goddess rising
awake and alive
**** me under pure starlight
i want to bask
in the opalescence
of your eyes,
fill me
with yourself
inside.

I am a love addict.

In this harsh climate
I'll take what I can get

But don't forget I am not proud of this, no.

Sometimes I pluck the leaves off dead trees
and string a garland around my neck
because I want to be reminded of your sweet scent.

Musky, full-mooned nights,
the frosted soil in the garden where in summer we laid,
the last days of autumn.

I haven't been without a lover in ten years.
My mother tells me I need to slow down
that I need to find myself and find God.

The only type of slowing down
that works for me is when I want to make love
and there is no need to find "myself"
by cosmic law, that is fluctuating everyday
and as the Hindus say,

I
AM
GOD.

For a moment, ours souls brushed passed in our sleep
laying down together, I asked you

“When we wake, will you remember me?
This feels so real, what constitutes for reality?”

I come from the sky
a sacred bloodline of over a trillion star systems
all that which have died

stars that have collided, collapsed, ignited
chemically bound into a force reunited

my sentience is not a mere coincidence
this cellular body is not an accident,
and yet by oppression I continue to be silenced

this body, this vessel
is a result of a cosmic flow
because the stars came together
to self destruct for my existence

this is why I must be
P E R S I S T E N T

OPPRESS ME AND I WILL SHOW RESISTANCE

never double cross a soul that knows they come the sky
because when we look back up to the stars at night
and think about the billions of other lives that have been caged,
left with no voice, with no ability to fight,
we can’t help but take offense

we are destined for more than this mundane, make believe system
we are destined for more than this material, economical strife

place me into a toxic routine,
allow big business to trample my land
my food and my water supply,
and I will not comply

believe me, I will fight

When the cards are drawn from a deck
you have no choice in the matter, it is left up to chance.
And if you're so willing interpret them, to rely on your intuition,
tuning into the primordial hum of cosmos, it becomes divination:
A direct pathway of communication with the divine.

---

we all have storms that torment us,
it is the natural order of things.

these winds answer to no one
blowing relentlessly
thrashing waves and high waters
rarely in touch with the earthly ground
i am either cast up or sunken down
highly preoccupied in my books and towers
a self constructed world
of bittersweet sea-vines and flowers

blinded from staring into the sun
intoxicated under pure starlight
emotions considerably magnified
all my good reasoning has come undone

these quantum particles are forcibly contained
mistakenly welded into a carbon composed body
an entire being is restrained,
wanting, wishing, craving
trapped inside a shell so limiting

strapped down by a dual personality

–– there is a reason storms are named after me ––

and so i responded to the fire in your heart
by drowning it in muddy waters, but don’t take this personally
because this is what happens when a great deal is asked of me
i only ask for an attempt to understand

if i let myself evaporate into the sky
bearing messages of apology
how soon would you wait to forgive?

my earth, rocks, and trees,
would you be able to forgive the sea?

our physical bodies are trapped
inside an ever-fluxing cosmos
in this dear hairline crack of time
and yet still our existence is stressed

operate quicker
get there sooner
figure life out faster

that we never stop to think
how shameful we are to rush
in a delicate presence
that is a momentary blush

There is a cacophony of verbal combustion;
Self esteem destruction,
Religions, opinions, forced down left and right,
Leaves one with such distress,
That sometimes we forget to breathe.

__


So breathe with me.
Breathe with me.

The butterfly had to go through
a period of slumber
before it could awaken.*

There are holes in my heart
where some people once resided
and I’m trying to let myself free
release all that is me
breaking out of all they had done
basking beneath the embrace
of the sun.

Nobody ever tells you what you need to know
about life and growing up.

Nobody ever tells you that you'll become the person
you never wanted to become,
that you'll become destructive from the inside out,
or that you may witness events which will cause you
to become emotionally numb.

Nobody ever tells you anything valuable,
that you're breakable and irreplaceable.

First get yourself burned,
Then you'll learn because remember:


Nobody
Ever
Tells
You.

it’s like
the clock is still working
but the gears are no longer turning

i’m burning up on empty

fuel
dripping,
leaking,

no longer capable of containing
contemplations too volatile
for proper taming,
and so i’m just… resting.

a dormant chamber of magma
underneath the bedrock is often
due for massive explosion
but i never liked being out of control
and the last thing i need are
for my insides to get torn open.
a tree bearing great fruits
brilliantly disguised to hide its
reckless disharmonious motion.

That is fear speaking.
Apprehension.

Avoiding the waves because
what follows next is spinning
down through the vortex**
violently into uncharted oceans.

When I am in doubt
I remind myself to never be
the embodiment that is
the wasteful lot of humanity.

siphoning the earth

dry;


all this for some glitter.
No wonder why I'm torn.

I am cosmic but broken by design. The universe folded together in forming my existence but failed to remind me that inside are these pieces of delicate starglass prone to cracking. I became sloppy, clumsy, losing pieces of me behind and recklessly tearing out some hearts along the way. All I can muster up to say is that I am sorry. Most truly.

My body is composed of pure star-glass.
It is a shame I am so clumsy. My delicate innards often break.
They poke right through the surface
causing pain with all the hearts they take.

i am a sparkling winged beast,
my lungs swell with air,
reaching high, shooting past
billowy clouds, past steep cliffs,
riding through storms,
coming out not breaking a sweat.

you were a mere low-land dweller
so content with still waters,
flat lands and vast plains.

you sit so still i think i may suffocate.
how can one soar when all you do is wait?

mixed berries & missing people
you aren't supposed to.
we used to drink a lot of tea
summer of two moons,
you and me.

In need of a heavy dose of daylight
If the temptation of sleep doesn’t
overcome me out of spite.

Ice Castles,
such billowy soft worlds
from above,
the words escaping
your lips drip
and this is what
they call vain love.

I am an endless parade of
what ifs, what ifs, and what ifs.
And I wish, I wish, I wish
that time was not so bound
to my existence on this earthly ground,
That I could have forseen
What what would have helped
me dodge the bullets
that were shot into the
heart so clean

Pieces of us were breaking off from our consciousness,
And scattered into the daylight mist.
As we let our bodies dance among the forest clearing,
Our souls turned into fireflies,
And our hearts like lions,
Sun slipping past the horizon,
Rainbow clouds overhead,
It was then that we let out the tears
We never got to shed.

You are a teacher.  
You came with many stories to tell,
And from a whole different world,
Bearing fruits of patience and the ability
To read and free my mind.
Because inside my head lives this stubborn creature,
And with it, there's no such thing as peace.

You saw the turmoil my mind puts me through,
How such troubling thoughts can inebriate
How it wraps its chains tighter than any metal alloy in the world.
And so in my times of worry,
I'd always see your hand held out to catch mine,
Eyes steady to meet mine,
Mind ready to penetrate mine.
"There's no sense in feeling those emotions."
I loved and hated how you'd always find a way under my skin,

The first time I got close to you,
I was drunk and filled with aimless lust,
Lips set out on a mission to kiss,
And that was when our mouths first danced.
Under the fluorescent flickering bulbs of our friend's garage,
I kissed you.
With the smell of stagnant beer,
And the static T.V. blaring,
I. Kissed. You.
And I did it harder than I ever thought I could.
The dynamite set off between the softness of our lips.
To this day I can't remember what could have possibly been the trigger.
Just another act of Mother Nature.
I know you felt it too, don't you dare lie.

Some beautiful sunny days and starry nights passed by
Before we entered the eye of the storm,
And then after that there was nothing but hurricanes and droughts
To lose and hate ourselves in.
Misunderstanding hung in the air like a bitter stubborn fog
As we both witnessed something that was once new
Turn old.

Within a flick of an eye
Our souls grew light and weary,
And drifted apart like seeds into the sky.
We became daises, wildflowers,
Nothing more than little weeds
Growing skinny and tall
On two separate ends of the prairie plane
That have yet to be pushed back into the earth
For another shot at loving.

I used to be blind before I met you.
Walking around with shades a pitch darker than necessary
And long side swept bangs across the small frame of my face
Partly covering my eyes.
It was pleasant to hide behind
Especially when introduced to new places, new faces.
I'd just let out a shy smile behind the fringes of my hair
Then quietly cower away
Melting back into the atmosphere.

My head is swamped with enough thoughts to
Keep me occupied for hours.
It was my playground,
My stonewall castle,
My home.
And every time I ever felt stupid or small,
I'd just reside behind my front
And settle myself deeper into the pity party resort
I had built and been renovating for years.

You, on the contrary, didn't see the girl I'd see in the mirror.
I was more than just another figure in the background to you,
I was more than a pair of nice eyes and *******,
More than a waste of space,
I was your fancy and you saw right through me,
Which scared me so.

This veil, this front, and the tricks I had up my sleeve
To keep everyone who could ever come close to caring out,
Wouldn't work so well on you.
Nope.
Instead, you grew more curious,
You would ask questions,
Laugh at my remarks,
Insist that I elaborate,
Tell me to speak up because you knew
How I had so much to say
But how soft spoken I can be.

It was raining one night and we were all out back by the garage
Sipping out of cheap beer cans and smoking our bummed cigarettes..
I walked outside to dance in the rain and you followed me there.
I remember how your steps were directly behind mine in perfect sync,
Then with the swift piercing stare of your big blue eyes
I melted right into the brick wall.
My bones turned to jelly and the tape that was over my eyelids
fell right off because your fingers managed to brush them open,
And from that point on, I no longer saw a point in closing them.

You are wind.
A confused cold front.
Rolling in, rolling out
Lost in the inbetween,
Lost in motion,
caught up in the trees like an old plastic bag.

Nothing feels like a home
And heaven's too far away
When one's heart is entangled
in an ugly past.

I know the world is panning too fast
for these tired eyes of yours.
Everything is spinning,
Your lips are quivering.
Is a stone cold pride
worth the broken soul?

Let it go.
Let it go

You know I loved you so.

The touch of your palms sends slithering snakes down my vertebrae,
Your eyes locked onto mine – I get so carried away…
Nerve endings are exploding,
Stress unloading…
And words escape your lips that can stop the clocks from ticking,
The earth from rotating,
My lustful heart from palpitating,
Like sweet music to my ears, to my brain,
Oh I'm going insane…
It's the urge I'd rather not contain,
Let my nails break the skin on your back,
Scratching up and down your spine,
No holding back
No time to rewind.
Cheeks are numb,
Toes curl under,
Check my vitals and prove to me that this is no dream,
Because I swear that this feels like thunder.
So hold me forever hostage in this storm,
As you shake and provoke the demons from within,
Burning, churning, and rattling inside my chest,
These entities do not sleep, they do not rest,
They won't cease unless released,
Unless they see the light of day.
And If I were to pry my ribcage open,
They'd catapult into the overarching sky,
Where the sun glows like a stained glass angel
Dangling from the sun god's very own fingertips.

Enter the limbo:*
I am an open book.
My arms and legs are the sentences,
My beating heart is now the rhyme.
Page by page, word by word,
My story is slowly unraveling,
But never to be heard.
With tattered and torn pages
Insomnia has become my only friend.
And I haven't slept in days…

3 am and my head's still pounding, I've had this migraine for days…Temples throbbing, nerve endings exploding, like a rabid animal being sentenced to a barb wire cage with no food to eat and room to breathe. Thoughts are deadly. Fighting, bleeding, suffering in deep rooted pits of anxiety. My synapses are in full combat, but I'm a pacifist.

I can feel it now. The change, the shift. I feel it. The voices, drumming, I can hear it, the fire, it's burning, flesh rotting. I can smell it, Like it's all being cooked up in one big  rotten stew, except there is most definitely meat in it, and I'm a vegetarian.

I am a child of darkness sworn to her own demons that were locked up long ago in treasure chest deep inside her old bedroom closet, Although I swear to you I never wanted things to be this way. It just happened. But know this, I am still holy, still pure, my tears still fall as transparent across the curve of my cherub face. I never wished to be so naïve. It's just that my heart is in shambles, and I gravitate towards almost anything that promises healing. This is why I have so many scars. They run left and right in a funny pattern from the carelessness of others trampling their ***** feet all over the delicate terrain of my heart.

But I'm tired now
And my insides are in knots.

I can still feel it. The light, I see it. It's always been there and shining, always been calling, begging, reaching out for one swift touch to the tip of my finger, but I've been too afraid to answer. It's always been so warm and inviting calling my name. I can taste it…bitter spoilers. I'm almost there. I've just a few things left to do here. Just give me a moment.


please

My iridescent wings fall to the ground as I hear a tapping on the wall.

A promise was broken.

Violent, repetitive, ringing relentlessly through my ears. I am growing weaker by the sheer sound of it and I've lost my ability to fly away. I start shrinking, shriveling, minimizing to a small bundled form. Without warning, plates cascade around me forming a cold metal cocoon.

This is what I never thought I'd feel, what I never thought I'd see. This is hopelessness, insecurity, low self esteem, this is my own bitter purgatory imprisoning my limbs and encaging the full extent of my body.

It's like a snow storm in the middle of summer, a lone wolf lost in unknown woods. It's like a being trapped in a cave with no light or sound, and when you scream, you're lucky if you hear so much as an echo.

This is demetamorphisis.

The ultimate loss of hope in the universe. I see no cracks of light shining through, I can no longer smell of the sweet scent of grass, or taste the warmth of the sun. I can't grow or learn, I can only just "be." I am stuck and for now there is no way out because no one actually knows that this is happening.

This is just another way of coping.

We are the children of earth, air, fire and water.
Of temperate pasts and violent storms,


We are the children of here and now
Standing against the tide as one,
With frosted halos and interlocked hearts.

We are the cosmic dust across the sky
And the morning dew upon the leaves.
We are the soil beneath your feet,
Of seeds, flowers, and ancient trees.

We are the wonders under the same mother,
Spawned from the depths of lust and madness,
Flaws stitched with good intentions,
Made with love, radiating light,
And torn by the shackles of our selflessness.

We are the quiet and lonely wolves that howl
Into the blackened out sky waiting for the sun
To kiss the sparkling moon goodbye.

We are the warrior children of the tribe,
of indigo, rainbow, and light
Emanating peace & joy until we are
Once again reunited with the sky.

Little seedlings echoing the shadows
of stories once told,
Displaced in the filth,
The industrial disarray,
Bio-hazardous waste and LCD Displays

Past, Present and future
entangled within the cosmic folds.

A persistent ringing in your ears,
a desperate cry, singing, drumming, beating..

And it goes:
Sure, you can see
but please do not forget to breathe.
Your emotional sewage runs rampant,
and your heart is left vacant.

Do not forget the sound by which
all things are bound.

The consistent low humming.


Spiral out
Spiral out

And be here now.

There was a scent of vanilla and wine within the air
When it all first settled in.

Just a minor pluck of a heart-string.
Tug, Tug, Tug,
1, 2, 3, and it was done.

There was no cupid necessary for feelings unrepressed.
Like plate tectonics, emotions quake, release and reverberate.
Walls I built had been broken down, I lay explicitly vulnerable

Truth revealed all along.

Healing disguised in healthy fear
disguised in rumbling hearts cracking open
pouring out, washing out
the past.

A cleansing moment with what I never
thought could or would be.
A high vibration,
A secret language composed of smiles
Just you and me

The emotional undercurrent is a
Turbulent storm of spite.
Dark as night, cold as snow,
This heart is a wasteland,
So plant me the seeds that will grow.

A cluster **** of frustrating, self loathing
SEMANTICS.

The soul is in cardiac arrest.

Monotony will save me
Monotony will save -
Monotony will sav-
Monotony will s-
Monotony wi-
Monotony

She smells like ocean
with salty tasting lips & skin,
hair in a tangled mess
just like her soul.

“Darling, let these feelings take you.
Your mind is a wandering boat,
Drift out to sea,
let the current make you.”

**

I drew mountains from flowers,
Casted monsoons from the tip of my tongue
In hopes of finding an answer
But instead I found
nothing.

There is no solace
in brewing up storms, my friends
But at least there is the hope
that a seed shall break through the stubborn surface
and sprout into a blooming bounty
of forgiveness.

This siren’s song is waiting, wading;
sifting through the armada of coral reefs and schools of fish,
against the fiery black pits; so long so lonesome.

She waits.
Through tidal waves
through hurricanes, through luck
She waits for him, her long lost sailor boy
her sweet soft sentimental poor excuse called love.

They say that Aphrodite, goddess of love, fertility,
and ethereal beauty was born of sea foam.

The Mediterranean waves relentlessly collided into themselves with
passion, like a forbidden love affair, until leaving
behind their salty remains. From chaos, complexity, and divine
effervescence, Came forth the most delicate entity known
to man.

*And yet sea foam smells like ****.