boasting of the god of love's attentions,
this magicweaver lures her prey--
conjures forth her whim
seeking quench of fickle thirst within
attempting avenues of guile
numerously failed, and baits another heart
to suit her object's mate,
whose favors hail from Shiva
unto dominion everywhere,
  except at forest hut where Rama--
with Sita --honeymoons in exile
having snapped the cosmic dancer's massive bow
to win her for his wife, yet bound
by family word to wilderness
  in elder-shade of mystic eagle
guarded by their builder,
brother Lakshmana, in whose absence Kamavalli comes
to woo the godlike archer for her own.

little bells on anklets ring--
from creeper snagged
as if in venery yearning,
urgent vines would find their way to rest on skin
and squeeze in verdant rooting underform
prancing by, playfully demure
to enter subdued greenery
of Panchvati's gated yard
to catch the stoic Rama's eye
in invitation flashing for his gaze:
a sculptured form of flawless grace
nubile teeth shining from the forest dark,
a smile unassuming of callipygean sway
beneath the flitting lashes of her iris' swell

baffled there he stirs to praise her openly
as perfect--
despite his inner-goddess-for-a-wife he keeps inside--
with tripping words
welcomes and blesses this new girl,
exalting her with blushing queries,
sylvan surging rush to know
interrogate her mystery,
rapt in wide-eyed wonder verging beatific breath--
but learning of her lineage...
begins to plot their deaths.

banter light,
flirtations with a hidden, cosmic weight to pun against,
his praise asserts its hold
pretending bachelorhood;
his kindly, transauthentic voice resists
and in a sympathetic, skillful tone, promulgates
a drama to entice her eager mind--
ironic fancies of domestic bliss
flow from Rama, subtle jests
become her plight obsessing
into darkness embered with her lust
to truly claim him as her love,
her grandiosity defused in simple
entertainment quipping of their castes
and then with sudden burst entranced in luminescent rays of stunning rustic glow
from cottage comes his wife to claim her presence known.

the blow is dealt: Manmatha lays Kamavalli's fate: to self-disintegrate

jealousy to deafen gods, in cave retreat
to nurse her spite, surrounded in a dance
of serpent flails to sate her woe,
and only feed in ouroboros knotslip pulse
a lump-filled throat of gulping incite forward zest salacious
pungent flare of earth identity of fang and blood
the cry to shudder down a wolfine howl
in blast of animal, from screaming womanhood
the swoon precipitate-- vast height, abysmal fall
on being spurned by one who led her on
into delusion wrapped in sham an alter self
she met in bed a thousand cravings razing sanity
into a hate for moon, for elements themselves,
railing at Manmatha's haze infernal globe within and out
projecting Rama's face transfixing her inept
in wracking convulse whine of every cell,
her being sweating out imagined arms,
palms of his to cup her, lift from hellish pit of stifled longing never known 'til volcanically regrown--
in new love's throws an innocence of honest
selfhood found in him, bizarrely enemied in Lila's
killing spree of ego-dolls of lotus costume tracing all
searching through his fresh phantasm for her quelling salve
his diamond ******* targets for her soul
his broadness engirthing her to moan until her last in ecstasy
unknown asura-brew untold invented only now forever lost,
the moment fondled vastly gone,
his chest but gossamer instead of flesh
the emerald shoulder glimmer fake
the boundless confidence exuded in his
tender skin's encapsulated sinew strength
merely thought on causing pelvic quake
repeating there an apparition for her nearly endless letting out
he comes for her a demon double of her making
demi-god creator-demon vision for her writhing,
abandoned to the ambrosia torment he provides
wailing at the cavern sky her prison boudoir den
enscaled with slither pile coat of snakes, masturbatory wake of swooning still again

through to dawn..
in which psychotic break decides:
Soorpanaka births herself anew--
possession of her goal, or suicide.
the dewy spectra shines reflection of the choice;
rave committal forms its mould--
exhaustion hatches colorspray of plots,
braving mutilation to abduct,
lies and bribes surmounting each before
in ****** propositions to her ever widened bed,
else demonic armies loosed,
infatuate Ravana's heart
with illusory snare of golden Sita's rumored wares
to get her man alone and hew derision
with her desperate charm, by cantrip or war
spawned from deeper lairs of a broken,
fallacious heart, toward matrimony
or destruction bent













.

What is home?
but a safe haven for the heart
comfortable
at peace
a breeze after the summer sun went to sleep
a feeling I had forgotten for years
regrown from my own strength

Home I thought

Was in me all along.

a poetic rain,
in small print,
fills the white sky page
...and leaves it pregnant with a frontier glowing brighter
than the prime moved space attuned to matter's birth
--all the freedom still, and more... continues growing heedless of the dark surround

and as a bright lotus conjures flight from murky soils--
heavy, sinking, rooted into nether darks--
you digest even drivel as you read, and leap beyond,
celebrating its inherent scope, tendril values spanning all potentiality;
i squint to see you silhouetted there: silent poet flying in between the signs,
to re-sign brilliance on that plane,
and voice the silence intertwining muse and verbal ruse

producing in an everpresent rain the giving-rise to words,
the meaning prior and pretend, and signaled apprehension past intent:
deluge inspiration in the rents of earth, carry dust into the rainbow clouds, and see the shaking world alight in lovingkindness without end

speaking now in arts reversed,
in playing poems and writing at a pitch to sweeten tongues with memories relived...
speaking in the ripple-visage looking back at skys beneath a surface weight we bear,
and shed in holding breath in waves, and squinting tight
the urge to love a universes' birth, conceive
the poem that generates progenesis of stellar forms
each...day
words to twist the vital helix of all oneness beings into being fair
chiasmi of the night alive to sing expanse, to sing alive galactic seas alight
into the pan-flute of the gods re-tuned to shakuhachi tones,
tabla moans and pops of ancient memories reborn
make verbal love within raags beloved rivers smooth at sitar drone
... within the theater your poetic home enfolds

Blinded by love,* can a lotus grow?
through this, beyond chance, to realize...kinship with a chameleon?
with an ant in unexplored territory?
mysteries hiding
revealing deeper mysteries, the hues of Kerala regrown
unknown cloud of "known"-unknown rising...
unknown cloud of possible-knowns to be...
being past, unknown cloud to wash the earth...
allowing all other clouds, dharma-megha cloud returning to that ocean..
--what limits of versatility attain here in my underwater tears?

we can be A dog and a cat transfixed by a sun set
lizards versus spiders crawling for our meals
the dance and dancer one
and we can tend the gardens all our lovers left
or tend the Goddess Night in daring shadow walks with her to inner, spiraled light
that inner vined garden of her truth forever singing you are me
tat twam asi in hues dark maidenhood restrokes
euphoric agony contains a clue
where negatives dream each other through and through
in a subtle exchange self with self before a mirror that eats all reflections









*)O(

Soon I will be alone.
In my own little cave
I can hide and be regrown;
my own soul I will save.
I will seclude myself from all;
from disappointment, pain, hate
and live behind my wall,
until I've learned to appreciate.
All I want is to be happy,
but, it seems the world is all sad,
I can't help but breathe empathy,
so I am prevented from being glad.
To add to that, I am toxic,
and all I touch turns to dust
until I learn to focus,
I will continue to lose trust.
I must learn to deal with this,
then attempt the world anew.
I need to learn to channel bliss,
then I can rejoin all of you.

(This is a group poetry slam. The bolded lines are said in unison. I was in charge of the "yellow" sections)

A technicolor finish tainting paint on hate drenched signs
Alex: picketing picking away bits of lips, slicing silence into arms and hips
rainbows were not always so black and blue
Brigitte: yanked from the sky by a brood of vipers, dragged through mud and fire, pummeled until we see double.
Nicole: Poison placed on children’s tongues, “******” never tasted as sour as when describing
Audrey: translucent half circles shamed into not showing their true colors
Allie: We hide the private parts of ourselves, but what if our sheer existence clouds some sets of eyes with rage?
Even the speed of light can’t escape lids clenched tight like fists.  

Red
Brigitte: First crush is a hot sweat and perpetual throat lump
Molten shame gurgling beneath the tender flesh of your candy apple cheeks
Stains memory like spilled red wine
She was intoxicating
Red flecked rosacea readily recalls
Her name a cherry aftertaste, berry sweet yet crimson thirsty
red is the color of metamorphosis. of hormones misbehaving. of flushed ******* and a wish dancing on another girl’s lips.
Of bullseyes tattooed on wrists
Red is a warning of children’s taunts and old, wary eyes. It is the hue of thought blind hatred

Orange
Allie: The shade of autumn leaves slowly passing on
Grim reminders of slowly approaching school hallways that sneer taunts
Orange the color of names thrown into aching ears
******
Thrown into breaking hearts
Queer
Thrown into minds full of orange flickering bonfires of shame
Orange
The color of beautiful things slowly dying

Yellow
Alex: Like the caution signs on winding roads
Barely illuminated when the sky is too dark
Seen too late before a crash
Twisted metal ringing in our ears like
Twisted thoughts ringing in our ears like
When we recognize a crush that sets us apart
That tells us we're
Not normal, not right
Like fading bruises as we tell ourselves
That we're just yellow bellied cowards
As we tell ourselves
That on straight roads we wouldn't crash
And with straight hearts we wouldn't bleed

Green
Nicole: I feel sick
“A little green around the gills”
as I swim away is that why I’m drowning
in these murky waters of
“What if”s and “i don’t know”s
I have always been certain of the leafy canopies and garden inside of me
but this vine of uncertainty sprouted
and is choking me
I should not feel afraid for what I am because
this life is green and sprouting but there are
forest fires of hate spreading
We see the smoke signals all around us
our magnificent green fading to ashes

Blue and Purple
Audrey: Blue curtains block out the world that lurks just outside
Waiting to hurt me.
8 pm.
Purple dusk is gathering outside my walls
The same way the bruises on my heart threaten to eclipse the sun.
I'm scared.
I don't look at the veins  beneath my skin because they
Remind me too much of the purple-red blood
That spills too often from my arms,
Reminds me of my father's face
Purple with rage
When I told him
9 pm. Navy skies I will not see again
Purple pen writing apologies
Heart pumping blood too fast,
No time,
Can't breathe, face purple,
Can't breathe, face blue
Can't breathe.


They took away our rainbow. Let’s take it back.

Purple and Blue
Audrey: I love the way the sky turns lavender before the sun rises
I love the way your long hair and pale curves look
Against the blue sheets
I love not hiding who we are.
We should get Purple Hearts for all the times
The missiles of queer and butch have landed in
The midst of our embrace,
Launched by an unknown enemy before we were able
To twine our hands and hearts on small-town sidewalks
Laying under the lilac bushes,
Watching the day slip into purple dusk with firefly stars.
I love not hiding who we are.

Green
Nicole: once a cowering seed deep underground
Sprouting up through a crack in the slab of
concrete hate concrete rejection
because fresh life will destroy hate
even if it is slowly, one seed at a time
we are not weeds in your garden
green
a safe place the sun shining
fresh sprouting buds anticipating something beautiful
the prelude to a symphony of colors
green
sprouting from the earth
we do not need to prove that we are not unnatural
but grown from the same soil

Yellow
Alex: Somewhere in the middle of the rainbow like I'm
Somewhere in the middle of the spectrum
Associated with the sun and the stars but
Not with day and night
Because things are never quite as black and white as we make them out to be
Yellow, in the middle of pink and blue on the pansexual flag
Acknowledging that there are people out there
Who could love people like me
And yellow like dandelions
Changing daily into pieces drifting away
To end up regrown in dirt
Just like anything else

Orange
Allie: The shade of sunrise
A beautiful dawn of hope and opportunity
Peeking over the horizon
The passage of time and hopefully some ******* laws
Orange the warmth of a new day pouring some happiness into what once was a seemingly endless night
Orange the color of change

Red
Brigitte: sunshine ray burn cozy in your proud heart
blood rush, fire burst, lovesick intensity smoldering in your eyes
Red is a love fusion ignited inward and radiating out like a star
illuminating the night regardless of how dark the nothing is around it
Red is grown up, a rubicund shamelessness sewn with time into the marrow of your bones
Roll out the red carpet, paint roses on the town
Blood is not only death, it’s also life

Audrey: Acceptance!
Nicole: Life!
Alex: Hope!
Allie: Change!
Brigitte: Love!

**Pride comes in ALL colors

function here in waves,
playful rose of fractal dance between the ashen
i-am-nesses fused --
what else can say existence
like you   are like me?
that atoms mine are yours
coinciding kinds
in kind collide in braving symbols wide.
no interference holds amid the swing
from dark to light,
eternal constancy
of varied essence striking
joy on joy a smitten fullness-
breath of overcoming desperation's wrath
regrown particulates of god undead
of final unities no longer dark,
no longer merely one among






.

Unrest sits inside of me. Scratch that. Unrest riots inside of me.
Tonight I knelt face down in a shower hotter than a Sydney inner city summer day. My skin burned. I hate water. I hate heat. In as much I particularly hate hot water. It intimidates me and steals my breath from fear and a terrifying blaze in my lungs. I often dream nightmarish of drowning in an ocean deep with blood red boiling water.

Still. I figured I could burn away this cold feeling that freezes me from my heart to my skin. If this were frostbite I would be a darker pitch of black. Head to toe. Inside out. Charred flesh and bone, sewn over a fevered mind.

I knelt on the pads of my shins, feet flat out behind me, knees scratching the tub, chest heaving with my hands clasped desperately behind my head pushing down. **** up, face down, no grace in this morbid search for self comfort. Trying so hard to become undone. My forehead rested in searing water raining down; that puddled hot and ***** beneath at my mouth. I prayed for tears. I ached to open up. One bleeding stitch at a time. To bleed tears of salt water amongst the fresh. Just to myself. For me if not for anybody else. Alone. Uninhibited. A quiet fury unleashed.

I searched for my voice and willed it to cry out. Urged it to break open and spill, a mess of confusion could at least be cleaned up. Without that mess I was still just a disaster waiting to happen.

I answered myself with silence. The only noise I could make was a low, guttural, throaty whine. The sound murmured in the water, muffled. Wasted. Washed away. Just air and water. Leaving. Draining. Just. Gone.
Salt burnt in my throat. More heat. Tears stung at the back off my eyes so I opened them and let the water in so as to coax the water out.
Nothing. Nothing but heat and emptiness.

Scratch that. This is not emptiness. I know emptiness well. I remember the echo of nothing. I remember non existence and its dumb witted mercy. I recall the dull anesthetised blanket of apathy.

This. Is. Feeling. This is being full and riotous. This is toxic and seething.
Appendicitis yet burst.

Even a toxic spill can be cleared, a burnt forest regrown. Degenerative. I feel like I am both sinking and replete at once. Both burning and washed out. Scarlet bright and discoloured. Alive and exhausted.
I am a vacuum through which no sound can travel. Waves of compression travelling through matter. From particle to particle I travel silenced, with no substance through which to reach a listener.

I am not listening.
I am unsound.
Unrest and riotous.

Even as I write this
My face burns.
My body aches and quivers and my stomach turns over and over and over until I stand and reach for my tobacco and roll to smoke to abate this ache that is eating me.

Alive.

I am a thousand words unsaid.
Five thousand tears yet spilled.
Words fall from my fingertips
But not from my lips.

I am the quiet in the storm.
Stilled, Stalled, Appalled by what can only come next.

This skin. Of mine. Is prickly and If I could just step out of it, for the sake of feeling settled, I would. I would stretch and unwind my mind then slowly furl back into myself, ironed out and calmed. Fresh stitches, less itches and the sense of having been free. From me.

Funnily enough, although I’m not really laughing, when the tears do come, when they bite at the corners of my eyes until I feel like my face is about to tear apart, a mess of salt and flesh, The darkness reaches out a cold and unforgiving hand and pushes down. Until the brackish brine reaches back into my throat, slides into my stomach, dragging with it that fleeting chance of reprieve. Then comes the sick. Then comes the smoke. Then comes the still and ever threatening silence.

I am a stranger to myself.
And this is not the first time.

step right up to this broken machine
she'll take anyone
look at this queen
she's shiny and new with smiles so bright
every step she takes is light
her colours are more than a rainbow can boast
she has more than any
she has the most
they drift in the wind and fall from her fingers
her joy is infectious
she's contentment's dead ringer

this machine never stops
that's why its so popular
people will travel far
there is no other
none so dedicated to her job as this
she's a volunteer so surely she loves it
but a crisis strikes every once in a while
the machine won't admit it, she's in denial
but her colour store is personally supplied
if she told you it's abundant, surely she lied

this machine has colours she enjoys sparing
but to spend her whole life as this machine is daring
machines must be turned off
must be unplugged
this machine never does because help is her drug
she goes and she goes until she overheats
her colours start melting
they run through the streets
these runaway colours are scooped up and scrounged
meanwhile the machine is left on the ground
she rusts while it rains, there on the ground

no regard for the girl whose rainbow
seems to be gone
look how she lays so
curled up and crying but not from her loss
crying because her aid is the cost
with no regard for herself she whispers
"if I take a break, look at who suffers"
but the rainbow too must be regrown
it can only take time and care and sweet tones
encouraging words to let her know
she's not alone, she will never be thrown
from this world with contempt
because love exists
but love may not always come to you free
sometimes there is just one fee
it isn't much... just to ask

We were only ever
moving through..


A transient
encounter pinked
in sprinkled serendipity

had synchronised
our step

and having met
before the bested peaks
of all that seemed unlikely
we stayed close.


Through
needless plays
of problematic metaphor,
we laughed and wept,
deplored enforced morality,
embraced a great unknown,

explored the cultic
sympathies, arrested
in our infancy
and swore an oath
eternal to the greenery
regrown..



..while knowing
well, the day will come
when one moves on
alone

they packed the town into a big box
and shipped it to southeast ohio
they packed bryan adams into a box
and shipped it to southeast asia
they packed the baby into a box
and shipped it to madonna

drawn up with a silver pen
the EPZs jurisdiction
the cease fires declaration
and the stockyards reopen for business

the hundred thousand leaves shrouding
the white house roar
like a crowd, like a nation
a few man's hands
shake that sound
like snake's tails rattling
into a megaphone

the heavy metal band pleads self-defense.
they just play music. that's all they do
they're not protesting
except in a vague way
against everything,
they're not sure what
perhaps the chaotic volume
of their early adolescence

a child bent around a pen
is told to count the lima beans again
he counted too fast
a snarling dragon pulls up
and he rides, concluding
in a sorcerer's castle constructed
of speedy fretwork and overbearing tablature

the card game made us
wizards, frankly, and we enjoyed it
more than being what we were
I throw the dice and the king's head
tumbles with them into a basket

a burmese girl sews the silhouette
of a man performing
a feat not meant for man
into the side of a shoe that will
wing you to heaven if
heaven is as high
as a slam dunk. boys
in a park joust styrofoam swords
a hand is folded
behind the back to signify its heroic
loss in battle. it is regrown momentarily
to dunk a chicken mcnugget.
in another park across town
boys no longer ****
each other for their shoes.
jay z is in a booth with warren buffett
and jerry seinfeld at daniel

they are saving the galaxy

the only one we have to save
which nobody lives in anymore
the forest is off in endor
the snow belongs to hoth

a boy fights a war
in an afghan marketplace
through his television set


in hd and widescreen
it's practically photorealisitic
the guns sound authentic
in 5.1 digital surround

another boy fights the exact same war
he wishes it did not look so real

the internet, our new planet

i shut the computer down
404: I am a file no longer to be found

Nice to see you are opening the shop.

Saying this
I search for lines of distress on her face
On her widowed eyes a painful strain
For when went her man
The way she wailed
It seemed she would never be sane again!

She smiles *now I run it alone
Sale is low
And I’m weighed down
With his pile of debt!

In her smile are hopes regrown
A telltale sign of grit

The show must go on.

The wanderer walks more then he talks fished in a *** of emotions asteroid

torn by the fact that time is a plant
of which can't be regrown when grown on a slant
oh surface what is my purpose?
why am I here? what am I after?
what is my fear?

Stuck in a haze
of being afraid of the future

I'm the wanderer of night

The walker of the shadows

my feet glide lightly beneath the
street & it's gravel

I'm peeping at the living
within the holes of their hollows

Wondering if there lives are a cycle

Go to sleep, Go to work,
Go where ever the light glows

Follow the crowd, be a part of the now

Your past actions will only be known as a noun, I've figured it out, I've opened the spout

The opportunities are endless there just flowing about

the waters of remembrance are very shallow, and impact must be heavy to make a splash

Do what you love, and your passions will truly last

Don't be stuck in the past, instead,  thrive on what's here today

This message is retrospective
echoed in constant delay

As I walk deeper into the dark this is what I truly say....L...O...S...T

it's hard to stay on track when you've mentally lost perspective
When everything you've known turns unfamiliar within seconds

Is this good energy?

or the spread of an infection?

I need a tower of fortune cookies

to hold my lessons

For when that tower crashes

it will crumble into a message

Do I search for more? or do I stay inside the common section?

I'm searching for the uncommon and people of rarity

Who can explain the emotions

of human irregularity?

Will I sustain my vision of singularity

art crafted in loops

repetition brings recognition to patterns covered from clarity

This is just a turn of the leaf

roots of the past years die off

they become obsolete, as we drift deeper into forms of technology, we suddenly find people in the form of anomalies

Look outside your window and standing there I will be, a stranger in the night

Peeping through windows for company

Only searching for answers that all of us seem to seek

Who will I be today and the following week

Who will I meet today that will change who I want to be

These are thoughts of the wanderer waking amount the streets

Walking through the pages of an empty notebook,
the surprises are few and far between.
Listening to the honks on Market Street and
I remember when life was like back in 2009.

The room was spinning around and
liquor bottles hung from the ceiling.
The hideous growl of a thousand broken promises.
Chasing after a drunk ghost,
through a maze of street signs and snowflakes.

The night sky sends down shadow monsters,
destined to return your soul.
I refuse to accept that this is reality.
My creative spirit has fallen into discontent.
Oh Lord,
please save me from these bright lights.

I am going down 157.
Waiting for the clock to strike
any hour it pleases.
Listening to the broken trees whisper their anger.
Splintered from the weight of the crows,
they fall.
This will not end well.
The problem with every story is that there is a beginning and
an end.  

Forgive me Father for I have sinned,
my last confession was...
when the Crown Royal was still a peasant.
The victory seemed like a defeat and
the birds flew south for the winter.

Do not be afraid.

This story ends with structure, responsibility, and order.
The trees have regrown,
hiding my secrets.
My mind begins to wonder.
Everything begins to swerve.
Is this what happens
when good men do nothing?
Or when bad men fly?

survival is cheap

This is how i feel
this onion peel
discarded
shell of wasted empathy//
this is how i taste
this furry filthy *****
waste
of
flavours savoured.
This is how it feels
inside
to die
then lie
in hope of faith
restored.

Sitting
while it rains
outside
my thoughts.
The seasons storm
while thiniking//pausing//stroking
i climb back into the safety
of my mind.
it is mine.
To hibernate
a pleasure
brief but
still so much
grief to grieve.
A cliche,
this damp patch
of regrown
faith.
This testament to
survival.
perhaps not the fittest,
but always
a stayer.

I've done things on my own
gotten to relearn pieces of me regrown
I'm still making up for the way things were
finding the girl I was when I was her
boy, do you miss me yet?
I'm making myself proud
I've found my voice, I'm getting loud
And I'm not quite there but I'm en route
haven't yet attained it but I'm in hot pursuit
boy, do you miss me yet?
and of all the pieces of you that fell away
the music we shared just seems to stay
it stays and stays, won't go away
it won't diminish, it won't decay
boy, do you miss me yet?
And just like I used to listen to you singing in your car
I can hear you forgetting me, tires kissing tar
it's been two solid years and I need to know
boy, will you ever let me go?

I wake up to the sound
The sound ,noones ever heard
It's my last day to afford a fortune
Nothing that we couldn't learn........

Maybe we'll wake forgiving
It's better safe than sound
Maybe we'll fight forever
Nothing that can't be done......

Back to the past, we ride
Holdin' it dear to our hearts
It's my last day to buy my fortune
Nothin' that I couldn't learn.......

Maybe we'll live forgetting
A something that wasn't said
Maybe we'll find a replacement
A place for you to rest your head....

Back the the howling grounds
Where the dogs of society roam
You can't keep on forgetting
The place where you were grown

Placement that wasn't so right
Back at the pillars and thrones
My sandcastle stands in a mud pit
Waiting to be regrown

How can you sit and stand by
As the hometown grows out of control
You plant chains from a stake pike
And place people beyond their own

Maybe will live regretting
Maybe it's all on you
It's your last day to avenge the fallen,
Something that was brought by you.....

Place a crown on the stand
As peasants wave to you
Look out into the crowds
As friendly faces wave to youuuu

Maybe the Kings forgiving
Maybe the Queens forgot
To help those in need and helping
Of those who couldn't learn......

Maybe we'll find a replacement
Another duet to rule the land
Maybe they'll leash their vengeance
On someone other than you

What he wanted to give me now
I didn't want that anymore!!

Why not give it another chance?
Many questions are left unanswered

I have made up my mind and decided to cross the line
But they still want me to simply stay at my crossroads

I have nothing to give or to accept
When it's all over for me then how do I refrain

Before it's too late for anything to protect
I am saving the good moments and moving away

There was too much pain in living alone
Wanting to be with you and your love regrown

But now I don't hold any grudges for more
All that you want to give is not what I want anymore!!

rightful stone explode and then be regrown
shock all night then we can play the day a two
as the sun beats down hot upon the pavement
looking at the cooking of cold hearted skins

again and again to be lying on the treetops
be mean be lean be everything the heart endures
live through the Blue and in time it will do
adjust repeat and center their self unto Me

to be a dust of ticking center stage

looking for a thing to keep me occupied
mine eyes look at the land far deep so wide
farthest way home backest way across the hill
across the Universe song and tall i Sing:

Yes forgotten bridge and bowl make two

longing. yearning. wanting. so many words for
a singular feeling. they never taught me how
to love an enigma. mystery’s an intrigue.
it wrenches you in like

beast in beauty and the beast. joker in joker—
now this is not to say you’re a ******* furry or
an anarchist’s *******: you are holy.
holy, as in baptise me

in your aprillian light;
grind my guts into grime
break my bones into brimstones and
let me love you twice

as hard. thrice the hurt.
four times the trouble,
five times the heart

you see, i’m very good at counting.

i’ll even do it for the both of us.
like how it’s been 437 days since saturn tore her knees.
75 days since you were anointed god.
20 after we fell apart and i know

i’m jumping into conclusions again. i know
you never said goodbye. not really,
but what is “see you when i see you” if not a gentle rejection?

you’re very fond of maybes,
that’s how i knew you were god.

so maybe we’ll meet in september,
shades of chartreuse forgotten under our feet.
changes in the weather, changes in the sweater
your touch no longer seduces me like summer

so then maybe,
with bones regrown like eden
i will reach for your temple

and show you how much i love you.

Buoys up she from the sea I sail
What poetry can’t address
She serves me well.

The sailor’s misery she knows
His journey’s perilous waves
A rope for me she throws
Dragging to shore she saves.

Watches over her caring face
Suffers the navigator what distress
Resuscitating with her sweet breath
The mariner dying from illusive myth!

This way she rebirths me
Down on earth from the high sea
And till is regrown the sailor’s wings

We talk animated of life’s small things.

when you reappear in the sky, my soul is regrown
shoot an arrow straight to my heart, many nights
spent under the stars in this moonlit purple dome
steam runs off our skin, while the heat waves rise
running together in this exhilarating light, over the stones
that cut our feet. I don't miss home. (Who would have known?)
We do not stand alone.

These bones cannot bring themselves to love just yet. The skin draped across this body has yet to find it’s proper position, constantly shifting as if displaced. My heart is 2 inches too far to the left, and I can hear the scraping of muscle against bone with each step I take. My lungs are far too shriveled and haven’t stretched to their great capacity since my first gulp of air. My body is shrinking within itself and a body that is fading from existence cannot be loved.

I want to be ****** back into place. I want someone’s lips to force my soul back into its deteriorating body. I want his body pressing against mine until our hatred and fear cloud the lines between my body and I am no longer concerned with the space we occupy. I want soft sounds to echo from his mouth again and again and again until I have scientifically proven that my body is a solid form that can elicit emotion from another body. I want to feel his pounding hard, writhing form, panting body under mine until my bones can’t hear the sound of their weakness anymore. I want to be ****** until my heart is ****** back to it’s place, my lungs are stretched past their capacity to the point of pain, my bones are broken and regrown in stronger form, my eyes are torn from the inside of my body and forced to see the blurring lines of the exploding universe, my atoms are pushed closer together until my solid form cannot be denied. I want someone’s body to teach mine that it can be wanted in the most obscene, terrifying ways. Maybe then, I’ll forget that shame and hatred have interwoven themselves through my atoms, forcing me to believe that I am not and will never be whole.

I’ve put this off for a long time
Not knowing what words would come to form
Hoping I could say something new
But it all just feels the same

You let me fall and didn’t catch me
But like a shooting star I’ll gleam bright
Falling hard and burning beautiful
This fire inside will soon be gone
And our love over before the sun
breaches the mountains in the distance.

I’ve been told that I shine
But it feels so lonely and cold
because this dark room is without you
And I have to burn to see how bright I can be
I have to know it’ll be alright
without you

No longer paired but severed at the seams
We fought and tore all hope apart
But you walked away first
Regret never on your lips

The bus rolls away without turning back
But I wait in the cold hoping it will
Knowing it won’t

The comfort of God is on both sides
No one right, no one wrong,
But it had to be that way for you
Perfectly divided and clean cut
So that you could justify the hurt

“You deserve” is a stupid term
“I want” is more acceptable
But it’s not enough to sustain
and apparently neither am I

Fear not, because I have not forgotten
All the times I held you crying
All the times I heard you yelling
All the times you said you’re sorry
And all the times I never believed you.

Don’t worry, cause I know we are different
Just disappointed that differences make divisions
And we are joined by only one thing now.
Jesus stands with both of us you see?
He knows, He loves, and He heals both our hearts
But how should I feel when you only take?
How should I feel when you’re only right,
And I am only left, to tell you,
“This is what I know, and I don’t want to let go.”
With ears far away, carrying my heart in your hands
You forget to let me have it back,
And I search for the day when I can be free of that heart.

Oh Lord make me whole through You alone.
Don’t let these broken sins and forgotten promises
Tear me from your Love.
Words Words, that’s all they feel like.

But in the depths of my soul I cry for God.
I cry for justice and patience,
I cry for humility and grace,
And I cry out for answers.

God will not answer me.

He will show me,
With a new adventure I’ll embarque,
Enjoying the journey, but will happily hurry.
I’ll hurry to leave and gather new millage,
Go up and down the windy trail until slowly.
So painfully.
So eagerly.
I will find new treasures.
I will be regrown, and my heart will sing again
Like a tree after the fire.
Like a flower after the winter.

And you are distant, running with my rotted heart.
Trotting along in a separate direction,
With Jesus on your mind,
And God on your heart,
But only looking for what you need.
A different path, a different way.
Not wrong, just not the same.

I can perfectly recall
The slight green tint
To your storm blue eyes
There were these perfect
Sun enriched creases
That spread like rays
From the corners of them
Watching me with intensity
Rising heat even in the cold
Closing my own I can still inhale
How you smelled
Sweat and horses
Old leather
Sometimes all your scents
Combined with mine
And I would catch my breath
Gasp with surprise
That no one else noticed
You would touch my cheek softly
Despite
The telling work worn creases
on the backs of your hands
flecked with soft white
Barbed wire scars
Nails regrown after hammer altercations
Stubborn ball-hitches
Renegade gates
Turned to suede
Lifting my face to yours
The velvet caress
Of your high desert lips
I can feel your stubbled chin still
Brush roughly across my shoulder
Shockingly coarse
Leaving the skin tender
Whiskerburnt
You would drive
With soo much weighing
On your mind
In your heart
And in my youth fullness
I would watch you
Worship you
Write love songs and poems
That I folded into origami horses
Saddles
braided into reins
All this time
I remember you
Except..................
I cannot recall
More than the whisper
Of falling clothing
Our own muted sounds
And the dust
set alight
In those summer scorched buildings
Did you say something
Did I
My voice file for you is incomplete
And soo far away from that moment
Here I'm still writing
Poems
Only
The creases are mine now
Folded still
No longer horses
But instead
Into the shapes of our mountains

(JL)

Crossing beside a gravestone path
as the sky closes in
Foot falls meet with deaf ears
and the clouds open up
Looking over the regrown grass
Where the rain came down
Where I know youd be looking back
In the fog we drown

You never told me
and now its too late
you werent the only victim
why couldnt you wait?

Open to me,
we could both breathe
You breathe through me
please speak wholly!
Open to me!

Please dont fool me!
Don't undo me
You have to speak
Now, speak through me
Open to me!

A path between old headstones
A suffering you didnt know!
If tears furnish the weeds
On the trail growing
Better than the water
from you to me
the path outlined
To your souless tomb
will grow stronger
Please make room!

Open to me,
we could both breathe
You breathe through me
please speak wholly!
Open to me!

Please dont fool me!
Don't undo me
You have to speak
Now, speak through me
*Open to me!

It is Day Now
Finally a Moment Free from the cage..
Heavens Wisdom unleashed from constraints of Happiness
A Lovers  Pen
Once Held by a Parliament of Ugliness......

Risen Now by the Hands of  Freedom
Liberties LIFE  Standing... Rainbow Miracle

...........Barnabas, Yours is a Symphony of Eternal  Goodness
A Pen and Ink of Sharing,
Time has ReGrown For You
That the World May Be Blessed By LIFES'  Sunshine
Love In Peace.

And So It Is.

Once upon a time,
we lived in Shangri-log
It was hollow and cozy
and safe from the fog
We built us a kitchen,
out of sticks and stuff
We built benches and shelter
and swept away the duff

We were working on the hill,
early that spring
Away from our log,
when the bear gave a ring
He raided all of our salty snacks,
and even some of our liquor stash!
And all he left was a big bear mess,
and a pile of.. I'll let you guess...

So we learned our lesson, no more storing food
We cleaned up camp and life was good

But we had to return to our toil
Spreading horse ****,
amending soil
The next time we returned
to our big round squat
Something was wrong,
but we didn't know what..

We decided not to worry
and we had a party
We were lit up all night
and the sky was starry...
As the sun was coming up,
the time for sleep rolled around
But as we laid down to rest,
we heard a startling sound...
Beep! Beep! Beep! Filled the air!
And a churning of trees!
They were clearing the area,
We needed to flee!

We snatched up some things,
hid the rest in a stump
Our buddy was collapsing
his tent on the run
We got to the commune,
but no sleep would be found...
We all were uneasy about
bulldozers on ground

At the end of the day,
When the workers were gone
We dashed up the hill,
to check on our zone
Our camp was untouched,
Our things were all fine
But the brush had been cleared
all under the power lines...
And since our log was exposed, it was time to go
(I think we can take a hint, dontcha know...)

We cleaned everything up,
Tore everything down
Well almost everything,
Our old bed's still around
The years have gone by,
The brush has regrown..

It's hard not to wish we could live in our old home...

I am aware, logically,
That when Winter comes and all things die,
The numb cold of snow will eventually clear
And the flowers will bloom
And my plum tree will bud and provide fruit.
Spring will warm all of creation once more,
Rain will wake my skin.
But today all is frozen,
Iced over and silent with​ no growth to be found,
And logic aside,
This feels
Eternal.
I cannot feel the sun that does not warm my skin.
I cannot taste the rain that does not touch my lips
And the flowers that have not yet regrown
Show no signs of life, here.

They say evil strikes at the stroke of midnight
But they struck in clear daylight
After a decade of Peace
The bombs detonated

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
Paradise bombarded
Bombs
Peace flees.
50, 100, 200, 300....
Casualties.
The death toll kept rising.

Now we're left in the wake
Of pondering how
We can keep
Harmony
Fractured at the seams
From shattering

Tears flooding at the thought
Of the lost
Ungracefully robbed of lives
Families torn
Six feet under

Politicians in parliament
Raging blame at one another
Throwing words
While
Our leaders graced homes with their respects for the Dead.
Hospitals flooded with patients
And cadavers.

7, 8.
It seems to have ended now.
The bombs have done.

Paradise may be thrown into terror,
But we've still got generations
Who've seen agony before
We've got people
Unified and knowledgeable
On the secrets of healing
Who've regrown peace.

3 minutes of quiet.
3 days of mourning.
3 hours to get back to work.

Paradise will stand taller.
Paradise will remember.
Paradise will.

And Paradise,
Will never let this happen, again.

23.04.2019