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Jun 8 · 94
#45
#45

Living on
Earth
may be tough,

but it includes a
free ride
around the Sun
every year.


Try to look on the positive side...
Jun 4 · 193
Can and May


Can
shows ability

while

may
asks permission.


Common mistake, just decided to share it with ya'll.
Jun 4 · 103
#44
#44

Two letters.

One word.

So much power.

IF



The word "if" holds so much power.
Jun 2 · 746
#43
#43


It doesn't get
easier

You get
STRONGER


Keep on going.

Don't give up.
Jun 1 · 117
#42
#42


Slow and steady
wins the race.


No wonder
turtles
live so long.


May 29 · 194
#41
#41


I'm not
lazy,

I'm just on
energy-saving
mode.


All this heat...
May 28 · 76
#40
#40


Stop

stopping

yourself.


May 25 · 62
#39
#39


I love
those

random memories

that make me

smile

no matter what's
going on in
life right now.


I think we could all use some of those memories right now...
May 23 · 94
#38
#38


I'm in shape.


Round

is a shape.


Though it's not true for me, and hopefully not true for you, that's what staying at home does to you.

Instead of crazy-eating, I've been using this quarantine time to work out. I'm trying to use my time more wisely, and it's been going pretty well. How have you guys been using your time?
May 22 · 68
#37
#37


It takes

real talent

to trip
over
flat surfaces.


May 21 · 151
#36
#36


I'm not
special...


I'm just a

limited edition!


May 21 · 62
#35
#35


Hardest Thing Ever:

Controlling
your
laughter
during
serious
times.


May 19 · 61
#34
#34


They say
you can't sleep
when someone
is thinking about you.

So if ya'll could
stop thinking about me,
that'd be great.


I think someone has been thinking of me all night...
May 18 · 75
#33
#33


I love
my pillow.

It gives me
different
hair styles
everyday.


May 17 · 96
#32
#32


That
mini heart attack
when you miss
a step
on the
stairs.


Oh boy...
May 17 · 84
#31
#31


I didn't fall...

The floor
was lonely
so I gave it
a hug.


May 15 · 183
#30
#30


I don't
trip...


I just do random
gravity checks.


May 14 · 59
#29
#29


I don't have an
attitude,
I just
have a
personality
that you
can't handle!


May 13 · 52
#28
#28


Only brush
the teeth
you want
to keep.


May 12 · 464
#27
#27


What do you call
an aligator
in a vest?


An
investigator!


Decided to go for a joke today...
May 11 · 39
#26
#26


The more
I stay at home,

the more
homeless looking
I become.


May 10 · 1.0k
Manual


Life didn't come
with a
manual

it came with a
mom.


May 10 · 125
Weird Mom


Having a

weird mom

builds character.


May 10 · 68
#25
#25



If you're a mom,
you're a superhero.

Period.


To all mothers out there, Happy Mother's Day!
May 9 · 80
#24
#24


Organized people
are just
too lazy
to search
for stuff.


Well, now that I think about it...
May 8 · 582
#23
#23


If
time
is
money,

does that mean an
ATM is

a
time machine?


A
T ime
M achine


Wow...
May 7 · 94
Feelin' Good


My hopes are up,
my dreams are high.

I feel so good
I think I can fly!



I just feel so good, and for no reason! :)
May 7 · 1.5k
#22
#22


I see that some
clever person
was able to sneak an
S
into
fast food.


May 6 · 83
#21
#21


I like cooking my family and pets.




Use commas. Don't be a ******.



May 5 · 864
#20
#20

I bought
a book
on

obedience

seven years ago
but it turns out
my dog is
a slow reader.


May 4 · 85
#19
#19


So another
week goes

by without
becoming

unexpectedly

rich.


I guess I'll just keep waiting...
May 3 · 73
#18
#18


An
apple
a day
can keep
anyone away
if you
throw it hard enough.


May 2 · 58
#17
#17


It's been a
rough week
but on a
positive note...

I didn't need any bail money
and
didn't have to hide any bodies.


Yeah, so I've had a bit of a rough week...
:)
May 2 · 84
Growing Old


If you're
afraid
of growing old,

just remember,

some people never
had
the chance to
grow old.




I decided to go for something a little more serious today...
May 1 · 52
#16
#16


Think positive.

Example:
I fell down the stairs today
and thought:

Wow! I sure fell down
those steps fast!




Smile and stay positive
:-)
Apr 30 · 95
#15
#15

Can you do
anything
other people
can't?

Sure,

I can read my own


handwriting.



Apr 29 · 59
#14
#14


Why can I
remember
the lyrics
to a song
from the
80s
but I
can't
remember
what I
walked
into the next
room for?



Happen to anyone else out there?
Apr 28 · 53
#13
#13


Parallel lines
have so much in common...

_____________
__­___________


It's a shame they'll
never meet.



Apr 27 · 297
#12
#12


Kidnapped?

I prefer
the phrase:

surprised adoption.


Apr 26 · 90
#11
#11


Dear Parents,

Tag! You're it!



Love,

Teachers


Welcome to homeschooling...
Apr 25 · 81
#10
#10


My brain says

gym

but my heart says
pizza.



Sorry heart; I always try to listen to you, but not this time ,buddy, not this time...
Apr 24 · 90
#9
#9


Dealing with
some people

is like trying
to nail

Jello

to a wall.


Apr 23 · 99
#8
#8


I wish
I could

record

my dreams

and watch
them later.


Oh, how I wish...
Apr 22 · 162
#7
#7


Dear Math,

Solve your own
problems.

I am not a
therapist.


Apr 21 · 511
#6
#6


I had
my patience tested.



I'm
negative.


Apr 20 · 193
#5
#5


You never realize
what you have

until it's gone.


Toilet Paper
is a good example.



Apr 19 · 136
#4
#4


Being sick
is your body's way

of saying that you're

way too awesome

and need to slow down
and get some rest

so that others can
catch up.


I'm not feeling too well today, so I decided to look at it from a positive side :)
Apr 18 · 115
#3
#3


Last name
Hungry.


First name
Always.



Apr 17 · 727
#2
#2


Day 7 at home
and the dog is
looking at me like,


See? This is why I chew furniture.



Apr 16 · 94
#1
#1

No matter how bad
it gets,

I'm always
rich
at the

Dollar Store.


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