Inward smiling as the thought just returned
Remembering the shame as advances were spurned
Still going red at the thought's recollect
No romance that time, another chance wrecked.

Ah adolescence and all the things new
The callowness is borne like a fedora askew
The so spotty face that we tried hard to hide
By growing our side-burns enormously wide.

And now decades later and still happy in love
With the woman who always fits me like a glove
Those teenage angst years are now way in the past
But we have to go through them for the now things to last.

To be loved for decades is a wondrous thing
My heart wakes each morning and just starts to sing
For my love lies beside me as we welcome the day
In my heart I now realise it was always this way.

©Joe Wilson - My love lies beside me 2014

Have you felt being needed?
It’s great, it adds to your ego
But what if it’s too much
And nothing’s true anymore.

I’m there when you need me
But when I need you, you’re gone
Your selfish egotistical self
Never repaying your debt.

Now, I've decided
No longer would I be used
I’m not your dummy anymore
You’ll learn to live when I’m gone.

Dresses and makeup,
this or that hairstyle,
salads and chocolates,
preparing for the night.
It's gonna be awesome,
that's all I know
love and lights
are gonna glow.

If I could tell you one thing I Would tell you to live young, wild and free.
You're going to make mistakes.
You're going to get in trouble and feel awful when you get caught.
You're probably going to lie even if you don't really want to.
There are days you're going to want to just give up on life and that's okay.

If I could tell you one thing, I would tell you to love the way the moon loves the sun.
Find someone who loves you unconditionally.
Someone who will never change you.
Learn to let things go.
Learn to be forgiving even when you want to punish someone so bad it's all you think about.
Because there are days you're going to want to fight just to feel alive!

If I could tell you one thing, I would tell you to always be yourself.
It's unique.
It's truthful.
Because there really is only one you & some days you might not like you anymore.
And someday you might love yourself more than anyone else!

If I could tell you one thing, I would tell you to be honest.
Be honest with people who care for you.
Be honest with yourself.
Be honest to the person who will break your heart.
Because honesty always win in the end.

If I could tell you one thing, I would tell you to dance.
Dance like you're floating along the Milky Way.
Dance like it's the last time you're going to be alive.
Dance to music no one but you can hear.
Because sometimes, making a fool of yourself is the only way to laugh the bad stuff away.

And if this is the last thing you ever hear from me... I would tell you that I love you.
I love who you are even if you don't.
I love the smile on your face and how you light up.
I love the look in your eyes when no ones looking.
And even though only you can make yourself happy, just know,
I love you.

am i strong am i strong am i strong am i strong will i
will i survive?*
you rub your eyes dry so that no one will know
about the crumpled up tissues that still litter the bathroom floor
the discarded strips of metal shining from their hiding place underneath your bed
(you used to keep fairytales there;
now there are only monsters)
fatality is not in your vocabulary but you might need to put it in soon
you need to know that she will hold you hair for you
while you spit up blood
and she will whisper that it will be alright
even while she digs her fingernails into the small of your back
you need to know that
she is lying to you as she is lying with you she doesn't care she will call you a monster and rip out your ******* lungsbreathe
strength is incalculable
i cannot help you to walk if your legs are broken
{ your lungs are made of tar and you can't remember when it was
the last time you could breathe }
life is too sentimental so you've taught yourself not to feel
but you will still scream
as she rips your teeth out and swallows them
you are speeding too fast for me to follow for anyone to
follow
i don't think you know how to slow down
strength is a chemical weakness i wonder
what pulses through your bones to make them hate you so much
i wonder what you ever did to make her hate you so much
you are train tracks
waiting to be trodden on
strength is not in your vocabulary
and you're pretty sure it never will be
a cigarette dangles carelessly
from chapped lips
your song has never been so discordant.

I am happy,
But why is that those tears wont stop falling?

It's the right thing,
But why is that it doesn't feel like so?

I am strong,
But why is it that I need to be strong?

I should not feel this way,
But why is it that my feelings have become so bipolar ?

It's bravery,
But why is it that I feel it's an act of fear instead?

I am not oblivion no more,
But why is it that i feel there is much behind every path?

I fear failure,
But why is that I feel that it is a fear of success?

I should enjoy the moment,
But why is it that my brain cant comprehend to happiness no more?

One more thing
Before the day ends
I must tell you what reigns in my heart and mind
But that one more thing never happens
I am too afraid that you'll leave once you know
I'm too afraid once I say it you won't want to know
One more thing never happens
It never escapes my mouth
It always stays trapped in my heart **everyday

It's when your stomach
hurts
and you dont remember why you were sad and
nothing is really super important
except yourself
and you just laugh because you can and the sky is so pretty
and you can feel sunshine's essence exuding from the holes in your skin
and your bones are filled with electricity
but it's rubber
and you can do anything
ANYTHING
anything because you're you and nobody else can be you
and the world is there to look at, so full of pretty things

and it doesn't matter if there's somebody or nobody or everybody by your side
because it's just that perfect moment when the love in you body is a droplet
it hits the ground and wrenches itself into shapes
patterns that coalesce
you are enraptured, the sight is burning
into your retinas the perfectional bliss that is
being
the will'o'the'wisp that is your soul entangles with the white light and branches
the creature that is imagination and folly
folly with soft ears and kawaii smirks

*****
patches of grass
the birds are landing in your branches now
congregational hazards
social anxiety
disillusioned, giving in
but you don't mind the flocking free-loaders
YOU'RE A STAR
stellar beings never slow down
for a moment
unless they are enjoying the view
witness the retching as
spectrum slideshow
the colors spill out, tumbling
across the sidewalk
out of her veins
she is god
we are free
be happy
lift your arms
be happy