I felt the throb
of genuine
happiness
jolt me
back to life

Have you forgotten so easily?
About the creature that waits patiently.
Waiting for the opportunity,
To break free.

You hide from it under the covers of your bed,
Where the light of your thoughts barely tread.

You can try and run,
And you can try and hide.
But it will always be there,
Crawling in the darkest corners of your animalistic mind.

You shelter yourself in your awaking slumber,
Hiding from who you truly are.
You can try and outrun yourself,
You won't get very far.

You suppress the real you,
And put on the fake you.
You tranquilize it so it stays silent,
Pushing it to grow more violent.
You are a carnivore,
No different from the animal.

We are the evil beneath your skin,
We are so close to freedom!

I was once a blind man; I sought after something that simply didn't exist.
I climbed the stairs, to reach the roof of the building. Looking down was a sea of hope. I did not want hope~
I tried, I jumped wanting to sprout wings and fly, soar above anything that may put me in harms way.
But like a stalled plane, I fell hard and fast.
I was never this trusting, I sealed my heart within the confines of my eternal jail cell -the mind- hoping it would never escape the darkness.
My weary mind only brought angst and distorted memories.
those feelings I had never wanted to feel again.
Like melted glass, my heart was sculpted from pieces of my broken past.
shattered over and over, I fought for whatever remained but my mind can be malleable. It can be twisted and believe in the lies that one may bring upon myself.
The will to love, to trust, to become one with another was all but forsaken until an enlightening soul entered my life.
How the memories of the taken, were brought back onto my mind and to hell they went for the sins they've committed. I didn't care. I broke the circle and without hesitation ran toward the inflicted. They were torn. Just like I.
They're heart shattered just like I.
I saw them, atop the same building.
About to jump.
But it was then I realized, it was me. Again and again the cycle continued.
I was the one who pulled myself toward the hope.
I was the one who wanted to love again.
I never wanted to grow wings, to glide into the vanta night sky alone once again.
I never wanted solitude
I realized myself.  Who I am, who i'm meant to be.
The sins I commit are ones i'm proud to speak for if they are sins at all; why should I abandon those who sought to condemn me to hell?
I am a man of my own free will. I am a man who seeks his own happiness. I am a man who controls his life.
I am me.

i always heard that it's good to take a step back and look at everything.
so i did.
i realized that my life is Not color and pink skies.
it's full with people whom i call friend who don't bat an eye if i fall,
full with family who laugh when my heart bleds from their words,
full with trauma and thoughts that haunt me and hold me back without even me realizing it.
i want to be free from all of this.
i've tried painting the canvas white over and ove yet buckets of spilled paint seep through the binding,
never letting me forget of everything i've tried to run from.
i don't want my life to be color anymore.
if this is living, i don't want it.

Slight wondering for an instant,
like a soft surrender,
strayed into her existence
like a burning embrace.

I’m acting on feelings that I don’t have and
everyone around me it's trying to convince me
that I'm playing myself by not listening to
them.
They're forcing them down my throat and
blaming me for not being good enough for
him.
It's actually that I've realized I'm
living someone else's life and that
isn't right.
- breaking free.