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Sadie Grace Nov 2021
It’s funny how forgiveness works
Making you think it’s giving them permission to hurt you over and over again
When really
It’s giving yourself permission
To move on
Sadie Grace Nov 2021
I’ve made one thing into everything
Slowly arranging all the furniture around it
And then realizing one thing can’t do it all alone
It can’t make all seem right when you lay down tonight and your mind wanders to all the unknowns
So I started to trip on the furniture, all arranged there perfectly so the sun shines just right on that one thing and makes it seem like a monument to build around
Not just something you found, but a monument built up from the ground to the thing you worship with your time and thoughts
Tearing it down would be a loss
But the process of continuing to arrange life around this monument I built in the middle of my living room
Is ******* all the life out of me
Sadie Grace Oct 2021
It left residue on these two hands
so much that you won't shake them
you won't grab them when these hands are reaching out
You're scared these ***** hands might infect you
these two hands
they're bruised from the anger
scarred from the anxiety
& sticky from the memories he left
these hands are worn
exhausted
& weary
looking for rest
so when they reach out
these hands, this heart- they're in distress
and even though these hands are sticky
I am not asking you to clean them
Just hold them
make them feel seen
cuz there's residue now
but one day these two hands will be clean
A poem I wrote a few years back
Sadie Grace Oct 2021
i came back to the dance
of a pen
on a paper
of fingers on keys
of a mind
in a moment

at first i stumbled
it had been so long
and then i started to dance again
and out came all the feelings and the moments and the memories that i won't talk about
and out came everything that won't ever come out of my mouth

i came back to the dance
so i don't have to come back to the same crippling feelings anymore

i came back

so i can move on
some thoughts on beginning to write again after a while
Sadie Grace Oct 2021
Sometimes my chest starts to hurt like a car is crushing me, choking the life out of my fragile body, and running me over and over and over again and again and again

And sometimes my hands start to shake like I’m old and can’t control my body and I can’t control it and I can’t stop and it just keeps going and going and going and going over and over and over again and again and again

And my head starts to spin and I think to myself “I’m dying” and I look around and see people talking but I can’t hear a thing and I can’t catch my breath and I can’t breathe and I gasp and I can’t breathe and I can’t catch my breath and I gasp and I think to myself “I’m dying”

And as I stand there with my chest hurting and my hands shaking and my head spinning and as I think I’m dying I start to hear over the commotion in my brain and I make out from all the noise someone saying “everything is going to be ok”

And all of a sudden I take a deep breath and as I breathe in a little bit of peace, I breathe out all of the tension and fog and mess and the repetition and the cycle of hell that my body just experienced

And I realize

Everything might be ok

And after a few moments

I can breathe again

And after a few moments, I wipe the tears from my eyes and stand up

And after a few moments

I’m ok
Sadie Grace Oct 2021
sometimes i decide to be brave
but in doing so, i put on a set of armor that covers this delicate body
no one can hurt me this way
no sword can pierce my skin
no word can break my bones  
nothing at all will harm me

but . . .
what if . . .

one day i decided to be brave
and take off this metal illusion of safety
because there are times when bravery means being able to feel
even the pain
some days, it isn't holding yourself together, but shedding tears that takes the most courage
as i unfasten my breastplate and drop my shield
i think to myself
this is living:
not shielding yourself from feeling
this is healing
only by allowing yourself to break
Sadie Grace Jan 2021
I wonder
Why darkness creeps in so quickly each day
but times change
And time changes
So when the light seems to leave an hour early
I must remind myself
this darkness is just a nudge
a hint
perhaps a warning
That you must rest
For longer days will come when you will need your strength
And in those long, sweaty days of summer
I will think back to when the sun told me to go home
because even the shortest day
Was long enough
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