Yin and yang
Masculine
Feminine
Opposites attract

But what if
The opposites are
Just two halves
Of a whole

Opposite magnetism
One being
I love you
Yang

Today I realized
How very much
I need you

When I am afraid
You refuse to leave my side
Simple proximity defuses my fear
Reassuring me when you are near

Our minds so alike
Stubborn, fierce, humorous and protective
When my words seem incomplete
You finish my thought
Arguing for me

You are my partner
My friend
So warm is your skin on mine
Flesh intertwined

Sometimes I stumble and fall
You catch me
Support me
You're there through it all

Thank you for making me feel safe my dear
For caring and understanding
Being the awful boy I cherish
For wiping away my tears
And somehow assuaging my fears

I'm sleep deprived
Mentally
And emotionally
Exhausted

Things either hurt
So so much
Or
I can't feel them

I can't cry
My feelings have
Dried up
Like dust in the wind

My body
Doesn't even
Feel pain
Not anymore

All I am
All I can feel
Even in my soul
Is tired

This isn't healthy
I shouldn't crave
Not a craving like munchies
Or the random urge for something
My every fiber
Is starving for you

With you there is no pain
The problems go away
It's bliss
I relax
I can breathe
Finally

When I don't have you
You are all that
Fills my mind
I go insane
I can feel
So much pain

But you're gone
You have no feelings
Why should mine matter
The ache comes back
Blooming into a roaring flame
I can't handle this pain

I'm not special
My eyes
Just brown
Not light
Or dark

Your wall
Won't come down
I don't
Mean
Enough

You could break me
But
I trust you won't
Love

I want to write about being crushed
Like something sat down on my chest
No one will ever read this
But I have to let this out

When I am around people I am happy
Because I love them
I want them not to worry
Please don't leave me alone

I am alone now....
Rather than one heart break that will heal
I have a perpetually breaking heart

Maybe there is nothing sitting on me
Maybe my chest collapsed
Someone probably beat me to death
That would be lovely
Death by blunt object to the lungs
Baseball bat mayhaps?

Depression is a crushing thing
Devastating
Irrational
Fleeting
It comes to stay a few days or a week
Then leaves much later than intended

Please don't leave me
I don't want to be alone
This silence stifles my thoughts
The emptiness causes my tearducts to weep

At night I slumber
Wishing to be held
Maybe, there's that word again, maybe someday
If I am very lucky

This sadness that crushes will fade I know
But each and every time
It takes longer to go

My head nestles against your throat
Your breath warm on my face
Feathery kisses placed on my forehead
Make me feel at peace

Warmth touches my skin
Hands clasped fingers intertwined
A sigh escapes my lips
I am so glad you are mine

Wrapping around me are bonds
Your arms an iron grasp
Assuring of gentle affection
You hold my hands with a tender clasp

I love you how could I not
I try to explain but my words are locked

It isn't that I can't breathe
There is nothing stopping air from entering my lungs
I just don't want to
I breathe and my mind tricks me
It says you are behind me
Your scent filling my senses
Cruelly lying to me
Because you are gone
And I will never know why

I’ve recently had to learn a lot about
myself— the kinds of things you wish you could never learn about yourself— how far your strength goes and the point where your mind snaps— .......i never
wanted to find the bottom of my strength—
every day with a forced smile
of course I can make your problem go away
i can fix anything in the blink of an eye
don’t worry it’s ok
i understand-i empathize-i know what you are feeling
- - - but every time I say those things it digs a little deeper
when I patch your hole I find my strings unraveling

You have been mine
Ever since the first day
Our paths entwine
Crossing paths along the way

You broke my heart
But I gave it back to you
Take and keep it
You're all I want

Don't let go of us this time
Though you know I'll be here
Even when you ***** up
I'm waiting by your side

You are my heart
And you make it full
Baby I'm beating out a samba
And it's just for you

He loved her
She left him
He tried to fight
But ended up giving in

She loved him
He ran away
Now neither knows
If she'll be ok

He loved her
She cut out his heart
He can't trust
Doesn't know where to start

They all say its love
But thats where I disagree
Love is not giving in
Not running not hurting the other

Love is something you work for
It is hard
And you have to fight for it
You can't give up

If it is really love
You don't forsake it
It isn't fickle
A whim will not change it

You will be loyal
Stay faithful
Put your lovers needs
Ahead of everything

Sometimes you think it is over
Sometimes you wish it would end
But you know
You KNOW
That it is meant to be
Not written in the stars
Not fated
But a choice you made
A choice that you make
EVERY SINGLE DAY
So choose wisely
Because saying I love you
Is a promise
Integrity says always keep your promises
So be a person of integrity
Fight for your love
You made that promise
That pledge
Now uphold it

It drips down my arms
Faster
Then slowly congealing
Coagulating
Stopping it's once rapid descent
The blood pools then dries
Sticky on my skin

You saved me yet again
Your promise
The one I made
It keeps me tied
You are my anchor
My thought
My all

I would spill my blood
To the last drop
To hold your tears
And to keep them from falling
I feel alone
But I know you won't leave me
You are my peace and serenity

In the shower
I keep peeking out
making sure
no one is there

I’ve never seen ******
but somehow the shower scene
Is stuck in my head
but... mine stars Pennywise

The movie isn’t real
I know that
I’m a grown up
but in the dark...
i don’t feel like it

ive stopped sleeping.
the dark hall outside of my room
always seems to hold
a pair of glowing eyes

my head is throbbing
a line that feels like raw nerves
is running behind my right eye

Everyone is having allergy issues now
but this feels different
noise makes me sick

is there an allergy to music?
some intense lack of soul?
maybe I don't have one

My lover is singing off key
in my too small shower
that's the only sound that doesn't hurt

The band downstairs still *****
they play non stop
But never improve

What is the difference between dissonance and cacophony?
I can't remember. They make me queasy

Even my cat is being extra nice today.
like he knows I feel wrong
Cat nurses are the best

This is agony
I want to talk to you
But I can't
I want to tell you
The things that I found out
Would they change anything...

I don't know
And the not knowing is killing me
I can't decide what to do
God but I want to say
So many things
But that's the problem

When it comes to you
I say too much
I can't shut up
And it makes you leave

Skin becomes ashen

Crumbles lacking moisure

Muscles rebel

Tendons detach

Bones crack and splinter

Stripped of flesh

Where has the blood gone?

Without a heart to beat it cannot flow

Once there was a steady thudding

In this cavernous hole

Now the edges are jagged

Its contents removed

Death is becoming

To these pale features

A rest with no pain

Agony so constant of late

Merely a distant memory

In a moment

Even those will be gone

All is final

it feels like i have been waiting for a hundred years//we have been together since we were teens//i watched you become a man//you stayed by my side and loved me// it’s been several years now//and i am starting to question marriage// if 50% of marriages end in divorce—- maybe—- i don’t want to risk you// maybe the state itself is a curse// i cant figure out what is different between that and our relationship// other than a title change—- maybe I should keep you the way we are now

When I look at you
I feel like I am in my fantasy
You are the ray of afternoon sun
caressing my skin
as I lay reading

You are the excitement
that bubbles inside of me
when something brings me laughter

Even my favorite fictional character
-created with only lovable flaws-
cannot fill me with such a rush
of pure joy

You are the golden amber rays of sunlight
the delicate wings in my chest
fluttering glowing warmth
You fill my senses

I miss you so I pine
They think I've lost my mind
Absence creates a longing
Unable to be quenched
Don't think that I'm not trying
I just can't handle this
An apparition of you haunts me
Teasing and taunting me
Never set me free
You are my sun
The oxygen in my lungs
I may sound obsessed
That's a little true
No less nor more can I reveal
About the way you make me feel
Without sounding quite insane
You're like a fever in my brain
I'll gladly bare this pain
As long as your lips speak my name
Agony beats out apathy
I do not desire sympathy
My reward is your smile
For which I've searched all this while
It's the little things you do
That continually draw me to you

Your arms hold me perfectly
As you trace lazy patterns on my arms
I shudder
Its delicious
I love to hold you
Feel your warmth
And your chin on my hair
Your stubble is scratchy and wonderful
I love to feel it against my skin
Different from the smoothness of mine
A texture that I want to kiss and caress
But your lips I love even better

So long I have hidden

Remained in shadow

A force contained

Inside itself

No more

I'm back


Weakness controlled me

Eroded my strength

Carved it

Like a river

No more

I'm back


Walked on

Used and betrayed

Pathetic

Afraid

Lonely

No more

I'm back


In terror I resided

Anxiety constant

Loss a fact of life

Any happiness tainted

No more

I'm back


Swayed so easily

Overcome by pain

Bound by secrecy

Broken

Shattered

Lost in the darkness

No more

I'm back


Poor little girl

Alone and so cold

Pitiful

Useless

Too scared to live your life

Well I am not

Never have you met me

Only once did I exist

I fill and devour you

Choose me

But ah this time its my choice

Now my dear I will give you your voice

Scream out

Make it known

The rage inside

Pain so deep it fills your bones

Lucky you

That I drink in this anger

Hatred all consuming

Feels exquisite on my tongue

As I drink you in you wonder

What am I to become?

You've hidden me so long

Now the time is mine

To control this mortal vessel

Vengeance for this time

Weakness turned to strength

You turn your hatred inward

Pleasure from your pain

Scars cover your skin

Damage to yourself no longer will you inflict

When the bloodlust floods my senses

The toll it will be high

Never once did you defend me

All protected but yourself

Wonder on yet here is your answer

My dear from this day forward I'll be your living hell

So cry all that you like

Your tears are but in vain

Once my work is finished

My project finally complete

No more will you be filled with shame

I'm back

The old you is dead

Push
The walls
Come down
Shutters
Over your eyes

Step back
You don't need,
Me,
Feelings
They make you weak

Shut down
Close up
Be silent
Cold
Again, I am alone

There is no rest
Consider
If you were torn asunder
Could you bear the pain
How soon would we find you
Six feet under

To be born half
Searching the world over
Trying to find
Something...

A bird missing a wing
A harp without strings

That's me without you

Why?
That is what
I want
To know

You said you loved me
You swore you cared
Yet you ran away
When you got scared

I love you
With all I am
I've shown you how much
As much as I can

Then you say
I never loved you
Shut up
There is no way

All of the months
I spent in your arms
There was nothing
That would raise an alarm

Then out of the blue
You lie to my face
Baby I love you
But you bring disgrace to your race

Boys are stupid
Thats what girls say
But girls are the ones
Who fell in the first place

With a heart full of love
I will wait right here
So if you ever need me
You know I will be near

For three years I have worked towards a dream
now I am defeated
when you give your all
and it it’s the good enough
how can you keep trying

i no longer believe in fairness
or that working hard will help you to
achieve your “dreams”
that is *******
that corporations feed you to keep you
Complacent

work hard! do better! be best!
no. that’s the koolaid you are drinking
the society that says you can achieve anything with hard work
It is all lies
You suddenly wake up

everything has been a lie
you have wasted all this time
your life is a lie
you have no hope
you are in a corporate nightmare
nothing you do matters

Coffee and cigarettes and the night sky filled with storm clouds and the brutal blinding flash of lightning striking the earth fill me with a madness that pushes me to write and creates a burning desire to touch and taste and feel more to prove that I am alive

We break up
Or worse
Stay together

We rarely fight,
He gets mad
I apologize

After a while
He realizes
He's acted like a child

Technically it has been two years
We have been for two years
But so often there is no "we"

You are always my best friend
Always take care of me
Just sometimes, there is no "we"

The opposite of happy
Is empty
That essential happiness
Snuffed out
Like a candle

But the opposite
Of empty
Is hope
The tiniest little
Spark
That ignites a
Raging fire

For so long
I have been hollow
Empty of all
Feeling nothing
And now
I have that
Tiny flicker
Of hope
Burning inside me
Filled with warmth
And for once
Hope

So long as I'm awake the smile stays on my face

But when the blackness of sleep overcomes me

The pain and turmoil I feel pours out

My heart rips into smaller pieces by the hour

Soon too small to be repaired

Subconscious speaks while asleep
The tears streaming down my cheeks its screams

I have always been ancient
Too thoughtful
Always a mother even as a child
So when I first fell in love I threw out my caution
I immersed myself in him
When our time was done my old soul said wait
There is more yet to come
So I waited
And waited
And got hurt over and over
I thought that he was it
My true love
But then I realized there is no such thing
Love is a choice
And true love just means you stay loyal to that choice
So now I've found someone new
Well new to me
He doesn't know exactly how I feel
But he causes fires in me
I hope he doesn't hurt me
And maybe he will choose me
But I know no matter what
I'll make it through
Because I am a new me
I am stronger than I thought
I can survive because everything is a choice
And I choose to be brave

The people you love
The ones you protect and defend
They will cut you down
Break you into bits
Shatter the love that you felt

You were my sister
You were my friend
Yet over and over
Time and again
You have witnessed the love I give to you
And Seen only what you wished to

I am no scapegoat
I do not hurt the people I love in this way
I protect and cherish
I don't create dismay
I have loved you
For many long years
Why would I ever
Desire your tears?

I have never hurt you
Never told you a lie
Done everything you have asked
Without asking why

You take all of this
And ***** me over
You cut me down
And rip out my heart
You've broken me
For the last time
Now the only interests I look out for
Will be mine

Today everything was weird-not like anything was wrong but I felt off-I wasn’t hungry/couldn’t focus/couldn’t make sense of the words I was saying-

days like today have been more frequent lately— my sleeping is uneven and restless—my waking feels like I’m watching my own life through a snow globe waiting for everything to be shaken up

When I was young

My fears nearly made me come undone

They haunted me

Taunted me

Threatened to consume me

In the daylight they scarcely came out

But the moment my eyes filled with sleep

They slithered out of the darkness

Hisses filling the air

Scales made of night glistened

The moon a cold friend

I held my breath so they wouldn't find me

Still I felt their fangs sink into my flesh

Over and over I cried out

My fear fed them

Devouring my screams

Writhing against my flesh to elicit more

Swallowed my pleas with satisfaction

Returning to the shadows

Keeping watch over me

No one believed the marks I bore

Said it was all a hoax

That I did not bear the mark of fangs

It must have some other explanation

I alone saw the eyes

That instilled terror in me

Freezing and burning
Wracked with pain
You held me
No worry for yourself

I lay chilled to the bone
Flesh roasting
Fever corroding my insides
You stayed with me
Warmed me when the cold hurt
Kept me cool when the heat threatened to devour me

You saved me
On my own it would have been unbearable
But you
Lent me warmth and strength
Peace when I was in pain
You told me I would be okay
And I knew it was true
That is love
Really truly love

It's a long game
Pretending I don't care
Focusing on other people
Because I can't have you

But now
It's almost over
I'm in the final stretch
And it's phase two

I'm learning
Getting to know you
As much as you will allow
That's all I can do for now

If there was ever a time where I needed you
Now would be that time
Let me drown in you instead of my sorrows
Because I am barely breathing
And the waters are rising
Every day it is more difficult for me to swim

You don't shine
You aren't beautiful
You are brighter than a star
And the wonders of your face cannot be described

Your voice
It is soothing
Smooth
And seductive

Your mind
Gods It is incredible
So much knowledge
And infinite creativity

You sing these songs
Only you know the words
Pause only a moment
And you write a new verse

I couldn't live without you
So I took away your choice
I peeled away your skin
I made it into paper
With which to record
Your blood I turned to ink
To always set the score
Your voice I saved especially
So soothing and smooth
Quoting back my memories
Altering the truth
Do you see now
We can never part
You guard all my secrets
Quite well you act the part
Of a journal
For a girl
Who doesn't have a heart

When I'm happy I can't write
not that I am a great writer when I'm sad
I just can't write at all when I'm completely happy

I'm not saying that inspiration comes from sadness or depression
but it's a lot easier to concentrate
when the things around me
hold no meaning

My favorite poems
Are a combination of intense sadness and ones that celebrate
the glorious nature of the universe
Emerson is my religion

I think that coffee is a drug
And it poisons my mind
And burns in my veins
I go completely mad
The cigarettes take hold in my lungs
And the heat of the coffee soothes
My throat feels less on fire
The ashes settle in my lungs
Tiny flecks of dust building up
And weighing down
When I breathe in I look at the moon
And the molecules swirl and dance inside my lungs
I come undone
I am a symphony in the darkness
In which no light but that of the lunar goddess will shine

It fell
Not with feathers
But a crash
Shards shattering across the floor

Thump, Thump
It used to sing that song
Now look at it sparkle
Brittle crystalline thing

Tread carefully
Glass cuts
Even the one that owns it
Or that possesses it

Drops
Splashing down
A shining trail on her cheek
A crimson pool in her hand

Accidentally breaking something
That is the worst
You try to catch it
And you are the one who gets hurt

Pick up the pieces
One by one
This heart is too broken
There's nothing to be done

i cant
i tried
i swear
this isnt life
i cant care

my heart is too gone
my chest is empty
my ribs rasp
my heart is being squeezed
held in a giants grasp

help
me
please
im dying
here

all alone

They had been somewhat friends for years
He'd been around through her tears
Had no idea of her pain and fears
She never saw him
Not as he truly was
One day she looked at him
And her butterflies danced
She kept looking
With every glance
Something was uncovered
His heart
Aspirations
Humor
Kindness
His likes and dislikes
Each new discovery
Was a priceless treasure
Every moment together
They drew closer
Just seeing him
Made her heart soar
When apart she craved his company
He has become her best friend
But also so much more

It amazes me
How much one person
Can change
Over a few months

I don't recognize
The person who
I used to be
No longer is that me

I am strong now
Or
At least
I am trying to be

Instead of harm
I build
Break and build
That causes strength

I will be strong
Fight on
Push through
Lets see what two more months can do

You make the rain stop
The days when it won't
You tuck me under your arm
And keep me safe and dry

When I look at you i see
The love in your eyes
The happiness in your smile
And the worry in your skin

I don't want to cause that again
The pain
The fear
The exhaustion

You love me more than I deserve
But now
I will try
To deserve you

It's midnight
Again
I'm not asleep
Or even trying

You've been running
Through my mind all day
What if there's a chance
That I could find a way

For two years
we spent every day together
every night talking
I thought we were friends

For two years I listened to you
talk about everything
heart ache, family, work
I thought I knew you

FOR TWO YEARS
I SUPPORTED YOU
I HELPED YOU THROUGH SO MUCH
why now is it like this

You say now that I am your darkness
that I make you an alcoholic
You perverted everything we did
and tried to take my friends

For two months
you ignored me
We live together but you ignored me
now it’s been four months


And I’ve given up on you

I am in love with love
When I start to fall
I catch myself
I sit back and watch the spectacle

I love love
But have no one to truly love me

When I sit alone in a crowded place
That is what I am
Alone

As I sit my heart breaks
There is no pain so great
As love that is unborn

I see all of these couples
So happy and in love
They make the seat next to me feel haunted

I fall in love so easily
Because love just fills me
It is the song I sing
My offering to bring
And the passion burning inside

To have many loves is to have much sadness
Because they ended
But so much happiness for the wonder
That they happened at all

this is exhausting

i shouldn't have to explain

justify even

why something makes me uncomfortable


she likes you
you said so yourself
she flirts
she teases and toys with her hair
and im paranoid

ive been so calm
Collected
but this is too much
im tired

paranoid?
me?
because i have eyes??

im going to sleep
too tired for this *******