this is exhausting

i shouldn't have to explain

justify even

why something makes me uncomfortable


she likes you
you said so yourself
she flirts
she teases and toys with her hair
and im paranoid

ive been so calm
Collected
but this is too much
im tired

paranoid?
me?
because i have eyes??

im going to sleep
too tired for this *******

I am in love with love
When I start to fall
I catch myself
I sit back and watch the spectacle

I love love
But have no one to truly love me

When I sit alone in a crowded place
That is what I am
Alone

As I sit my heart breaks
There is no pain so great
As love that is unborn

I see all of these couples
So happy and in love
They make the seat next to me feel haunted

I fall in love so easily
Because love just fills me
It is the song I sing
My offering to bring
And the passion burning inside

To have many loves is to have much sadness
Because they ended
But so much happiness for the wonder
That they happened at all

There's this girl
Beautiful
One glance at her
And you can't look away

When she laughs
You see the tears
Hiding behind
Her lovely brown eyes

She is so smart
Her mind as devastating
As the glory
Of her countenance

She cares so much
Her thoughts
Are always
For other people

She is so kind
But there is a sadness
A mystery
Lurking at the edges of her smile

She stays so quiet
And you will never know
What she is thinking
But know she is an angel

Everything about her
Is a gift
She is perfect
Without ever knowing

I am a terrible student
I can't focus
I rarely study
If I know an answer I don't know how

I am a terrible employee
I get angry at customers
I'm not always in a good mood
And I've made a target of myself

I am not a good daughter
I've lied
Cheated
And I start fights and argue all the time

I am a good friend
There is nothing I wouldn't do for a friend
I would drop anything
And run to help a friend

I am a good girlfriend
I'll kiss you when you are sick make you better
Do whatever you want
Anything to be with you

I am a good sister
I will beat up a **** who messes with you
I will tell you when you're being stupid
And I'll do everything I can to make you smile

I am a good Aunt
I tell the kiddos how the Doctor keeps away the monsters
I hold them when they cry
And kiss away the booboos

I may not be good
Not all the way through
But parts of me are
And that is who I am

You aren't a tree
Yet you seem hollow
You are not made of dead wood
But you act like you can't feel
The ache and emptiness
That show in your eyes
Hurt me
Your pain pulls at my heart
And I cannot help
I'm lost in the dark

Does it ever end?
Everyone leaves or fades
Answers are so confusing
Taken much too young
H**ow will we go on?

I love you
You know that
The words I speak
Ring with truth

Why leave me
My heart is breaking
I can't understand
I didn't forsee

You hide and cower
Afraid of love
Yet you love me
All of this is a cover

Stop being afraid to live your life
Embrace my love step into the light

I don't know where my home is
I have no comfort zone
I don't know who I am
Where I am

How is it possible to be so lost
Like a ship being tossed
On a rough sea
In a dangerous storm

I can scarce breathe
Tears clog my throat
There must be something
Crushing my lungs
Keeping me from freedom
I'm dying
I cannot
I will not
Grovel
I am in pain
There is this
Ripping
Tearing
Brutal crushing
Going on
Inside of me
Who I am
Has been lost
It has been crushed
Broken and scarred
How am I alive

I am empty
And only you fill me

I am hollow
And I ache for you

Every silence
Laden with unspoken meaning
Brings me pain

It's a dull grief
That tears a hole
Ripping out my heart

Or the little pieces
That you left
Broken in me
So long ago

I can't love
Anyone
But you
You have all my love

The old tree stood
Empty
Dead on the inside
Going more hollow
With every storm
And every creature
To dig the hole deeper
That leaves when it grows weary
Of something as dull
As a dead empty tree

Do you really think
The scars that mar
Your once perfect skin
Are beautiful?

The bruises on your flesh
They must hurt
Why cause them?
They are not the answer

Would you approve of
A friend of yours behaving
In a manner such as this
Drawing blood and mutilating themselves

It hurts to see you
Your pain is visible
Let me help
Oh wait...

I am you
I can't help myself
Can't get rid of
The pain of depression

Save me
Help me
No... I don't matter
Let me help instead

I just want to curl up
Comfy and cozy
Someplace where I am safe
And sleep forever more

There won't be anymore tears
No broken heart
No one can leave
I will be gone

The box doesn't have to be special
Just enough to keep the dirt out
I'll stay pristine
At least for a while

And my heart will be dormant
Blank and cold
Nothing on it
No more pain

Just let me sleep
The rest
That lasts
For an eternity

What is it really
This life?
Am I happy?
What is happy?

I spend my time working
School WORK
Home WORK
Work WORK

Will this nothingness I live
Ever change?

I am starting to think
That maybe
Just maybe
I have room for someone else

I didn't think
That it was possible
But you are starting
To change my mind

I'm done with you
With the pain you cause
If you choose to leave
It will be no loss

I have grown
I am a person
All of my own
You aren't the place I call home