When I love someone, I give up a lot of my time for him. I give up my time to spend the day out together, even if it’s not a big plan or fancy outing. Even if I'm tired as hell, I still would want to see him, because seeing him and being around him makes me the happiest person. I put in a lot of effort into my relationship. I want to make every moment we spend worthwhile. I talk to him everyday and every single time when he is free, because I want to know how he's doing and I want him to know that I'm always there for him, though not physically. I need him to never forget that he has me by his side all the time. Even when he's busy, I'll (im)patiently wait by my phone for his texts or calls, and when he does, I respond too quickly. I give up a lot of my sleep time so I can spend my time to converse with him over the phone until late, especially on days we could not see each other.

Well, I cannot deny that my actions are pretty clingy. But heck, I don’t know what else to do so I could prove to him that I'm always here for him, and the fact that I love him so much and he has to know that, and remember it every frickin' day. I will never change, unless he wants me to. I will never stop, unless he tells me to. Hence until then, I will continue to be this way. And until then, I really hope he understands.

Though I can never buy him lots of gifts, or spend hugely on him or whatever, like how other girlfriends could do for their men, I know that I can give a lot of love and attention that one desires or craves for. Because I am one who needs love and attention, so I know the best how that feels.

There was a time when I had it all.
I felt big even when I was small.
In a home on sunset boulevard,
When I had it all.
Mornings on the terrace.
Lunches out on the bay.
Father standing tall.
Mother full of grace.
Never planned for me to live out of this suitcase.
I know in me they had faith.
But lacked it with each other.

   We moved further to the east side
They fell out of love.
Couldn't keep the fights to themselves,
Not even for my sake.
They couldn't rise above it all.
Didn't think of me at all.
Not even the holidays remained the same.
I miss our family Christmas cards.
Portrayed us in our best.
We loved each other genuinely.
Back in the day when I had it all.

Sometimes I lay here quietly.
In and out of consciousness.
I listen to the sounds I hear purely.
Nothing to taint the senses.
When I discovered the howls of the wind
and the birds that sing in the sunrise,
it evoked me of my childhood.  
Filled with nonsense and beauty.
Reminding me of everything I've sacrificed.
Kindling me temporally.
Just enough to keep me alive.
Reminding me of what I've sacrificed.

What have I done?
To be treated like dirt in your eyes.
Always under the gun.
Constantly being vandalized.
Forever on the run.

Run Race Horse Run
The shows only just begun.
What goods a race horse that's not any fun?
Show me your teeth like a good one.

You want to tame me,
But I was born to be wild and free.
Not in a dudgeon.

Ending to the day,
with a hot and calming shower,
I look to rest my soul in the evening hour.
I'm brushing through my hair amid the vanity,
and I am taken back to seeing what is possibly a nine-year old identity.
Of course I smile, and become nostalgic of the time where cares and worries were not apparent, just a child, loving life.
And back to reality I went, just as quickly as it came,
longing to be her once again,
but time waits for no one.

Keep your head down,
Don't attract attention to yourself.

Be polite, but not too nice to that stranger in a bar in midtown,
He might mistake it for flirtation and try to buy you one off a shelf,
Maybe mix something in a drink.

Don't be a **** and don't be a bore,
And swallow your fear
Of the man on the subway who sized you up and winked.

While the world may stand and jeer,
You must work twice as hard,
Thrice, even, to be thought of
As just as good.

Which is why you ought to keep
Your guard,
And never give an excuse to show Emotions, lest everything you Worked for be written off as
"It's that time of month."

You all see what you want to see.
What does the book say?
When we die, we all die alone.
Happiness is inconsequential.
Removing the horns of the bull, won’t make it civilized.
The frozen roses of winter won’t thaw in April.
Forgot I had a voice, while living in these lies.
Drinking the elixir in the end turned out to be fatal.
Your fidelity smashed to pieces, when you finally came.
Now everything’s different.
Just let go, nothing’s going to hurt you now.
You’ve come so far from everything you’ve known.
The dawn is coming soon.
It’s not as scary as you thought it would be.
Come down from the clouds.
It’s funny the things you find in the rain.
Washing all the blackness away.
Am I safer here on the ground? Or in the higher ground?
Pearl dove flying in the night.
Somehow finding its way back to the light.
Maybe all these wrong turns could turn out alright.
We all see what you want to see.
The Last of the roses, are the most beautiful in black and white.
What does the book say again?
Happy endings may as well be extinct.
Is everything set in stone? Am I under control?
All I ever wanted was to make an impression.
Somewhere inside there’s a woman.
Not a possession.
One day you’ll learn to let go.
No one’s going to hurt you now.
You’ve come so far from the life you’ve known.
The sun is aligned with the moon.


You’ve never been as strong as you are right now.
The things lurking in the rain,
Brought darkness to this place.
Pearl dove flying in the night,
Hopefully someday will find the light.
Let’s see how brave you are,
If nothing turns out right.
Nothing scares me anymore.
All I ever wanted was protection.
Pearl dove falling in the night.
Holding on for one last night.
Resting in the clouds waiting for redemption…