drip-dry into this heart of mine
If I didn't weave them through every refrain

If there were a drug to take that made me forget
If it erased longing, and sorrow, loss, and regret

If I could simply eat it, and you'd disappear
If I could just drink it and drift off, free of fear

If I pretended to want these things to come true
I would only be lying to myself - and to you

Daaaaamn gurl,

You got a **** brain on you!

I was never sure if she was
locked away in a tower somewhere

Or if she was the dungeon master
and I was the one on the rack

Strung prose
Like puzzle pieces
Broken across the page
No longer
Im too linear now
For all that
Maybe
Before long
I'll write
Instruction manuals
And think
They're poetic

Fingers slide, sensuous,
Tracing sunlit skin,
Caressing warm memories,
Etching my heart within.

Lips share passions,
Of word and kiss,
Tongues bare souls,
Fears, hopes, and bliss.

Dreaming in your embrace,
Arms encircle, legs entwine,
Drifting in your eyes,
Love reflected, in yours, in mine.

It is a painful, strengthening, heart-breaking, uplifting, terrifying, enlightening, emptying, and fulfilling journey through horror and wonder.

Leading one inevitably towards confrontation with oneself.  

It is the path to balance.

It was your choice
I wasn't your boss
I had no voice
It was your loss
I wished you'd stayed
I should have chased
I never betrayed
I never replaced
I wanted you back
I let you go
If you were to ask
I'd have to say no
I changed my mind
I would say yes
I tried to be kind
I should've guessed
It's not your fault
It's you I blame
In every thought
I play this game

You passed me
And I thought

Wow, she is beau-
Oops, that's not cool

-You're on a diet, but
-You can look at the menu

Yeah, but
I love what's on my plate.

Your gender roles
don't go very well
with my anxiety jam

I suppose the knife was used,

More like a tool,

But having been stabbed in the chest,

To not consider it a weapon,

We'd be thought the fool,

So to give the story that final deft twist,

We were convinced the blade didn't exist,

It's a scenario Kaiser Soze simply couldn't resist.

For someone like me
being told you're getting
exactly what you've always wanted
is like being told that you have
24 hours to live.

Because nothing I've ever wanted
really, actually, down-deep wanted
has ever worked out.

The more important something was,
the more ****** up the eventual outcome.

This self-fulfilling prophecy has been
more reliable than any family
member, friend, or lover has ever been.

It's never let me down.

The idea of living life, not just surviving, but actually LIVING life,

Is like the idea of Angels or Miracles or Night-visiting-aliens:

I've heard stories, but it's never actually happened to me.

Each line edited for content
Every rhyme missing its mate
Beat time to reach the end
Only to find a blank slate

I am not an Atari running Logo.

I will wear a turtle costume for you.

I will Go-To-Line-22, and I will STOP for you.

I will even Go-To-End, for you.

But if you're not there, for me, you'll eventually find that turtle costume unresponsive.

_

Young and in love, two kids with a lollipop.

The future is theirs, a sundae with a cherry on top.


Honest and innocent, immature and insecure,

Both happy and scared, both hearts sure.


Nine months spent together, three spent apart;

Missing, Longing, and Waiting:

One year til two broken hearts.


3 days left, 2 heartstrings severed by 1 lie.

"I talked to her!" Said her friend, "Come over, let's have a beer and get high."


"Well?! Why hasn't she called?  She's barely written..."

Jealous and wicked, she lies, "With another she's smitten."


The room spins, the floor falls away, the lights start to flash.

My cigarette just burns, the beer tastes like ash.


I expected to be abandoned, I always knew I'd end up alone.

Fool, I stayed when she said, "You're too drunk to go home."


I didn't deserve a second chance, nor should I have wasted,

But I couldn't speak, twisted, conflicted, and consumed by self-hatred.


I blamed her and her friend, I tried to hide it by running non-stop,

But in the end, it was my hand that broke the lollipop.

You enchanted the moon, didn't you?

Or bribed her?  Maybe you promised her a star or two?

She hunts me with Orion's bow, pacing behind shadowed cloud,

My celestial stalker ridin' low, warily wrapped in misty shroud.

She whispers stark and yet, soft as a breeze on an April afternoon,

Press on now, my pet.  You've done so well, we'll sleep again soon,

But we've a fortnight to go if we're to come full circle by month's end.

So many dreams still to sow... To reap those lupine howls once again.

She waxes and I wane, she mystifies with madness then soothes me sane.

Serenity to insanity, delirious depravity to moon-magicked majesty,

A cosmic clockwork cycle muddling my mind with lunar gravity.

She pushes me to righteous malice and pulls me to solstice solace,

She masters tides in her caprice, what hope has a malcontent apprentice?

_

"Let me go, set me free,

I'll come back if it's meant to be."


A pronouncement, not a choice.

Then she said, with tears in her voice,


"If you ever loved or respected me,

Don't call me anymore, please."


I couldn't argue, it wasn't my place.

Plus, she said, "I'll call you, I just need space."


She didn't believe in destiny or fate,

Or being locked to a future that she didn't make.


I don't believe in fate either, it's a moral vacation.

It's my belief that destiny is simply ones destination.


Was it such an insult that I once believed,

That we were so well matched we were meant to be?


Did our destinations just not intersect?

I waited for years, I never thought she'd forget.


Finally I worked up the nerve to leave word with her parents.

She called back, indifferent, but said she'd make an appearance.


Years of silence, now suddenly we're meeting at eight.

Nervous and scared I waited, she was only fashionably late.


We talked and caught up for an hour as we ate,

Though the butterflies only let me pick at my plate.


Just outside, she said she didn't have long,

But come sit in the car, and she'd play me a song.


I sat shaking in the dark van and I listened.

Well, to tell truth I tried, but was so nervous I didn't.


I tried to be cool, but underneath I was a mess.

Somehow I found the guts to blurt, "Can I have your email address?"


I agonized and worried, I tortured myself and fought.

What should I say?!  Bah! Just be honest, I thought.


Heart in throat, I emailed her, I told her I was still stuck.

She replied with an ice bath, "Too bad, get over it, goodbye, best of luck."


I'd love to tell you I was stoic, strong, and poetic.

In reality, I stumbled around like a zombie for years, it was pathetic.


I tried again a decade later, total fiasco of course,

I was lost and emotional and going through a divorce.


She was nice but aloof, she said, "If I'm on your list."

It set me off balance and gave the conversation a dark twist.


I read into her words with my own bitter pain,

And earned the response, "Don't message me again."


Time heals all wounds, after a while, it was OK, am I right?

Sorry, but nightmares still trouble me night after night.


I dunno if it's Covid, or I just know one day I'll be dead...

But I have to try and get this stuff out of my head.


Rip it out of my chest and wrestle it onto the paper.

Maybe, with enough words, I can start to fill in the crater.

I've got dyslexia,

I'm ADHD, and

I write poetry.

It's like a drunk,

One-eyed idiot

Trying to herd cats

That are on ****.

Be careful
I forgot to mention
my heart
is proximity-activated

Worst mistake I ever made,

Was thinking it would be more painful to stay friends.

Won't the future be nice?
So many benefits of modern technology.
You don't have to go grocery shopping,
Heck, your fridge can order for you now!
Cameras inside the washer and dryer, 'cause yeah.
You can even order casual companionship with an app.
Won't be long before we'll be able to match genomes online,
Probably interconnected with your social media and dating sites of choice,
No need to talk, or even meet, your phone just beeps and you know:
You've found the perfect mate!
Modern convenience folks, step right u-
Oh wait, no, stay home, get married right from your couch!
What's wrong you have the perfect mate, the perfect job, perfect home(s), 1.312 kids, 2.617 pets-
Love???
There's probably an app for that...

When one's life has hit rock bottom
At the ripe old age of nineteen
When the apple of life has gone rotten
And hopeful plans wither to faded dreams

When one's confidence is shot
And one's hope has slowly waned
When one's faith in love is all but lost
And one's self-esteem's been drained

When one's spent their life to overcome
The pain of losing their one true one
When one's reached out to touch only ice
To be judged and rejected once, twice, thrice

When one's messages are deleted unread
And pictures cannot fill the hole in one's heart
When the only chance to hear your voice is in one's head
One begins the onerous process of falling apart

When healing has begun and the dull throb doesn't beat one jaded
When the sunlight breaks the clouds for the first time in dark ages
When the black hole ***** a little less and the stars aren't so faded
One will still be here waiting to hear an answer sought by fools and sages