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Helen May 2019
We built this city
On the blackened ash
Of white splintered bones
Thrown out like trash
On piles of rubble
Never built to last
Sleeping with one eye open
And one foot in the past
With walls made of glass
And foundations of false hope
We built this city
Hoping for synchronicity
Never realising it was a slippery *****!
(C) Helen Doogan 23.05.2019
Helen Oct 2018
I forgot to tell you
as we sat beside each other
on the floor
in front of a puzzle
I knew was flawed
That we’d never get to finish it
because of the missing piece
It was never going to be whole
but it could be perfectly incomplete
Because I forgot to tell you
there was going to be a gap
A great big hole inside the picture
that would never be closed
because the piece was lost
and it was never coming back
So I left something out
when I asked you to sit down
You thought you going to get a complete masterpiece
instead you got an empty space
and we both looked at it
Me with a meloncholy smile
You with a distant frown
You tried to deny the hurt
of the incomplete picture
all I could do was whisper
I know there is a missing piece
but I’m hoping you know how
to make it complete
Helen Jun 2018
but, Yes
no I didn’t but,
Yes, I did

I died a thousand years ago
alas, my heart did not know it

This heart of mine beat on and on
every breath it took,
with every pitying look,
it tried to sing along

But the notes it sang became discordant
and with every jarring note
I just couldn’t
I could not look, I could not see
what I never wanted to hear
I cannot speak, I will not think
about all that I fear

Did I die?

Yeah... long ago!

It seems like yesterday

Am I dead?

I guess I am

You don’t see me anyway...
Helen Mar 2018
The mind is such an empty place
Where ten thousand people roam
They sing softly in one voice
chanting in the only voice we own

Silently we stare with our eyes closed
whispering into the blackest night
forgetting we were almost there
telling ourselves it’s gonna be alright

Did we never care for ourselves?
When did we stop trying to cry?
While we sit in absolute silence
our soul escapes from our eyes.

The path we took held our redemption
Yet we trampled it beneath our pretension
We pretended it was an easy road
We followed where others showed
It was okay to walk, if you didn’t talk
If you only whispered with your mouth closed
Don’t see, don’t hear, don’t ******* blink
and no one will ever know

How hard it is to breathe underwater
How hard it is to stay afloat
How difficult it is to hold your head up high
While every bone in your body is broke.

When we look into another night
with blind eyes and kaleidoscope sight
We see visions of no one there
Where everyone gasps, but no one cares
and we lay our head upon a pillow of glass
and ask ourself if anyone lasts?

The cuts, they bleed, mixed with the icy river of tears
They wend their way through grooves of time
Carved by age and the incandescence of all our fears
But where they rest, on the face of a mirror
I can only claim them as mine

If only I had known, how the thorns would of grown.
How did they wind around my heart to pierce my eyes?
How did they survive?
Without sunlight, to make me blind?
How did the cancer grow?
I guess I’ll never know.
All I wanted to do was post a poem, it took forever on my phone... Unfuck your **** HP!!!
Helen Oct 2017
Only I know all our secrets
All those whispers in the night
Only I know if its worth it
To give up, without the fight

Only I know if I'll talk again
Maybe just an incoherent scream
Only I will know for sure
If it really means anything

Only I know if I'll go there
Down a path of nightmare dreams
Only I know if I will wake again
It's not guaranteed, it seems

Only I know if the path I chose
Was the wrong path that was right
Only I know if I'll be sleeping
With the dreams I have at night

Only I know what you told me
When we both cried each other's tears
Only I know with sacred knowledge
All our hopes and fears

Only I know that I was wrong
And sorry doesn't make it right
Only I know how strong you are
How much you hold on, so tight

Only. I. Know
never wanted you to
Only. I. Should
**So. Do. You
This is for you. You, who never gave up, you who never made it up, you who knows only I know...
Helen May 2017
Some days I am happy
Some days I am sad
Some days I just wish
I never had the days I've had
Some days I am crying
Some days I am weak
Some days I am yelling
Some days I am meek
Some days they are pleasant
Some days are truly dark
Some days come so easy
Some days are really hard
Some day I will get over it
Some day I will move on
Some day I will totally get it
Some day I will be strong
Some day it will be over
Some day I will have regret
Some day someone might
love me?
For me
Some day
*but not just yet
I'm thinking, this may be the last days, the very last moments of a once proud soul that's been eaten by the fires of Hell... a nubby snack... How ******* hard is it to post a poem here... Some days it's like trying to put shoes on an angry toddler...
Helen Apr 2017
When all that is left
is feeling hurt
When it's the only song
you have ever learned
when it's the only tune
you have ever heard

Can you let it go?

Someone once said to me
Let it go, let them free
but they come back,
can't you see?

Should I let them go?

When I let them go
They still follow me
I tried to free them
but can't you see?

They came back to me

and I can't let them go

Oh no,
Oh no!

I won't let them go

Oh no

I won't

Let them go, let them go

Oh no...

When I'm the only light
they have ever known
The only place
they ever called home
When I'm the one
they miss the most

**I won't let them go
I miss my Son so much...
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