Some people like being *******.
Being ******* scarred me.
Being ******* unable to stop the torture, was disturbing.
Some people will never understand this torture.

He said it was the goodbye to our relationship.
This was a goodbye no one wants.
People thought it was consensual with the marks on my neck.
They were wrong this wasn't consensual, it took my self esteem.

The ties were broken after that night.
When the ties were broken, he didn't like that.
He made different media accounts under different names to see me.
I'm proud to say I survived the ties but not many do.

I am searching for a love I yet to receive.
I am looking for someone to care about me.
I am searching for someone who loves me as me.
I am looking for my better half.

The desire to be next to another warm body.
The desire to be naked, and be on top of another one.
Your lips on my lips, your tongue in my mouth.
This is the highlight of my night, being given the proper love.

Have a goodnight, sweet dreams.

It's you the one I see across the room.
It's you the one I wanna I want to be with.
It's you the one I want to be in a dark room.
It's you the one I want to cuddle with.
It's all you!

They tell me smile
How can I smile when the world feels like it's ending
I smile though fake as can be
Cause happiness is something I yet to receive

He reminds me of a cool breeze of air
He makes me smile
This scares me
I love this new experience

I hope he doesn’t **** me over
I hope he doesn’t take advantage of me
I hope he loves me for me

I blink and I am standing
I blink again and I am on the floor
I blink again and people are all around me
Is this life?

Are we always blinking thinking something good will happen?
And then when nothing good happens we get sad and discouraged?
I blinked three different times and I saw totally different situations.
Is this the bad or good of life?

They say when you’re in love your happy.
What happens if your not?

I’m 5’1
I have blonde red hair
I wake up every morning and pray thanks
I do things everyday that I’m scared to do
I fight everyday against Anorexia Nervosa
I remind myself everyday my happiness is first

This is Me

Pink hair she stands in front of me
She looks back smiles at me
Tells me how pretty I am
Not even half a minute later
I put earbuds in and she tells her friend
What a freak.

Blondish Brown hair sits near me
Tells me how glad she is we are friends
I think wow I’m so glad too
Life without her would be so dull
She’s my rock and gets me to do fun things.

The scary part is these people are the exact same people just a year difference in time.

I desire a love like no other
I desire the attention I deserve
I desire hugs
I desire the butterflies in my stomach
I desire the cuddles I endlessly need

I deserve to be respected
I deserve to be a priority
I deserve to be ability to smile for no reason
I deserve the ability to love who I want
I deserve the honest truth

It's a warm sunny day
Windows rolled down
Hood of the jeep down
Smiling thinking what a wonderful day

The sun is always present even when it's cloudy
I wish I was the sun was like my happiness
The darkness I experience is always cloudy
They say it will end I’m wondering when it will.

Because
I could see your smile
For a single
Moment

I realized there are
A thousand little things
I would never change
About you