You're welcome to mistakes, but don't let them become who you are.

I'm ungrateful of your presence, I leave an open spot on the outside of my heart, under my shoe, left behind in the burning asphalt that is your hell.
Burn in the sun.

People are real, no matter whether people believe that life isn't real, a *****, or too real. Sleeping through reality, forgetting, **** that.

I'm afraid in your search for god I'll only make the distance grow.
My mind is open to yours, the gates have been flooded.
I want you to be happy,
though, I don't know if I'm what's best for you, or your lord.
I pray for your protection because I love you, not because I'm god fearing.
I haven't been afraid to die for a long time, becoming a tortured soul for all eternity, or becoming subjugated to your lord in heaven.
What I'm afraid of is not living a full life before I go.
I'm sorry if that's selfish.

I woke to find myself in a pitch black room, I can hear you faintly.
In the distance your voice and another, I leave the room to search.
The voices get louder, I can make out the other voice as I start to hear yelling. It's me..?
We're arguing, but it isn't me.. it couldn't possibly be me because I'm here.
Where am I? This place is so dark, the lights have all gone out, why won't they work?
Where are you? I can still hear you, the arguing has become more intense, I'm yelling your name, searching each room, this place seems to grow more vast. Like an abyss I can't escape.
My love, help me.. I'm trapped in my own mind. Don't listen to this imposter!
Don't leave me alone.
Break these doors down, I'm sorry.. I need you.

We want the warnings plain as daylight, but I'm not sure they  can be any more obvious.
We want someone to tell us what they want, and what they feel, but I don't know if they can get any louder.
I want more, to provide more, to live more.
But I no longer think that I have anything left to give or take.

**** myself, get money. ****** out of my mind. Following a passionless dim ******* color. Unfulfilled to the point of ******* myself

Pain is simply a process of learning, still, I don't want you to hurt.

Fall in and out of depression on a whim.
Fall in love and leave her alone on a whim.
Give a love away on a whim, and end up alone.
Give up a friend for absolutely nothing.

All my fears and hopes bury me in as I lie through my teeth, I'm losing myself to myself, to a future me that doesn't even exist.

A whim.

Funny how people you know, may come and go.
Whether it be from a poor choice of words, or the weight of the world.

What is the meaning of my life if I'm only an extension of her? My taste is not my taste, my life stopped being my life when I met her.

Looking for a reason we stopped knowing one another?
Ask me my Zodiac, use it as an excuse as to why we didn't make it.

Search my writings for that love you so dearly and desperately desired, instead of me telling you I never got the chance.

Listen to that horoscope instead of just listening to me, it'll tell you what happened.

You've become more than what your past has indicted upon you. She is not your past, your past is apart of who you were, which is not who you are any longer.

He always said he didn't dream.

Tis a nightmare, to think and then sleep, and sleep yet still think.
    Voices from the past echo in endless black at the back of my eyelids, the chasms of my mind showing me there are many things worse than death. Oh yes, by a thousand fold.
   I fall into the darkness, like lead weighs me down. I can't breathe, yet, I can still think, I die a thousand deaths, and yet, I can still think..

   But
     I
  can't
    do
     a
thing.

    The questions my dreams beg for me to answer make me ever restless, the answers heavenbound, as I

sink

sink

sink


into the abyss.

Why can hate for someone grow when you no longer know who they are? Why can we be sad when we're also happy?
Why do we exist in a world where everything is supposedly coincidental?
Were your feelings of hate for me coincidence, when you confided in me, and I in you? Or was it always supposed to end the way that it did?

Why do I want you to forgive me, when it no longer matters?

What's more difficult in life,
than living with yourself.

I'm not like the others.
I think I'm lower.
I'm not like the others, I'm foolish though I love you so..

Despondence. As I ponder, the thought of love, the thought of like, and what's the point of it all.
Self loathing, while I think of her, and how she has no idea of my motives. The innocence is all consuming each time she gives me a glance, and god sees failure in me as I glance back.

Everytime you go,
My shadow follows.

It lays it's weight,
Upon your shoulders.

And I'm always so sorry.

I shield my eyes from the sun peeking  
    between the arches and peaks.
Halve the leaves, green, red. Again.
    Halve them, yellow, orange. Fire in
     piles, split again and again.
not one hue of color left, only black
     and white.
Changed but the same.

You only know to appreciate things when they're dying.

The nature of change is chaos, anxiety, stress, but life is change.
Love is change.
I ask for change, I want us to both be strong for the all of the change to come.

Oh how I miss you.
You're still here, but each day I go longer without hearing from you.
And I know it's my fault.
I'm pushing on glass.
I'm pulling on barbwire.
I make myself a fool each day I wake up. I can't get over this feeling. I'm scared you'll leave me, so I lash out. I'm scared you'll know everything there is to know about me, and be steered away by it.

The rain came down, tapping the window as if to get our attention.

The lightning flashed to the beating of our hearts, in sync, in pulse. Faster and faster.

The clouds stirred above our heads, and the darkness comes to life.

But we don't turn, though the rain birthed a mote for us to witness.
We are not blinded, though the lightning flashes the vast sky.
And we can see, though the darkness is evergrowing.
Right into our eyes.

Absolutely nothing in this world could come between.

What is a man made of?
My father made mistakes I swore I'd never make.
But now I feel like the man I never wanted to be.

Are all men doomed from the moment they're born? Cursed to be the means of their brethren, fathers, and grandfathers?

God, am I a failure in your eyes?
I need hope for the man I wish to be, but the look in her glossy eyes tells me otherwise.
I've lied through my teeth, God.
Before you, and before her, before my own mother.
I'm lost, Father, am I ******?

My friends all went around telling such happy aspirations for the new year to come.
Mine was to get used to being alone with myself, because in the end it always comes down to me.
And this New Year, I feel is going to be a lonely one.

I've been broken up into pieces. One says I'm being a fool and that I should wait for you.
The other says I'm a fool because I'm waiting for you.

When I say I love you, do you hold your head up high? Or do you hide face.
Don't let the others see, it's a shame.
I want to be something you're proud of, not just another of the same, lost in the crowd.

Your laughter,
Calming like chamomile,
Sweet like honey,
Sleep easy with your laughter in my mind,
My dream are just reality.

Wake up, honey.

Let me hear your laughter,

Again.

Would it make you feel better,
If I told you the sound of crying
Sounds like laughter at times.

It could be better, right?

As we sat in the car, I sang a sad song.
You sat and thought about how the song had to be about you, and with my lips I sang of how terrible I was.

Would you think it's stupid if I told you I remembered something you forgot.
I try not to say, I don't want to upset you.
I always remember things you tell me, or I try to. The things that are important to you.
Sometimes I wonder, do you think to do the same? Am I in your memory?

Do I roam your thoughts,
Or do I run through them and become nothing but an afterthought?
I don't want to be the last thing you remember or the first you forget.
I want to know how important I am to you.

Is that stupid?

Why am I still up?
A combination of sadness and uncontrollable coughing.

If you knew me, you might think," Why the sadness? You have your family, you have the girl. Why?"

Well I don't know, but it feels as though my body does before I do, that I'm going to lose something. It's kept me up late at night. Coughing up a lung, my blood heats up, and goes straight to my head. I feel something coming.
But is it my gut, that's always right? Or my heart that steers me wrong..?

I can't tell..

In denial, full of ****.
A protector of nothing.
Selfish to all ends.
Placing blame, but I didn't put her on those meds.

My heart is beating,
Louder now.
It's like it knows it's,

Alone,
with me.

Soon, I wonder if
it will stop beating.

Get out of your head
Get out of your head
Get out of your head

Stop being such a fool, let her be happy.

Even if you want to be happy with her.

Are the sun and moon forever to be pushed away from one another by the space inbetween?
Or will the stars sparkle like applauds at the sight of the embrace?

It is beautiful to help the one you love, but is even more so beautiful to know that they don't need your help.

They can be strong all their own if needed be.

I've been staring at nothing for the past five minutes, I'm losing my mind, even though I'm alive. I'm just staring off into space..
I'm just a waste of space.