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960 · Jan 2017
Trust
Graff1980 Jan 2017
I do not trust a happy day
My mind recalls past patterns
And each time hope has come my way
Peeking past life’s parted veil
Singing songs of sweet tomorrows
The weeks that come are always hell
As are the all the years that follow

I do not trust a lover’s promise
For they can be given so easily
I have seen certain hearts shattered
When loving to carefree and happily
I know one cannot pledge eternity
Anything can be broken even the best family

I do not trust a possessor’s passion
Cause in pursuing owner’s pleasures
I have found all things are only passing
For the taking, to give, in the asking
We all tire of the new toy
Sweet things can rot away
Adding one more item to your pile
Won’t save you from your final fate

There is a far darker day ******* me
The shadows tight on my trail
Night will fall sooner than expected
So even when I smile, I do not trust myself
Moods will change, ebbing and flowing
With the winds that keep my armor
Flapping up and down so my scars are showing

The good is just a phase
Then again I could say the same thing
About the bad days coming
Neither are permanent
Only one thing is inevitable
959 · Nov 2018
Untitled 33
Graff1980 Nov 2018
Early morning
gets me moving
rushing to get to
the gym
then work through
my afternoon
shift.

But a rattle in
rusted metal
is making me
stressed as can be.

Every noise
causes me
to catch my breath
and listen closely
while trying to avoid panicking.

My red rover road rage
dodge neon clinking
Is getting me thinking
about how much
will be enough to fix it.
948 · Nov 2017
American Nightmares
Graff1980 Nov 2017
American Nightmares
Prologue
The pale moon hangs, glowing in the blank sky, shining just enough light for the thick foliage and densely pack trees to be seen. Evening sounds silenced by the sloshing of rushing feet racing through the woods.  In the distance a beagle howls in frustration. Sniffing and wheezing as he tries to pick up a lost trail.
Deeper in the woods a lone figure races at a maddening pace, bumping into trees, scratching his flesh against their harsh bark; causing bleeding. The young man’s eyes water up from a mixture of sweat, pain, and fatigue. Fear permeates his entire being
A thin orange suit clings lazily to his sweaty bronze skin, almost mocking his emaciated frame, which is actually a couple sizes too small for the jumpsuit. The dark figure has been running for days. Hot on his heels, his pursuers persisted. He knows being caught would mean a far worse fate than what he escaped.
Another mile and his legs began to leaden. Each step becoming heavier than the last. The sharp sting of lactic acid burning his side. Breath becoming spasmodic. Eyes bulging, still he maintains a frantic pace.
Running full force until his left foot catches the edge of a dark brown rotten root rising from the earth. A cloud of dirt explodes from ground immersing him in a brown mist. Spittle and blood spew from the runner’s mouth as he coughs violently. His breath rushing away even as he tries to calm himself.
Crawling from the dirt he searches for some sort of purchase, finding none he rests his weary frame against the nearest oak. Then the waterworks really hit. The sound of moans escaped his busted and parched lips.
“I will make it home.” He repeats over and over, like a mantra.
His fingers feel the frame of the tree he is resting against. Hands begin falling and rising for some strange reason, until they settle at the base. There just inches away from his digits sits a patch of mushrooms. The forgotten pain of hunger returns, so without examining the fungus he plucks them up and swallows them whole. Then half crawling half stumbling he moves to the stream which lay a few yards from the tree.
Cupping his hands he fills his palm with water; then slurps it up, repeating the process again and again till he has drunk his fill. Next he splashes the cool liquid on his face, hair, pits, chest, and other portions of his body massaging the blood and dirt from his aching skin till he manages to cleanse the wounds all over his person. Closing his eyes, he finally succumbs to the exhaustion that has been ******* him.
A bulge of earth begins to rise pushing his limp frame away from the stream and pulls him back to the tree. Then branches and leaves coalesce around his body till he is safely hidden from plain sight.
He awakens; eyes dilated, and body shivering. While brushing away the brush he turns to the tree, stands up shakily, and then wipes away the rest of the leaves and dirt, not noticing the slowly growing dark spot on his orange jumpsuit.
Tears streaming he softly whispers “Hello tree my name is John.”






















Chapter 1

Tree, sweet Tree, I beg of you tell me. Why does America hate me? I did everything I was told to do. I went to school. I stayed away from white women, never made eye contact with white men, became a teacher, and took care of my people.
What the hell was all that for? I am going to end up another dead black man in the backwoods of some southern hick state! I got these stupid leg irons weighing me down, and hells hounds are riding my trail.
Stupid ******* animals!
Filthy ******* *******!
What is the ******* point? Huh?
My dad was a good man too. He followed the unwritten rules of the white man. Never stole anything or hurt anyone, mostly. Do you know what they did to him Tree? Well do you?
They tied him to a post, sliced chunks of flesh from his hard muscular frame while burning him alive. They burnt him alive, Tree.
My father was a strong and righteous man, a man who loved his wife and child. My mother, who was barely half his weight and a good foot shorter, she had the palest skin of any black woman I have ever met. Her hair was the perfect shade of earth with eyes a couple tints darker. Her nose was tiny and lips thin as any white woman’s. I’d imagine she was as white as any ***** could get. She had a voice that soothed my darkest pains and fears. At night when I went to bed she would sing to me.
Oh my darling
Brown skin angel
Don’t be frightened
I’ll be right here
Hold you tight and
Watch you sleep
Guard you tonight
While you sleep
Oh my darling
I’ll be here
To keep your heart
Safe my sweet dear
Everything will be alright

I remember when I came home that day. I saw my dad clutching the tiny limp frame of my mother, sobbing furiously. Her body looked paler than usual. I had never seen tears fall from my father’s face. I don’t think he even saw me come in. I just stood in the doorway. I stood there and waited for him to say something. I wanted to cry but I was so scared that I just held my breath instead.
Our neighbor came and took me to their house. Back then I did not know what had happened. It took me over seven years to find out what happened to my mother. Do you know what happened Tree?
A handful of white men came to our house and ***** my mother.
Sometimes in my nightmares, that horrible scene plays out. I hear the sound of rapping at our door; the yells of angry men echoing through the house. I see the wooden door bulge as it begins to crack under their onslaught. Then I watch as men with no faces explode into our house, sweeping my mother off her feet, ripping the clothes off her body as she scream in horror, I would wake up in a state of horror and sorrow, weeping.
I am haunted even now. I cannot begin to imagine the pain my father felt, but I do know what happened next, because I snuck out of our neighbor’s house to comfort my father. I watched as he left our home with rage and violence in his heart. In one hand he held a knife; it seemed to be a foot long, half handle half cold hard sharpened steel; in the other hand he carried a gun. I followed him from a safe distances, heard him scream for the men that had attacked my mother.
When the sheriff came to calm him down, dad was startled and turned around accidently cutting Mr. Brinkley with the blade. The sheriff and his deputies arrested my father. I was certain that everything would be okay. The sheriff was a decent man. I heard him talking calmly to my father. He told my dad that he understood what was going on.
That night white men came for my father. They hollered for justice, screaming “bring out that ******* ******.”
The sheriff tried to reason with the mob. He told them “This is between me and my prisoner.”
He tried to stop the mob with force, but there were at least fifty men. Probably more if you counted the people that kept joining up with the mob. The mob broke down the prison door, took my father from his small stone cell, all the while taunting him.  “You’re gonna fry ******.” From a distance and hidden in shadows I watched.
I saw an old lady spit on him. I watched as children raced around my father, dancing in and out of the procession, and tossed stones, from the side of the road, at my father. The mob drug him down to the town square. Tied him up, and lit a fire beneath him. The whole time my father’s head was hung in defeat. I swear he knew what was coming. It seemed that In the face of that onslaught all emotion had faded from his face. I guess he didn’t want to give them the pleasure of seeing him squirm.
As the flames started to consume his flesh, I saw the sheriff go for his gun. He raised his pistol and aimed for my father’s head, but the men in the mob wrestled the gun from his hand. Meanwhile my father had given into the horror and pain. He began to howl like an animal as the flames danced across his flesh crackling and pooping. He screamed for some sort of mercy, crying out for someone to shoot him.
I raced from the shadows, stealing a gun from some old white man. Then I shot my father in the head. Most of the men in the mob looked on dumbstruck. That gave me enough time to get away so I hightailed it out of there. I never went back for anything. I spent the rest of that night in the woods praying that what I had done was the right thing.
In the weeks and months to come I slept very little. When I did manage to fall asleep my dreams would cycle from the flaming horrors of my father’s death to the ****** of my mother.
Still, I managed to make something out of myself despite those sick atrocities. By working hard I finished school and became a teacher. A couple years after I started teaching I was arrested. They took me to jail; brought me up on some ******* charges. Part of me was certain I would end up being lynched, so when I was sentenced to a chain gang, man I was relieved.
Had I known what was gonna happen I would have preferred being lynched, at least then I would have been dead. Instead they worked me **** near to death, starving, and beating me like a slave. My brown skin has brought me nothing but grief. So tell me Tree, why does America hate me?











Interlude

“Tell me tree, why does America hate me?” John sputters.
A soft breeze caresses his skin.
“Why the hell am I talking to a tree?” He cries. “What is the point?”
The blood stain on John’s clothes still expanding, and his shivers become far worse.
“Tell me tree, what is the ******* point? America hates Negroes. I’m going to die out here. Say something.”
The air swirls around him, and a soft voice fills his head.
“Do you think you are alone in your suffering? Know now that you are not. My children suffer horrors too.  Listen carefully and I will tell you.
John turns to find the source; finding nothing he collapses, listening straining to hear the voice again.















Chapter 2

Dear John I am the spirit of the winds, mother to the natives. Do you think that yours is the only tongue to taste the bitter fruit of America’s wrath? My child let me tell you of the first people of America. Listen to the tragic tale of my children. Before the Europeans came many tribes roamed this land. They were human and as such had flaws of their own, but in many ways they were poetry in the form of flesh.
The men would hunt during the day. Anything they caught was considered a sacred gift. They would use all that they could from the body of the beast. They treated my mother’s brown dirt earth, flesh as sacred, and I loved them for that. Women held equal value and had equal say in their tribes. There were wars, of course, but mostly my children strived to live in harmony with the land.
Then white men came. My children welcomed them with open arms, helped them survive, and do you know how they were repaid that kindness? Once received and no longer needed, it was returned with treachery and violence. Bit by bit they pushed my children back. Pushing them off one parcel of land and then another, slaughtering tribes after tribe. Still my children survived.  When the white men could not **** all of my progeny, they came for the children. Some parents wept, some fought back, and some merely accepted it as inevitable.
I watched it all. I saw the men on horseback come for the children. The songs of lament tortured my heart. The tears of the children ripped at my very soul. I lashed out at the white men with all of nature’s fury, biting their flesh with my fierce and frosty winds. I sent the fiercest wind I had at my disposal. However, the children were still taken.
The children were dragged to schools far from their homes. They would cry out in their native tongues. I remember my sweet Rose. Yes, Rose was her name, John. She was as strong as the oak tree. Passion coursed through her veins faster and harder than the river’s water. She was born so tiny that the elder of the village was certain she would not make it. Yet, when she broke free of the womb coughing and sputtering, she cried with such a powerful voice that even I was taken aback. This tender babe had my attention. I swore I would watch over her.
The first seven summers of her life were spent in the loving care of her tribe. Her black hair grew almost down to her feet. Her eyes were brown, brimming with the unknown depth of her soul. She was unafraid, the pride of her father and joy of her mother, a creature to be cherished.
One fall morning as the orange sun was slowly ascending the soldiers came. Little Rose was wrenched her from her parents’ arms. Her father’s rage was stopped by a bullet that bled him dry. No one else would fight for this child, so I beat against the soldiers back. I struggled to wrench her from their arms and return her to her mother’s safe embrace.
The soldiers did not even recognize my fury. With that failure I watched Rose’s mother fell into despair. Her prayers of peace and love soon turned to prayers for vengeance and the return of her child. Many nights we wept together mourning the loss of father and daughter.
Rose’s mother could not join her child, so I tried to watch out for her. I followed the soldier to a tall white washed building that had been liberated from the southerners during the previous war. I heard the headmaster say “in order to save the child, we must **** the savage within.”
Day and night I raged against the solid white structure, slamming shutters and doors, pounding the roofs with torrential fury. Only stopping when I realized that the children were shuddering in fear of me.
At night Rose would sing the songs of her people. During the day she would stare in defiance as the teachers tried to make her speak the English tongue. She refused to yield, so they responded to her spirit with violence. The taste of soap saturated her mouth while the stinging welts marred her backside. Still my Rose remained strong. I was filled with pride. I had seen older children fall into silence and subservience.
Rose was a cut about the rest. Still, one can only fight for so long before the fire begins to wane. Each day some of her resilience would fade. I could not enter the building to comfort her, but when she was outside I would wrap her in my windy arms, cradling her spirit against mine. I would carry the whispered words of love her mother sent, and return Rose’s love to her mother. Had I known what was going on in that building maybe I could have blown harder, maybe I could have pelted the nuns and the preacher with sharp stones and hardwood.
As the glimmer of light faded even faster, I started catching the whispers of my children. Their dead bodies began to scar the sacred earth. One after another fell, faster and faster. I watch their flames die. What kind of wind was I that could not fly them away from harm?
One day while blustering away I caught the most horrid sight. I saw a sick man lay his hands on my Rose. She shivered in disgust as he groped her bare skin. He took such sick liberties. In my rage I waited and stewed, plotting and hoping he would come outside. My anger gave me more power than I had ever known. I flung him to and fro spinning him round and round, beating him down every time he tried to rise. I hurled stones and sticks at him. When I was spent, his face was dripping with blood, his lip busted and swollen. He ran like a coward.
Rose remained trapped in that house of horrors. More children died. Day after day Rose lost more of her language. Till one day she could not remember the songs of her people. I watched her sobbing while trying to recall the words as a nun slapped her in the face.
One night under the pale glow of moonlight Rose lit herself on fire. She became a burning flame to match her once radiant spirit. As she burned she screamed out for release. I tried to put out the flames with gusts of wind and heavy rain, but I was too late. Rose fell to ashes resting on the moist earth. Gathering what I could of her remains I sent her last words and ashes home to her tribe.
That night rang with lamentation of her people. Sobs of regret filled her mother’s body. As hard as tried I could not comfort Rose’s mother. She would not be consoled. On the coldest night of that year Rose’s mother walked from her abode, slipping off her clothes, she moved in silence. Every step adding to the numbness she longed
947 · Sep 2019
Untitled
Graff1980 Sep 2019
I am as fit as a fractured fiddle,
with my wooden cords galore
that don’t make a sound anymore,
and a neck like wet cardboard
that is ready to fold and fall
on the bathroom floor.
941 · Feb 2015
Obsessed With Death
Graff1980 Feb 2015
I am obsessed with death
And all of her clichés
The slick sharp sickle scythe
Planter’s tool of reaping
Taking and keeping
The souls of all
The black hooded robe
Kind of monkish
Simplistic style
The anorexic
Boney figure
Badass bleached bones

But death is not that poetic
It is messy
Brown stained draws
From last evacuation
Pools of red
Dead is dead
There is more art in living
Than there is in dying
937 · Dec 2014
Killing Her Memory
Graff1980 Dec 2014
First came electric therapy, designed by men to **** her memory. The currents coursed through her veins. They tried to burn her true love from her brain. Synapses flared and flamed singeing away nearly everything she dared to feel almost nothing was left but a name, an impression. Session after session sparks cut through her skull and tore through her mind.

All she had to do to escape was to lie, and say she no longer felt that way. However, in her slurred and slow mental state all that she could do was whisper her lovers name. Iris sweet Iris the flower of her love, whose touch sent shivers swimming through her body. Iris the unforgettable, desirable, and unregrettable; even in the hours of her darkest pain she would never wish to forget that wonderful name. A name attached to such pleasurable memories. Iris whose lips tasted like strawberries and mouth would moan musically with her satisfaction. Touching each other under the starlit sky, bare breast against bare breast, licking each other from back to thigh until their passions exploded and they came together in exhaustion. No matter how much their love cost them, the jobs it lost them, the family they had to leave behind, it was all worth it. The love they had was special. Men would glance and stare; Sick with desire and envy, but they didn’t care.  
The Doctors tried to destroy their love but failed, because buried deep within the burnt flesh, on some deep genetic level the feelings still remained. Night after night she quietly sobbed Iris’s name. Her vision and memories were faded and degraded by the shocks administered. Sometimes after the doctors left and she was by herself, she would search her mind trying to find her own name. Corner to corner each crevice and crack, each hidden corridor in her mind was faded, and the only name she could find was Iris’s. Other evenings when no one was watching the orderlies would sneak into her room to tease and taunt her. They would scar her body with their fevered kisses, violating her womanhood with their vile flesh protruding and extending into her. Her eyes would close. Her body would tense, and her mind would vacate her skull, while holding on to only one thing, Iris.

When the merciless administering of electrical current to her brain failed to achieve any notable degree of success, the butcher came. They called him Doctor Slade, A specialist. They brought her to his table in a white room that was sterile and scentless. Her body was strapped to a cold metal table and she was sedated. Slade sliced through the skin on her skull, cracked the bone and opened her up, exposing her mind to the all those in attendance. Then when he was finished, he walked away a proud master mutilator. The nurse, whose white uniform was now splattered and sprayed with blood and bits of brain matter, hauled her back to her room.  

In her room she sat dripping drool from her swollen lips. Her vacant eyes stared out at the blank wall registering nothing at all. The bandages on her skull concealed small patches of blonde hair matted with clots of blood. Her drawers reeked of ***** matter because she had soiled herself. Nothing remained except a shell.

Somewhere far away Iris screamed the forgotten name. In her dreams she cradled her lover’s fragile frame, but never saw or touched her lovers face. Iris scribed their love in journal after journal, sketching out in deep determined details their five years together. She wrote of each high and low from the first time they met in the College courtyard till they day they were separated permanently.

Years passed. Iris’s body weakened from despair and began to waste away. Her flesh sagged from her bones bunching into wrinkles with brown speckles and spots parading all over her skin. Memories got lost in the fog of her mind until one day she could no longer recall her lover’s name. Shortly thereafter Iris faded away as well. Her body remained unsoiled by shame, for their love had been a thing of poetry, epic, and beyond belief, a guard against the unjustified onslaught of social madness, a sweet relief no matter how brief.
I wrote this a year before season 2 of American Horror Story aired. In that season they have a story line that is similar to what I wrote. However, this particular story was inspired by scenes from "V is For Vendetta" and a documentary I watched on an old Irish mental hospital.
935 · Oct 2018
Untitled 25
Graff1980 Oct 2018
She is a small brush fire,
a lifetime set ablaze
reddening skin
melting and swirling
in outrageous agony
as she contorts herself
to accommodate everyone.

Unsettled and unpredictable
constantly turning
the tables on herself,
one minute she is
dancing in a tapestry
of manic happiness,
then in the next
she is obsessed
existing in a heightened state  
of anxiety and sadness.

The bright lights illuminate
brilliant displays
of personal pain
that explode on the stage
as she reads her
tragic truths
in poetic verse.

So, she plays with
more matches
spreading the flame
by sharing her pain
till everyone else
burns the same.
935 · Sep 2018
Untitled-3.
Graff1980 Sep 2018
Every single sentiment
you sent to them
was sediment,
evident deposits of
your oceanic scale of
intellectual love
that ran off from
the river it existed in
passing from
the predetermined pathways
of those intelligent waterways
and settling in a new sea
of salty perspectives.
933 · Nov 2014
Lover's Backstab
Graff1980 Nov 2014
There is a room of shade between us
But this is merely fiction
Your diction is repetition
The friction is the painful precision
The pleasure becomes agony
******* queen of misery
And if you don’t remember me
Maybe you should look and see
Cause I brushed your hair I touched your skin
Lusted and loved romantically
But you were only nightshade to me
You were the dagger Juliet pierced herself with
A certain kind of stupid death wish
A certain kind of childish fantasy
And I never saw the razor’s edge
Never knew how much you frightened me
Until your blade was six inches inside of me
932 · Mar 2016
Untitled
Graff1980 Mar 2016
The streets bleed violence
But it’s not what you are thinking
Tv has got you drinking up
The new age of segregation
The cultivation of gentrification
One neighborhood split by the highway
One street built up with new projects
To expel so called misfits
Lies value profits over people
See specific skin colors as evil
Or at least deviant

So, I cry out across the canyon
“Tell me you don’t believe in it.
Please tell me you can see it.”

But even the echoes ignore me
How can I save humanity
If they can’t see what I see.

I Put one foot in the grave that I dug,
Take one last hug then I shrug.
Blood pressure rising,
from trying to fight the tyrants,
but it is a losing battle
and even I know it.

So, for every inch forward
I take a hundred and one back.
Till, I collapse ready for the dirt nap,
ready for the final pause,
but maybe someday someone better
will take up my cause.
931 · Jan 2016
Untitled
Graff1980 Jan 2016
Hey little brother
Our love for one another
Wasn’t born of blood
But built up
From the birth of
Your very first breath
Seen in polaroids
Of your precarious venture
Into this life
It was formed in time
Spent playing
And babysitting
In letting you win
At video games
Until the day
I could not beat you
It was in weightlifting
And *** smoking
Till you grew up
Without me knowing
Changed and changed some more
Angry and hurt
To religious and forgiving
So this a remembrance
Dear little brother
Who is a little bigger
Than me
Verses to remind you
That when you say I love you
I will always love you to
930 · Jan 2015
Sobriety
Graff1980 Jan 2015
Some folks seem diminished by their sobriety
They are only free to be what they will be
When they are rocking an alcoholic buzz

Two to ten shots and the tension disappears

The clouded confusion of human consciousness

The self-control that confines them
Behind an illusionary mask made up of society’s expectation
Seems to find itself in the process of evaporation

The patience they practice daily fades

Their motor and verbal skills become equally lacking

So that the primal beast beneath blinks and breaths
Finally free to come out to play in its’ own clumsy way

But with the morning toilet commune
The victorious vomiting return
The mask slides back on
The fun guy is gone
And it’s back to business as usual
922 · Mar 2015
Untitled
Graff1980 Mar 2015
I need the night
The lack of light
Let’s me focus
The quiet
Let’s me focus
Engaging
The inner me
The inner beauty
People have yet to see
I need the night
Because it lets me be
Free
922 · Oct 2015
Twinkle, Twinkle
Graff1980 Oct 2015
Twinkle, twinkle blinking desire.
Bad habits drink me under the night
slipping and slurring
dripping and turning.
Stomach burning
With acid reflex.

Twinkle, twinkle the stars fade to black
no longer blips in the night
just echoes of static
one less light,
one less firefly flitting in the dark sky,
one more time my mind becomes,
a dark husk.

Till I twinkle, twinkle no more.
921 · Jul 2017
Ragnarok In The Midgard Sky
Graff1980 Jul 2017
It is Ragnarok in the heavens
as the long snouted giant wolf Fenrir
faces off against rust colored clouds.

The Midgard serpent
stretches its purple, orange, and grey
body across the sky,

while embers of Surtur’s raging flames
cascade like spiraling waves
during the last seconds of
this dying day.
918 · Dec 2014
Shit
Graff1980 Dec 2014
I just saw some dark ****
Death and destruction
Skin perforated
Bowls eviscerated
And they called it history

Some dangerously redefining ****
Soul withering starvation
Flies and maggots
Bigots burning *******
Like they used to torture blacks

Some deep and painful ****
The looks on the little faces
Blank stares

So I flip the switch
Ignore the twitch in my stomach
Ignore the ulcer forming
Find some funny **** on tv
To distract me from reality
But the humor is ****

It all feels like a big load of crap
Nasty stinking dung hill of humanity
****** **** ****
I try to turn away
And I think that makes me the biggest
******* of all
916 · Apr 2016
Untitled
Graff1980 Apr 2016
It is easy enough
to wish all the world would love us,
to strain for fame,
to claim a name
synonymous with success
living life at its best.
It is great for the rest
but for me I’d prefer to be
true to myself even though
I don't know exactly who he is.
Graff1980 Mar 2015
It’s six to two
Then staying till close
It’s overtime
Trying to find
Someone to watch the kids
It’s broken down car
When your job
Is out of town

It’s trying to decide
If you keep the lights
While eating Ramon tonight
Or if you eat something
Just a little more tasty

It’s a bottle of no doz
Cups of coffee
Twenty four ounce soda
Energy drinks
That rot your teeth
But falling asleep
On your aching feet
Isn’t an option

It is exhaustion
So deep that you can’t think
Tension so painful
That you can’t sleep

It’s a frustrated boss
Taking it out on you
No matter what you do
Because you are there

It’s grease so thick
That you can’t wash it
Out of your greying and receding hair

It’s numbing your spirit
All week long
And hoping you don’t get called in
On your day off
Cause you can’t turn it down
Cause you’re so far in debt
That you might as well
Be six feet under the ground

It’s a ticket
For something you didn’t do
Based on a bus drivers
Bad attitude
Five hundred dollars
And it also costs you

Your license
You lose your job
You lose the lights
You lose the water
You lose your house
You lose your kids

Cause you are always
One bad day
From total devastation
906 · Jul 2016
I Didn't Even Get His Name
Graff1980 Jul 2016
It has been years
Since I slept
On a park bench
On a playground slide
In a ***** hallway
With a broken window

But I see me in him
Strange haircut
Face tats
Slightly *****
Talking to a stranger
And crying

I walk by
Afraid to interrupt
But in the store
I plan out how I will
Help
Exiting excited
I find he is gone

I drop my car
At the mechanic’s shop
Across from Walmart
And walking away
Almost stumble upon
A nearly slumbering form
I mumble some
Pleasantries
Pass him a ten
And let him be
It rains that night
But I don’t think
About him at all

Next day the car is fix
I head home
And see him walking
I open my car door
To give him a ride to the store
One open bottle of cider alcohol
Out of a six pack
I have to stop myself
On the verge of judging
But who am I
He accepts my ride
Putting the seat back
To fit him and his backpack
And blue tarp

I drop him at the front spot
I sit my care safely in
The parking lot
Then come back
Offer him a phone call
And sit and wait
And sit and chat
He says that no one
Has ever done that

He tells me that
People in town
Have been nice
And now he has a ride
Up to Peoria
I give him another five
And forget about him
Till now
901 · Dec 2015
Another Factory Poem
Graff1980 Dec 2015
The factory will devour me
With its hungry mechanical
Guttural, industrial heart

Machine beating out
Perfect plastic product

The metal monstrosity
Pounding out heat
Creating hard heartedness
Beating and feeding on
Human sweat and flesh
Self-sacrifice to fulfill
Your family need
Eight to twelve hours

Life becomes cheap
Ate up by the factory beast
896 · Dec 2014
America
Graff1980 Dec 2014
America has no sense
Of reason or moral ground
Burnt uprooted tree bloodied earth
Marred ground of hijacked youths
Mental midgets run this ****
Making more of the same caliber
Greedy seedy sadistic *******
And I wonder where are the mental switches
That turn on humanity’s humanity
895 · Jan 2015
The Sewage
Graff1980 Jan 2015
Life feels like a hammer clanging against a broken anvil
A token of what you were choking down
A broken clown killing yourself ironically
Suicidally marking dimes stretching metal to make nothing
And nothing begets nothing
Rock forgets scissor and paper cuts flesh
Words wielded like stone swords
Smashing and slashing with equal effect
I suspect I am the fool chasing today while I am wasting away
From social decay pleasures so sweet they rot my teeth
But this is just a stream of stinking slick sewage
And instead of swimming in the ****
I think I am drowning in it
893 · Jan 2015
Fighting Against Oppression
Graff1980 Jan 2015
Ok, despite the fight
How I try to resist it
I still miss it
I still feel it
I’m another male pig
I desire her
And society makes desire
A social offense

Mind crimes
Make for strange times
My body was made
For being depraved
For being enslaved
I evolved that way
And you want
Me to feel ashamed
While you claim
That your greedy ways
Are far more tamed

Seems a bit too simplistic
Bad ideas fly like bullets
And other bouncing ballistics
From the religious to the feminists
I won’t get specific
On what I would do with it
But, I’ve had enough
Of your repressive *******
890 · Dec 2014
I Am Not A Square Box
Graff1980 Dec 2014
I am not a slave
To your different stages
Of human classification

I am not a pale Caucasian
In a white racist nation
Even though this is a very racist
Population

I am not gender specific
Just because I got a thick ****
I am not gay cause I like a chick flick
There are no chick flicks

I am not a perfect American
Not a patriotic idiotic citizen
Not ready to stand and salute the flag

I am not straight nor am I a ***
Not a denizen of the masculine
Or a queen of the feminine
My ****** urges do not define me
They do not confine me
To little square boxes
886 · Nov 2014
Sensing You
Graff1980 Nov 2014
I’d kiss those gypsy lips
Let my fingers linger
And slide down the side
Of your comic book curvy hips

I’d stare into your infinite eyes
To peek at the perfect pool of pictures
Piercing nature’s lifelike reflections
Deeper and deeper into your being

I’d listen to the harmony of your voice
That silky soft folksy tone
From tenor to baritone
Full of emotion’s tremors

I’d inhale your intoxicating scent
Like lonely rose petals
Floating away in separate directions
Your body dripping droplets of a sweet sweaty smell

I’d feel your breath
Heated and gasping
Passion elapsing and reforming
Hours to minutes and sometimes only seconds

I would take you in with every sense I had
Wishing for more senses to love you with
All the pressure building from within
Blinding me and coming through you my inspiration
884 · Dec 2014
Love Is Relative
Graff1980 Dec 2014
My heart never knew true love
Only hints of that fairy fantasy
Particles of hope possessed of love’s fury
The temple, frantic with romantic panic
The vestal ****** exploding with desire
To feel love inside, growing
Like a white night
Like a dark light
Like the bitter side
Of sugar
Always forces opposing
Always people nosing
Philosophers of all times
And poets trying to define
But it is not universal
It is elusive and abstract
from one to another
it means different thing
To Shakespeare
It was impulsive
Violent, destructive
To some it is a savior
Vivid and constructive
The livid and insipid may to decline
To think with an open mind
And merely pass in time
But I have never known your love
And you will never know mine
883 · Dec 2014
A Matter Of Fact
Graff1980 Dec 2014
I never had to hide the fact that I liked that
Never had to cower and feel ashamed
Feel like I had a desire that needed to be tamed
So why the **** do you think
That just because of who someone loves
They should have to suffer that way
874 · Feb 2017
May I Be Tyranny’s End
Graff1980 Feb 2017
Not with a blade
Nor with blood on my hands
But with wisdom
And compassion
May I be tyranny’s end

With poetry and prose
With the ink and the rose
With an inkling to know
Just and unjust
Right from wrong
May I be tyranny’s end

With love
Not a bullet
No bombs to blow through it
No glass shattered or metal disfigured
This is what I figured
May a revolution of words
Be tyranny’s end
872 · May 2016
We Are Romantics
Graff1980 May 2016
All hail the return of the romantics
New age sages that fight consumerism
Poets that ride the roads like Kerouac
Going home then farther back
To old poets who fathered that
Rich traditions of humanity
With deep thoughts and sweet abstractions
Before dull poets and their dumb factions
Demanded we stick to form
Then demanded formlessness
Casually pursued simplicity
For the lack of eloquence
Thought they had to write to lesser men
Not figuring that we are them
And by writing truth we
Keep them growing
By showing the full strength and beauty
Of this brutal language
We all evolve
Till we are romantics one and all
864 · Jul 2021
Untitled 705
Graff1980 Jul 2021
Have you forgotten me,
the grey beard that lives nowhere,
hungry, and looking through
ash trays for some stray ****
with just enough tobacco
to get a hit of relief.

Awkward as hell,
occasionally, talking to myself
because nobody else
wants to even acknowledge me.

These are my city streets.
This is my cold hard concrete,
an indifferent existence
cause people go out of there way
to ignore my presence.

Slender man who scans
the eyes of strangers
for some opening,
so I can ask them
for a cigarette
or a couple of bucks to get
anything to eat.

Shoulders slumped,
back collapsing under the weight
of exhaustion, cause it’s getting late
and I don’t have a place to stay.

So, I stumble about till I find
the closest spot to safe where
I can sleep and no one there
will threaten or shoe me away.

Like groundhog’s day
I repeat, a shade of myself,
echoing just enough
to survive another night.
859 · Jan 2017
Untitled
Graff1980 Jan 2017
There is a true fear,
a throbbing ache,
that I hear clear
in my inner ear,
a pounding
sounding
trouble.

The drum beats
racism,
sexism,
xenophobia,
homophobia,
and transphobia.

But in the
presence of patterns
I’ve seen so many times
I become numb.
I am not surprised.

The tears only
wet my eyes
when I spy
good guys
painting over the lies
with peace
chanting
to all,

“Be calm,
because you are loved
and no matter what
we walk with you.”

The drum beats still sound
but my numbness fades
with the rise of hope
for more humane days.
Cause like those loving hearts
I too am with all of you.
859 · Jul 2015
Untitled
Graff1980 Jul 2015
It was never me though I wanted it to be
The red head girl had other guys to see
The blond hair girl had better dreams
The dark haired girl had better things to be
The brown haired girl turned out to be
Just the other side of dull
Not enough freak for me
So this is the cost of the poetry
The loss of love and certain strands of sanity
Inspired the better perhaps bitter verses
Which turned out to be a perfect fit for me
857 · Feb 2017
Poetry Is Therapy
Graff1980 Feb 2017
On tv it looks so copper clean
Ringing in naked dreams
Living out those picket fence schemes
To get the American bling

Morality is black and white
There are no heroic black knights
The good guys are just
And they just wear white hats

But life is painful
Like a cancer vampire
******* your life force
Pale skin quivering

Dark bags under your eyes
No hair there because of the chemo
Despair and denial on ivy drips
And reality tv made us ill equipped
To handle it

Sometime I wish the tears would stop
That the empathy would vanish from me
That I couldn’t see what I see
See what this reality has made of me

History is white sheets
Red arm bands, fat *******
Uninformed Loud mouths
A canvass that drips wet with my outrage

I sip the last drops of my stimulants
Drop the anti-depressants in the toilet
Forget my docility
Embrace more than half of my hostility

I don’t think much will change
Despite how hard I clamor
Despite the sparkles and the glamour
How I use the language to entertain and inform

This is therapy
In the form of Poetry
857 · Jun 2015
Hopeless
Graff1980 Jun 2015
I feel lost and forgotten
The white light strings
No longer tether me
To hope

The pattern of people’s behavior
Is not something I savor
I tire of trying to play savoir
To the mad mass of human cattle

Love is but an illusion
Dull despondent
I no longer long for it
A bitter mistress
Who I undress
With no more self-delusion

It is a fog and as all fogs do
It must pass
I must ask
Myself to be patient
But it runs very deep
And I would rather go to sleep
857 · Dec 2014
The Primordial
Graff1980 Dec 2014
Once freed from the prison of the sea
The reptilian flee to see what they can see,
Hopping stones to find new homes.
Soft clicking cartilage bones.
Hot waters burping up bubbling sands,
Sipping the dripping goo,
Primordial ooze,
Protein potential,
For me and you,
From it to us,
A sweet but bitter tempest.
855 · Feb 2017
Wise Old Woman
Graff1980 Feb 2017
She spoke in riddles
You mumbled in tongues
Wore mad man made robes
Learning lines of deceit
Passing trays training social slaves
At least political prisoner know
Why they are locked up
Many of us don’t realized
We are imprisoned
She spoke with poetry
Saw things better than me
Clearer vision of reality
And when she shared these thoughts
You ****** her to death
Burned and buried her alive
Strange that in these barren sand
No monument stands
There are no markers
No mourners at her grave
No eulogy until now
My gift to the woman
My love and sorrow
She spoke the truth
Eyes bold fire so fierce
That you where blinded by her radiance
And in your drooling mania
You mindless mongering to maintain status quo
You become a murderer
She was not a witch
Just a wise old lady
851 · Feb 2018
Untitled
Graff1980 Feb 2018
Man, it is so disappointing.
I get close to exploring
another human’s mind.
A minute or two
passes through
as I share truths
and expect her to
present hers to,

but generally I get
either vehemence
or indifference.
She either gets ******
or merely dismisses
my curious persistence,

and I find myself
alone in a never-ending pursuit
of knowledge
that I never get to share.
847 · Jan 2015
Histories
Graff1980 Jan 2015
The history and mystery of time
Is etched in our dna
Each alteration
Points to past forms
Each strand points to present potential
Pushing us forth into the future

Geology is the record keeper
Rings in the tree
Strata and atmosphere
Sediment and fossils
Are footsteps in an endless road
845 · Jul 2018
Untitled
Graff1980 Jul 2018
Palestinian
children
and women
attempt to
protest apartheid,
fighting against
those borders and walls,
walking towards boundaries
where snipers sit
settled in
to shoot the innocent,
and continue
freedom's infringement.

Soldiers fire to take
the lives of those
they dehumanize.
Two thousand
are wounded
and fifty plus
dead.

My government is complicit
in these illicit
acts of violence.
We support and supply
the horrible ordinance
used to brutalize
and end those unfortunate lives.
Our politicians
spin blood red threads
into golden ***** lies
and celebrate the bad guys
who have no intention
of compromising,
the ones who
go on occupying
and terrorizing the Palestinian people.

Meanwhile,
state supported
media guys,
are televised
to tell us lies,
go on air
to share a side
that shames
and blames
the victims of
new atrocities,
by their favorite
allies,
repeating
reports of agitation
incited by
Hamas,
but no one on
the Israeli side
was wounded
or died.
845 · Mar 2015
My Earthly Kin
Graff1980 Mar 2015
We are not soldiers
But for every heart
That breaks yonder
Tears falling
Feeling loss
There are my brothers

For every mother
Aching with the pain
Of deprivation
Of sorrow for child’s loss
For anguish in imagined failure
To care for her kin
There is my sister

For every ounce of sand
Seedling buried in the earth
There is my mother

And for every shame birthed
That I took pleasure to learn from
In my labors and my leisure
There is my father

For everything
That is part of one
Whilst separate part of none
Riddles and riff raff
There am I
Related to everyone and everything
That grows green
Walks, crawls, slithers, or swims
Rots, falls, and withers
Therein all glory lye my kin
842 · May 2015
Real Justice
Graff1980 May 2015
Repentance is a pittance
If paid to the church,
But seeking forgiveness
Of those you have actually wronged
Properly paying them back,
Not keeping prisons packed
With some whites but mostly blacks,
Is were wrongs are made as right
As they can be.
842 · Jan 2016
Lonely Forklift Driver
Graff1980 Jan 2016
The cloud’s sweat mists
Foggy moon breaking the night
Stars are like evening sprinkles
And in the sweltering heat
The factory repeats
Its strange and haunting beats

The dusty machines spit hot air
Metal grinds metal, the forklifts beeps
The sound barely startles me
Out of my space daydreams
My oddly color ear buds
Making me dull of hearing

A guy speaks at me seeking humanity
Lonely, widower he needs some connection
Fourteen year and tumors will see
His dog finally has to go to sleep

He says he needs another puppy
Offers up skewed observations
About our American nation
I am disturbed but I can see
His heart is in the right place
As he places his thoughts before me

Loves his music but I can’t help but worry
That when I leave he will cease to be
Becoming merely a memory
Echoing ghostly
Cause he is so lonely
841 · Dec 2016
Agorophobe
Graff1980 Dec 2016
I don’t want this dust laden room to become my tomb. However, I cannot abide the outside, a world where lovely flowers still bloom. A sense of sweet smells do not pass through the wooden membrane. Instead, it is the stench of fear and death that wed themselves to my nose.
Children no longer leave their rooms. The streets are far too quiet so, it would be safe for me to venture outside. No one would really bother me, but I am scared, unprepared for anything less than the despair of my self-imposed isolation.
The ***** blue trash can is a quarter full with **** filled plastic bottles, *** covered Kleenexes, and perishables. The metal grate vibrates and clicks as heat tries to press in like an abstract specter. The noise would keep me awake if I ever tried to sleep.
Thirty-four hours is too long. My eyes burn heavy. Sleep would welcome me, but I refuse to yield to that release. Unconsciousness frightens me. I know what dreams might visit me, fictions, and dark fantasies that vaguely recall the painful realities. Perhaps a cup of coffee might save me from those nightmares. I know that I will eventually succumb to the demon of slumber. My dry eyes find water that I did not know existed.” No sleep, no sleep, god please no sleep.”
Memory movies come unbidden. steel breaks glass, metal crunches, someone screams. I shudder as my fingers follow a map of pain from my lower lip down and to the right. “No, no, no, no, not today!” I cry out. Then, recalling the powdered stimulants that I stored in my old book bag I dash up and towards the door, stopping just short of opening it and stepping out to the living room.
“*******, stupid *******, you ******* ******. ****!” I yell as I retreat from the dangerous door.
More tears make a guest appearance on my face. ***** fingers ****** my chipped tooth, pushing it in and pulling it a little way out resisting the urge to cringe in disgust and pain. Till **** and blood pop from the pink gum bubble just under the disfigured tooth. I bite my tongue, till more blood comes and swallow the putrid mixture.
Small shadows slip sideways and back into place as an ambulance rides by my window. My body tremors with a familiar terror. “No, no, not again. Oh god please not again.” A strangled voices weeps. The multi-colored lights of police cars play a strange shadow show on my wall. “Not again, not again.” I whimper.
A thud, thud, thud, thud, sounds to my right, followed by a muffled voice. “Come on man you got to come out sometime.” My fingers fall to a thin scar just beneath my left pec. I trace the scar completely then push against it as hard as I can. Until, my breaths become shallow. “Go away *******, just *******!” I scream back uncertain who I am yelling at.
“Fine” the muffled voice replies in defeat.
“Good, good.” I mumble
Tears threaten to swallow what is left of me. Instead of letting them win I decide
that this has to end. I find a small book of matches, strike the first one and let it burn out.
A small face fills my mind, little cowboy brother. I strike the second one and let it burn  down to my finger. The face returns, and it burns worse than the fire. Mad laughter crackles as heat and smoke fill my lungs.
A shard of glass scratches my left cheek, and I can see my little brothers body crumbled in the passenger seat. I cannot feel the fire burning me. Someone yells in my ear stop struggling.
He tries to pull me out of my room. I punch him in the jaw yelling “*******!”

Now, I am outside. Panic fills every ounce of my being. I struggle to climb back in my burning room.
A stranger yells “stop him.”
I scream. “No, I have to go back in, let me go. I can’t be out here.”
Despite my struggles I am forced to watch my sanctuary smoke and burn, until water squelches the last bits of angry orange.
With the wooden walls now broken, I break to.
“Please come back, I am sorry. Please come back.”
Only the soft sizzle of some nearby ember answers my pleas.
I realize that my photos have being incinerated. There will be no more pictures to help me see my little buddy. The night ends, as an ambulance carries me away. I am strapped in, certain that no happy place awaits me.
A strange thought  come unbidden, and I ask the EMT sitting next to me “do you think they will let me have a padded room. I can’t be outside.”
839 · Sep 2015
Fuck Being Macho
Graff1980 Sep 2015
We were supposed to be stoics
Standing tall and stiff as boards
Working hard till the shift is done
And don’t let anyone
See us weak
See the tremor when we speak
See the droplet form
See the weight of life
Shake us till we cry

We were supposed to be tough
But when friends die
When our children cry
When loved ones leave
We cannot always be
That ******* macho

A man could use a hug
A man could use a kind word
Sometimes we need a tissue
For each issue that makes you break
Takes a stake to your heart
Crushes us, crashing through to
The fragile being inside
The macho man can break
Just as easy as any mother
Baby brother, little sister, or other
After all we are only human
835 · Jul 2018
Untitled
Graff1980 Jul 2018
A ticket won’t take
these tired children
to a safe and warm place,

won’t help me escape
from the darkness
that stains
their strained face.

My fear is misplaced
as a scraggly faced stranger
stumbles out of the night shade
asking for the time
and any spare change.
My apprehension
is mine not his shame.

A shining sign
sears the night,
illuminating the people
who sleep
just inches from my feet
under a thin torn blanket
that barely conserves any heat.

Their struggle
makes me uncomfortable.
It is not love,
but guilt
that makes me give
the hurt homeless kids
a buck or two.

A day away
I barely
think of these
struggling
human beings
as I luxuriate
in my comfortable lifestyle.
832 · Jan 2017
Great Again
Graff1980 Jan 2017
They say let’s make it great again.
They say they are American
but I don’t think it’s true
cause I’ve seen our stories
and our histories
and they don’t match like
they’re supposed to.

Seen better men then me
working shifts so long
that their eyes look like
they’ve been cut red with lightning.
At the end of the work day
they strain to stay awake.
Back stiff and popping
but there is no stopping.
They make it home
to see their kids
and do a little playing.
They do a little praying,
hoping that their work today
makes their children’s future better.

I’ve seen immigrants struggling,
learning a language
that is not their own
so, they can work
to buy their own home
and start a little business.
It’s not a dream I would pursue
but I respect the struggle.
Seen that Chinese family
move out and up
working hard and raising children
and in that circle, there is love
cause it’s family that matters.

I’ve seen liars spouting off about
family values
but they do not know
what real families value.
I’ve seen single moms
struggling to escape
the shame of
that so-called welfare state.
I’ve seen a mother of three
working, going to school,
and still making it home in time
to spend time with her kids,
to play and laugh,
to accept and celebrate their strangeness.
I’ve seen a mother staying up late
to hold her troubled daughter
to ease the pain that caused her
beautiful child to do
harm to herself.
I would not trade this truth
for any soft cloth, patriotic symbol.

I’ve seen strangers helping strangers
seen groups of people
putting sand in bags
and bags on top of bags
not to stop the floods from coming
to where they are from
but to give others a chance to live.
I’ve seen
pictures of people who rush into danger
not with guns a blazing
but with bottles of water and blankets,
with food, and shovels,
with hands to move the rubble
digging up the bodies of some
while unburying lost
sisters, fathers, mothers, and brothers.

I do not believe in your America
but if you claim that you do
then you would not do
what you regularly do,
lying about trying to make it great
while your just creating hate.
so, **** making America great again.

I have seen the America you are trying to make
and it is grating.
It is made for flag waving,
bible belt thumping,
poverty, child-abuse, neglect
electric shock conversion therapy
eugenics, lynching, segregation
slavery on plantations,
sexism, racism,
xenophobia, transphobia,
flat Earth creation,
climate change denial,
evolutionary denialist,
police brutality, corruption,
pollution, prisons for profits,
a war on drugs, and
a war on terrorism,
while war profiteering.

Intentional confusion,
dire delusions,
your America is
this paper white illusion.

But we are part of the race
that invented the wheel,
the steam engine,
the radio, the telephone
the tv, the computer,
the cellphone,
the printing press,
the spaceship,
that went to the moon,
put machines on Mars,
that learned to express,
great things in writing,
and painting,

You say let’s make America great again.
I say let’s start the enlightenment again,
start over as a world of friends and kin
hand and hand with grand ideas.
Till we can all feel connected,
and do the unexpected.
Let’s make humanity great again,
832 · Sep 2018
Untitled-9.
Graff1980 Sep 2018
The night
is a torn tapestry
where celestial bodies
burn beautifully
incinerating
the cosmic stitching
that bind us,

quantum energy
unraveling
all of reality,
as I stare
stupidly enthralled
by the awesome
complexity.

Silvers spheres
of gaseous spirals
spew atomic fury.

Other poets
and painters
have presented it better,
such a sweet
starry starry night
made to delight
all of us,

but this time
I return
my reflections
with the love
and devotion
born of
a dreamer’s
dark predilection
to romanticize
every aspect
of our lives.
830 · Apr 2015
The Children
Graff1980 Apr 2015
Little ***** feet
And butterfly colors
Cut the night
With prism’s light
Refracted
Into a rainbow
Eyes impacted
So they know
They are as beautiful
As the waterfall
And the rainforest
Do not stay plain
For us
But train for yourself
Because harmony
And happiness
Come from being
True to yourself
830 · Mar 2015
The History Tree
Graff1980 Mar 2015
The broken branches
The barren tree
Bereft of insects
And fluttering leaves
Ancient oak
White and tall
Legendary
Among them all
The base was brown
Now calcified
Or is it ossified
Till it’s fossilized
Where ostracized
Lovers carved their name
And promised
To return again
Where children
Once reigned
In make shift forts
The tree now holds
The many eons of echoes
Masses of memories
Soon to be released
To you and me as we please
830 · Jul 2015
Words Versus Visual Art
Graff1980 Jul 2015
I am a poet with words a plenty
But I weep in jealousy
Because my audience is limited
My words do not transcend
Translating easily
Into other languages

But paintings and sketches
Can bend and break those
Barriers

One word can mean
Two or more things
In different languages

But an eyes is an eye
Hands are hands
The ocean is the ocean

And visual arts
Can share more then
My simple words
Dare to do
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