We dip our toe into life's pool
and watch the ripples
affect the lives of those around us
hoping not to offend
but fit in, without too much disturbance

we may even walk a little way off shore
considering ourselves brave
to have come this far

but there are those who
regardless of how cold the water may be
will plunge head first, screaming
into the blue

I watch them, jealously
hesitating in the shallows.

i laughed at all those jokes you made about falling
yet here i am feeling tears fall because i realise
i tripped at every sweet sentence you said
& now i can’t tie my shoe laces to stop myself.

my shoes were dancing with yours
to a song i associate with you now
& although i know someone kicked you before
& that you’re not ready to throw out those old sneakers,

my laces are getting ******* with yours.
you’re kneeling down to undo them,
& i want to do it, too, to protect myself,
but my heart laces are making me fall.

& then they wonder why kids take off their shoes.
oh, the irony; they don’t get hurt.

II  silence


"I fear I may lose myself
before our first kiss..."


Fifty calls later
we still talk
about nothing

And nothing
is certain
Not the wildfires
Not the rainstorms

Just this beating
of the clock...

I   "LIGAW"

"The vibrato of this gypsy dance
Wanes under the midnight sun"

It's blue and amber all at once. In those brief
moments, i imagine a future for us. 

A flutter of a smile passes. A deep sigh.

I hear a million tones of "maybe",
watch the moon fade.

The blur stays with me long after.
It covers up a hollow beating and
a thrill of the unsaid and unmet.

Crippling self doubt
plagues my existence.
Injecting itself into my blood stream;
immobilizing my muscles
numbing my tongue
and muting my voice box.

It quenches its thirst
by tearing my self image
limb from limb and
ploughing my insides
till there is nothing left.

It either bombards like
gunfire inside my head
firing flaws into questions
or drain each cell's confidence
leaving the muscles to shiver and shudder
and words hesitant to leave my tongue.

My flesh that houses doubt
is familiar with every capillary of my insecurity;
Whispering my shortcomings
and scrutinizing the details that make me, me.

It is a constant fight, invisible to the eyes.
Internal;
it's all in my head.

a feather flying,
hesitantly in the breeze;
freedom from the bird?

BRAVERY WON’T ALWAYS **** YOU

I ought to know why you stare at me with intention,
but you treat me with hesitation.
Fear what you know for sure, and swim into unknown waters and learn to love an uncharted sea that knows no boundaries with a full heart.
There lies a shore with white sands and calming winds, the comfort of knowing.

Maybe, you’d learn to love again, if you decided to jump into the sea.