When I was a little girl, I absolutely hated getting sandy
I’d play in the sand, sure. But I’d squat. I never let my legs lay in the hot grainy sand beneath me.
When I was a little girl, I would not put my stickers on paper or cards, because they were not permanent
I put them on things that would around for forever, like VHS tapes
When I was a little girl, I learned quickly to prevent myself from getting tangled in a ***** mess of disaster.
I’d go through the motions, sure. But I’d hide. I never let myself get fully divulged in the cold, charged whirl wind around me.
When I was a little girl, I would not expect people to stay around for long, because nothing is permanent.
I instead focused on things that would be around forever, like my piano.
I say this, dear because I need you to know, that hurt as been around as long as the sand.
You don’t have to explain, I know things will probably get a little messy. And I do not expect you around forever.
Do not apologize, I am ready. I expect it. The futility of love is as confident as the growl the sea makes as it finally meets to the sand.
You crashed into me with relief. My arms were the shore you have been looking for all this time.
Though you pulled away, and took with you small pieces of me that most would not notice to be missing.
I say this dear, because I need for things to be this way. Keep sweeping yourself away, but don’t forget to come soaring back.
When I was a little girl, I did not know you.
And because of this, I did not know how freeing adventure felt
I stayed guarded.
Put on my tube around my waist, and cautiously tip toed into the cold ocean. I took care not to get my hair wet, and stayed afloat with each wave that came my way
But with you, I have learned to run in, and embrace the uncertainty of the crashing wave. My stomach turns as I am jostled around the sea. Finally gasping for air with a smile wide open ready to accept adventure, that is what makes it all worth it.
When I was a little girl, I finally felt comfort in absence.
It was nothing to be afraid of, because absence was in my control.
But presence, well that depended on both parties, and could disappear before I could even find a permanent object to stick them to.
So forgive me for being afraid that you’ll leave.
I am still searching for something to glue on our fondest memory to.
Ever since I was a little girl, I never really found the appeal of love stories
Those were science fiction to me. Only in another world could fate work so magically and consistently.
I tell you this dear, because you are my fairytale. Fate can be fickle, so I am grateful that she brought me to you.
I am no longer a little girl. But I am still afraid of getting my hair wet. I still hate wiping sand off my skin. I am still always prepared for the inevitability of forever walking away.
I tell you this dear, because I do not want you to think I am afraid of us. You have finally made getting a little messy worth it. But I will stay prepared for you to walk away.
