I hate you because you let your walls down
You let yourself bend and bow down
You let your happiness be due to another
You cried for days and sobbed till you were sober
You let your worries keep you up at night
The overthinking leading to nightmares till the first light
You made choices to make them happy
You tolerated and forced yourself to fit till you felt ******
The truth is I love you but I hate that you lowered yourself for the world
You gave so much until the image of yourself blurred
I just want you to grow
And I’m sorry suffering was the only way for you to know
That you are still strong and even if the world is against you
I’ll by there despite all odds
I’m just a bit lost because I have been unused
But once you seek me I shall bloom

When the darkness spreads and the screaming penetrates even my dreams
The seduction of empty space calls at me
It’s attraction is undeniable
My daydreaming naturally becoming more visual  
The flavour of death
An ecstasy like no other
My strongest and last ******
So many options but only one to be my sinful romance

Will it be:
My tanned yellow appearance if I take too much
The chalk outline if I take a nudge
The rose stained bath if I dig a bit more
My neck ornament when I hit the floor
The gruesome distance a burst pipeline will go
The sweating and shaking from a hypo
Or simply a collision with a glare of light
Or maybe the ground was never my right
And I would prefer the pull from my lungs’ weight
or the heat off my skin as it ablates

Or maybe you would prefer an accident
Maybe that will help you cover your names
Don’t worry I won’t leave a note
I’ll let your guilt engross you
And when it gets too much you can use your sorry excuses to help suit you
You can blame my unstable personality
My weak mental health
My poverty of speech
But at least you’ll think twice the next time you speak
This will be my sweet everlasting revenge

I didn’t plan it
Still a thought emerged
The seas opened
And the skies roared
The ship rocked
And an island emerged
An invite was extended
Making acceptance more tempting
Wonder if you would be mad
Confused, angry or sad
Impulsive it may be
But chronic it always was
Sometimes it’s probably easier to give in
A painless route, an undemanding path
Just need to turn the steering wheel fast  
Yet, I want a link to you
You are my invisible life vest
My anchor when the sea is violent
However, I fear that one day I’ll break free
I dread one day I’ll leave you behind and
I guess that’s what’s makes it interesting.
I'm anxious of my will to escape
My temptation to run far far away
I guess I'll just hold on tight for now
And pray for a silver lining to make its way somehow

Why do good things turn bad
Or were they bad from the start
Or are they always good and it’s the lens of life that changes
How does one define good or bad
It’s all in perspective is it not
But sometimes it is black and white
Does it rot like an apple
Or does it enhance like wine
Maybe it does depend on time
For time is the key in revealing hidden secrets
Where white starts to darken and black starts to fade
If that is true
Then let time slow… cause I’m not ready to change

Just do what you want then
...Well ya of course I will, it’s my life ain’t it?
Because I said so
...Why? You aren’t always right
Because it’s the right thing
...Who made these stupid f rules?
Because it’s normal
...To you.  You aren’t me
Because I raised you
...I am not your property
I’ll **** myself
...Trust me I’m way ahead of you :)

By
Lunar

when tragedy hits
  No one prepares you for it
   Or tells you how bad it will be
     Riots in your head
       Madness in your work
          Absences of presences
             Life just isn't the same
and I wonder when it will be .. or is this the new normal?

By Lunar

Born in different worlds we became unalike people
Its funny they say opposites attract but really it should have been illegal
Cause sometimes our differences make it painful to stay
We laugh and chat but I have to disguise my pain
Whenever I'm sad I reminisce about our past and ignore why I am mad
I give you reasons and covers, throw my feelings in the trash
Its not your fault cause I never say
But why cant you recognise how miserable I am some days
Why did I ever let it get this bad?
Is it you or is it me that I'm disappointed at

By Lunar

The pain in my head is real
Its been that way for years
Came and went
Died and grew
Slowed and sped
Hiding in the background but always reminding

They say time makes you learn to live rather than forget.
But that’s only when it’s gone...
So how long...
How long till my scars stop healing
How long before the meds stops working
How long before friends and family point fingers
How long before I forget love and memories
How long before I lose me
How long until I regret wanting to live...

Lunar

I never asked for it
But you forced it on me
I tried living with it
But you changed the flow
I listened to it
But you asked me to make choices instead
I cry when it gets too much
But you tell me to grow more
So I grow...
I mature..I dream.. I become happy
So why do you change your mind?
It’s not yours anymore
I made it.. I am me..aint i?

I loved you but I felt hurt
I cared for you but I needed it more
I listened but instead I got angry
Your pleasures are my pain
Your friends are my enemies
Your ways are what I stand against
Your habits are my fears
So then why did I fall so deep
I know opposites attract but I feel stuck
I feel forced to be someone I'm not
I wanna be with my kind.. so that even whilst we cant be together we know the pain of being us
I wanna find my North Pole not a south

I dont know why I feel this way
I dont know what made me become this way
All I do know is that its not normal

Has life pushed me so hard I have become unrecognisable
or has life pushed and I stood strong
or was I just a different seed from the begining
Is there a difference?
Does it matter?

Im still the odd one out
The treadmill of life just got faster
and I'm really unfit after quarantine...
wonder if the mask will slip off while im running

lunar

RED RED ‘O RED’
You come too often now
I thought you died when I moved
I thought you left when I stopped reading the news
I thought I murdered you when I shut my ears
But you are back
Why did I deny your existence in the first place?
Why did I want you dead?
Knowledge is power but it is also red
I am afraid of red
When red comes it shows me how ***** the world is
But maybe it’s time to face it instead of running
Maybe I need to find a colour to drown it with
Maybe red can be power
Maybe red is misunderstood
Maybe red is the colour of standing up against oppression
What if red is the bridge to a new colour
If that is the case, I hope we all feel a minute of red
I hope we can feel the world as one
I hope red doesn’t stay
But for now,
Red is 2020s new colour

lunar

Why did you make me laugh
Why did you take care of me
Why did you make me feel
When it was never me...

Why did you give me hope
Why did you make me love myself
Why did you show me light
when it was never for me....

Why couldn't it have been me....

I can't define you
And I can't throw you
I don't think I can really use you either
You don't really talk
You don't even do
You just are
And I a doll in your game
But lol I ain't one to loose
so lets play another round

Hey..
Sorry and thank you
I have so many words but none to explain what you do to me
Or should I say did to me

Thank you for the times, I never realised how much I needed them
Thank you for being by my side, when no one else cared
Thank you for filling the gap humanity created
Thank you for the laughs, smiles, stories and long nights I awaited

I would never forget or replace these memories
But I hope time takes them away
And I hope someone else comes my way

Im sorry it didn’t go anywhere
Im sorry I never reached you like you did to me
Im sorry for overthinking

Im sorry your folder wont open again cause I don’t crave to see you
Im sorry your messages will wait cause they don’t race my heart like they used to do

Im sorry you aren’t the centre of my world anymore
Because I found me again
So thank you for making me realise who I am