i count
these shy stars
scattered
in the night sky
like beads on an abacus

little jewels
coalescing
to form shapes
like a fish, boar, turtle and a lion

each cluster
merging into a milky ocean
wherein
the cosmic flutist
plays a tune to which
all the stars dance

© 2017

last night
i came home late
to my mother yelling

i tried to reason
to no avail
she didn't believe any of my words

her hand on my arm
her voice high and loud
she tried to push me inside
she wouldn't listen

tired and angry
i walked away
she followed

then i ran
and ran
and ran
and ran

till i could no longer hear the flopping
of her shoes
behind me.

i had to return later
but the feeling of that run
of disobeying
of my heart beating fast
of my small lasted freedom
is still in my mind
causing me
to want to run once more
and never stop
till i'm so far away
even her in her sliver car
can't find me

i want to run
and run
and run
and run
and i don't wanna ever stop

I thought it was bad then it only got worse
I thought that my hunger could cure my thirst
last things last and first things first
thinking about my ride in a hearse

I thought it was bad then it only got worse
the world's been a weight ever since my birth
wondering why I was put on this earth
life is a blessing nah life is a curse

Somewhere between your heart and your lips
You become a puzzle

With every piece I pivot and fit
There draws inside me a hunger

To love you with every shape and color

Whether one thousand pieces scattered on the floor
Or masterfully put together

Have you ever felt so sick
That there's a churning in your stomach
That you just can't shake
Have you ever felt so broken
That you just can't sleep
Lost in confusion to how life brought you here
Have you ever felt so low
That you didn't think there was anywhere else to go
Have you ever been so angry
You can't control your rage
Ripping every photo in you picture frames
(Yeah) have you ever wondered why it is your heart breaks

Are you good at getting stuck in situations
Feel as though you have lost all communication
And you can't seem to navigate your way out of this dark place
You landed yourself in
Shouldn't have given everything so soon
And maybe then you wouldn't have lost you

Signals beyond detection
Lost in my own space
No stars or light to guide your way
You just met the monster under your bed
Gave into the voices inside of your head
This is the moment everybody dreads
So is this my hell
This is where I've been sent
This is the fall
This is the steep descent

Told you I bleed for my heart
Can't you tell from the scars
Engraved into my skin
Maybe I'm addicted to the pain
Maybe it doesn't feel right when life kicks me back in the face
Maybe I just can't go a day without making a mistake
Maybe I'm a lost cause
Maybe I have no faith
Maybe I've fallen from grace
Maybe I'm a disgrace
Maybe there is no hope for the hopeless
But I still give hope to those
That hang off of every word that I write
And it's lines and times like this that keep me alive (Yeah)

Are you good at getting stuck in situations
Feel as though you have lost all communication
And you can't seem to navigate your way out of this dark place
You landed yourself in
Shouldn't have given everything so soon
And maybe then you wouldn't have lost you

Signals beyond detection
Lost in my own space
No stars or light to guide your way
You just met the monster under your bed
Gave into the voices inside of your head
This is the moment everybody dreads
So is this my hell
This is where I've been sent
This is the fall
This is the steep descent

Maybe I'm drowning in sorrows
Maybe you have some love I could borrow
Maybe you could get me back on my feet
Should never have worn this heart on my sleeve
Maybe I shared too much
Maybe my kindness
got the best of me
Maybe I gave to much trust
Maybe I just lost the one
Maybe the battle was lost
Before it was ever won (Yeah)

Are you good at getting stuck in situations
Feel as though you have lost all communication
And you can't seem to navigate your way out of this dark place
You landed yourself in
Shouldn't have given everything so soon
And maybe then you wouldn't have lost you

Signals beyond detection
Lost in my own space
No stars or light to guide your way
You just met the monster under your bed
Gave into the voices inside of your head
This is the moment everybody dreads
So is this my hell
This is where I've been sent
This is the fall
This is the steep descent

©2017 Written By Benji James

she rises in the evening,
and the sunset paints her pink.
she shakes off the sleep
that hangs heavily from her eyelids,
and when the orange sky darkens,
she is alive.

the inky blue air shimmers with secrecy.
she smiles for the first time since waking.
how little, and yet how much the dusk hides;
for when the sun surrenders to the moon,
the waking are their truest selves,
set free by the mask of night.

Feels like just yesterday
You were, taken away
Your that spark inside
That keeps me alive
You are the reason that I write
You are the light in the night

Hope you can hear this
Hope you can feel it
Hope you see when I perform it
This is what I can do
To send my love to you

Imagine if stars
were souls just passed
Imagine if shooting stars
Were souls being
reborn again
That's a cycle of life
I want to believe in.

I lay awake
I hurt, I break
I can give, I can take
I'm brave at the
same time afraid
I hope, I pray
Some days I lose faith
I fear, I shake
Without you here
Everything feels unclear

Hope you can hear this
Hope you can feel it
Hope you see when I perform it
This is what I can do
To send my love to you

Imagine if stars
were souls just passed
Imagine if shooting stars
Were souls being
reborn again
That's a cycle of life
I want to believe in.

I still think of memories
I feel pain, yeah I still cry
Feel like I'm dying inside
I'm hurting, broken, scared
I still wonder how you are
Do you receive my love
Do you hear my thoughts
In my prayers
Do you know I still wish
You were here

Hope you can hear this
Hope you can feel it
Hope you see when I perform it
This is what I can do
To send my love to you

Imagine if stars
were souls just passed
Imagine if shooting stars
Were souls being
reborn again
That's a cycle of life
I want to believe in.

©2017 Written By Benji James

One empty nightstand and a closet half-full,
dim the lights and don't bother
to draw back the covers before you
surrender to the time.
The windows are drab and unclean
because you've lost the ambition to see clearly.
The sink is cluttered with the ghosts
of your last meal together and the rotting smell
filling the kitchen
is your favorite reminder that you didn't really
enjoy her cooking anyway.