Thank you for cracking me up, no not the cheerful a joyful idiom. Bit by bit it just keeps on cracking! Here I am putting a double sided type on this crack. A crack formed by misunderstanding and decisions made by the demons inside out heads leading to a crack that keeps on cracking but thank you. Thank you for cracking this heart, without this crack I wouldn't had smile in the first place. Thank you for the broken heart.

For me
   Happiness is illegal,
And
   Sadness is my addiction.

whats the point of trying hard?
hear me out.
i could try really hard pass all my classes and get a scholarship. i could go to college become an engineer or something. but i would still be unhappy.
so why wouldn't i make it easier on myself and do the bare minimum get a job as a cashier or something.
i would be unhappy either way.
so why not

My heart hurts
It fears for the worst
Knowing the end it near
The notes start with “dear...”

Someone call the Doctor,
because something’s amiss.
The darkness descended,
and there’s just the abyss.

Tell him, that maybe,
a paradox formed.
That up, is now right,
and that demons have swarmed.

Tell him, please tell him,
that we need the blue box.
We need his courage,
to turn back the clock.

I know the moment,
the exact time it went wrong,
but I can’t do it alone,
I’ve done that too long.

If we just had the Doctor,
we could set things to right.
We could change that moment,
and bring back the light.

I know he’s not coming,
and that he’s not real.
It’s just wishful writing,
to push back my fears.

A hero, a savior,
someone who knows all.
Someone who isn’t me,
that could stop the slow fall.

A blue box, a Doctor,
a moment in time.
A villain, so empty,
writing silly rhymes.

A paradox, truly,
that doesn’t make sense.
Can a villain turn hero,
if he shows recompense?

I guess we shall see,
but I won’t hold my breath.
I’ll wait for the Doctor,
or I’ll just wait for Death.

I'm sick and tired of every liar that crosses my path
Give me a break
And for your own sake take a wooden stake and drive it through your blood thirsty vampire heart
I know you like to see me bleed with each crooked deed I do for you and I fear that I’ll fall into your trap but I’m already wrapped up in those arms
The arms that I once called home
The arms that kept me safe in every place I went
The arms that bent my stick straight spine into a frayed piece of manipulated twine
Which time after time has formed my mind into a cynical beast that can do nothing but feast on the negatives it hears
While also being all ears to the positives that appear
I see the good in everyone except me yet how can it be that I shouldn't get that drink for free
I think so low of myself and my health suffers from it but I get offended when I'm rejected and another pretty doll faced girl is selected over me
You smile when I fall and crawl to your feet like a little puppy after being beat
I scamper and whine for a savior or something divine to intervene and help me find the green light out of here
But it’s dark with no color in sight despite the flicker of my imagination
I go back to fear because that’s all I know now and there are few emotions I can show so how will this work if you constantly irk the angry part of my lying brain
I'm going around round round insane
I'm literally going insane and it's vain for anyone to think they can tell me how to feel or how to heal because if you're not living this battle you have no say so on any given day I have a right to be sad and a right to be mad and if that makes you upset then my best bet would be that you should flee because I'm going to keep being me
I can't live my current life and I don't see any positive end in sight but I'm hanging on tight for you and those who care and even those who just sit blankly and stare
I see you
And you see me
But neither of us say a thing until we've passed
Then the whispers begin and yeah envy is a sin, but I wish I was like you
Normal and happy not constantly sappy waiting for another day to go by so I can pop my pill and get my mental fill for a few seconds before being empty
I'm numb when I'm on drugs and it's hard for me to find pleasure in even the lovely lightening bugs
I used to smile and chase them with bare hands and feet
Now I sit idle and my eyes follow them, glazed over in defeat
I feel like the thoughts seep from my brain and although it sounds lame I often find myself repeating, "What was I going to say?"
I forget how to hang onto a thought or a phrase and I can't even raise an insightful question anymore
I'm only part of me and who I used to be but it's better than constantly being angry
I take this medicine for breakfast, lunch, and dinner
Hoping one day it'll make me thinner yet I know deep inside that once again I have lied
To myself and my friends and that regardless in the end
No matter what I say there will be someone I offend
Because I'm rude and ruthless and wholly disrespectful
I'm a mess on two legs and dude to tell you the truth I'm a handful
I can barely handle myself or suppress my mean mental health
Oh well, but it ***** being told that you're kind of a bad person
But it's okay because everyone see's it and acknowledges it, so it must just be the way you are
Less than sub par and far from ideal I struggle with what to say and how to feel so it'd be better if I just stopped talking
Yeah, drop it all and stop talking

I miss my beam of sunshine tonight
My tears on the pillow reflect penetrating moonlight
Howling and wailing like a rabid creature
How did everything happen to break away so I could no longer reach for you
O’ my sunshine where did you go
My plagued dreams are now full of woe
I miss you more than the winter snow misses the land
The same way I miss the smooth touch of your hand
My days are dark without you around
I still wail to the moon like a lonesome hound
I fell for you harder than I should have allowed
Now instead it’s reversed and at your feet I have bowed

I wish I wish with all my heart
To be someone’s sacred art
But unlike legends and fairytales alike
It’s not so linear, it’s a hike

I wish I wish to be invisible
When I enter a room to be easily resistable
But for some reason I can’t attain that

I wish I wish for a quick easy death
To never breathe another breath
But I guess I’m just too scared to jump