Do you ever look in the mirror and not recognize yourself

The pretty girl who smiles during the day
Often has the most to cry about at night.

I used to be neon pink
Smile wide and radiant
Everything is great, I would think
Then I started to go silent

Here I am, neon I am not
Light bulbs gone dead
I used to talk quite a lot
Now it’s all in my head

Colors been drawn out
Not drawn, strained
Stuck in an eternal drought
I’m afraid it’s unexplained

Douse yourself in lighter fluid
Burn all in your quake

Feel the fire roar
Allow the flames to breathe

After being burned for so long
You deserve to be lit

The words won’t string together
I type and type
Backspace. Backspace.

Thoughts pour like a waterfall
They plummet to the bottom.
Splash. Splash. Plunk.

Tears fall like love
A girl falls in love. The guy never catches.
Thunk. “Ouch”

Hands grasp at nothing
Feet slip and slide
Down the hole
I’m reaching. Trying to pull myself out
I’m in the hole
I see myself, three years younger
I’ve fallen back into old patterns
All those years I spent climbing out
I’m back in the hole
I see myself, three years younger
I always hated mirrors.

My parental people yell
My misguided mind melts
My hurting heart hasn’t healed
My passion puffs out
My tenacious thoughts tumble
My time trickles out
I’m loosing my liveliness

I’m so alone
The tears can’t stop flowing
Yelling never ends
My heart stabs
There’s too many thoughts
The tears can’t stop flowing
My puzzle pieces won’t fit
My puzzle pieces refuse to fit
I’m so alone

We all know the feeling.
When you can feel the words.
When you can feel them begging to be pulled from your mind.
You can feel them straining to be written.
But when the pens starts to move
The words jumble and tumble
Overflowing all at once
Not making an ounce of sense
They beg to be pulled
But when you open the door
They only fall on top of one another
And all they seem to do is smother

Be the colors that scream at you to look at them
Be the dress full of life with a torn hem
Be the feet that never stop dancing
Be the sailor looking through his binoculars, glancing
Be the wind that swirls with all its might
Be the blanket that provides warmth at night
Be the girl full of life
Don’t just be someone’s wife

He knew me
He knew I like oatmeal raisin cookies
He knew I love animals
He knew I want to go to Fiji
He knew my favorite color is periwinkle

He didn’t know I get anxious going places I’ve been to a million times
He didn’t know I cried myself to sleep every night so much it hurt my stomach
He didn’t know I would stare at pill bottles thinking, this could all be over
He didn’t know I picked up scissors and cut

He didn’t know me
No one knows me

I want to be a desert
Where each sand is a memory that doesn’t hurt
I want to be an ocean
Drops of water filled with love and emotion
I want to be a jungle
Where I don’t constantly crumble
I want to be a meadow
The sun never stops her glow

The walls are there for a reason
To protect against crime and treason
Don’t let it out don’t let it in
Can’t let anyone know how you’ve really been
Arm the guards, protect the inner
Don’t let in the sinner
The walls are up but the roof is gone
She’s free to move on
She went up in the clouds, the wind rose
All the way up she glows

Give her the seeds
Watch her bloom
She’ll get what she needs
Even if it means your doom

Give her wings
Watch her fly
Dodge the bombings
Where ideas die

Give her water
Watch her swim
To the ends of the earth in a blur
The worlds turning grimm

I crave the days of salty air
A time where swim suits are all we wear
days and days of sun
and your hair is windblown and up in a bun
ice cream trucks circle down the street
your plate piled with fresh barbecue meat
long days, short nights
so. many. mosquito. bites.
oh winter you can be so cruel
and I hate going to school
so summer please hurry
because I miss you and hate the snow flurry

And so I paint my toes
And powder my nose
Coat my lashes
And the camera flashes
Curl my hair
Time for nair
All very necessary  
As well as shoes and accessories

My heart was an ocean for you
But you were a drought in secret
You let me pour myself in to you
And when I was all dried up
You walked out of the desert I’ve become
You walked out of the nothing I’ve become

Freckles danced on her skin
Dolphins swimmed in her eyes
Caramel strickled down her hair
The shield held well for her broken soul

entrapped in your curse
I fell under your spell
those big green eyes melted me
and after finally coming back together
there's nothing left inside

what if we were flowers
floating in the wind
nothing special, no superpowers
we'd be up in the air where we twisted and spinned
what if we were trees
our branches stretch far and wide
we could live deep in the jungle where no one ever sees
a place where only the sky cried
what if we were leaves
constantly changing our skin
getting stepped on by thieves
laid upon the path on which we begin