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Eleanor Sinclair Sep 2018
I miss the smell of you in bed
I miss the way you kiss my head
I miss your hand on mine
I miss the way you‘d say I look fine
I miss your hugs and their encapsulating safety
I miss the way you made my mind act crazy
I miss our laughs and emotional talks
I miss the days we would go for short walks
I miss sitting with you in close proximity
I miss the way you looked at me in a certain vicinity
I miss your smile most of all
I miss your voice echoing down the hall
I miss your eyes and their gorgeous luster
I miss my inability to find words to muster
But I think about it now and I miss none of that
Instead I just think how I want you back
Because I don’t miss your worldly qualities
Instead I miss your quirky little oddities
Everything about you is beyond this existent
I’ve hit the point of full on admittance
I’m in love with your soul and your being
Of course I’m also in love, sweetheart, with what I’m seeing
But I want you for you and not what’s outside
The day you left me part of me died
I hope to see you again in my dreams
That’s all I have left now, so it seems
Perri Sep 2018
Other men look
with interest and intrigue
while I walk behind you,
small,
as you take lead

I look them in the eyes
hoping they sense the hurt in me,
seeing my distress,
praying they will come set me free

So as I walk in your shadow
shameful
and unimportantly
I'm hopeful
my worth
will shine
for all the others to see
~
Croiyon Sep 2018
I fall asleep
For the last time
Eyes shutting
To hide my truth
I am in pain
I am unhappy
I am stressed
I am alone
Drowning in my darkness
Letting the blood flow
To just feel something
But all I feel is hate for myself
And all I will feel
Is hate for myself
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
I cannot ever fight my demons
Each cell in my body has given up already
Now I'm stuck with no ambition
I cried so much I'm unsteady

I should have listened to your words
Worried warnings gone to waste
Although I appreciate the love
Let tears teach lessons on my face
Nothing quite like the sting of tears to remind you that you ****** up
Eleanor Sinclair Sep 2018
I feel the sunlight on my face
And it reminds me of your warm embrace
The one for which I long
When I’m weak it makes me strong
It was sad to watch you walk away
But I know we’ll make it back together some day
You don’t believe my words
How many times have I said it? Is it the second? Or the twenty-third?
I love you without earthly notion
You fill me with a variety of emotion
And I will always feel love for you and us
Love far deeper than lust
Imagine our island in the sky
On a single cloud floating by

We will make it there,
I swear
Eleanor Sinclair Sep 2018
Here I am laying, filling my head
At 3 A.M rerunning every word I have said
I suppose my tears are the blood from my soul
Happy or sad it overflows out of me and I can’t seem to feel whole
I don’t want to die anymore because things aren’t too bad
But I’m tired constantly and I miss my mom and dad
That’s the thing about being an adult
You make the tough decisions yourself and if they’re wrong it’s your fault
You choose right from wrong and no one is there to tell you otherwise
No one is there to catch you in your lies or wipe the stream of tears from your eyes
Momma isn’t there to hold your hair when you *****
Daddy isn’t there to point to the sky at the comets
It’s more like a hollow and dark lonely place
Days feel like years yet weeks seem to race
I suppose we take for granted our youthful state
We don’t know what we have until it’s a little too late
I’d give anything to go back to a day before loans
Spend a day with my family before I wanted to become skin and bones
Give my brother a hug and tell him I care
Tell my father that the things he calls my mother are wrong and unfair
Play with my dog before the cancer took him away
Show up to work with enthusiasm as though it was my first day
See my town like I did through an adolescent lens
Bike through my neighborhood to the house that once was my friend’s
Run in the yard and climb that one crooked tree
Relive the trip to the forest that ended with bees
Laugh at myself when I fell off my bike
Not take myself so seriously and be willing to admit who’s right
Tell my sister “thank you” for yelling at me to not speak English
She kept me fluent and that was her wish
Go trick or treating from door to door
“Here’s some candy, would you like some more?”
My eyes fill with liquid nostalgia as they sparkle and close
My head bobs and nods as I catch it then doze
I miss the world before it got complex
Before I had to worry about what came next
I’d live for a day at the age of ten
Before things began to hurt and I was mistreated by men
I’d watch the stars with Jessica and talk about life
I’d give her a hug after a sleepover and get back on my bike
Pedaling home in the cool fall breeze
Everything was simpler back then and I took it for granted with ease
I wish to go back to a time almost half my life ago
I wake from my sleep to realize it can't be so
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2018
Will I ever be able to move forward?
Space grows more and more,
How can I accept that things
Cannot be as happy as before?

I adore the familiar memories
With greater depth than what's in front of me,
I cannot stop being in love with you
Though being around you stopped being easy.

When we are smiling life is simple,
We buzz with passion and energy,
When things become rough we start shedding blood
From wounds no other person can see.

We are in this hopeless place,
Light is fading with our contentment
We cannot conceal true feelings any longer,
Faces have betrayed inner resentment.

The battle has left our hearts scarred,
Constant war neither can win,
Always felt like I had no choice,
Our house a combat zone I'm fighting in.

Concrete beneath us cracking,
Inching us towards despair,
As words left unspoken crackle
Like fireworks in tense air.

Shield myself the best I can,
Buried under plans lost,
Thick oxygen too toxic to breathe,
My lungs seep red, I cough.

Forty ropes keeping me back,
I lack the tools to cut,
Blade of bravery long since broken,
That's the reason I stay in my rut.

I'm tired yet I incur no change,
I obey this overplayed routine,
Turn on the faucet, I cannot do it myself,
So I can wash my hands of you and be clean.

Hard to leave you behind completely,
You make it impossible to take the first step,
My veins flow with love only for you,
I will go far from here but never forget.
How do you say goodbye to the one thing you never thought you'd lose?
Theshygirl Sep 2018
I have an exhaustion,
Buried deep under my skin,
And as hard as I try,
I can't seem to rid myself of it.
I oversleep and under-sleep,
I overeat and I under-eat.
I try just short of everything,
To find any ounce of energy,
I lost so long ago.
But I should have known better,
This was not just exhaustion.
No amount of sleep could cure
what I am plagued with.
An exhaustion not from lack of energy,
but from a lack of euphoria.
Eleanor Sinclair Sep 2018
You were the bullet that punctured a hole

You were the pill I swallowed to die

You were the poison that played a key role

You were the glass I stuck in my eye

You were the noose that hung around my neck

You were the knife I ****** through my arm

You were the force that pushed me off the deck

You were the only thing that caused me this harm
Eleanor Sinclair Sep 2018
You were my cause of death
You ripped from me my very last breath
Yet still I professed my love
I told you how I don't believe in a God above
Because he took you away
Not from this world but from my day to day
There is nothing for me to believe in
I suppose my life has been plagued with sin
Is that why He has forsaken me?
Cursed me and my progeny?
Let's be real, I won't have any.
I'll die alone before He'll have the chance
I'll one-step two with death as in "Hell" we dance
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