They told me to Let it go... And...
I Found that I have nothing there to let go...
Still searching for that song that to be sang!
Still looking for that life to be lived!
Still aiming to reach the beat that shows I'm alive!
I'm wondering If.... there are answers to those questions;
Are dues still not yet paid?
Are sins not yet repented?
Are wounds not yet healed?
Am I still having a human's heart?
Am I still holding that soul which will guide me?
Am I still pure?
I question in pain the blood running in those veins!
Questioning those purposes i found created and realized in my journey!
questioning with bitterness..with being lost in my space, my soul, mind mind...**** inside me!
**** towards a black whole!
knowing nothing if i'll be getting out of it or not!
knowing nothing except i saw the lonely air, lonely feelings, lonely self!
I questioned finally if i have Human Blood!
Words failed to present my story!
Stories couldn't define Who A I!
Expressions misled eyes!
Then Silence Appears to....
Bring light to words
Bring meaning to chaos
Give power to voice
Where silence becomes your Story!
I want to end the story of that guy who is good…who is nice..who is helpful!
I wan to stop the scene of that person who is with that cool smile..
I wan to start a new story!
…… No More of those facades!
A story of a new version…
A story of upgraded version…
A version of a perfect one!
I am not seeking perfectionism…
I’m seeking my true self…
I’m seeking Me!
In process of knowing who I am!
In process of recalling my memories!
I found an empty space!
A space I can’t remember!
A space I struggle to belong to!
A space I questioned my belongings in this world!
A space I realized I’m forgotten!
I found those papers in my drawers!
Knowing my own words, would make it easy to feel their belonging to me!
Tried to paint the landscape I dreamt of…
Tried to place my hope of joy and peace in its corner…
I can’t find my true color…
I can’t find the details that speaks me…
I realized I have a picture of my world painted by others colors…
I realized I don’t own that painting
I saw it in me! I saw it in my silence! I saw it in my dream!
I saw every minute telling me to leave!
I have to leave! But where to? That I didn’t know!
Just walk away…walk and other things will fall into its places! Don’t be afraid!
Don’t be scared!
Don’t be skeptical!
Don’t wait for that thing to happen!
Don’t wait for that change, that you are longing for!
Don’t wait to be a stranger again!
It is just a label! You are a stranger even in your enoughness…
In your fullness…
In your wholebeing…
Just take that Leave…and be …