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Amelia Sapp Dec 2019
aphrodite gifted me her beauty
but i call upon her to let known,
the smoke that fills my lungs
and the fire that lies in your wake

ares gifted me her ruthlessness
but i call upon her to let known,
the war you started within me
and how untamed i became

athena gifted me her wisdom
but i call upon her to let known,
the thoughts i still have of you
and how skilled you are at being persistent

eleos gifted me her compassion
but i call upon her to let known,
how i still feel pity for myself
and how i wish to mercy you for your misdeeds

these women do not live within me to make me
a weaker version of myself
they live within me
to make me strong
in your absence
J May 2019
I hope you read this some day
Long after we’re both already married
and it hurts less to say my name, even less to think of the way you used to moan mine,
I hope time heals all like they say it should
I hope you read this some day
And think of what we could have had
And smile like I hope I do
I hope it doesn’t hurt
I hope you hope so, too
J May 2019
Partial to a past that explained my experiences in a causal tone. Like a story that had to unfold, I made sure it made sense because I felt myself losing control. I had to have control of it. Apologies for every mistake I’d ever made because amending my wrongs was praying for one night without terrors. Tug of war with God. Cause and effect. I earned my hurt. I earned my hurt.

People that believe in karma drive me ******* nuts. Plagued with guilt from my childhood because I got ***** at 21 and I thought maybe if I had been nicer to Cassandra B on the playground at 9 maybe I could have kept my dignity that night in my dorm room. But it doesn’t work like that.

I have survivor’s hands. *****, calloused, jealous hands. I am not innocent, I am vindictive and manipulative and when I argue with the person I love I get mean. When I talk to myself in the mirror, I am cruel. I am not innocent. I was a bully as a child. I thought all of these things were a part of the reason why someone took my body from me when I was 21.
J Nov 2018
I forced myself to stop loving you
Because holding on was suffocating
Urban ivy, forgiving fists
I forced myself to stop loving you
Until it worked,
until I hated you in every way I never wanted to

— The End —