i thought my mind was at ease
i thought it was all better
but my heart still aches
and peace is disturbed..
heart in my throat
my chest hurts
the sadness is heavy
pressing against my body
the pain wants to rip out of my skin
relapsing
the pain still stings
but a little less

Write a poem
2. No seriously write a poem
3. Refer to step 1
4. Draw a mind map about things you think of
5. Draw a mind map about things you think of other than her
6. Give in to the fact the poem is going to be about her
7. Decide on what type of poem it's going to be
8. Work out how this one will be different from the other 29 free form poems you've written
9. Structure the meaning
10. Cut out that bit about love
11.Cut out that bit about ***
12. Change the meaning of the poem that you tried to structure in step 9
13. Make the poem less depressing 14. Scrap the joke about salad dressing
15. Stop forcing rhymes
16. Scrap everything that is trying to force comedy
17. ...realise you've just had to delete the entire poem
18. Refer to step 1

Which algorithm is going to understand me
understand sentiment behind what I do
It is coded for catching the patterns
For them we are just there
to generate the data to process
What insights will they create
about me when I'm just the outlier
they will remove me to get cleaner results
Generalise the problem
that it won't cater to me
technology is not the slave
they make us dance to their tune
We change, as much as they advance
Develop worse habits
change our routines
from when we were in the more happier place
to a place which comes with waves of sadness.

By the time we were born
We struggle, but keep on growing.
Undergo constant changes,
To be the best version of ourselves.

The words only come
when the chaos goes
from being outside my body
to inside my head
when my heart stops racing
and starts skipping beats.
I can only string them together
when I'm falling apart.

A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
Set yourself free,
sing until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your chest
and let your heart say
what your mind can't
Act as if you own the day
and all that you live
and all that you see
and all that you feel
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
and tell her that you miss her
but you'll be back someday.
Because being a writer is traveling
through a wide and dangerous and wonderful world
and coming home must wait.
Remember to love yourself
even if it's hard to do with
ideas cluttering your brain.
and Reality tapping at your skull
saying is this worth it?
Warn the neighbors that if they hear voices
It's just your soul
changing and creating.
Learn how to accept others.
Learn to let go of everything you don't need
in order to stay sane,
Learn how to grow
from your failures.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
write

I've been thinking about you lately,
It's tough that I am miles away.
There might be 3003 steps to peak,
But this seems like eternity for me.

Baby blue
against egg white,
silver framed mirror
near the pale light;
exposed bulb,
dust ridden.
~All mired in mediocrity,
stretching the lines
and still
falling short of meaning;
always lacking a certain capacity
to emote.