Just, Why?
I over analyze simple things, hoping for a better or worse outcome…
I look for answers, where there are none.
    Question;
If the universe in infinite, why do we find so many things… A great discovery?
When we haven’t even scratched the surface!
    Maybe…
I’m on the wrong side of the universe.
So, when will others learn that up isn’t up and down isn’t down?
     My mind is so vast.
But I am young, to an untrained eye.
I’m a writer, artist, and a poet…
I have lived and died so many times.
I’m a kid.
But I feel as if I’ve lived for thousands of years-

                                                                 So many lives!

I didn't want it,
not in any sense of the word.
Mom & Dad, I still have nightmares!
And when you bring it up... I lose myself.
I want to collapse into myself, to disappear.

Dad,
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I don't hug you or kiss you goodnight anymore.
it's just, every time I do... I feel HIM.
I know it's you...
But I can't help but fall back; When I close my eyes & see that face...
HE stared down at me, HE didn't even look human.
And I'm different Because of THAT.

Mom,
IT'S made me paranoid!
I jump when someone grabs my arm...
And I don't know what to do?
I know, I made it seem one way... in hopes it would all go away.

But,
Mom & Dad...
                             I'm TERRIFIED!

I stare at the ground, no need for attention.
I don't want them to find me, to fixate on me.
So, I make myself small;
Just a smudge on a camera lens.
I won't make a sound.
Be something... not desired.
Don't show that you're scared.
Try and scare them, anything to shake them off!?
They have a tainted soul, all they do is hurt.
Their hands reach for me.
...Maybe if I wasn't so small, I could yell.
And someone would help me!?!?
But, They already forced their sin
down my throat & hands tight against my windpipe.
Why don't they fear me!?
My psychotic tendency's, nulled by my loss of consciousness.

I remember getting THAT call... every second.
I remember the STING of the cold air, against my skin.
The JAGGED stains of dirt on my jeans
When I FELL to the solid ground.
...Like I was just STABBED.
Dirt COVERED my hands, that could be mistaken for blood.

I could HEAR the sound... of my heart shattering.
An EXCRUCIATING wave of pain.
I couldn't BREATH.
Choking out tears & Stifled SOBS, until I was nothing.
But, a SMALL mess on the cold ground.

My eyes flicker OPEN,
"Did I JUST die? Am I dead?"
I FELT dead, and empty.
I feel an AWFUL numbness, take over MY body.
I look AT the sky, through scattered tree limbs.
Specks of WHITE fall on me.
My hot face stings WITH every speck.
...with EVERY newly made snowflake
I now see MY breath in front of me.
Staring at the SNOW as it falls.

I am nothing but a SHELL,
I am NOTHING without her.
I live FOR her.
So... HOW do I learn to, live without.
I wish for DEATH.
But, I get CONSTANT waves of numb and empty pain instead.

I hate HER and I can't stand her.
...But I NEED her.
So, NO matter how much she hurts me.
I'd APOLOGIZE for it, and she's killed me so many times.
That if she got MY blood on HER hands, I'd clean them.

I just CAN'T un-love her.

I question myself and reality.
Finding the worst possible outcome, then a hundred more.
When I feel safe, but then startled, I panic.
I go through the list, I made, of good things…
But, I can’t make any of the words out.
Nor can I speak, But I CAN scream.
I can kick, punch, and bite!
…Because I feel threatened!?
Oxygen fills my lungs.
Only to come out in Erratic, Choppy, Panting breaths.
I pull on my skin, to make sure it’s still there.
The others only give me a migraine.
And, I’ve only been here maybe… ten minutes.
But it felt like a LIFETIME.

& then I die, only to be born again…
                                                                                          & again.

One day…
The bird looked up into the sky, from the comfort of her nest.
As she looked to the sky,
She noticed the woman in the moon.
the woman smiled at her.
So every night she would look up at the woman,
Talking till the sun came up.
On one special night,
when the moon was closest to the bird and full,
the bird confessed her love to the woman in the moon.
The moon wept…
So the bird began to fly, closer and closer to the moon,
but as she did  the air became thin.
As the woman in the moon turned her back to the bird,
the bird began to fall.
Landing in a pit.
The entrance collapsed,
Trapping the bird.
… Her love was gone,
                                               She would never see the moon again.

~Moral or Lesson: Do not fall in love, because eventually you will be hurt.