Revisiting the oceans;
pulled away from death
by the thin lines of air
hanging above my head

you pull me under, again.
I have survived — why must you
keep grasping at my ankles
gnawing at my flesh

I am reaching to the cosmos for
rescue, but the water is warm.
Do I drown in the sea or dance
among the stars?

Tom Collins
Bing Crosby
Calamari
Purity
Quintessence

There is now only a faint, fingernail-sized memory
of the thin girl standing under a street lamp in the snow
in light hair and a long red coat
with blue eyes that felt a warm brown

she didn't like winter
but wore it well
with snowflake lined lashes
and tiny, cold hands hoping to be held

her thin red lips were Christmas after a month of storms
Her eyes a warm
furnace fueled with hope.
They thawed the ice that clung to my own

the hope that had been left too long on my skin
and had become stiff and cold
now tingling
as it gained feeling again

we drank.
we sang.
we ate.
we felt.
we were.

Eight of us
A train
And the blinding light of stars
For that moment
As we laid together under the sky
Shoulder against shoulder
And watched as the blinding light inched towards us
Waiting for the onrush of wind
The split second of weightlessness
And a sign that this is where we needed to be

with you
there was a warmth inside me
a purity i never thought could even come to me
much less-
consume me
it filled every crevice within me, no space was left inside of me
and then it slowly dripped out like molasses
slowly but surely dripping out with its sweet warmth leaving with it
loving you
was like rolling my heart in glass
left me with tiny wounds i have no way of fixing
but the sweet feeling i once had with you

i feel my body yearn for it
like it yearned for pain once
it doesnt want you
it wants the warmth and purity you once made me feel
the all consuming, head to toe, ever so sure love
except-

without you