Honey take away the blade
From those innocent little wrists
You're far too precious
To hurt yourself like this.
Baby, take your fingers
From down your throat,
You're far too beautiful,
To make yourself gag and joke.
Sweetheart, empty those pills,
From your hands
You're far too gifted
To slip through the sands
Of time.
Darling, take the fist away,
From your head,
Your far too special,
Take your fist to a pillow instead.
Angel, take all those self destructive thoughts and hold yourself in your arms,
You're worth so much more and deserve so much better,
than to cause your self harm.
I promise.

Sometimes I feel a little lost,
inside my body, my mind,
like someone's stole the map,
and tore down the road signs,
like I'm living with a stranger,
and there's no thrilling sense of danger,
just sheer fear,
when i pull myself close,
and discover I'm nowhere near.

For as sure as the moon will rise,
Will i look into those eyes of yours every single day, and tell you i love you.
For as sure as the stars will soar,
Will i hold your beautiful body,
every single night, and tell you i love you more.
For as sure as tomorrow will come,
Will i be at your beck and call,
Every time you need me, i promise i will run.
For as long as you will have me,
Will i be honoured to have you,
I will treasure you always,
Your quirks, bad habits too.
For as long as the sea may wash upon the tide,
Will i vow to be with you,
Every day and night, of my life,
I promise you sweetheart,
I'll always be by your side.

Sometimes things have to fall apart,
to make way,
for a better beginning, a fresh start,
at least that's what you told me,
the night you tore out my heart.

And though the sands of time sift between us,
your grasp it tightens,
There's no need to be frightened.

And people wonder why I struggle to sleep
My answer
I forgot how to count sheep
After the night you sliced up my dreams and threw me into relentless nightmares.

Lies heavy
A heart of disdain
Entrenched in yesterday's catastrophes
A morsel remains.
So you sit take
A razor to your wrist
The urge to strong, too enticing, to resist
And inflict pain
Tear open your veins.
Just like paper.
And there's a waiter in the midst
Inside of you
But your waiting and debating
Has got the best of me too.
And we're sat here together
Hands interlaced
Wondering if we'll ever get out of this place.
If that gorgeous smile of yours
Will ever rejoice upon your face
And tumble across those lips.
And despite the promises
We're wondering if the pair of us
Really are equipped for this,
journey you're embarking upon.
Honey I know it will be long,
But you deserve so much better.
Nows your time
Clench it in your tightest fist
Before you're gone.
Before we hear your funeral song.
Darling grab it with all your might
Now's the time.
You have to fight.

She looks at me like i put the stars in the sky

My free spirit got swept away by the wind
i haven't been the same since.

All we've ever wanted is to love and be loved.

There's something so beautiful
about the way my name rolls of your tongue.
Something so spectacular,
about knowing where we belong.

Perfection is all you ask,
Staring into your reflection,
Your minds own rejection.
You lost your confidence
to embrace imperfection.
To the extent,
You exaggerate,
That life would be better,
If only;
You could appreciate,
That this is fate
And you need to accept
What is left.
Take a breath;
A step back;
Relax and realise,
Its not about
S h a p e or SIZE.
Open up your eyes,
To the beauty inside
- us all.

She closed the door
On what could have been
Wiped the floor
Of what should have been
Cleared the shelves of our memories
Washing her hands
Of the eternity
That we had both promised.
She painted the walls, and decked the halls
With her new lovers pen
Changed the locks
So I couldn't see her again.
She wrote away our history
On a little post it note
And sent it in an envelope of
Divorce papers
She called in the painters and decorators
And started anew
Put to bed
All that we'd been through
And left me dangling
By a thread
Waiting for the phone to call
For any sign at all
That this wasn't true.
Waiting for the I love yous
That had warmed even the coldest of mornings
Better than any cup of coffee ever could
Waiting for the reassuring cuddles and kisses
That had made me feel so, so good.
Waiting
For
The one person who had always caught me, to catch me
As I fell
Head first into an abyss
Of late nights and stiff drinks
That she'd spent years, pouring down sinks.
But since she's been gone
I've picked up the bottle again
And it's began to throttle the pain.
So I drink down the past and remains in whiskey drops
Until the floor lures me
I lose sight of the clocks
And hit the decks.
If I was a pirate,
I'd make a mighty good ship mate
But as it is
I'm not and I'm late for work
And wearing odd socks
A shadow of the man I used to be.
And even my shadow doesn't recognise me.

Let’s write a poem
For the fun of it
Rhyme, combine, design
Thoughts, phrases, words
Stanzas absurd.

Let’s use alliteration
1st, 2nd, 3rd person narration
Let us not forget
Capital letters, commas and full stops
To crop,
Our faults.

Let’s write about love, loss and heartache,
Let’s make mistakes
Relationships, politics,
Let’s get lost, in this;
Wonderful world of ink and paper.

Let’s dangle emotions
Delicately of straight
Lines, text, worth
Thousands of pounds
To someone.

Let’s dribble prose across the page
Lead rhyme
Into an organised,
Coherent line

Hold hands with demands
Laced, not closed,
Of errors dispose.

Let’s write a poem
For the fun of it
Watch it age, as the pages, discolour.
But remain as beautiful, if not more so
Than it were, when first composed.

Our bed the paper
Our hands the words
Our lips the verse

Dribbling poetry
Tenderly caressing prose
The ink flows
This play is closed

We're onto something
We create magic
Between the sheets of love
Fireworks, sunsets, sunrise
Lust, passion
In our eyes

Our bodies entwined
Yours words and mine

We write together
In time together
We compliment eachother
A romance, a tragedy,
You and me

Our bed the paper
Our hands the words
Our lips the verse

Our bodies aligned
Our legs entwined
Your hand in mine
A jigsaw puzzle,
Perfectly placed.

A haze, as I gaze into your eyes
Kisses, cuddles and laughter
We're not asking for a happily ever after
We seize the moment,
We seize the day
Holding each other, together we lay
Under your duvet
You say I'm amazing
Tho I think I'm nothing great
I appreciate your words
I say you're beautiful and
Tho you don't believe
You allow me to conceive
A compliment dressed in
Tight green ribbons
Your favourite colour.

We climb the stairs to your room
Interrupting stares between us
Exchanged glances
Our romance is, unexplainable

I fall into you,
You catch me,
We're both free falling
Others are calling,
Tho you're all I want to hear
You're all I want near.

Time always goes
too fast
when I'm with you, and
Too slow
When I'm not, in your presence.

Your heart on my sleeve,
My heart on yours,
Together we open the doors
To each others soul
Fear holds us back at times
Tho we talk, remind, reassure
That's what we're here for.

I lay my head upon your chest,
I can hear your heart racing,
My minds chasing, tho the pacing
Becomes slower.
As you pull me in tighter
I'm not usually a fighter
But this is worth fighting for.

The ground shakes,
The earth quakes
As I realise, how positively
lucky I am.
To be able to call something
So beautiful, inside and out
Mine.

This was not love making.
This was sin
and the devil victoriously
danced between the sheets.

Withhold my weighty heart, anchored in the depths of hell.

The greatest of magic lies in our naivete and innocence.

Im falling apart,
pick a character, play your part.
Its okay darling
Im a lover of the arts.

You told me I wanted it,
But still to this day,
I don't think I've ever wanted anything less.
The feel of your hot breath
Against my *******,
Is a feeling I will never forget,
Though if wishes come true it'd be one of the few I'd chose
To lose.

You tore off my trousers
And in that instant,
You snatched away my innocence,
Like a thief in the night
And it was night,
Only thieves steel objects, not
Metaphorical representations of childhood.

This wasn't love making
This was sin,
And the devil danced in victory, between the sheets.

Tears laces my cheeks,
And dropped down my neck
And you lapped them up
In a split sec
Ond.
You trespassed all over me
With those poisoned lips
Those soiled hands
My hips didn't respond to the demands
You imposed and
I tried so desperately to close you out.

But,
You came in anyway,
Like a supermarket,
Despite the sign clearly lined to remind you
That it was out of hours.
Despite the plaque that said keep of the grass
You trampled on it anyway
And the hundred showers
I drowned myself in after
The fake smiles, the laughter
Still haven't succeeded in
Washing you out.
Of everything.
You seep through the cracks
Every night, as I hold myself tight
I have to remind myself
You're not there
You're elsewhere.
And people wonder why I struggle to sleep
My answer
I forgot how to count sheep
After the night you sliced up my dreams and threw me into relentless nightmares.

There'd be no need to bleed
a pen of its ink
if only I had the ability 
to decipher what I think.

You slipped off my wings and made me human again.

I am working on freedom
But it's a work in progress
As much as I try and convince myself
I know I'm not ready. Not just yet.

To take responsibility,
For my safety and health,
To pick up a fork and keep down its wealth.
To prepare myself a meal
To allow myself to heal.
To put down a razor and use a different technique
Maybe one day,
But at present I am weak.
To walk innocently
Not compulsively.
To tackle negative thoughts in a productive fashion
One day will be the case
When I have the compassion.
To love myself like I do you,
Will take a long time to do.
To allow myself to make,
An error, a mistake
Without having to dance with my self defeating thoughts
I'm not quite out of those courts.

I am working on freedom
But it's a work in progress.
One day ill be ready. Just not yet.

I bit open a lie and it tasted like you.

Write me a meal plan in bright red pain
And tell me this is the answer to all my problems again
Force down a tube through my nose and into my stomach
And watch as I flummox out of control
Fill this gaping hole inside of me
With drugs and sedation
Numb out pain and realisation
Force feed me promises and a smile
Only to regress back in a while.
Fill these cracks
With temporary fixtures
Concoctions of pills and other mixtures.
Treat me with CBT and psychotherapy
Tell me one day ill be free
And maybe if you say it enough times
Ill start to believe it
As much as you say you do.

Every body's talking but i can't hear a single thing.

We're dying to live and yet we're living to die.

My is mind is not my own today,
so please excuse these words i say.
I am not entirely sure what i think and feel,
its difficult to differentiate what is and isn't real.
My mind is playing games on me,
blurring my sight, so i struggle to see,
to undress reality.
There are holes in my thinking,
dents and Im sinking.
Deeper and deeper,
my fight growing weaker and weaker.
My mind is not my own today,
all logic it seems to have been thrown away,
So i sit in dismay,
and apologise
for these vacant eyes.

For as sure as the moon will rise,
Will i look into those eyes of yours every single day, and tell you i love you.

Its harder to get lost in a desert than in her eyes.

They say home is where the heart is
Well then I haven't been home in years.
Because I have no idea
Where my heart lays

Don't try and save me.
Thousands have tried and failed,
watched disappointingly,
each time I've derailed.
Don't set of shore and raise the sails.
Im drowning,
Sinking in a sea of what could have and what should have been
There is no life boat strong enough to take back the things I've seen
withhold my weighty heart.
my soul is anchored in the the darkest parts,
The murkiest waters.
It is held down in the depths
of despair
Save your own sons and daughters.
Im a wasted rescue mission.
Throw down your ammunition
i have enough to tear myself apart.

Sometimes when I'm lost in this abyss
I wonder if you miss me
As much as I do you.

Sometimes when the clouds start to thunder
A dark and lonely storm
I wonder if you miss me
Holding you to keep you warm.
As much as I miss holding you
When the curtains they drew in the dawn
And each time we were reborn in each others arms,
Together.

And I wonder when these storms will start to clear
Because its already been a year and three days
And in so many ways
I still haven't let you go.

i force down days upon weeks upon years,
of regret, pain, shame.
In one mouthful
And you wonder why it takes so little
For my stomach to be full.

When we were younger
We'd sit and play for hours
With dolls and beads and flowers
With toy cars and train tracks
And at the end of the day
We'd pack them away and put them all back.
We'd go down by the river
And laugh and shiver
And joke about growing old
Little did we know
What was about to unfold

As we grew older, the fires inside of us, began to smoulder,
The shoulders we'd come to rely on
Started to decay
As we made our way, into the world
Suddenly the dolls came to life
As our dreams of becoming a husband, a wife
Started to sour.
The beads formed nooses around our necks
As we began to lose our innocence
To drugs and ***.
The flowers shrivelled up and died
As we sat and cried our own rivers to drown in.
And those pretty little halos and silver tin crows
That used to iron out our frowns
S
   l
      i
        p
           p
             e
               d,
as we d i p p e d our toes into adulthood.
The toy cars crashed,
As we smashed head on, in a collision with reality.
And there was so need to plead
For the box with our train track toys
Because the little girls and boys inside us
Had died long ago.

And besides
We drew our own tracks up and down our wrists
And straight through our hearts.
As we began to realise
We were running out of
Fresh starts and new beginnings.

I awake in the morning
Her head on my chest
Her scent clings tightly to my vest
And I wish her the best for the day ahead.
Whilst we lay in bed
As she leaves towards the door
I playingly  plead for a kiss,  just one more
The sheets part between us
Two women from Venus.
Her smile shoots through my veins
As I lay in the remains
Of the love and laughter we'd just shared
Tranquil and watch her exit
Our house, our home
I pick up my phone
And tell her
Just how much I love her.
Just once more.

2013 ©

Actions speak louder than words
So let me show you i love you
instead of tell you.

Let me kiss those perfect pastel pink lips
Let me slide my hands down over those beautiful hips
And pull you in closer.

Let me softly trace the back of your spine
Let me show you just how badly
I want you to be mine.

Let me take you out of your comfort zone
And colour you in shades you never even new existed
Let me bring you alive
Show you the life, you never new you could have.

Let me caress those gorgeously proportioned thighs
wipe away tears from those enticing vortexes, you call eyes
That lure me in,
Like a bird of prey,
You can have your way with me.

Let me hush away your fears
into a little black box
to which only i have the key
and i promise to keep it locked.

Let me take you to the mirror,
and give you my eyes
so you could appreciate and realise just how beautiful you really are

Let me undress those scars with tender loving hands
Let me fulfil all your wants and demands.
Let me be your ear, whenever you need someone to listen
Don't be ashamed of those battle wounds, I will never be ashamed of you or the marks you bear.
We'll take them out into the moonlight
And watch as they glisten there.
Ill take you to the horizon and you can stand on the beach
Anything you want, let me show you is within your reach.
With your feet just touching shore
You let me know
If you ever want more.
Let us wash away your insecurities in  me, in a sea of love, laughter and late night phone calls.
Let me show you, that you deserve it all
And more.

Let me hold your hand whenever you feel as though your falling
Let me be the voice that guides you home, when you're calling.

Let me show you that i love you
that no pair were made as exclusively for each other
As me and you.

If you want something to make sense
then allow so.

The ink sinks through
as our sanitys brink, burrows
Deeper, deeper.
Into a world where blood red pain
shatters the moments
we tried our best to hold onto.
Scatters, across the reminders.
Lest they forget
to come forth and find us.

If every scar could write a story,
then inside of me lies a book.
If ever I dare dig deep enough,
to take a proper look.

To put pen to paper,
and bring to life, Past and Pain,
to scribble out
and exchange,
Words for Scars.
Reality and Truth.
To risk my foundations shaking,
my earth, Quaking.
and leaving me roofless
seems Ruthless.

If every scar could write a story,
then inside of me lies a book.
If ever I dare dig deep enough,
to take a proper look.

Mesmerised, I look into your eyes,
a cold wind, as we begin
Our journey, t'ward Eternity.
My hand waiting for yours,
the stars, they soar.
We are floating above Mountains,
drinking from Fountains,
sipping from the elixir of life.

My eyes open,
the token of your love, in my left hand, a Ring.
The future it promised to bring.

Once more I am alone,
i no longer own, this moment.

The leaves they dance, as our romance,
leaves behind Morsels.
A shell remains,
engulfed in flames,
a furnace of Self Blame,
i take the plunge.
And i walk, i eat
our Memories, Plans
your Final Goodbye
your Wants, Demands.
The marching band drums
beat in time with my Tortured soul,
we were Supposed to grow old.
I pick up the fork and force down Guilt,
upon the foundations we built,
cemented together by loves haze.

Worlds at a time, I combine,
Mine and Yours,
Unopened doors.

The house we never furnished,
the walk we never took,
the book that was never written,
Our story unfinished,
Your life Diminished.

I sit, take a sip of my tea,
it doesn't taste the same.
The razors don't take away the pain,
of hearing Your Name.

Nobody takes a photo
Of something they want to forget.

And what do I say,
when you've took all those words,
and crammed them away
into a pretty little bouqet
of tulips.
What do i expell from my lips,
with a sorry wrapped up like this.
Bright green ribbons and blood red buds,
Scattered across Years of disappointment.
When you propose to wine and dine
in an attempt to confine
this mess you've made.
What do i say?
Because id do anything
to make this okay.

And when you feel like you're falling
listen for my voice
I promise I'll be never be far
Calling you home
Summoning you back to reality
I'll be your gravity
You will never walk alone.

Raindrops dance on my shoulders
as the fires inside of me
begin to smoulder.

Distraction is an amazing thing.

And if I could write
and recite
these happenings within my mind
one can only wander
what words one could find
to describe
what one has never understood
and if I could
there'd be no need to bleed
a pen of its ink
if only I had the ability
to decipher what I think.

As the minutes drift into hours
I stare at the flowers
That died the day you left.

And they say keepers win in the war of finders,
But I'm not so sure.
Cos, the reminders
Of what used to be.
Have soured.
And I try and devour
Memories,
Spaces, faces, places
That we shared.
And I choke on some, and others slide down.
--

And I wander if I even cross your mind, my love
And do you remember the time
You said that you'd always be mine
And that forever was too short a time
For you and I.

Those lies you spun, like a spiders web,
Took place, built homes
Inside my head
And I didn't try to relocate
Because all I could do was appreciate
That someone finally cared.

And those memories that we shared,
Those faces, spaces and places
They're all so vivid.
I can smell the scent of your sweet perfume, and feel the water
Splash
When we went down that log floom
And we both held on so tight,
We were determined not to let eachother go. With all our might.
So what happened, my love?

What changed inside that beautiful frame of yours
What's the reason you began to close  all of those doors
And lock me out.
Cos it's strange to be a stranger
And I don't like the danger
That comes with
Not knowing who I am, or you were.
And the uncertainty of who we were together.
Cos the forever we promised
Has been and gone, and call me crazy
But I expected to hold on to it
A little longer.
I thought we were stronger.

Your honey gold hair hung
Down over your face
As you told me about these places and spaces that we shared
Could be no more

My world crashed and burned
And fizzled out
And I found new ammunition
To tear myself apart
To pull to pieces
My damaged heart.
And once I was done
I hung the picture frame
You threw onto the floor
On a sign on the doors,
Saying keep out.

And my barriers went up
But my walls crumbled down
Tell me,
Are you around, my love?

Are you laughing and smiling
And have you moved on...

2013 ©

He places the blame
On a plaque with my name.

Encased in a whirlwind of inner turmoil
We claw at rotten soil
To harvest something beautiful.
Something fruitful, of use.
To escape the abuse
Of our own thoughts.
We are caught
In a catch twenty two
Desperate to pull through
And
Make sense of
The dents in our thinking
The depths that we're sinking
The vacant eyes that are blinking
As we're thrown around inside
Our own minds.