Loud noises set me off
It's like they ricochet across the room
Echoing off of every single surface
And end by stabbing all the nerves in my body
I try to keep calm through them
But my emotions skip the step
Where my body warns me I'm upset
And suddenly I'm yelling at my cat
Or grabbing him by the scruff
All because he repeatedly paws at his food dish
And I can't handle the sound of the ceramic
As it clangs against the hardwood floor
And just as suddenly as I yelled
An intense hatred toward myself arises
Choking out all of my energy
I collapse back on my bed and wish I were dead
Until the noise starts again
And I'm back to seeing red

Taking in a deep breath,
You feel the cold air burn your lungs
The feeling of life rushing through your veins

Holding your breath is a very risky experiment
If you hold it in too long,
The feeling of life that you barely even notice anymore will disappear

Wake up, you must realize that there are others like you
The ones who like to play with their lives like its a simple game
Except its not a game

I am stone
I do not move

I take my time
I let him come closer

I have only a single bullet
I aim for his eye

I hold my breath
My finger presses on the trigger
I do not tremble

I have no fear

the first time that i was kissed
we stood on a bridge
fingers locked
you smelled like bubblegum
and your freckles looked like stars
your hands pressed into my waist
but i can’t remember your hands
without remembering
waking up,
hands tied to the headboard of your bed,
silk ribbons pressing into my wrist
a sloppy mouth on my neck
when i remember my first kiss
all i remember is
being desperate to tell you
no
no
no
your voice as you whispered
you’ll do this if you love me
i remember
staring at the lanterns on your ceiling
hoping it will be over soon
when i think of my first kiss
all i can think of is hands
but hands that don’t stay
at my waist

The gun has been facing me for too long
The final thought and word from the poet
To be someone’s is to hurt self
To be no one’s is far better
Cracked eyes and tiger streams melt
Lashes collect at dripped edge
lept in multitudes, landed not once
Knees buckle under gravity
Chance has torn the light from eye’s view
Teeth scratch, the bite cruel and deep
But words, those words have lead wars without end
Have me listen to poison, falsities proved echos
In dark- clouded minds,  night delivers truth
Harsh truth of moments blind
The nightmare persists
One’s life is not yet to be theirs.

Most days I live a normal life.
Normal,
Average,
Unextrordinary life.

It does little to bother me.
In fact,
I revel in it.

For someone who has been at war with the world for so long,
I find that monotony suits me.

But all it takes is a slight tremor,
An unexpected change in plans,
Something that harkens to older days,
Earlier tragedies,
Battles lost and scars faded.

It doesn’t take much to call to the beast inside of me,
The monster that so fiercely protects my broken soul.
And I have yet to learn how to recognize when there is a shadow playing with my mind,
Or an actual threat.

It's weird,
it's awkward,
it's fake.

You don't realize until you see,
how fast it disappears,
how it trembles.

My smile is fake,
and it will always be.

Not until you look into my eyes,
not until you pick up the broken pieces,
will you really get to know who I am.