please don't fall in public
don't let them see
tears are just a reminder
of the pain inside of me

I never had a friend
who saw when my tears rained down
I never had a friend,
who cared if I was around

I used to try and hold them in,
late nights where spent pondering if death was the way
it seemed I was drunk off my pain, and my tears helped numb that

it seems to me that tears are just another way of numbing myself.

what is unconditional love?
Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations.
I felt this unconditional love the first time I stared into your green eyes
brown curls covered the ground where your head lay and I was seeped to a place that left me blind, or maybe I just didn't want to see how you obviously loved another.

Their truth was really a lie
Those three words that shaped your life
But when candor came to light
it was that one sprawl that broke you down
Whey you thought you would crumble and fall
For the first time in your existence
you smiled with your eyes
and they lit up the sky,
all of that happened
from a single lie

It seems that these days nothing is real
The world around me shimmers artificially
Women will have procedures done to fit into the world of plastic
Men find it more simple to use cheep tricks to get a night of love
People on the street dress to make the illusion of perfection
Little girls stuff their bra's and paint on geisha faces pretending to be grown up
The sad truth is that,
Nobody is genuine anymore

Anger, hate, bitterness
all bubble up to the top of my heart
when I remember all the lies you told.

Desperation, depression, want
fill the hole you left me with
when you got tired of me.

But you don't care do you?
No, you had your fun throwing me left and right like a rag doll
then leaving me like the broken toy I am.

So you tried to return me, but nobody likes a naked barbie doll.

I have insomnia, the night is longer for me that for most
I lay in one spot all night afraid to roll over and face the nightmare next to me, I don't look up because there is a demon above me and don't make me mention the beast the rests under my bed waiting for me to sleep so it can crawl into my mind and leave me with nightmares, its just as he said; When the darkness creeps in, I feel my nightmares watching me. He had never been so accurate in his life.

It is dark and I am at peace
Slithering into the whites of my eyes
The blackness sheets and covers my body
rippling its white hot way down my spine
somehow finding its way into my little black toenails
it drenches me with a sweat that gives me a sweet tingly sensation
down passed my bones;
soon the darkness will consume me.

Dear __,

I really miss....
The way that your green eye's sparkle still gives me chills
How your brown curls cover your head in a blanket of beauty
Yes I love you. I will never stop loving you.
I'm basically throwing myself out to the wolves by falling for you
I gave my heart to you unconditionally, irreversibly,
You see the truth is love, I can't get you out of my head
At night I see you with the eyes of my mind;
Your perfect white teeth smile,
How your dimples show when you're honestly happy,
I love how you wrinkle your forehead when you are thinking
And cross your ankles back and forth if you sit down for a long time.
I can still hear you speaking to me, how we used to message in the early morning, rolling over and seeing you're sparkling orbs in the darkness, wanting you so badly to be actually here

"You're just an attention seeker, a lost and lonely child searching for a friend but your a freak! They don't want you, They hate you! Everyone views you as a ***** up in life." You say as you began throwing fistfuls of dirt in my face and pull my hair.

"Mommy! Mommy!" I cry, but you carry on and I watch as mom just simply closes the drapes.

Later as I lay battered and bruised Mommy comes up to me holding me and asking if I'm hurt, picking specks of dirt out of my hair.

I guess its finally coming to light,
My love wasn't enough
You and I are nothing but a wisp of a daydream
I still hold you close, though you have long since left my world
My star has grown tired of hearing me wish for the same thing for years, and now even it has abandoned me

Wake up:
List the reasons why you need to get out of bed.
Pull a fake smile on your face.
Try not to cry.

Go to school:
Be numb.
Don't let the other students get too close.
Keep that smile on.
Try not to cry.

Go home:
Do homework
Keep smile on.
Stay numb.

Bedtime:
Take smile off
Stay silent.
Cry.

I'm finding it hard to remember what its like to truly be happy,
Today I tried to laugh but it came out sounding cold and fake,
Why is it that I have the ability to feel so much yet so little?
I am depressed, anxious, angry, heartbroken, and alone,
why can't I add another mood to try and lift me up?
All I want is to remember what its like to really smile, to feel like I fit in.

At night I try and remember what joy feels like but finish up feeling empty, I guess being empty is better than being full of sadness.