It's all been said.
It's all been done.
Think you're broke and lonely?
You're not the only one.
Living in a world so isolated
So cold.
They say the only ones
who survive do what they're told.
But that's just what they want you to think.
They don't want you to find the power you have inside.
So get your thoughts together, wake up and let's ride.
We're going to say
what we need to say
and whether we succeed or die, at least we can say we tried

we all have a caterpillar somewhere inside
that spirit that wants, but it just can't decide
there are roadblocks and hurdles that get in the way
where will your caterpillar take you today
what will you be when the caterpillar selects
we all hope for the Monarch, DO we get, what we get

Brian Hill - 2020 # 119

My Lord Son Of the Almighty Creator God the Father, I ask with sincere and repentant soul to move on with a drastic  change to be done in my Lifestyle and what I personally struggle with every day the sins I have committed and the damage I done to others by my insolence and ignorant heart by me judging others at times, lying, cursing, forgetting to be grateful, not practicing what I preach, violent, sinning against my body, avoiding prayer, knowing the Word the Truth and NOT being obedient trading my happiness and relationship with God by instead indulging in the pleasures of the flesh...I come Glorious Lord Jesus who sit in the Everlasting Throne Of Pureness, Justice, Honor and Perfection by the right Hand Of the Almighty Father the Creator Of all and all that has ever been will and forever be known or unknown Physical, Spirit or Eternal. I call in distress and with much fear and trembling because I know I must detach myself from my sinful ways, stop giving in to do the same things I have allowed to accommodate and justify knowing that am being convicted by the Holy Spirit to NOT do I still give in and disregard it and commit yet over and over again... as if I use God's  name his word and share with others that I am spiritually awake, aware, and I profess to them such an elaborate unique and masterfully crafted deception but yet has Truth mixed with lies what I have lived and truly have experienced in a physical or mental and even spiritual way and what I have changed and imagined or somehow fabricated to fit and be more interesting or mind blowing to sound supernatural and ethereal to them involving a slight manipulation of reality blending my overactive imagination with reality nevertheless even I being deceived by my own self of  what my relationship with the Holy Spirit is like how I relate it to others and how it truly is in their eyes how it's in my eyes and how God sees it and how he wants me to be. My Beloved Lord Jesus My Reedemer my King and The Only Perfect Man, The Word made in Flesh, Son Of God, Lamb Of God, The Way, The Truth the Life, Prince Of Peace, Lord Of Lord's,  King Of Kings Who became the Lowliest Servant, Perfect in all ways, Holy and Righteous, God's  only begotten Son who came to absolve all Mankinds Sin by taking the sin of all Man, Woman and Child of Today, Yesterday and Since The beginning of the World...I am humbly requesting Help me truly Live more for you, devote my Time more in your Word, Persue the things NOT of this World the things that which you want me to persue and live for create a way for me to have a more disciplined, holy, seek first you in all matters, resorting to prayer more, taking walks while thanking you for your love, mercy, forgiveness, faithfulness, pure, perfect, miraculous, righteous, everlasting grace and immortal truth that will forevermore from now till infinity be always a word that is the only way, the only truth and will remain in humanity collective soul and heart and immortal spirit indefinitely...for this World and this Heaven shall pass but there will be a New Heaven and a New Earth that will be Paradise Once Again for he has promised that the ones faithful to him the ones written in the Book Of Life the ones who choose to live profess and fear the name of the Lord and tell others show them the scriptures and love God first put him first and constantly feed their Spirit and starve their flesh ...repent as often as possible, love others like thyself, choose daily to purge themselves of the carnal pleasures of the flesh, believe without NO DOUBT that Jesus Is The Son Of God,  Came to Live, Choose To Die On The Cross for All Our Sin from the time when it got introduced to the World thru the Ancient Serpent "The Devil" till the time when Jesus Christ comes back and everyone who was is and is to come live, choose what they decide to follow, The Lord Or The World and finally die and be sent to Sheol till The Great White Judgement Day when it arrives and every deed of every person from every nation from Male to Female from Jew to Gentile will be there present in the presence of God, Jesus & The Holy Spirit and all his Heavenly Host will stand to face the Judge Of Every Soul from the first created to the last one to be created to live and pass on to the afterlife God Almighty will separate the righteous from the wicked will show you from your first offense "sin" committed by YOU to the very last ONE it is committed by the same person it is either washed by the blood of Jesus by living for him praying to him reading his word, putting it into practice, listening to the still, serene, peaceful, gentle and holy word from the Holy Spirit allowing it to slowly change you transform you and open up a channel from Us and Christ developing a relationship with Him because only they him we are redeemed, glorified and saved from the grips of Hell itself..."For Whosoever Calls In The Name Of The Lord Shall Be Saved" this requires Faith and Denying the World, Our Fleshly Desires, Doing Good always, Recognizing your sin and asking for forgiveness with intention to change by asking for strength and courage in times of trial and tribulation, trusting God and learning on him for council NOT your own understanding for we are weak, sinful and choose pleasure and comfort and ease succumbing to our Fleshly Desires to gratify what is here today but die tomorrow many times we do evil in the eyes of God knowing that it is wrong but we do it anyway to instantly gratify our minds, bodies and souls with a temporary pleasure at that moment in time and over time becomes a habit that grows with repetition feeding the flesh but hurting the spirit.  Lastly I want to give it to God in this prayer to aid me change the sinful things I struggle with daily, please grant me your mercy when I fall short in serving you, when I sin against others, myself and you I know you have NOT given up on me Lord therefore I NEVER wanna give up on you Lord. Thank you for guarding my Family, Friends and Aquaintances. I give you thanks for your love, mercy, forgiveness, grace, peace, faithfulness and holiness. Teach me how to pray for others more, to proclaim blessings and healing for them and their lives, help me fix my eyes more on Jesus, help me walk with integrity and truth, help me understand the bible the way you want me to and not just read it but put it into practice little by little incorporating it into my Life and Lord heal my relationship with my Family. Allow me to grow daily spiritually in truth and please I beg you to allow me to get closer to you. Heal me Lord in Mind, Soul and Spirit and please forgive your servant for my failures past, present and future. Thank You...in Jesus Name...Amen!

I know I'm home and I'm not alone
sick inside cuz the wounds at the bone my friend
such a strange feeling getting to me
I contradict every thought that I have

A special friend blending words in my head
Secret to the trend is make everything feel threatening
Driving through the fog with my brights on
As the lights pass by I get mystified

I'm too big for the room I'm in
Am I wrong or maybe it's actually my skin
I'm going to rip apart this reality
and peel back the shades that have came to cover me

Staring out like I'm in a cell
In and out like a raging swell
I can say that I'm happy with the ones I love
Though I'm scared to go outside and lose comfort in the shelter

Sometimes I dream of wondrous things,
That flood the room with roaring waves
And cool deep waters of the mighty seas

Neon fish now nest in my kitchen sink
Eels dance along the dining table
From my mouth rise bubbles of blue and green

But other times the ocean spins away down the bathroom drain
Leaving a bristling heat, a cloudless sky
And desert winds that rough up the window panes

Oranges of fire, deep breath of life fire
Leaving spittles of burn on the tips of my nose
As I now travel along the sands, a caravan rider

There are things I dream,
Dreams of such wondrous things
Of colors gold, red and aquamarine

Of dazzling lights that drip from the walls
Soaked deeply into the cupboard,
Filled to the brim, all the halls

Like jewels, the dreams sparkle with life
So unexpected each time sunlight hits my eyes
That all I wake up to, is again
just white

stop looking outside.
focus on where it starts
discover yourself in ways
no one can find for you.
let the world spin,
go back to your roots
and dont let yourself get the best of you

I was the kid always falling from the branch,
      the other kids laughed, thinking I wasn't

nimble fingered, but as I saw it I was the only
one not scared to fall any distance..

    Because I'd know that I would get up again.

They would never know the amount of falls it
                        would take for determination

to allow me to stand with my head up high...

The same goes for love, I thought I could fall.
                 But rejection doesn't bruise

it hurts deeper inside.

And you were always there..

Don't let a tumble blemish that feeling inside,
            you'll find it again.


It may take time,  like finding wally in that book.

But once you find it you'll know its unique..
                         Because it was harder to find...

So just remember it may not be a long fall..
   but it'll always hurt.

If you ever need me, I'm here.
                No matter the amount of tears


i'll dry them up.