Yesterday she genuinely smiled
Something that lit the town bright
The way her lips curved to the left
Before the right reminded me
Of the days she never knew you

Tonight, believe it or not, but she laughed
Her laugh could be heard from a mile
It was so loud,
Contagious,
And it whispered the word "content" into the winds
The kind you would hear after you kissed her lips
Or at least when you used to press your lips upon hers

And tomorrow you will see her glow with happiness
The kind you see from a lonely child who finally felt love
Beautiful, exquisite, pulchritudinous, just to name a few
Those are the words that will come across your mind
When you see her pass you by

By then I will feel sorry for you
Because she finally moved on
She finally saw her true worth---her true beauty
And I will look at you and feel sorry
She overlooked your flaws, past, and mistakes.
She forgave you for your stupidity countless times
Accepted your selfishness and narrow mindedness
She made sacrifices for you,
MADE time for you when she had none,
Adjusted her life to make things work for you
To make things work with you
All those things that you could not do for her.

But now, you are nothing but a piece of her past,
A memory that is constantly fading,
An old flame that long disintegrated,
A photograph that has fallen on the back of her desk,
Or maybe you're all of that.

No. You are all of that.
And I feel sorry for you.
So sorry that you lost an amazing person
Someone who accepted every part of you,
Was willing to put up with everything,
Change her ways to make things work,
Someone who didn't give up so easily, and
Someone who would have never given up on you
The way you did with her.

I love you to much for you to run away..
Days has been stressful but dont think this is the end..

There were songs to be sung.
Pages to be read.
Letters to be burned..

Yet you left them all for,

Me.

On my lonesome personal holiday.

"Why won't you come?", you knew I'd have asked as your heart trembled, absorbing the news and imagined..

People coming into the parlor,  dressed in tears and shades of sorrow.

Children were crying.
Friends were crying..
My mother was crying.
And so were my beautiful baby brothers.

You know, I wish I could have been able to watch them grow up.

I waited in that box, filled with nothing but an ache to see my you just once in my life before I left. You must have felt the same,

because you quickly resolved, 

And were dead set on coming. Cursed, the weather and ignored your bodies cry for sleep. You needed to come and see me at least once. So you caught a plane out of your country into mine. Shaking and red eyed you explained how you knew where to come on my Facebook, to my family.

Because they never knew you in person.
You could see a casket behind them.
Dark brown and flanked by flowers of iridescent colors. But you fell to your knees when you saw the baby pictures on the board.

Of me when I was small.

They took you into their arms and cried with you. You wish you could have come sooner. We both wished that we didn't have to meet this way...you are hollow by the time you reach a seat.

Attending service and keeping to the back.
Listening to every story and word people had to say for her. Proud of me, weren't you big brother?

Weren't you crying for a miserable sort of joy, when you found out that they put your name into the program?  And listed you as my older brother. Because I always spoke of having you as my brother and made sure everyone knew it?
I guess you couldn't hear anything over the sobs you were holding in.
I'm sorry that this time, I can't stop you from crying..

Wistfully looking at my younger cousins who I assured you that you'd love on sight. You know that I did my best to raise them well. "What more could you do?", you thought. Yet again, I made your heart swell with stabs of pain and joy.

When you left the parlor and got to hear about me and the poems I'd write about you.  You wish we could have known each other better.  Smiling through tears as my family and friends consoled you and your broken heart. They knew by now that you must have loved me.

Even if I never said it to you.
You must have known.

That big brother, 

I love you. :)

My brother and I
don't talk anymore.
Not even if we run into each other
at a party.
With him ****** and me very drunk.
A hello is as far as it goes.
We pass each other silently
in the corridors of my home.
Things are different
slowly but suddenly.
We used to walk the halls of the school
holding hands,
even up until seventh grade.
Well he was in sixth.
Everyone told us they were so jealous,
best friends and family.
We planned to grow up
and have houses with adjoining yards.
We would share a pool.
But my brother died two years ago.
Now even if I try I am disappointed.
Want to go on a walk?
His eyes stare blankly ahead at the computer.
When sharing the kitchen space,
Do you remember that time
we broke the tire swing?
Not really he mumbles
with the slam of the fridge door
as he slips out of the room.
He'll come out of this.
People tell me all the time.
I don't really think
people come back from the dead.
Yet, every day I find myself
checking his features for signs of life.

My Brother
He won’t hug you or tell you he loves you

He might ignore you and say hurtful words

He doesn’t talk much and gets mad easily

But he’s my brother

Almost 18, a full adult

Someday he might hug me

Maybe even tell me he loves me

Someday I’ll tell him

I’ve kept that glow in the dark star

Above my bed ever since he let me take it off his ceiling

I keep it there so I can think of him before I fall asleep

So he can be my 11:11 wish

Maybe someday I’ll even tell him

How much it hurt when he’d refuse

To hug me or even look at me

Even in his quiet tough attitude

And brave expression

I can still see my big brother

My brother,

You are my brother. A man of bones and too many cigarette ashes lacing your lungs.

My brother,

We are a bond. One that got chewed up by the next door neighbors dog but is still his favorite toy.

My brother,

I am so sorry for the things I believe you can do.

My brother,

From the second she left I have been saving my water for the day you run dry.

My brother,

Drowning is not the cure.

My brother,

Distance can sometimes be the best thing for someone. It gives you perspective. And the further away something is the bigger you feel.

My brother,

Please, be my big brother. Be bigger as I go further.

My brother,

Let me crack your back. Stand up straight and look me in the eye. Wash this moment with the idea that we are water. Running through a valley of flash flood and we will overcome everything here.

My brother,

Take my hand. Let's snap this broken wishbone in half and make our own dreams come true. Let's become everything we thought we could be when we where five. Let's fight like tomorrow is waiting for us. Like mom, maybe like mom can hear us. Let's show her how much we truly love her.

My brother,

I know this is not easy. No one ever said it was. But pick up your bootstraps. I need you... My brother.

In some of my darkest hours you'd show up with flowers and shower me with unconditional love
I thank God for creating a miracle
In a man that has so much good in him that I never thought I'd deserve
Especially after all the lessons I had to learn
Don't give your love away like candy
It will only leave you sour
Just remember your in charge of your own decisions and believe in your inner strength and power

Loyalty is something that is earned. Loyalty is built on trust.
We each must be loyal to our own beliefs and our own selves,
   before we can be loyal to someone else.
To be loyal to someone means that they have not violated your personal values
They must earn support by being there when needed.
Loyalty cannot violate a person’s choice between right & wrong.
Asking me to lie violates my ethics; do not put me in this position.
If someone is doing drugs, I am being a loyal friend when getting you help.
A loyal friend does what is right, even when others feel it is disloyal.
If I meet you today I cannot be loyal because I do not know you.
If I have known you all of your life, I may not be loyal to you because of past interactions.
Overall a combination of time and actions affect loyalty
To separate these two does not work, for true loyalty resides in a combination of both.