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325 · Jan 2019
New Years for the Pathetic
This world is celebrating a new found existence while I'm just calculating the distance of my head falling to the floor.
Its a new year, a new hope for the hopless
Theres a casual affair with the maiden next door
And when that doesnt work i know where the dope is.
Its Underneath the floorboards, next to my crushed heart and broken dreams,
Washed up fantasies and unstitched seams.
Because Ill be incapacitated this new year
Kept away from the pain and the fear
Of being sober enough to face my own reflection
Hidden from the complexion of my stone cold eyes, the consistent mellow stench that looms around my scars, and the blatant mistakes in the shadows.
The heart breaks and callous hands
That are both held together by shackles and brands.
I will not remember anything,
Plunging down into a new year.
Depression strijes again this year
324 · Jan 2019
My Dearest Apathy
I treasure these stone walls that keep me warm at night, when I know its other occupants share no spark. The bitterness and filth of the night hold no triumph over me when the darkness of these baren walls hold me tight, bundled in their sheet of black silk. Walls are so inviting, they make a home and a fortress for my dreams to spindle into webs of mysteries and delights only I can fathom. For there is no need for windows nor doors when I do not intend to leave and there is no reason for me to depart. The moon has broke my heart, and the sun has crisped my soul far too often. My mind is all that remains intact and must be protected. No rabid creature can disarray my beautiful mind again. It must be kept sacred  in these beautiful stone-cold walls.
I admire death,
Although he but a vessel to the nether;
He is the great divide
That humbles the egocentric
And gives peace to the fraught.
Yet he cannot grasp anything but ash
And still brings mortals to their knees
In plee for a life that he cannot grant
315 · Oct 2020
The Six Wise Fools
The ellipse table spins,
around the bottle passes
Six wizened kings
Stooped drunk on their *****

They discussed their forefront
their kingdom's wealth and prosperity
bantering and confronting
small ambiguous disparities

Until one man stood up
wobbled and unbalanced
He died there corrupt
The whole room was silenced
299 · Jul 2019
I tried...
I try to sleep, I honestly try my best,
life would call me a mess.
But when the night comes and goes
As though the wind blows her away
I cant help but tear myself to pieces.
You might not understand the sleeplessness
But im sure you all know suffering.
The happy thoughts stuck on buffering
Spinning a wheel of sorry im not functioning.
Not today nor any other,
A constant "why do I bother"
Trying to recover from the last 52 hour
Binge watching of "something to do"
Just To keep myself from knocking a ***** or two
Loose from my scattered brain;
Splattered against the television
For hours on end because delusion
Is a better conclusion than depression.
Stuck in a fantasy that I can be super human
Rather than facing the contusion head on.
Putting a bandaid on the hole in my soul
Hoping that heroism is a contagious scroll
Through the cartoon section of the tv guide.
I hide in bed waiting for my bride,
My perfect life to fall into place
But all I face is static friction
Because the perfect life is fiction.
And ill lie awake till the day I die
Watching the world as my life goes by.
Suffering, like the rest.
Help i really cant sleep. This poem sounds good in my head but who knows if that is reliable. Let me know what you think. I was trying to play around withmany differnt types of rhyming while still being super serious
277 · Jan 2019
Death and I
Death sits on his perch and watches with patience, as the dwellers march on and his masterpiece develops.
273 · Jun 2019
Muerte - passage one-
If you only knew the extent of my death
you would run away from my plight
And never look back
Death be not proud
272 · Aug 2019
Crisis at the DMV
She spins and twirls
no care in the world;
flower petals cover
the ground she frolics over
following her every which way.
The music guides her sway
her feet glides across the floor
as though her troubles are no more
and her anguish dissipates .
her suffering creates
the harmony and the old tears
fall with the melodic fear
that people are always disapproving.
But when my love is dancing and grooving
her heart skips the sad tracks
and finds her way back
home and in the warmth of my arms.
Her beauty shone bright because the harm
was left on the other side of the room
barricaded by dozens of flower's bloom.
She has been dancing for hours
and the bedroom is flooded with flowers
sprouting from the combination
of one part beauty and three parts the sensation
of being truly loved.
Her body slips into mine like a glove
For she is someone I will never let go of
When we dance together under the moon's love.
written in a time of suffering for my pride and joy, my love and life. RHE
We all have our mystery and worldly ties
But here lies our gravestone, alone in the skies
258 · Jan 2019
Good Morning Folks!
Death tempts me with a chance to finally fall asleep...


And I chose to decline.
O' the regret.
256 · Apr 2019
Untitled
I ponder death often,
And he scoffs at my folly
249 · Jan 2019
Greed
I just need to be more creative
Have one thought that clicks in everybody's mind
Something  that makes me more special than the rest;
Something that inspires,
That requires those who read it to sit and ponder.
A stir in the air that shipwrecks your mind
On the island of my imagination.
I just need something more.

But what for?
The clicks and the views,
The stars in the night sky
Or the "i love you" (s)
O' nothing that really matters anymore
Writing at a time when i should be asleep, probably going to wake up to this trash
245 · Jun 2019
Locke'd in
I stand at the foot of reason,
and feel the need to climb--
ev'r so high upon her mount
where the cloud breaks
and her pinnacle understanding peaks.

Only to take a great leap of faith
head first off the mighty cliff,
into an abyss of the unknown
where my greatest fears and desires
lay to waste in the nothingness.

Most days I can't fathom why I climb,
out of bed, into the world, into the light.
yet I find a reason to leave my covers,
my sanctuary of warmth and protection.
I meet you at a little coffee shoppe;

A Wednesday morning cup of coffee
steaming upon my rugged face
sleep deprived and wishing the week's end.
Stuck in the inevitable climb of reason
and unfulfilling success.

I doubt my existence and purpose,
like every other Wednesday.
yet here I am, struggling along
fighting the same tragic fight
with absolutely no reason,

but reason itself good enough
to keep me moving on
to another Wednesday and --
another cup of coffee,
Another reason to climb
procrastinating studying for a political science final exam
242 · Apr 2017
Our silence
It's been 4 months since we've spoken last, but 4 years since we've ever felt connected. You say I rejected you, but I've only respected you. Our perspectives viewed are identical twins lined up on the chopping block. We've got the looks and the brains of successful successors, but the hearts of two weary men with weary lives laid down to die. Gray clouds cover our minds with a rain fall that will never completely fade away. We look at cloudy mirrors and expect a corrected view, but project you and I as different from each other. we are one in two and two of three. We don't listen to each other,
But ******* this is a two way street. We we haven't spoken, and yes I know we are both broken toys not yet fixed, fixated on our differences forgetting our similarities, However we are blood. Right now blood rivals slinging mud, but one time long ago we were a thing called love. A brotherhood that stood as tall as we could build snow castle fortresses in our front lawn at christmas, and they were fairly tall, at least from my five year old perspective, but those times have melted. Maybe our eyes have gotten older and we need corrective lenses for us to refocus our hearts. Or maybe our bodies are tired of the ******* we put them through so the bags under our eyes decided to swallow us whole. Or there's hole in our brain that dictates how we see the world and for me that's black and for you that's blue. It's why we beat each other senseless every time we walk in the same room, Why are mind games are sloped to have each other lose, and why we see each other in different views.
It's true we aren't brotherly anymore. But is it my fault, is it yours? We play the blame game on a daily basis, we might as well call it a violent game of "tag, its your fault".  because ever time we pass on our burden of blame we lengthen the fault line between us. It now takes 4 months to even see each other. And 4 years to even speak. Weeks pass by and the only response I get is a thumbs up in the form of an emoticon. Not even a full word. Why couldn't we be like every other family? Even if they fight like hell they still speak to each other. But you and I have only dead silence. Inferred violence that quakes our home every time we set sail our fleet. And I speak for the both of us...
We need peace, but not silence
241 · Jan 2019
Choking
Its having air but not enough
Its writing a story without an end,
Its a present left unopened
Its a love kept to one's self
Its a hope unfulfilled
And a dream left to die
221 · Jul 2019
The Lady in White
The shimmer of light
That takes my hand in the dark
And shows me her way
219 · Nov 2018
A sentence to the world
Death stands at the edge of the valley of man and slowly claps his hands...
Clap...



Clap...



Clap...



"Nice try, my friends."
217 · Jun 2019
Waste land
I drink your cup of poisen every day,
In the hope that one day I will survive
A full dose of your toxicity
214 · Aug 2020
If only
If only sleep would come as easy
As the anxiety that keeps me awake
Its gonna be a long 2 days
214 · Sep 2023
Tattoo Addict
I began to draw the demons on my arms
so that people could glimpse a fraction
of the war inside my soul
211 · Aug 2023
Till Death Do us Part
I used to Love you to death,
every breath I'd give you
until there was nothing left.
My rational was hopeful, yet naïve,
I would carry your entire bounty
of love and you would carry mine.
But what a fool I was indeed.
My intricate calculations
were blinded by my infatuation.
You were not ready to give me all of your love,
and I was not ready to feel empty.
When I burdened with you everything
it buried you alive
and it left me empty inside.
I could see you drowning,
and my foolish intuition
was that you needed more love
than I could offer.
I suffocated the fire in your heart
with my own two hands
and there is no return from death.
I sit here....
I      sit      here...
I                 sit               here...
Procrastinating
p
   r
     o
       c
         r
           a
             s
               t
                 i
                   n
                     a
                       t
                         i
                           n
                              g
until one day, I................................................................­.......................die
having done absolutely  N.   O.    T.    H.    I.    N.   G.
and I regret <dfihbadflhbfihrefbiuwfiuhfihifiufiwief> everything.






Wasting
Every
Minute
pretending to be busy instead of doing school work
195 · Jul 2019
Its 4:20
192 · Jan 2019
4 am
Its 4 am
Ive been up for 52 hours
My brain feels like its going to explode
Someone save me from my misery
I cant even write good poetry at this stage
183 · Jun 2021
Hold on...
I never knew what strength was
until I couldn't hold on any longer;
179 · Jun 2019
Untitled
Sometimes in life you just have to crack a few backs
174 · Sep 2023
Paper thin
I edit myself until there is nothing left on the page.
153 · Jul 2019
Untitled
Why is it so dark in my life right now?














My eyes are closed... what else did you expect?
I proceed to write again,
Feverishly clawing my way
through a leather bound journal.
The floods have been dammed
for longer than I can remember
And I fear for those below,
But I must laugh at myself a little
For I am alone in this abyss.
148 · Sep 2020
Cont.
The sun is just the devil's tool
To turn the moon into a fool
Exposing a heart so cruel
139 · Oct 2020
mutilation
Crisscross applesauce;
the scars on my wrist
is depression's cost
134 · Aug 2020
Untitled
"I just need to take a nap"

Nap, (noun) definition:
1. A ten year comatose state to avoid all of my life's problems
2. A nonexistant like state removing ones self from suffering
3. An excuse not be productive

Nap (verb) definition:
1. Taking a short rest from your dreary life
2. Pretending to be asleep when annoying people (all people) attempt to communicate with you
3. A failing attempt at death
127 · Oct 2020
The Videogame Addict
I am a temperamental, dissociated mannequin
expulsing convective heat profusely
into the pores of the unforgiving
pleather padded,  worn-out gaming chair
for the past twelve hours of a grueling
dungeon battle and boss battle.
The sweat dripping down my erector spinae
puddling at the bottom of my overused
flannel that I washed a week ago.
The thickness of the air is pungent
and hovers over my keyboard and mouse.
The dark cave of my existence is plenty.
Yes I understand that my reality is fluid,
it shifts from universe to universe
depending on my temperament
and I hardly have time for my own world.
The satisfaction of fiction is fleeting
but that is why I keep joining the lobby.
Time after time, endless hours of adventuring
in the dark of my parents basement.
Because this reality is much easier not  being in it.
a rant or self deprecation... not sure which or both.
124 · Aug 2020
Shuteye
I need to shut my third eye
So I can finally go to sleep
118 · Aug 2020
Daily Dose
A poem a day
To keep the insanity away
115 · Aug 2020
Existential Crisis Vol. 1
You dont actually touch things!
For we molecularly reject everything.
The "I'm not touching you" cliché
Becomes uncomfortable childs play
Because the distance between us
Will never not exist, thus
Kissing her is a game
Of pushing her all the same;
Two lips fighting over the same space
But neither wins the race
Unless she makes me suffocate
And all my atoms relocate
To grasp onto some oxygen
And maybe some nitrogen.
She tells me I always push her away
But babygirl thats part of my DNA.
I can't help it that our atoms wont fuse
Ive tried my best but I always lose.
Being an introvert is atomically sound
Its better that no one is around
So I dont reject them from my life.
Its an ironic kind of strife:
Being in permanent isolation
Because you dont want rejection.
We never truly touch
But that doesn't mean very much.
113 · May 2020
Casualties
Wrath sits in  my pocket, blushing Rosacea
like a tiny misunderstood ornamental figure.
He's the timepiece you gave me two years ago
that tends to detonate when you get too close.
I chain him to the loop of my belt
kept out of reach from the general public
but when you grind my gears for your pleasure
Wrath ticks, ticks, ticks, away his life
until one day, when his brother love fails
to bring him to his senses; the fuse will burn
Boom












We all are torn to pieces
106 · Sep 2020
All I need is one
All I need is...
A poem
A sentence
A phrase
A word
An idea
Something to get me through the day
To take all of the pain away
104 · Sep 2020
No
No
It only takes a single word to **** a man
103 · Oct 2023
Untitled
Fear me
for I am a monster;
Respect me
for you stand before me unscathed.

Morality isn't for the weak
102 · Sep 2023
Diagnostics test
I do not wish to be diagnosed,
because that would label
my personality as a mistake
But I do want to be fixed
because there is something broken inside;
a few screws that could be tightened;
a few boards could be refurbished;
a pile of unspoken tragedies piled up
waiting to one day be sifted through.
101 · Sep 2023
unedited
Sometimes I just need to write without a delete key
infest everyone's min d with the unedted versions of my soul
the cracks and brooses the widdled down soul of a man
denstined to be mistaken, destined to fall apart
an exhausted wretch the world never seems to want
but always seems to make a whole lor t of  
seeing tyhe red lines underneath gives my heart palpitations
my obsessive compulsive self crumbles
but I know it ia for the best, mistakes are apart of life
and they are are apart of myseldf in the best of ways
because i am a accumilation of mty mistakes
for wich there are plenty of and I regret none of
except mayvbe a few, but there is no delte button in the real world
nothing to hide the mistakes, to reconcile the scars
there is no delete button in the reality of life and there is nothing
Ican do about it, but love each mistake as  I love myself.
100 · Sep 2023
Dear Happiness
Dear happiness,
Your memory is a chef's kiss upon my cheek;
A delight upon my tongue
and a blessing to the little moments in life
that glows a pleasant hue of warmth.
You periodically saturate the background
of what seems to be infinite chaos.
You are a little spark of light in a dark room
that fills the soul with satisfaction,
But unfortunately your grasp is fleeting;
in one moment and gone the next,
A whisper of sentiment  
trickling down from the heavens
that bounces off our skin
as we dance in the rain.
Your wealth is extinguished
easily by the  horrors of life,
and I can rely on you no less then
standing on a mound of quicksand.
For most hedonistic tales end tragically,
those who seek your warmth eternally
find themselves wallowing in despair
more often then not.
The suffering of this world is just more consistent
and pours out it's muck feverously.
The extravagant whims you produce
are quickly overrun by plague and famine.
You are delightfully valuable
and undeniably desirable in every capacity,
But you are simply one spice of life.

I wish you upon every one of my beloved,
and your joys are ever so welcome,
but I have found something, someone,
more reliable to stand upon.
Something that exceeds just the moment.
Her name is meaning conjoined to her sister purpose.
Yes, misery and darkness still envelope our plight,
but these two sisters, soften the edges
for which we stand upon.
As we walk our journey upon the shores of suffering
she enlightens our foot steps and guides us forward.
Though the misery still seeps through our toes
we are driven together without heed.
She makes the suffering worthy of life,
and transforms our stumbling blocks
into valiant victories over our demons.
You may erase the darkness briefly,
but she traces the outskirts of pain and sorrow
with an intricate blending tool
that makes walking through muddy sand
a little less miserable.
She scrubs clean life's bitterness on my tongue.
Her ability to transform life into something more,
is a breath of caffeine.
She is the Goddess of exponential growth

HOWEVER, the bliss of meaning
comes with its own variety of cost.
His name is responsibility
and the weight he bares is quite immense.
He is knighted with duty and honor;
Countless sleepless nights working
followed by stressful days a slave.
He requires effort and upkeep,
day after day maintenance.
His effort is religiously monotonous
Sitting at a desk counting numbers;
chopping wood and building fires;
digging deep into the earth of life
in the attempt to develop a garden of pleasures.
Blood, sweat, and tears rain down
his ever muddy face.
He is a knight that fights the darkness daily,
but he knows deeply the horrors of battle.
He is the fire that heats life into fruition.

Although his cost is deep and anguishing
the reward of his sister supersedes.
both the cost and the terrors of life.
Nothing compares to looking into her eyes.
with a childlike love and desire.
So yes happiness do come by,
sprinkle your affection upon my life and I.
Dance together with my beloved
and swing life away for no tomorrow.
But know that even when you are away.
and the darkness hugs me tight,
I stand on a solid foundation.
of meaningfulness and responsibility.
And I will see you another night.

Yours Truly,
Monster
99 · Sep 2023
Click Boom
If I had your gun in my hands,
I would have pulled the trigger
faster than than you could say
I love you
98 · Aug 2020
Untitled
I am miserable here
The air is thick and drear'
I go to work each night
And return in the morning plight.
My social distance
Has boiled me to non-existence
I have no life anymore
Just another slave to the world
96 · Aug 2020
AA
AA
If Death was an alcoholic
I'd be a bottle of Beam
Drinking away his sorrows
Like there is no tomorrow
Because life keeps falling
apart at the seam

I AM AN ALCOHOLIC
and my drink of choice is death
day drinking like a champion
and living like a mannequin
the *** and coke rolls off my tongue
with rest of my breath

Yes I have a problem
and Yes I have excuses too
No I don't plan on stopping
I simply love the throbbing
when my throat hits the bottom
so death I'll see you soon
95 · Aug 2020
DNR
DNR
Shut the lid to my sarcophagus
Let me sink into the abyss
For this world is one I won't miss
Tell me what you think of this potential song intro. If anyone wants to co-write a song with me that'd be cool
92 · Jan 2019
Nobody
I am just a nobody.
An absentee on a list never made.
A shell of goodbyes and forgotten names
I dont even speak loud enough to hear
Nor do I leave a memory to be worth
Just here nor there
Maybe in the backround of some photos
But nowhere specific nor important
You will not like me
Because you will probably not notice me
And if on the off chance you do see me
It will be too late
Im just super excited for kingdom hearts 3 to come out lets be real here

— The End —