As the shadows I've been chasing
Fade in the mid morning sun
I realize what I thought was over
Has only just begun

The same crossroads loom before me
I realize that it always comes back here
And its only indecision that I truly have to fear

While I question every question and over analyze them all
I search for a suggestion to save me from the fall

Nothings ever easy and there's no place left to hide
I just hope that my decision
is one I will survive.

I march into tomorrow, knowing full well I can't stay here
Wondering why I always loose, all the things that I hold dear

I walk into the wind, I stand against the fall
If any would rise against me, I'd stand against them all

I stand against the darkness, the unnecessary night
I stand against injustice, I stand with all my might
Regardless of the challenge I stand my ground and fight

Ten thousand enemies before me, thinking this might be the day
I stand and face the darkness, as ten thousand kneel to pray
I stand against the onslaught for if not I’d fade away

Battle scars adorn me, from every struggle past
Each a test of courage, any could have been my last
I stand against the darkness, the unnecessary pain
I stand and fight each battle
That I might not have to fight again

Don’t waste this life,

            consumed by what might have been.

eyes water
throat burns
heart wrenches
mind churns

know it’s a weakness
but can’t hold it back
fight it too hard
whole world turns black

emotion?
empathy?
frailty?
strength?

have to **** it
that place inside
that feels so much
it breaks the sky

a real man today
for the very first time
everyone knows
real men don’t cry

A better man than me would rise above his station,
sacrificing comfort for the bliss of separation.
Caring not for wealth or power,
finding his only joy in indignation.

A wiser man than me would know this was the hour,
to act upon his hopes for dreams,
even with his chances slim and outlook dour.

A braver man than me, would stand against oppression,
from the injustices of life that offer no concession.
Standing to demand restitution,
of his life that by right should be in his possession.

But I am just a man of a weaker constitution,
frozen by the scope of tyranny and greed,
shackled and enslaved by the chains of institution.

A better man than me would rise above is sorrow,
a strength within his heart, that his hope might chance to borrow.
Alas the day is lost with the setting of the sun
and I can only strive to be a better man tomorrow.

*** isn't the only thing that sells
death sells too
think about it a minute
and admit that its true

war correspondent reporting live
from the middle of the war zone
another thousand people die
from the hole in the ozone

ebola outbreaks are trending
getting millions of views
while little girl abductions
top the evening news

we demonize *** on t.v.
like were ashamed of creation
while at least one prime time show
will feature de-capitation

the next time you buy a ticket
to the mass media fair
just stop and think a minute
buyer beware

how can I be there for her
when noone was there for me
how can I teach her things
that I have never learned
how can I show her love
that I have never felt

beautiful things can be
built from broken pieces

I'll kiss her boo boo's
while hiding my scars
fight the monsters under her bed
and lock my demons in the closet
I'll be the father she needs
and never the father I fear

In the Middle
That’s where I find myself
Half way there and half way gone
Not much further from where I started
At least that’s what I tell myself
Not much further to go
At least that’s how it seems
But so very far from my dreams
The middle
Just the word middle
Tastes dry and bland upon my tongue
In the middle of life
The middle of indecision
If I stopped mid-sentence
Would you understand my meaning
Can I understand life’s meaning
In the middle

look into my eyes
come close let me see
the only person who knows
all the secrets of me

give me your hands
mine know them so well
holding onto each other
they've made it through hell

put your lips to my lips
your breath in my chest
only wrapped in your arms
may my weary heart rest

lay here by my side
let our shadows entwine
know I’m eternally yours
whisper you’ll always be mine

well aren't these walls immaculate
and aren't these doors divine
if we’re stuck in here another year
well I guess that’ll be just fine

we bought ourselves a golden garden
with a crystal chandelier
the only catch is the iron latch
that keeps us ever near

I know we said we’d see the world
before our hair turned gray
but two new cars make fine new bars
too keep those dreams at bay

well aren't these floors superfluous
and don’t these windows shine
we've hocked our youth to buy this roof
so it’s where we’ll spend our time

We all live together in boxes made of light.
As our moments pass they overlap,
bundled loose with neon twine.

We all think out loud with minds made of light.
Our most private thoughts escape our heads
setting sail on copper skies.

We all sit together sharing lives made of light.
One family gathered round a global hearth,
texting tales of cyber life.

my soul wanders when I sleep
where it wills to venture forth
mostly it tells my waking mind not

some nights on a rare occasion
the faintest flickering of a memory
will hold fast till morning sings

some would say it’s just a dream
but what dreams are alive as this
so vivid are these vague remembering’s

just this morning my soul watched the sun
rise over the most beautiful valley
my mortal life has ever seen

the first rays of newborn light
chasing the shadows fast across
valley fields of summer green

my soul has passed the gates of heaven
and walked it’s quiet gardened paths

my soul has peered into the future
and has revisited my past

every so often my soul will stop
to watch the warm summer wind
rustle a single maple leaf

the peace that I remember
from those midnight summer stops
leads my waking mind to weep

darkness draws it’s curtains once again
as I recount what little I recall
and record my pondering

my soul stirs within this mortal shell
anxious to once again be off
on it’s  midnight wandering

Reading someone else’s poetry
is like trying a weird side dish at a party.

It’s that strange dip that your friend made
and they just keep begging you to try it.
When you finally give in and you take a bite,
one of two things is always bound to happen.

It’s amazing, you love it,
you eat the whole bowl.
You shower them with compliments
and ask them for the recipe

or

It’s bland and it’s dry
can’t even finish your first bite.
You muster up your best fake smile
and squeak out, “This is great”.

It’s imperative that you keep in mind
No matter if it’s good or bad
if it rocked your world or burned your tongue
you will probably only taste this once.

A year or two
older than me
I wore brown shoes
we drank sweet tea

I touched her face
she kissed my lips
We tasted love
between the sips

the night began
like most nights do
when your 20 something
and the moon is full

a random bar
a brand new friend
not a single thought
about nights end

we drank we laughed
we even sang along
when the radio played
our favorite song

as the night got older
we both grew bolder
you’d rest your head
upon my shoulder

too happy drive
that’s what you said
come back to my place
and rest instead

the two of us
on a big red sofa
your back to my chest
with our feet hung over

my wandering hand
starts to explore
along your hips
and wanting more

a slight hesitation
then a button pop
your not quite sure
if you want to stop

then you stood up
the spark was gone
the beer wore off
the lights came on

looking back I wonder now
how the night played out
if my hand wandered north
instead of south

life doesn't come with second chances
there are no doors that open back
we miss the paths that lead us forward
when we focus on the past

let old bridges keep on burning
you can't keep the world from turning
just keep your eyes toward tomorrow
today goes by too fast

My heart soared and fell broken
all in the same moment.

I saw my future, forgot my past
and wept at my good fortune.

Then I awoke, forgot my dreams
to a life consumed by torture.

It’s amazing how the moment turns
on such a tiny thing.

On the ******* of your left hand
a tiny golden ring.

Have you ever made a mistake,
then passed by every opportunity to rectify that mistake,
for fear that, you will make a new mistake.

You live your entire life
thinking maybe it’s a mistake not to fix your mistake
for fear that, you will make a new mistake.

I have lived myself into a box
I can hear people talking and laughing on the outside
sometimes I can even see light through the cracks in the walls
but no matter how hard I try to climb
throw my self against the invisible walls
shout into the silence that surrounds my heart
I am all alone in the dark

You may never touch the stars,
        but your life will be infinitely better
if you reach for them anyway.

I glimpse it now and then.  
Most times only in passing.

There are days.  
Bright sunny days,
when the warmth of the summer sun
permeates through my whole body.
It feels like the light on those days
brightens my entire existence.
I feel it then.

Rainy days
when the gloom from the cloudy sky
matches the sweet melancholy of my soul.
The peaceful sound of raindrops
the warm rumble of thunder
brilliant flashes of lightning.  
I feel it then.

I’ve felt in passing memories.
Memories of the joy of childhood.
Memories of my family and friends.  
Memories of the dreams I think I am loosing as I get older.

Sometimes I can smell it.
It’s the scent of my favorite food cooking
The smell of the perfume she wore when we first met.  
Or that electric smell that fills the air right after a spring storm.

It’s in the sound of a mothers voice.
The touch of the warm breeze on a starry night.
The sound of the ocean when I really need to relax.

I feel it when I notice natures beauty.
I see it pass between two lovers holding hands

It’s in a warm embrace,
a passionate kiss.
or just a knowing look
from someone who for an instant
sees the world exactly as I do.

Winter winds come calling,
hatching frozen winter plots.
But here they’ll find me not,
I am lost in warmer thoughts.

Thoughts of summer sunshine,
it’s warm kiss upon my skin.
Crystal clear blue water,
beckoning me to jump on in.

Warm thoughts of summer nights
underneath the full moons glow
and gentle summer breezes
that whisper when they blow.

Winters winds come calling
hatching frozen winter plots.
But I’ll make through December,
lost in warmer thoughts.

have I somehow forgotten
what it feels like to be in love
just because my arms can hold
what my heart was dreaming of

have her lips somehow lost
their deep soft kiss appeal
just because my mouth knows well
how those deep soft kisses feel

have my hands lost their longing
to go exploring in the dark
just because my fingers know
how to quickly find their mark

when did our words find their edge
when did our bed get so vast
how did our love become this desert
when it was endless oceans in our past

lying here my heart remembers
every deep soft kiss and every touch
and as I put my arms around her
my tears remind me
what it feels like to be in love

I love you

Like the early morning mists
Love to bask in the sunlight

Like a free flying eagle
Loves a warm updraft
On a long summer flight

I love you

Like the ocean loves the rivers
And the rivers love a stream
Like a lazy man loves his sleeping
And a sleeping man loves to dream

I love you

Like an energetic lion
Loves to run wide open
On the Serengeti plain

Like the trees in the rain forest
Love the gentle evening rain

I love you

dreams know the truth
that you hide deep inside
and they won’t let you live
with a life full of lies

dreams know the truth
and each night they’ll remind you
of all the things in your past
that you can’t put behind you

they burn in the spark
of your secret desire
and each night as you sleep
they rekindle that fire

dreams know the truth
that you keep deep inside
you can lie to yourself
but your dreams won’t abide

Reality is a teasing uncle
Who sometimes gets my nose
I stomp like a child yelling, “give it back”
And he laughs at my naiveté

Innocence is a long lost friend
That I oft times remember fondly
If he could see what his absence wrought
He’d scoff at my depravity

Time my dishonest father
Promised me he’d always be fair
If you ask me he passes too quickly
In the moments that matter the most

Sleep my fickle mistress
Who more often than not eludes me
Not in my bed when I set out to find her
She’s ran off with my dreams to the coast

Life my mysterious woman
I can’t help myself but to chase her
Just when I think I finally found her favor
I find she has more surprises

Childhoods end
Around the bend
In fields of innocence
We may no longer tarry

Summers eve
Takes its leave
Of grownup burdens
We grow weary

Sweethearts kiss
A simple bliss
As adolescence wanes
We start to let it go

Breaking heart
As memories part
The hardest goodbye
We may ever know

Setting sun
Were almost done
From childhoods dream
I depart alone

Closest friend
We’ll walk again
In fields of innocence
When I get home

do you think
there is a chance
I could turn this all around

if I choose
to stand up now
can I lift up off the ground

in my life
have often made
a string of stupid choices

choices made
despite the cries
of many helpful voices

I believe
maybe a day
will come when least expected

where I might
forgive myself
not feel so **** rejected

Life should come with a disclaimer
“This **** doesn’t get any easier”
Stamped on the back of every hand
as babies exit their mother’s womb.

There are some things in life,
everyone should be told up front.

Life isn’t fair, so don’t expect it to be.

Love changes, so don’t hold onto it too tightly.

People are dishonest, be careful who you trust.

Never go to the DMV on a Monday.

Unfortunately life doesn’t come with a disclaimer.
When you are 40 you look back and realize
how much time you could have saved
if someone had just told you about the DMV and Monday’s

They say, as you approach the speed of light
the energy required to keep moving forward
begins to reach infinity.  

If you give it some thought it makes perfect sense.
The past is heavy.
You can feel the weight of every moment
even if you are only travelling at the speed of life.

I come to you.
Unable to lie to myself another moment,
confessing my desires
and you turn me away.

It eats at you.
Thinking you may never see my smile again.
Fighting your demons,
you call out to me.

You run to me.
Passion and doubt tearing down your insides,
goodbye burns in your mouth.
I turn away from you.

I look back to you.
Desperate for one last glance at my hearts true desire
breaking my spirit.
I cry out for you.

You give in to me.
Your world inverts itself as you release your propriety
and abandon all reason.
You give in to  me.

I kiss your lips.
Reality melts and we are carried away in a storm
lost in a fierce embrace
I give in  to you.

Thunder troubles a darkening sky.
Wind rustles the sun dappled grass
as miles of meadows wander by.

Shadows dance on a distant hill
of monsters meeting in the air,
tired of merely standing still.

The sun it tries to stand and fight
piercing the monsters with beams of light.

The light if fades from a shattered sky.
The monsters merge with all their might
and the evening darkness begins to cry.

The very air it begins to howl
stirring every branch and blade.
It regards the monsters with a scowl.

The monsters throw their streaks of light
a raucous symphony of sound and sight.
A false dawn drives back the encroaching night.

But the wind is a force that won’t be denied.
It vows an oath to take back the sky
and drives the monsters upon the tide.

The moon and stars are all that remain
to comfort the tears of a war torn sky
and remind the monsters they fought in vain.

I thought I saw you at the bus stop
It was my very first day of school
She ended up simply being the first person
I had met that reminded me of you

She kissed me in the backseat
As she whispered close your eyes
And I realized that they weren't your lips
It wasn't you in this little girls disguise

As the years passed I caught
what I thought
Were glimpses of you
around almost every corner

The girl who passed me my first love note
Sweet questions check yes or no
The angel singing on the choir stage
I thought I saw you in her glow

The first girl to see me cry
When she said she wasn't you
And I prayed it was a lie

Staring out at the starlight reflecting on the ocean
As she danced with another man
I realized it wasn't you
whom I had given my devotion

She was as close to you
as I was yet to find
But illusions will easily fool you
When you decide willingly to be blind

I know your out there somewhere, how much longer must I wait
How much longer till the loneliness can forever more abate

I grow weary of this journey without you by my side
How much longer till I see your smile
How much longer will you hide

How I long to see my soul reflected in your eyes
How many more heartaches
Will I have to suffer wrapped in your disguise

For now I'll continue searching and I'll harbor no regrets

I'll be here waiting for you
Where wishes made on falling stars
Are waiting to come true

You weren't there to check for monsters
hiding underneath my bed.
So I hid under my covers
as I lay awake in dread.

There were monsters in the daytime too
one even stole your shoes.
Hiding deep inside myself
was all that I could do.

You weren't there to show me how to fight
when the bullies knocked me down.
So I lived a life of fear
insecure upon the ground.

You weren't there by my side,
but you were always in my heart
and I grew into a man
even though we were apart.

Father to a beautiful little girl
with monsters hiding in the night,
but I chase them all away
and tuck her covers tight.

I hope you’re there for her
the way you couldn't be for us
a growing little girl
needs her grandpa’s love.

I need to write poetry
Even if it doesn’t rhyme
I want to sing the words
out loud Off key
And at the top of my lungs

I need to dance
Caught up in the moment
Lost in the music
Not a single thought
To what anyone might say

I need to run
With reckless abandon
Wide open down the sidewalk
Until my legs grow tired
and I’ve lost my breath

I need to dream
Like yesterday never happened
Like tomorrows already here
With the audacity of youth
Without the slightest hint of any fear

I need to live
Totally devoted to each moment
With every ounce of will within me
So that when the curtain closes
I’ll have harbored no regrets

if you leave your happiness up to chance
         you are likely only to be happy
fifty percent of the time

I stood there in the doorway, appreciating the paradox of time.
What seemed a moment that might never cease,
did not allow me to speak my hearts release.
All my lips could whisper was goodbye.

What else I might have said escapes me looking back.
As I rushed on through that doorway into the blurry night
and the tears I’d held at bay, began to cloud my sight.
Knowing this goodbye would probably be our last.

Something so final as goodbye.
Why did I have to leave you with that word?
Goodbye will be the last thing I wish you never heard.
It will be the first word to put you in my past

I gaze into my darkness,
after a whispered goodbye my heart has faltered
and I realize that forever more my sky is altered.
For when I said goodbye to you, one less star was my only reply.

you’ve lost that twinkle in your eye
your hair has dulled to gray
your hands are gnarled and cracked and dry
your memory slowly fades.

you’ll never get to hold her hand
you’ll never see her smile
her life on earth has just began

while yours has just  a sweet short while

how I wish there was a way
that you could somehow feel
the love inside this little girl
whose name you’ll never know