Her laugh,
it tickles the back of my throat.
Strands of her hair,
get caught in our lips.
I bite her,
to quiet myself.
But the sound she makes,
shook me to the core.

   Drugs, ***, and Rock n' Roll.
But not in that order.

   The windows fog,
the car stalls;
My face,
buried in her neck.
Her mouth on mine;
My shoulder, collar bone, neck,------

    She takes a moment,
to look at myself.
Empty words tell me,
I'm "Beautiful".
And the look in her eyes,
scare me to death.

     Her car smells like a 'One-night Stand',
but her eyes hope for something more.

My heart stops
& I have to check,
Just one more time.
I know it's not him,
But I'm terrified either way.
      I hate it,
When they look at me.
When 'he' looks at me,
Watching me...
      I know he does,
Because I'm on edge.
He threatens my family,
with nothing more than a stare.

& I want to run.

Pink converse,
white tights,
And she's just hanging there.

I don't dare disturb her,
because somehow I knew
She wasn't real.

(My Mind Questions It)

So I peek...
Peek under the stall door,
to see nothing in it's place.

A tile floor.
Something thick,
it's covering every inch.
But, it is naked to my eyes.

The air is heavy.
Breathing in dense fog
and nothing comes out.

Who was she,
and why would my Hallucination be her death?
In suicide.

No one listens to me.
When I say someone bothers me, don't take it lightly!
By 'Bother me',
I mean they disrupt my entire being.
They make me want to peel my skin off; to let my anger take over.
I feel like I'll explode!

It makes me so unsure of who I am,
almost to where I can't control myself.

An endless game of Hide n' Seek.
Don't you see,
My hiding place !?
It's not hard to find.
So, Why do you not hasten to me.
YOU MUST BE HIDDEN TOO!

Come with me,
For we must stick together.
As we all fear the cold, smothering belly of loneliness.
We shall confide in each other's pursuit for a common love.

When will this game end?
Before long...
For we now dread each other's company,
And long to be found.

The 'Game' turns into emotional torture.
We lost track of the ever burning sun.
Our memories become fabric
And
Our words cut out the shapes we need to keep warm.
Yet, The bitter cold is so ever tempting.

As our bodies together, like a great fire...
I realize-----
Only TWO were playing this 'Game'.

I read... Read till my mind is at ease.
To find proof of a terror greater than mine.
Fear the dark... Instead of the men knocking at the door,
always knocking.
Hide n' Seek, My mother and I would play... Every time
The men would knock.
Scream... At the sight of that mask, The mask your brother
would terrorize you with.
Instead of how mother acts as she drank...
And drank & drank, till she fell to the floor.
So I made a game of it...
'Quiet Lion', I whispered as I curled up next to my ill mother.
One day... My hunger got to me.
So, when the men knocked, I ran from my hiding place... & let them in.
Now the game was (Quiet Mouse Still Mouse),
Mother knew how I hated that game...
But I was FIVE & everything was a game.
I'd play house, When mother and I would switch places.
I never can remember us switching back----
Maybe, We're still playing...
If we are, She's really bad at Hide n' Seek.

I’ve dug into the root of every known emotion of man.
From mere happiness to dread and fear, it’s scary… Really!?
How we can feel, really feel, and how it can change us-
From innocent to tainted, good to evil.
And that you can also feel; feel for not only inanimate, living, or anything.
But you can feel for other people.
You can feel so strongly, that it shakes your soul.
And you can also…
Not feel-
Numbness, or is it a feeling?
It can over take your very being
And **** the life out of your eyes-
To where you don’t eat,
Don’t get out of bed,
And never open your eyes.
You just lay there, in a void that you yourself created…
But eventually you’ll pull yourself out…
Feeling, Feeling, Feeling.
Feelings are not the only thing… that I’ve dug into.
I’ve found more than anyone ever could.
Because, I look a little harder…
Free Will;
Is that what makes us different from the animals, evolution?
Free will.
The choice, the choice that is ours to make… or not make.
Some people find beauty in it.
But, some people find hell and torture in free will… The ones who can’t think for themselves.
In some ways-
I find them weak.
But also cunning, in a ‘Monkey see, Monkey do’ kind of way…
In spite of everything we know about Free will.
We still do not quite understand-
How Free-will makes us any
More or less… Human.