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Leah Rae Oct 2012
They Are Lost Love Letters. Written & Sculpted, Imprinted On The Palms Of Praying Children.

They Are Hauntingly Beautiful.

They Are The Silence Of The Storm, They Are The Emptiness Of Shallow Graves.

All She Left Was “I'm Sorry” On The Bathroom Mirror In Red Lipstick, She's Said It So Many Times Her Body Is Now Bent Into A Permanent Benediction Of Regret.

He Wrote Five Drafts Of His Suicide Note Crossed Every T, Dotted Every I.

Now They Wear Self Inflicted Scars, Like Road Maps To Their Own Insanity.

It Was Her Palm Across The Diner Table At 3am. Her Skin Like Rose Petals Pressed In Submission, Smiling, Teeth Pulled Taunt Across Her Chapped Lips, Smiling, Telling Me She Hasn't Eaten In Three Days, Says The Sounds Of Her Body Eating Her Alive Helps Her Sleep At Night.

His Eyes, Angry And Blue, Told Me He Put A Down Payment On His Coffin Today. He'd Been Saving His Pennies For Five Years Now, Don't Tell Me This Wasn't Premeditated.

It Was The Way Her Body Vibrated Aching In Every Joint, Throbbing, Screaming Into Herself So Loudly Her Palms Shook. On The Way To Work In The Morning, Says Sometimes She Can Hear The Wind Whispering To Step In Front Of That Train, Says She Can Lick Her Lips And Taste Heaven.

The Way He Wore A Crooked Half Smile, Pouring GunShot After Gunshot Down His Throat. The Sting Reminded Him Of Wintertime In The Midwest, Told Me Could Feel The Tubes Clawing Their Way Down His Throat. Someday He'll Met A Heart Monitor With The Guts To Tell His Mother Sorry For Him, Because He Never Could.

She Filled Her Bathtub With Ice, She Fantasizes About The Layers Of Flesh Shes Been Suffocating In For So Long, Finally Being Numb.

The Way He Begged The Stars To Call Him Home, Closed His Eyes, As His Right Foot Craved The Gas Pedal, Screaming Through This Red Light, So He Can Finally Come Face To Face With The Angry God So Many People Pray To.

She Wanted To Trace The Lineage Of Her Family Tree Deep Into Her Veins, Up The Length Of Her Riverbed Skin, Until She Can Kiss The Underside Of Her Own Touch.

In The Early Hours Of The Morning, He Finds Himself Crawling On Bruised Hands & Scraped Knees, Cradled Against Train Tracks, He Liked The Constant Thunder In His Ribcage, The Promise Of Something So Much Bigger Than Him Dwelling Inside The Body He Has Been Calling Home.

She Wanted To Wrap The Tether Of Regret Around Her Throat, Ring Her Lungs Breathless, Tighter, Tighter, Until The Time Between The Rise And Fall Of Her Chest Felt Like Centuries.

He Stood Face To Face With A Motionless Sky, A Shade Of Grey So Empty He Could Feel It Ache Inside Of Him. It Begged Him To Step Forward, Just Inches, The Call Of The Void, Bridge Jumper, Harlequin Lost Lover, So Close, So Close.

She Held The Barrel Of Life Between Her Lips, A Fine Line Between Here And There. Shes Walking A Boundary Built In Her Blood. It Doesn't Hurt Yet. A Trigger Happy Hand, Palms Sweating, Shes Counting Down In Her Head, 3, 2, 1,

He's Got “Wide Awake” Written All Over Him, The Bottle Says Take One, But He's Got 53 In The Palm Of His Hand, She's Got Gasoline Seeping Into Her Skin, The Smell Of Smoke Has Never Been This Strong.

They've Been Journaling Their Lives Deep Into Leather-bound Notebooks For Someone To Remember, They've Swallowed Their Own Self Pity, Call It Poison.

She  Never Knew I Would Have Used My Fingertips As Windshield Wipers For Her Tears. I Would Have Placed My Open Palms Against His Chest, And Told Him He Mattered, At Least To Me, In This Moment, Brash And Reckless Healing,

They Told Me They Found A Muse In The Lost. Hopeless Melodies, Kurt Cobain. Sylvia Path With Stones In Her Pockets. ****** With Cyanide Tablets And Silver Born Bullets. Anne Sexton With Carbon-Monoxide Lungs And A Padlocked Volkswagen. Marilyn Monroe Silver Studded In Sedatives, Pulled Down Deep, Until There Was Nothing Left. Hemingway With Shotgun Shells Littering His Skull.

To Them It Seemed Like A Right Of Passage. A Last Attempt To Leave This Planet Screaming. A Better Than Goodbye. Something Poetic To Carve Into Your Skin, Or Flip Top Wooden Desk, So Someone Somewhere Would Remember The Name, Because They Were Told Legends Never Die.
This one is real personal. Hope it resonates with you, like it does with me.
casey douglas Aug 2014
my fantasizes
haven't even been this remotely close,
to what i laid my eyes on.
she was perfect,
just amazing,
absolutely stunning,
with the perfect shade of skin tone,
and perfect with touch.
a goddess like ***,
with a soul so well developed
and pure
that her soul instantly created a chain reaction with mine
simply breathtaking,
what a piece of "strong black woman"
with gracefulness and individuality
and a "Erykah Badu" style.
Oculi May 2022
There was a dead horse on my way to work today
The horse had been there a while
I do not know why or how it was left there
But I certainly felt a kinship towards it
I'm a doer, not a waiter, I swear
I only ever wait for impossible things
Sort of like I'm waiting for Godot, in a way
Or like waiting for the dead horse to come alive
Why did it die, anyway? Who left it there?
I heard it beckon to me, softly, quietly
It told me about its pain and it felt mine
It related itself to me, singing sweetly
I could not relate mine to it
But I felt slowly but surely my drifting
We switched places, the dead horse and I
I was the horse, on the side of the road
Down by the railway, dead
And the horse was the one that went to work today
I spent my day, baking in the sun
My odor becoming more and more pungent
And the horse worked tirelessly at the workshop

I'm waiting for the dead horse to come alive
Why was it left out in the sun to die?
Why did nobody care for it in its time of need?
Now it's growing more and more rancid
**** all around its feet and face
And the other horses are all gone
No funeral was held, no ceremony
Just the sweet, inviting smell of death
Quite a squalid state of affairs
How I long to understand how he feels right now

I'm waiting for my dead friend to come alive
Why was he left in the hospital to die?
Why could I not care for him in his time of need?
Now he's growing further and further
Water all around his feet and face
And the other friends are all gone
How I wish I could hear him just once more
Or see the phone ring and know it's him
How I wish he'd ask me how the music is going
Or lecture me about the futility again

I'm waiting for my broken heart to heal
This one really needs no explanation, does it?
All those with broken hearts deserve it
Or at least that's what they keep telling me

I'm waiting for the dead horse to speak to me
A lonely, rotting bovine on the side of the road
Maggots live as kings tonight
"Horses aren't bovines"
I yell at myself in reprimand
"I know, but I forgot the categorization"
I respond in a slightly altered intonation

I'm waiting for Godot today
I like waiting for impossible things
It fills me with purpose, and prolongs the inevitable
As long as I wait and do there is no death
I have long since ceased the doing, but waiting is fine
This bus stop sure is lonely, save for the old man
The old man keeps asking for cigarettes
I reach into my pockets to see
There is a decade-old pack of cigarettes
He takes one and thanks me with a slur
"Did you know I used to smoke, too?"
I ask with a childish naiveté
"Of course, I was there."
He answers as though it's second nature to him

I'm waiting to grow young again
I'm sick of being the old man in the bus stop
I'm sick of the decade old cigarettes from the young man
He is always late and he never buys me a fresh pack

I'm waiting to **** myself
"I'm thinking of ending things" as some might say
In some ways I'm quite like Charlie Kaufman
I also have trouble finishing my work
And my work also makes very little sense to others
But where he is original, I'm ripping him off
And so I'm waiting to **** myself
In a sense though, I'm already dead, baking in the sun
Because remember, I am the dead horse
Quite fond of beating the dead horse in this poem, too
I wonder what my family would say about that analogy
"That's very funny" they might say "you should be a philosopher"
I wonder what my psychologist would say about that analogy
"That's completely normal" she might say
"Everybody relates to dead horses and fantasizes"
"You're just like all the others"
I wonder if she's correct again

I'm waiting to become the John Fahey of the clarinet
In a sense I already am that
Because like Fahey, nobody listens to what I do
But where he is original, I'm ripping him off
And so I'm waiting to become the John Fahey
Of the clarinet
I already said that before, didn't I?

I'm waiting for this season of Better Call Saul to end
While it's airing I cannot **** myself
I am far too invested in it to **** myself
And surely enough these weeks get longer and longer
So I'm alive more and more each week

On my way home from work, I pass the same road again
The horse is alive, and seems happy to see me again
I wonder what caused the anomalous behavior
Perhaps it was sick? But how did it get better so fast?
The ideal time to end it has passed
Because remember, I am the dead horse
And if the horse is alive, I am alive also
And so, I think you've already guessed what I'm going to say
I'm waiting to **** myself again
Gwen Pimentel Oct 2013
"I love the way her hair falls on her shoulders
I love the way she cuddles when it's colder
I love the way she smiles at me
I love the way her eyes are ******

I love the way she laughs out loudly
I love her, even when she's cranky
I love the way she's so moody
I love the way she effortlessly looks lovely

I love the way she holds her phone
I love the way she makes it feel like home
I love the way she stands when she's shy
I love the way she goes to me to cry

I love the way she talks
I love the way she likes to kick rocks
I love the way she gets all excited
I love the way we are, reunited

I love the way she makes weird faces
I love the way her moles are in all places
I love the way she's emotional at times
I love the way she's so good at rhymes

I love the way she thinks about every tweet
I love the way she's nervous about people she meets
I love the way she fantasizes about food
I love the way she does so much good

I love how you've showed me life (in the most amazing way ever)
I love how you say "I love you forever"
I love how you notice when I'm faking being fine
I love how I love you and you're mine"
I just really want someone to tell me this (hence, the quotation marks)... Ha ha ha
L A Lamb Sep 2014
I want to want someone. I can’t remember the last time *** wasn’t casual. But after two nights ago, I have hope for the future. He’s instilled hope once more, the hope of making love.

I once had *** with a thirty-three year old man in a storage unit.
I once had *** without kissing at all.
I once had *** with a man who I loved who never called me again.
I once had *** with a boy just in spite of his older brother, who I loved.
I once had *** just to have ***.
I once had *** just to have *** with a ******.
I once had *** just to see how big his **** was.
I once had *** because I wanted to have *** with a black man.
I once had *** only because it was New Year’s Eve.
I once had *** because I wanted to get back at my boyfriend for cheating on me.
I once had *** because I was drunk.
I once had *** because I wanted to have a ******* with two guys.
I once had *** because I wanted to have *** with a girl. We were both fourteen.
I once had *** because I was on the rebound.
I once had *** because I wanted to say I had *** with my brother’s best friend.
I once had *** because I wanted to be in control of having ***.
I once had *** because I’m a ****.
I once had *** because I’m sexually liberated, and I don’t give a **** about what society thinks.
I’ve had lots of ***,

But two nights ago was different. We didn’t have ***.
We didn’t even kiss. He held me. He told me he liked me, and he wanted to feel my body. It was only my back, stomach and ribs, but it was nice to feel touched without having ***. It was nice to feel **** without the ***.

I wonder if he thinks about me. He told me that he liked me in the summer, but the way he held me two nights ago I’d say he still liked me. He invited me out of the blue. I’m happy he did. He likes Alternative music. He also likes my favorite band. I snowboard, and he skis. His favorite color is orange, just like mine. We’re both tall. He’s blond; I like Aryan men. Maybe I really am a submissive woman—a complete product of society.

I wonder if he believes in God. I wonder if he’ll look down on me, because I don’t. He doesn’t mind that I don’t eat meat. He said I have a pretty voice. I wonder if he fantasizes about me. I haven’t fantasized about him before two nights ago.

There was one time over the summer when we went to a Hookah bar with friends. We smoked *** first, with a group of friends, before we left to the place in Virginia. I was pretty high, so I don’t remember most of the conversation, but I remember once when he brought up his girl friend. I took a puff of hookah, before I exhaled, and asked, “You have a girlfriend?” He replied, “Unfortunately.” I never understood this until two nights ago.
I don’t know if I want him, or someone like him.

I wonder if he’d think I was pretty without make-up.
He didn’t seem repulsed when I chopped off my long pretty hair, but I’m sure he couldn’t handle my moodiness. We’re both somewhat strange, but my impulsiveness and possible sociopathic nature deviates from the general humanistic thinkers. I don’t consider myself a hypocrite, because I honestly feel as if my feelings change more often than not.

We’re both twenty years-old.
He’s a long time relationship kind of guy; for the two years I’ve known him, he’s always had a girlfriend. There were only two, but he seemed to like them both.
I wonder if he loved either of them. Maybe he loved them both.
Did they love him? Did the resent each other?
I’ve never understood the resentment of women in regards to other women.
I’ve always been for sisterhood; I’ve always believed that men were corrupt.
Maybe that’s because I’m attracted to women.

I just feel like women should get along; they should understand women, given that they usually feel the same towards women. I feel like women hating each other is the result of a sexist society. Some women don’t even realize that they’re victims of a man’s world.
I don’t think he’s like that.
He’s not the kind of guy who manipulates.
He’s not a one-night stand.

He’s not the fairytale of “I once had *** because:”, he’s not someone I would want to forget, use, or manipulate.
I was supposed to go snowboarding with an ex-boyfriend next week.
He lives in SC, and I would’ve had to take a plane down to visit, in addition to paying for the lift tickets.
I blew him off.
Better yet, I told him that being friends was pointless.
We’re so different, and our relationship was crap. He was boring and ignorant.
The *** was boring, and occasionally I’d get off because he’d go down on me.
His ******* was the best part of our relationship.

I bet the guy from two nights ago is a great lover. He’s also tall, so he’s probably got a good-sized one.
I’d like to try it out sometime, not immediately, but maybe in a few months.
Maybe we could build a relationship.
Maybe he’s just like every other guy, and I’m just a delusional idealist who’s alone.
Who’s alone though?
Not me; I can have *** on command. I have, at the top of my head, six people who I could spend the night with (some who I’ve been with already, some not).
If I’m always in company, how can I be alone?

Could I tell the guy from two nights ago all of this? Would he run away like the others who have mattered? Or would he cling onto me like the others who didn’t matter?
Would he give me flowers? Would he think I’m a *****?
Would he view my glass of personality as half-empty or half-full?
Maybe he wouldn’t talk.
Maybe he’d just hold me like he did two nights ago and say so much without saying a word.
We’d breathe together and our heartbeats would breathe together.
Maybe he’ll dream about me.
2012 will tell.
He asked if I’d be around; I told him for nine months, I would.
Trevor Lamberty Mar 2013
Pretty Princess, primped in pink, never really stops to think about the idiocy she spews on a daily basis.  The dog cowers in the corner, afraid to be faced with her scarily unchaste, omniscient hands.  She certainly possesses a vast knowledge of the canine race QUICK, before the vet arrives, act in haste, lest the dog be victim to her knowledgeless, black-hold gaze!

Pretty Princess, never faulting, ever daunting, continues the endless flaunting of her limitless skill.  Planar geometry and collegiate calc are no problem for the persistent resident Isaac Newton, who scribbles phony calculations and bogus numerations on a Hello Kitty scratch pad.

Pretty Princess works by the candlelight of her over-bright, tower-tall, double-wide lamp and paces across her pink and purple flower-*** rug as she fantasizes about the greasy local pint-size **** who’s oh-so dreamy in his Nike cut-off dishrag.  From her desk, she scrawls the inane on a beat up, college ruled, blue-green, hand-painted notebook, for all to see, but none to name.

Pretty Princess is unstoppable, tearing through the grocery aisle where Earl Grey and Einstein fall into place betwixt bacon, sausage, and salmon paste, and then for show, she takes the liberty of becoming the resident nutritionist, which here means “amateur ‘botchulist’”, as she tells us what we’re doing wrong.

Pretty Princess keeps a hidden diary wherein are written all her fiery rants and new to-hit lists, saving space for all the boys she wants to kiss and yes, even room a tear stain or six BUT, she claims, it doesn’t exist.

Pretty Princess is afraid of her secrets, afraid of leaking them to the outside world where that entire girl would become just another whirl in the machine of elementary girls’ gossip.  That unrelenting pack of wolfish half-wit rug-rats, teeth bared and armed with magic hands, would seize the Princess in their dastardly plans BUT, they say, it’s only for a single day that Pretty Princess is robbed of her dramatic time at play.

Pretty Princess is unheard outside her environment, her voice never reaches above the casement of the teacher’s oblivious predicament because she’s completely preoccupied with the class’s rampant evil stride of impending doom.  The classroom bully sits, high atop his throne, and from his face is evil shown only to those who know how to see it.

Pretty Princess knows how to see it.

Pretty Princess comes home crying more often than not, misunderstood by her snotty, hot-headed teacher or “witchess”, and storms to her room in haste, leaving Mother to pick up the pace, lest the wrath of a pre-teen girl blow up in her face BUT, much to her disbelief and in some sense a strange relief, the truth comes out.

Pretty Princess just wants to be heard.
Caroline Grace Mar 2010
She saves swatches of fabric
pinked with special shears;
orders them in co-ordinated heaps
to keep her life fuss-free.
The finished quilt bubbles in her head.
She imagines it telling her bedtime stories
or lines of poetry to help her sleep -
"Better than sheep" she thinks.
She cuts card; stitches with rough tacking;
fantasizes downy feathers floating
between her patchwork story and
backing of silk slipping against skin,
then secures with neat tiny stitches
and strong coloured thread, to ensure
that her dream won't fall apart at the seams.
copyright © Caroline Grace 2010
Simon Jan 2019
Some days i am angry, actually most of the time im angry.
I sprout out rude snarky remarks, so people can have a reason to hate me.
I roll my eyes and cross my arms, hoping that someone can give me a reason to be filled with annoyance.
I hand out ***** looks as if they're candy.
I lash out on friends and family.
I tell people’s secrets so they have a reason to leave me.
I break people, and I break things.
The violent anger in me never ends. Anger is sadness, and sadness is anger, misery is despise,and despise becomes misery,

But the anger is all just a charade.
The anger cloaks the victim in me by pushing people away.
The victim in me cries lakes of tears
The victim in me stays in bed all day, and stares at the ceiling
The victim in me craves the feeling of being held
The victim in me fantasizes of blades, knives and needles
The victim in me cannot be happy for other people's successes,
The victim in me craves the sweet comfort of feeling loved by another person that it almost hurts.
The victim in me yearns for the love that other people receive.

Sometimes the victim and the anger like to play a game. The game consists of the seeing who can botch my brain up the most.
The battles in my mind goes on and on, as i lose friends, one by one.
The anger tells me to push people away while the victim is telling me to accept the love a random girl gives me because that might be the only love you can get
The battle in my mind has now become a war that I cannot win.
The anger in me cage's my heart slowing down my breathing, making it impossible to honestly love someone.
The victim in me has told me to be sad, so people will care, for the victim urges me to over share my thoughts to anyone that is willing to listen.
  
The anger, tells people off, the anger hurts people, the anger ruins lives.

But shrouded by anger, is the victim, the victim who just wants to feel the love that other people are given.
The victim in me looks at the word love as if it's a magical word that could possibly fix anyone.
The victim in me believes in fairy tales. True love, a princess and happiness.
But the victim in me doesn’t know how to love, nor does the anger. Neither know how to love properly, but maybe just maybe they don’t have to love, maybe I can be the one who learns to love.
Honeydrops Apr 2014
Only my heart could tell
What my face could not express
Though,I smile as if at ease
But only my heart could tell
That truly I miss you so often

Often
As my heart beats,
It plays a blues encodes
With passion
Its rhymes you could hear
And slowly dance together with my heart
Although,
The lip expresses a happy face
But deep down my heart
I'm hanging..
Its like suicide....
Yet,I'm not dead...
This distance is becoming unbearable,
To see you becomes my dream
As long as my eyes re shut
And my fantasizes
Even when they re widely apart
I tell you again,
Only my heart can express this feeling,
The feelings the face can not tell

The light of my Hope seems burning out
My faith diminishing...
But with Love I believe
Its liquids will regenerate it
That long lost hope...
Will burn again
Ravishing us and tighting our bonds
And together I believe we will walk through this
Because,
All will share is true Love
And true love,I believe
Live happily ever after.....
#distance#killing#me#but#i# won't#burn out.
Sadie Grace Oct 2023
what kind of person fantasizes about being sicker than they already are?
man, it's time I realize life is worth it and I've made it this far
when I can't forget, can't forgive, and get stuck
tires spinning, thoughts running, strength thinning
out of control
what role does my faith play in feeling whole?
I wish I could erase this hole eating away inside
but then I might just feel more empty
I try to cut through the feelings by cutting through the skin that covers this lifeless body
the razor shreds my flesh instead of fleshing out all of the chaos inside this mess of a mind
Erica Jan 2015
Like snow,
a blank page tantalizes me
fantasizes me
luring me into the vastness of its grip
and asking
What will you do with this space?

But unlike Creators,
my art provides no function,
serves no definitive purpose
other than to sit in awe
and appreciate
the Art of Others.

It's hard -
I'm overwhelmed by the potential of
the unexisted,
by the grandeur of what could be
that I sometimes slip
forget
that I don't have to do anything with it;
I just have to witness.

That,
that space between
Standing
and
Wondering if peeing my pants is a work of art
is slick.
But as the place between
Stagnation
and Movement,
Sanity
and
Peeing your pants,
Grave is only achieved by Balance.
Mike Arms Jan 2012
's favorite meal is not children as you may expect
it is old people, the elderly near death
they taste better to him
he fantasizes their whole lives with every bite

whose heart like bottles or ransom clinks against
itself eating the useless parts of its own stomach
rotors of bone hum about revenge
the earth clones pale enigmatic cyanide

my spawn sweat bourbon and bleed sweet milk
I'm the Tower
Look Look
let us hold eachother here until the dark blossoms

into an invisible canine snarl
crushed by feathers at a
tomb-encrusted countryside
wax swans bleed from

their eyes and bulls inside run
in circles around ancient ice prisons

Look a clock
century weary mariners
gape in disbelief
at a yawning dawn
of cadmium
on the tongue of
a bristling free roaming
continent of
gothic salt
DYN Feb 2019
He still hears her voice like sweet melodies on a lake
Her name comes up, and he realizes
He never stopped loving her, he just took a break
He pauses, thinks then fantasizes

Her love pierced like an arrow,
Love so brash, he craved some intimacy
You see he was far too deep , but her love was shallow
Painfully amazing how he was stuck in a fallacy

Call him a prisoner of her love
How did she capture him to not call her bluff ?
It’s hard to comprehend; hard to solve
But he’d always say, “she had me in her cuff
I breathe and let go today
Tomorrow I’m still stuck like yesterday”

-Dyn
Oh some phrases here were inspired by my friend : Izy
@Jrchukwu on Twitter
Julia sways in the same Winter, losing an up hill battle of deep seated Calvinistic virtues and the excitation of *******.
@@@ Julia goes on weekend holiday with her parents in hopes of losing her virginity in some square of Savannah.
@@@ Julia packs a bible, hoping to burn it in a symbolic rite of passage.
@@@ Julia packs a doll, hoping to drop it from a rocky bluff, post de flowerization, a highly political and artistic statement.
@@@ Julia packs the lucky strike cigarettes she took from the family gardener years ago, saved for her first post coitus cigarette.
@@@ Julia fiddles with a razor in her parents washroom. Breaking a piece and tucking it in her fingernail, as she read once that prostitutes do.
&&& Julia plans to draw blood in her ******; the man or men severing herself from the responsibility of a ***** & she severing her skin as tribute to a new brokenness.
@@@ Julia fantasizes her flower's loss to be on a rich man's bed with one or two plainly handsome sons of a rich man.
@@@ Julia desires the experience to be ******, seething with heat and violence.
@@@ Julia prays for this chaos, to shed her modest and humble skin, to become a quiet ***** in this painful flash of light.
@@@
tragedy
dMELd Oct 2013
"I love the way her hair falls on her shoulders
I love the way she cuddled when it's colder
I love the way she smiled at me
I love the way her eyes are ******

I love the way she laughed out loudly
I love her, even when she's cranky
I love the way she's so moody
I love the way she effortlessly looks lovely

I love the way she holds her phone
I love the way she makes it feel like home
I love the way she stands when she's shy
I love the way she went to me to cry

I love the way she talks
I love the way she likes to kick rocks
I love the way she gets all excited
I love the way we were, reunited

I love the way she makes weird faces
I love the way her moles are in all places
I love the way she's emotional at times
I love the way she's so good at rhymes

I love the way she thinks about every tweet
I love the way she's nervous about people she meets
I love the way she fantasizes about food
I love the way she does so much good

I love how you've showed me life (in the most amazing way ever)
I love how you said "I love you forever"
I love how you noticed when I'm faking being fine
I love how I love you and you were mine"
basswaite Jan 2019
I've been fantasizing death like a child fantasizes Disneyland
It seems that death is the only thing right now that could bring that kind of joy
A renewal of innocence that will bring me back to Main Street
but the only street I see now is the one at my feet as I walk with my head down
staring at the ground while trying to hide the frown that's forever buried in my skull.
I want to reach out or float out into an empty void but one much more empty than the abyss,
the precipice that has become my waking thoughts.
I sleep because my dreams are my only safe place
but even now my dreams have become a dark space
so I hide my face in my pillow at night
lie awake and hope that when the morning breaks
that life will be a little more kind
maybe life will be a little more aligned with whatever it is that keeps me behind that steady pace that I used to find
as a child
Hanna Mae Mata Oct 2015
She fantasizes of falling stars
breaking the bleakness of the night.
And as she closes her eyes,
she opens her heart- she then whispers
through the echoing space-

‘Lead him back to me.'

-ever so quietly, ever so longingly.
Ocho the Owl Oct 2013
In every rejection
In every missed call
In every promise not kept
In every lonely night he's had spent by himself
replaying events in head over and over and over

there is opportunity

Light does exist, despite its scarce amounts

He coughs
then spits out a combination of blood,
dirt and naive optimism
while closing his eyes
and fantasizes of how things "once were"

How? he wonders

How can something as delicate as a heart
remain intact  
if it's being continuously attacked by it's environment?
How can one soul maintain
its divinity in the midst
of so much lies and anguish?

He buries his face in his weathered hands one last time
wipes away any residual frustration from his eyes
and continues onward
KM Ramsey Apr 2017
sometimes i think no one can understand how
when i finally release in savasana
and my sweat is pooling in my ear canal
and deafening me like i'm at the
bottom of the ******* ocean
that i suddenly stop feeling
the crushing weight of a mile of sea
above me
and become the sea itself
exuding lacrimal saline
and luckily no one can distinguish my
oozing despair from my
sweaty travails of
chaturangas and vrabadrasanas
but what warrior sobs in silence?
of memories of life squeezed from
corporeal forms
of final breaths
of person become corpse
of the loneliness of transcendence
of the destitute state of calling yourself
survivor.

but i sob.

myself assuming a pose named corpse
allowing me to be reborn and emerge
from asana as enlightened
how can a corpse feel the weight of
the world on her chest
the weight of miles of tilled earth
crushing memories and corpses that
drown me until i am too much
too close to actual death
that it makes me ache for those who
have gone before me
and whose tendrils are still stitched
into my heart making me wish
i actually believed all the *******
saying i will awake after
departure from my moral coil
to be greeted by those i've lost
those i miss
those who make me sob in savasana.

but how healthy would that be?

it would probably be the only
thing which could make death seem
more appealing
to someone who fantasizes about
overdoses and suspension bridges
long falls ending in darkness.

don't tell me there is a better place
when just nothingness and
non-existence is already my
better place.

don't promise me i'll see her
again when i'm
one of those people who wants
to see her so badly that i
would walk out onto the freeway
to facilitate that reunion.

but luckily i don't believe
i can't believe
even if i wish i could
have that security blanket to curl
up with in the dead absolute zero
of night so i wouldn't have
that bone-crushing anxiety and loneliness
that exploding grief when
it all hits me anew
like i'm watching her take her
last breath all over again
myself the corpse now
sobbing in savasana.

maybe it's the stillness that gets me
as i lay covered in sweat
eyes closed
it's the first time in the day i'm
present only in that moment
not mentally worrying whether i've
missed an email or
somehow ****** up my relationship
in ways i still can't fully understand
but i can't dispel my thoughts who
lurk below the surface
they bubble up in my sweat
they slide to the surface in each down dog
and destroy me when my
body stops moving and i release
sobbing in savasana.
letters from myself
Red Starr Jan 2013
One step in, One step out
Her palm pressed to mine urges me on
It's the perfect place
She says
You can rest and think and find peace here
A friend of mine says it's the best
Fog rolls in and out of my mind
Two steps in, I'm forever insane
I remain at the threshold of the door
I laugh quietly in my own head
I sob quietly on the outside
How did I find these shoes?
I look down at them
Are they even mine?
I was that girl everyone said was strong
I was that girl who faced everything awful
Without even a wince
These shoes are now filled by a girl
Who lays crucified to her bed by leaden bricks
While the world makes its demands
As the bricks press her firmly down
Tears form steady streams in paths down her face
She dreams, no, fantasizes of her own death
She knows exactly how she'll do it
Her heart races all night
Listening for slamming doors and
Heavy objects being thrown against the wall
Her brain has become a muddled mess
Of panic and pain, of blacks and blues
And sometimes extreme reds and yellows
The simplest questions can no longer be answered
And yet, she's supposed to make this choice?
Two steps in, insane forever
Or remain at the threshold of the door
One step in, one step out
I break the connection of our palms
Walk haltingly away
I'm not prepared to mark myself forever
The fog lifts just a little bit
A shadow of that strong girl brushes by
"I can do this on my own," I say.
Helen Oct 2015
She sits in the rocking chair
steadily rocking, to and fro
She peers down into her arms
Knowing she won't ever let go

blowing gentle kisses
from her lips
She trails her hand lightly
over silken blankets
with over bitten fingertips

She dreams of lazy walks
in parks of sunshine
and reading little books
after bath at bedtime

She fantasizes about
golden hair and pretty skirts
about skipping time
and graduation
until it almost hurts

She completely breaks
with reality, testing faith
against mortality

She sits in the rocking chair
steadily rocking, to and fro
She peers down into her empty arms
Knowing she won't ever let go
She said she was a twin
And had a twin sibling
So right away as I'm not gay
You know what I'm thinking

And if not then I'll simply
Be abundantly clear
A ménage trios is wut a man
Fantasizes will appear

So I imply and she hears
Understands and says hey
"if that's wut u want then I will do
It cause I love u" and so I wait

For her twin siblings arrival
Still In shock that my girl
Is willing so I'm praising her in
My head, as best in the world

And as the doorbell rings she smiles
As I jump so eager
And I'm not the only one as my
Girl looks happy to greet her

So as she answers the door
And invites her sibling inside
They both walk where I sit in the
Living room so I

Lift my head from the magazine
I have been pretending to read
As they stand infront of me now
And as my girl introduces me

My face has shock as my
Sister talks and grins
Saying *** this is my twin
His names James but likes Jim

And he's **** ****** incase u
Still want to get
Freaky she says laughing
Walking away and yes

Twins are opposite ***
Sometimes I forgot
Now wut the hell am I gonna do
With this rock hard ****
Alyssa Sep 2013
My heart aches for something,
my mind longs to avoid.

My thoughts run wild in search for a resolution,
my heart dispises.

My heart fantasizes for that  undying love,
my mind knows you arent capable of giving.

My heart hates my mind.
My mind hates my heart.

And after it all.

My heart loves you to this very day,
but my mind knows better.
CG Abenis Feb 2012
As he waits for the school bell to ring
He counts from ten down to one.
Looking at the clock near the widow pane
Excitedly he fixes his stuffs on his side.

He then grabs his backpack when clock strikes five
And hastily runs at the corridor side
To wait for the angel of his life
Who he secretly fantasizes in the inside.

At the moment he hears the door creek,
He fixes himself and lean on the red brick
To have a glance on the beautiful chick
That he got attracted to since last 7 weeks.

Down to earth his heart melts
With the stunning beauty of his angel
And the smile, that beautiful smile of hers
Brought himself in the paradise he longed for a long time.

But one day, on the same place
and at the same time,
The angel of his dreams did not appear before his eyes,
And that made him wonder why
His angel is out of his sight.

He waited for a couple of hours,
But, she, never he'd seen,
He decided to go home,
He just went home.

But while on his way he passed by a store,
Went inside and bought a drink,
Shocked as he is, he began to cry,
When he saw the dead person's picture on the
newspaper's headline.




She truly became an angel in another life...
Sabila Siddiqui Jul 2019
I am still that shy girl who’s afraid to approach people and have her words and thoughts heard. I am still that girl who fantasizes scenarios of her confident self. I am still that girl who’s afraid of social interaction. I am still that girl who mentally prepares herself just to say hi on the phone. I am still that girl who’s silent in one of those corners. I am still that girl who mutters and stutters words and sometimes finds it difficult to decipher her own emotions and thoughts. I am still that girl who doesn’t run because she’s afraid of her body being judged. I am still that girl and is more magnified some days.
Just this time she has a little more faith in herself. She wants to be louder than her “not good enough” talks. She wants to be bolder and burn brighter than her fears. She doesn’t want to be en-caged by the fear of others thoughts and words because it really wasn’t worth it. It wasn’t worth not reaching her potential. It wasn’t worth not moving forward. She’s the same girl, with the same dreams except for this time she wants to move past the fear for herself.
Kimberly Weber Jul 2014
Hope is precious
Hope is pure
Hope is what helps those
Waiting for a cure.
Hope is ther
When love is not.
Hope can be reassuring
But often times not.
Hope is false
But all we got
Hope is false
But cannot be forgot
Hope helps us through
As we go on in life,
Not knowing what to do.
Hope fantasizes
What we cannot
Hope is something that cannot be bought.
Hope sees us through,
Encouraging us with its gentle coo.
It is soft,
It is kind,
Hope is what comes to mind
Once war has begun,
And war has rung
It's desolate cry.
Hop gives us the wings to fly.
Hope calls out to those
Weakened by their falls.
Hope is talented
Hope is sure
For many, hope is the only cre
Hope is transparent
But hope is real
Hope is perfect
Hope is the missing fill
Hope is awake
Hope is alive
Hope is where madness thrives
Hope is pleasing to the ear
Hope rings loud and clear
Hope is gentle
And hope is here.
The ghost of a 6th grade me; a lost poem found
Rj Mar 2018
I fantasize about death like she fantasizes about life
EG Sep 2015
Every time I see you my heart drops and my hands get shaky;
I'm still attracted to you although your ******* shady.
I wish you would have been a different person, but you were filled with lies;
I remember the times I would fantasizes that you were just a good ******* guy,
that we could just be together;
Be one forever.
I would of loved you until my heart stopped beating,
Until there was no more life inside me breathing;
And I hope that one day I can find that crazy in love feeling again but with someone who actually deserves it,
Not with some ***** who just got up and left me deserted.
-E.G
john Poignand May 2014
To Whom do you listen?

My mind often wanders off
With thoughts of mischief
Fantasizes of getting up to things
I shouldn’t
But then I don’t,
Not because I hadn’t wanted to
But because I find myself encumbered by
Sequences of events that prevent its
Execution, denying my opportunity
Which had so recently appeared
so inviting.
“Give us this day our daily bread
and deliver us from evil
“and lead me not into temptation”.
That’s how it seems to work
My mantra repeated nightly
Since childhood
With practiced rhythm
as sleep descends
Keeps me safe from my own devils.
“Our Father who art in Heaven”, and
Presumably mine is, my
Minister father now dead
These 76 years, perhaps guiding my path.
He most likely smiles at my frustration.
Amen.
In Other Words we do not see things as they are
Because simple as that we only see things as we are
We see as they are the sick ambitions
To idolize and define about everything
With The Same **** Words

But only in Other Words we see as we really are
In Other Words everything is in the hands minds and our hearts
Everything is Here and Now
And There or Then Is really Nothing
There and Then everything Was or Will Be
There and Then Is Nowhere and Never

My heart is shamelessly steering at the world in Other Words
My heart is a ***** unveiling you’re intimal beautiful parts
And if she does not see them she fantasizes shameless in Other Words
But with The Same intimal beautiful Words
Is really nothing There and Then

Go figure that all that shameless beauty is only in my eyes
Go figure that all that shameless beauty is Here and Now

Yesterday is dead and tomorrow could be
In the labour of giving birth

Well me from Now on I will stay to suicide with a lively joy
Because as simply as that I Am Here and Now in Other Words
Because everything Is and goes to hell

With a wonder of sickening of shameless of beauty
Her palms on the shower wall
steam in the air, hot water covering
her tears, choking back, head bent down
body tense, from the shocking affair ...

The affliction of her heart
cries in distress,
of a lost soul bound ...

The anger builds as she screams
to relieve the hurt, agonizing pain
yet no one hears ...

Alone and isolated in silence,
alienated as one soul
she's breathless as panic evolves
through the horror of her fears ...

Wounded by words that were spoken
she falls deep in her black hole ...

Her escape ...

Miles apart
a new beginning,
of what could be
she fantasizes of him
a star, a knight of white
her desire to be loved,
She wants to cry for her feelings
the soulless of her grave,
tortured, unloved
once again ...

Her palms on the shower wall ...

Debbie Brooks 2014
A Jan 2019
***
In your mind there must be a line between what we do
And what counts as cheating
Your mind circles around this
While mine fantasizes about the idea of holding your hand
No matter how close we get
It stops before it fills your definition
But love i think we’ve already done all the wrong we can
Why not go further
She’s got a boyfriend anyways

— The End —