Small, sweet girl,
Love the protection
You do not know you have.
Enjoy the California mountains
While you roam them;
Feel the cool rocks in your yard
While it is still your home
Walk in the newborn stream to cool your feet
Before you want to put them in heels.
Walk through the tall, dead grasses
And pretend you do not fear the snakes,
Until you want to walk the streets
And pretend you do not fear the men.
Let your blonde hair shine
Before it turns red from the fires you watch.
Maybe the weight you gain when you are much older
Will make up for what you deprived yourself of
When you are just a little older.
I would tell you not to hold on to Mom too tight,
So that you may not shatter when you learn
Not every good girl has a good mommy.
But I can not blame you for holding on to the things you know.
She is just one that will sting of painful nostalgia.
But that will be for another poem,
Another letter that I write to you sometime;
A little older, hopefully a little wiser

I'm good at making
Friends, but I'm even better
At losing them all

Hoping you will look at me
The way I look at you
Wishing you think of me
As much as I think of you
Praying you want me
As much as I want you

If I’m the girl that everyone likes
Why do I have hardly any real friends?

The way he acts
It makes me scared
The way he looks
At us, it makes me nervous
The way he talks
Makes me sick
The way he moves
Horrifies me
The way he is
Is not the way it should be

Maybe all those closed doors

Maybe all those broken hearts

Maybe all those questioning why's

Are what lead me straight to you

Numb
Beating my head like a pounding drum
Numb
Not stupid, not dumb
Just numb
Nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs
Numb
I'm so done
Numb
It's grown to an awful hum
All I am is Numb

Isn't it just odd
That no one cares about me
Until I'm crying

I wish you could see me behind the screen
Who I really was, who I really am
If I could see you face to face
Know more than just your name
We could be friends in real life
But you're hundreds of miles away
So I'll dream of meeting you one day

I'm falling for you
But you only see me as
Your sisters best friend

As a child, I idolized one day getting a license
Now I'm 17 in a red '94 convertible with the top down, loving
How it feels when my metal daisies pull my ears from the force of wind
I like the adrenaline rush I get when I can scream because no one is around
And that I don't have to feel bad for not talking to anybody
I like the way my car shakes when I blast the volume to 35
Or when I push it faster faster faster than it should go
I like the stick on my skin because of the North Carolina humidity
When I reach my arm out of the window, leaning toward a stranger
Summer's almost over, but I just want more time following the sunset home
On the open road

When I saw that pic
Of us, all I wanted to
Do was shred the thing

I fell in love with you
From across the table

I grasp
Knuckles white
To a rope
That has already promised me
It will never break

They smelled of coffee and tobacco
          But not in a poetic way
          The way that makes me want to
          get away from you
I can smell the addiction in your breath

She’s my sunshine
She’s my love
She’s my fighter
My inner peace, my dove

She’s my supporter
She’s my answer
She’s my listener
I couldn’t live without her

She’s my protector
She’s my inspiration
She’s my forgiver
Yeah, she’s a sensation

She’s my healer
She’s my new day
Without her
I wouldn’t be who I am today

I wish silence was a sound
Then my thoughts could finally be drowned

When I know you're on the other line of the phone, I feel...

Safe
Warm
Happy

You don't even have to talk. I know everything is okay when I know you're with me.

If I sit in a corner, they all think I'm sad
Fine, whatever
If I'd rather stay in my room, they all think I'm moody
I'm growing sick of this
If I don't feel like talking, they say "Oh, she's a teen"
Can you please stop?
Maybe I actually don't like it when you make assumptions about me
So as much as I love you,
Leave me be
Can't I just sit around and... normal?

If I want to plug in my headphones, I guess I'm rude
That doesn't make any sense
If I leak a tear, I'm being over-dramatic
Can I not have emotions?
If I'd rather read a book than hang out with everyone, I'm "emotional"
I don't know if I can deal with this anymore.
Sometimes I wish I was quiet all the time
So I wasn't expected to be loud

Dead roses
In pretty poses

i used your love letter to spit out my gum

Chocolate eyes
Midnight hair
Name a place
I'll meet you there

I dream of you
Throughout the night
Then remember you
In the morning light

I'll be patient
Until I see you again
But the thought of you
Will remain in my head

The cool girls curl their hair
The cool girls wear makeup
The cool girls wear tight clothes
The cool girls have boyfriends
The cool girls swear
The cool girls are thin
Why can't I be a cool girl?

It is never enough
There is a piece missing from every aspect of myself
A sliver of beauty, a slice of intelligence, a portion of strength
That I so desperately want to acquire
With hands too unsteady for Da Vinci and a voice too weak for Houston
I pull apart words and smash them back together in Play-Doh poetry
I see this technicolor world and want to put it into film
But my vocabulary is too juvenile and the style too amateur
My metaphors are recognizable on all levels, the depth of a kiddie pool
To read the works of Shelley and Milton and Dante light this flame
That burns in anger at my own futile words, a seething disappointment
The greats, the classics, all I could ever read, and all I could never be
Each poem that I write lets me down, far too short and far too simple
My own words could never capture the essence of what I want to say
Who I want to be
It is never enough
But I will keep trying

You said I was your answered prayers
You said I was the best girl in the world
You said I was the best thing you could have asked for
Well, now it's my turn.

You are the light in my world.
You make all the bad days the best days ever.
You were the answer to every question I thought of.
You are the peace when I can not sleep.
You are the one thing that can make me smile when I hurt.
You make every day worth living.
You are why I look back at my past and think it was all worth it.
Nothing in this world is like you.

A too-warm new year January afternoon
Holds the same sun as April's evening at 12 years old
The scent of gentle pink roses
Is a cool shower in the summer before high school
A new-to-me videogame console
Is sophomore year's ignored chemistry homework
My eyes and ears and nose and hands
Contain memories I did not mean to make
They store moments that take me back to times
That were insignificant in my mind
A childhood filled with life and experience
That I seem to keep reliving, despite my unintention
But I hold no complaints in my heart
As I know that one day, these words will provide the same feeling
I will look back on poems written while pushing grocery carts
And think to myself, what a pleasure to live in a time capsule

I’m tired
Tired of the lies
Tired of the pretending
Tired of the acting
And the show that you put on
You try to cover up your darkness
When I already know what’s inside
You tell me of all the good things
And then you turn yourself around
I’m tired of the teasing
Tired of the persona’s
Tired of the hiding
Tired of secrets
I tired of being tired

Thank you
You might not realize it
But you mean so much to me
I only go because I know you're smiling face will greet me
Even though no one else likes me
Or talks to me
(Those people don't know my name after a year)
You never fail to be there for me
It might just be your small act of kindness
But it means the world to me

Let's take a trip around the world
Just to show everyone how much you hurt
First we'll start in Paris where you'll try to bid me adieu
But I regret ever saying Bonjour to someone like you
Maybe in Germany I'll get stupid and try to call you mine
But I know I'd be met with a cold hard Nein
Next I'll imagine a Britain where you'd call me love
But in reality you would throw me off the Big Ben and I'd pray to be saved by doves
We could go back to the States and I'll meet you in LA
But you'd run to Montana before ever looking my way
Maybe we could go and visit New York
But you'd stab me instead of cheesecake with your fork
I wish we had the chance to meet up in Hawaii
But I shouldn't have ever loved you
Because you always hated me

I'll wait
Wait for you to look at me
Wait to hear your laugh
Wait to see you smile
But I'd spend the rest of my life waiting on you

How could a smile be so meaningless
Or eyes that show no emotion
Arms that use to embrace me
Now push me aside

I don't know why this happened
We used to mean the world to each other
My best friend forever
At least that's what I thought

How could I have been so stupid
All the signs were in front of me
You never loved me
I was just too desperate to care

Misunderstood
Unchangeable
Unstoppable
Miraculous
Beautiful
Belie­ver
Fragile
Friend
Loved
Same
Her
Me

A girl with beautiful, golden hair                  
Waking up early and roasting my hair for days so they think it's pretty
Stylish clothes from designer brands
Saving up money for months to buy some stupid pants I don't like
A beautiful face
Using masks, scrubs, rinses, and lotions to look like this
Do you want me to go on?
Because trust me
This girl has so much pressure
That's not the real her

You are the answer to all of my problems
There for me whenever I need you
You're only one call away
Even when I can't see you
I feel you in my heart
The greatest love I could ever ask for is right in front of me
And you've been there the whole time

What a world I live in
To experience emotions as powerfully as I do

My sadness is not an ache in my heart
With mascara tracks running down
It is deep, mournful, body-shaking sobs
Oceans of clear tears streaming from reddened green eyes

My anger is not a flickering flame of annoyance
Nor a clenched body needing a release
But an entirely enveloping wildfire
Blinding me from reason and logic

And neither is my love just comfort
Or a desire to care and be cared for
But a presence that encapsulates every thought
Every movement, every moment, defined by desire

Oh, it is a poet's dream
And a woman's curse