The clocks came to a halt
As our conversation cracked and fizzled out,
And there was no longer a need
To scream and shout
Because with our arms wrapped the enemy
Of our lover, one another,
We were once again complete.
But you were never willing to accept defeat.
The silence became intoxicating
As it seeped through, caressing the entire room
And fed up with the waiting,
Done with all the slating,
You got up and left
All too soon.
And our only goodbye was the mixture
Of our scents,
Your whiskey breath and my stale cigerettes.
That danced in the air.
The fire inside of me began to smoulder
And the devil on my shoulder
Lay down at rest.
The night grew colder
As day drew through the blinds
And reality burst through, in dark colours, amongst the leaves
And the gentle breeze from the window
Awoke me to its short sharp scratch.
As I came to realise
You were never hear
And really it's been three years
And I'd spent the night showering myself in my tears
And grieving a loss that
Had been and gone
Many years ago.
The clocks started ticking again
As I accepted the reality
And the formality it came with.
As I dressed for work,
I buried all of the confusion
Anguish, pain and hurt
Under bright red lipstick.
Your favourite colour.
And though I knew what I knew
Before I left
I still turned and waved goodbye to you.
Our memories crammed inbetween frames
On the Mantel piece,
They say coping gets easier
Of those deceased
Tho I have my reasons to question
Such ideation.
It's been three years,
And the house is still the same
Everything is similar
Except now I'm classed as clinically insane.
I guess you could say,
Your death, tore open and apart
My cell membranes,
Leaving room only,
For damaging remains.
And the job I'd got up and dressed for
And the night id stayed up and present in
Wishing, to see you once more
Were both fantasies,
Dreams I'd formed
Tho I wasn't dreaming
And my my mind is screaming
For you to not be gone
And it will never stop
Until we are at peace as one.
So the sun may shine
And the clouds may break
But me, I will spend the day,
Laying under our duvet
Wrapped in yesterday's memories
Of you and I
And I will sit and cry and wait
For fantasy to overtake reality
Because its hard to understand
When the two are so blurred
That I have no clue
If I can do or undo something that's happened
When there's no pattern
Just confusion.
Evolution of a broken mind.
And if I dig deep enough
Consolidation in you I find.
Despite the constant reminders
That you're gone,
Baby I'm still holding on.