swollen eyes
keeps shedding tears
flowing down the cheeks
holding back feelings

swollen throat
unspoken words
feel so suffocated
yet, we pretend to be unbothered

besi yang kuat pun dapat berkarat.

/f.r/

I stop writing
cause I stopped being sad

but do we need to be sad
to make beautiful words
comes out from our minds?

idk how to express my feelings anymore
it just too—
complicated.

aku takut jatuh,
terlebih kepada cinta
rasa yang menghanyutkan,
menenggelamkan kesadaran

aku takut jatuh,
terlebih kepada luka
rasa yang menyedihkan,
menenggelamkan harapan

guess our meetings
will always lead us,
to an end?

but here it must be said,

you were never something—
that i regret,
forget,
or hate afterward

you'll always live forever in me
our love was once growing,
even though, in the end,
it had to stop

i admire you always;
in everything you do,
you always look great,
at least in my eyes

i cherish you always;
in everything you did,
you gave me things,
i didn't know i needed

all these meetings,
were filled with love—it grew within me,
and there will always be
a garden of it inside me

is where I can be truly with you.

when you already got her,
don't you ever find another "her".

the day they left me
they think that I was the one
who's getting away

then I got no friends to talk
to share
to walk around

I hate my life in that days
feel so alone and lonely
sometimes I can't even feel that I'm alive

but after times passes
I build my confidence
think I don't really need them

why don't I make the new one?
start from saying "hi let's be friend"
now I got all the loves that I need

these power of new friends
makes me feel alive
and now;

I forgot how it feels to be lonely

/f.r/

the more i grow up,
the more i realize that
i hate my surroundings,
i hate being around them

the hatred grows,
within me—
the serenity planted,
within me—

being exiled,
i'm used to it
but not with loneliness—
not when everybody is around

scratch my fingers
until it turns red
clenched my fist
till it left a crescent mark
hold my words
till my throat hurts

I'm tired,
keeping all this feelings on my own
living in fears
being scared of everything

I just want it to be over.

/f.r/

I know its not as easy as I imagine it
I know it takes so much time
I know sometimes it can make your heartbeat stops
I know sometimes it can make you hard to breathe
I know you can't take it anymore
I know you want to get over it but you can't
I know you always find ways
I know you tired
but hey, I know you've tried

/f.r/

do you ever think about
how funny we finally got used to it?
you with her,
me with myself​,
and us,
with a high thick wall between us.

—f.r

but last night—
after two years,
you smiled to me,
waved your hands,
and we both laughed
to each other's stories

suddenly,
the light turns darker—

you took my hand,
slowly lifted it up
right above my head,
make movements
as if you wanted me to spin
as if we were dancing—

and we danced all night,
somewhere only in my dreams.

i'm afraid of falling,
especially in love
a feeling that pulls me under,
drowning consciousness

I'm afraid of falling,
especially in pain
a feeling that saddens,
drowning hope

I miss you
all this day
but I can't show it
by just telling you from a latenight text
or by just saying it in front of you
or doing something for you
because you will not read it, aren't you?
you will not hear it, aren't you?
and you will not assume it, aren't you?

because basically,
you really don't care about my feelings anymore.

/f.r/

it was two years ago,
where I can have you in my arms
it was two years ago,
where I can be so happy everyday

cause I can see you
and you will always be around me
I feel like I will not going to lose you—
but no,
things like this will not happen anymore

now you got your new baby boo
it's time for me to let you go
and its ok if you're not going to be mine anymore
I hope you'll be happier with her

/f.r/

the tippy toes dancing
the whole heart feeling
the wide smile faces
the desire to dance every seconds
the happy humming wherever i go

oh, to be falling in love

fingers entwined,
i wrap your arm with mine,
you wrap me with your warmth

stare at each other's eyes,
i fell into how beautiful yours is,
it shines as it tells me—
how do you feel about me

I love,
and I still love;
it's never been a right time
as we think
we both not meant to be

I wait,
and i'm still waiting;
as I thought
there might be a hope
for both of us

I stay,
and I still stay;
wherever and how far you'll go
when you came back,
you'll see where I stand

"they will leave soon anyway,"
said the heart that never belonged to anyone

she knows,
so she never begs anyone to stay

I talked to the moon last night
about what happen between us,
he didn't heard​ me

I asked the stars
trying to find the answers about us,
and they're just give me their little blink

so now you all know,
all I got is just a silence.

/f.r/

this is not goodbye
this is not goodbye
this is not goodbye
please—
this is not goodbye

/f.r/

it is one of the things—
that can make you feel alive,
it is also one of the things—
that can take your heart lives.

sit where there are only few people,
watching—observing
the quiet merges as the wind whispers
holding to things yet i can't hear